Cold Gray Light
by C Sheaffer
Summary: Bella's happily ever after lasted two days. Cold Gray Light is Bella's own account of what happened after Breaking Dawn, her growing understanding of her powers, her battle to remain with the man she loves, finding her place in her new family, and the ever-present threat of the Volturi.
1. Chapter 1

**Cold Gray Light**

Chapter one - Intuition

From the moment I walked through the door I could feel his eyes on me. Boring into me, owning me, watching even the minutest move I made.

I thought that I'd lose this intuition when I became a vampire. But in reality it had just got stronger along with everything else.

I thought for a moment about the one big change that my transformation had made, my thirst. Although I was still young, and the thirst for blood should be overwhelming, I had been able to handle it from the first moment I awoke in my new life. No one knew why that was. I could cope with human scents even up close, when I should have wanted to drink them dry. The scent caused me physical pain, an intense burning from my nostrils all down my throat, and feeling my throat squeezing tight with the dryness. But it was bearable. This was unusual for a new born. My kind usual manage this much control after a few years. But even with my self control the thirst was still there, the longing for something to put out the dryness.

My mind churned again. My mind could think of so many things at once. The dryness was always one of my thoughts, sometimes near the surface, then moving back into the background. I could keep all the thoughts in my mind - juggling two, five, ten thoughts in parallel - but never mixing them. Like watching ten TV channels at once. Another vampire trait.

Maybe I was just being paranoid. Maybe there was no one looking at me. I still hated attention just as I'd done as a human, I still shied away from it. I was just letting my imagination run away with me again. No one was looking at me. But I could hear his heartbeat six feet to my left, slightly behind where I was standing. He was sitting on a chair next to the loveseat. He was close enough to feel the warmth of his skin in the cool of the morning air. I could smell the strong scent of the skin pouch he wore round his neck. A smell that forced out every lesser smell from that part of the room, like a car headlamp blinding out a flashlight. It was not just the animal fur with its heavy notes that I could smell, but what was inside it. The herbs and berries that it contained, each type giving a new harmony to the smell. Some sharp, some sweet. Some I knew - citrus, juniper, cinnamon - some I had no words for.

Maybe he was just looking at Nessie like everyone else in the room. My four month old daughter was reciting a poem for her audience in her beautiful childish voice, complete with dramatic pauses and carefully characterized accents for the speeches. She was a very advanced four month old. She looked more like a small four year old, but she would have been counted as a genius in any preschool. This was because she was half vampire and half human, and of course could never be allowed in preschool. Her brown hair, with a tinge of bronze that came from Edward, fell down her back in beautiful curls. Her eyes were a warm milk chocolate color that had been mine when I was human, and were now excited by the attention she was receiving. Her complexion was pale with a healthy pink glow of excitement. We knew now that her rate of growth and progress would slow and she would be fully mature in another 6 and half years, and then live forever. We'd learned this from Nahuel only two days before. My dark worries of losing Nessie had vanished. We'd thought we would have to watch our daughter grow old and die in fifteen short years, and we would mourn her for ever.

I didn't look to check if I was right about Nahuel and his staring. I had caught his eye only once that morning, when we came in and gave the usual greeting to our family and their two remaining guests.

I still didn't understand why these guest were still here. Yes, I was grateful to them, especially him. So grateful it hurt. He had saved us all: my daughter, my husband, my vampire family, my wolf friends, and me. And he put himself and his father and his sisters in danger. How could I not be grateful to him. We all were.

I'd asked Edward twice why they had not left with the other guests after the standoff with the Volturi. The first time was after the celebrations when all the other guests had left and we had taken Nessie back to our cottage to sleep in her own bed. This was the first day that we'd met them, the first day of the stares. Edward had given his answer, saying Nahuel was so glad to know that a family like ours could exist. A family with a half vampire child, the only one Nahuel knew of that was not related to him, and a surviving mother. Nahuel's mother died in child birth and so did the mothers of his half sisters.

It is rare to find a vampire who would want a physical relationship with a human woman, even rarer to find a women who survived such an encounter. Her life could end at any moment if he did not concentrate fully on keeping her alive. And what about the outcome of such an encounter? Mortals are not compatible with half vampire babies, the babies are so much stronger than the women. I had only survived thanks to the care given to me by my vampire family and because Edward changed me into a vampire as soon as the baby was out. The memories of this violent birth were now dimming for me. The vampire venom had mended the terrible damage and left me whole, strong, and beautiful.

According to Edward, Nahuel had spent his long life, over 150 years, thinking he must be evil to the core to have killed his mother. But seeing me set him free from his guilt. He now blamed his father for not caring for his mother as Edward had for me, and for not changing her when Nahuel ripped his way out of her.

The second time I'd asked Edward why Nahuel and his aunt (a full vampire) were still with us, Edward said that they wanted to learn more about our vegetarian lifestyle. This was how we liked to describe our abnormal hunting habits in the Cullen family. Unlike other vampires we only hunted animals, not humans. This gave us distinctive golden eyes which intrigued the normal red-eyed vampires. When I asked this second time, it was not what Edward had said that set me thinking but the way he said it. If I wasn't his wife and didn't know him so well I would not have noticed the slight tightening of his straight shoulders under his tan colored jumper, and that he was holding his perfect jaw a eighth of an inch higher than normal. He was lying to me.

Edward lied a lot. He had to. When you can read the minds of everyone in a mile radius then you have to lie to appear normal. You have to learn to ignore the thoughts most of the time. You have to answer only the questions people say out loud and not all the far-reaching ones they think in their heads but don't dare ask. Edward also felt he must not betray confidences of those around him. It was not as though he could stop hearing thoughts if he wanted to, and not as if people could stop thinking when he was around, so he just didn't pass these thoughts on. I was a shield which meant that he could not read my mind, not even when I was only human. Now that I was a vampire I had learned to remove my shield if I wanted, but I could only do so for a few moments at a time and even then it was exhausting work.

But why would he lie to me about why Nahuel and Huilen were still here? We had just made it through the worst danger imaginable: the whole of the Volturi forces lined up against us, the judges, jury and executioners of the vampire world. We had survived that, so what now? What was he covering up? Surely we had to have a break from peril sometime.

Maybe bad luck was something that I'd brought with me into this life. Since I met Edward as a human I had always had bad luck. My life before Edward, before my return to Forks to live with my Dad, Charlie, was a quiet life in the big city of Phoenix with my Mom, Renée. The memory of this former life was becoming hazy, almost a pre life to my human life, as if I was now in my third life, not my second. I'd had too much on my mind to sit down and think about it, though that was the only way my family said that I would remember it for the future. As I remembered it now, it was a happy but lonely time of looking after my hair-brained mother and being the adult in the relationship even though I was the child. She didn't need to be looked after in a physical way but in an emotional one, helping her to organize and control her life. I was the one who made sure we went to the store when we needed groceries and that we went to the bank when the bills needed to be paid. In many ways you could say I was her keeper rather than her daughter. This role was taken by Phil, her husband of nearly three years.

I argued with myself that I had already brought my shield through to my vampire life along with my strange ability for self control. I was sure that I could not have brought anything else. I had left my clumsiness behind, which was a truly good thing. I now moved so fast and was so strong that if I was clumsy lots of things would get broken. Not just inanimate objects, but living things. Even people.

I looked over at Edward, to keep my eye from straying to Nahuel. His beauty never failed to amaze me. He was stunning. His eyes were a warm amber color. But this morning more like stone than liquid. Something was bugging him. No doubt he was hearing things he didn't like. His face muscles twitched slightly and his teeth locked together noiselessly. His smile remained, a facade to keep the others away from his upset within. I had no idea what he had heard or who it was that was having these thoughts, but my mind turned to Nahuel again, though I didn't let my eyes follow. Edward would tell me when it was right and certainly not in the middle of this gathering.

Edward applauded when Nessie came to the end of her poem, pride now on his face. I felt a jolt of joy at his pride. I was proud of her, naturally, and applauded loudly too. But to have him so in awe of her gave me such a feeling of belonging. I had, in the end, been able to give him something so worthwhile. A daughter, our miracle. It made up for the lack of balance in our relationship. He had given me everything: his love, his life, my new life, money, possessions, a home, a car, a family. But the one thing that that he had never imagined, that none of our vampire family had thought possible, came from me. She was a delight to them all, and especially Edward.

It was only as I turned away from Nessie's performance that I noticed Alice was staring into thin air, her eyes out of focus, completely still. I knew she was seeing something. My sister's ability to see into the future was enviable. It had made her top of the Volturi's list for acquisitions. It was this ability that had saved the family and herself many times over. The future she saw was only one of the possible outcomes. If decisions that had been made were changed then what she saw would change.

"Demetri is coming," she said simply in a clear chiming voice, not altering her stance at all. "Aro has decided. He will follow Carlisle to us."

Carlisle was at her side in an instant. "But why?" he whispered. "Why now?".

The image of the the Volturi tracker was instantly in my mind. It was not possible for anyone normal to run from Demetri. He had a gift for finding them. But this gift needed access to someone's mind, and it was something I could block with my shield. As well as being a tracker, Demetri was a warrior, with centuries of experience working with the Volturi.

"But why, Alice?" he asked again.

Alice had gone back into her trance. This time it took her over a minute to come round. "He comes only to observe," she said with a little relief in her voice. "Aro will order him to stay with us and just observe. He is to watch Nessie grow for Aro and to find out more about the wolves for Caius. He is to cause us no trouble. He will be ordered to hunt like us. Aro wants to see how this will change his character. He is report back regularly by letter. This order will be made at full council the day after tomorrow. He will arrive three days after that."

She looked around the stunned room.

"Please look for more," Carlisle urged her.

"Demetri will bring a note with him from Aro but they know that I can see what it says so you will be forewarned. Aro is staring at it so that I can read it...

_My Dearest Friend Carlisle,_

_I am sending my dear one Demetri to visit you as an emissary. I feel that our last meeting left a rift between us which I want to close. I have asked Demetri to learn about your life style and your beloved granddaughter so that we may better understand each other in future._

_I ask you to take Demetri into your hearts and your home, and to this end I will ask him to make himself useful to you and cause you no trouble. Please use him as a son._

_Yours in friendship,_

_Aro"_

Carlisle looked aghast. "Is there more?" he said, shaking his head.

Her face returned to the distant mask, but seconds later disgust was clear on it. She came back to the present again shaking her head. "Uh, that is so gross".

"I saw part of the inner council meeting that was only the family, no guard. It is so gross." she said, hardly able to speak for revulsion. "Aro says he wishes to watch a half vampire child develop first hand. He says that he will order Demetri to try to father a child when he has returned from his visit. He laughs and says that he may have learned some restraint from us. The mother is to be the only human they trust, their administrator Gina. They will promise her immortality if she successfully gives birth, but she has no choice. If she says no, she's lunch. He says it will be a great honor for Demetri to father a child to be brought up and studied in Volterra. Caius is against the idea, the decision will be put off until a later date... I can't see further than that, I'm not attuned to them, I can't see so far ahead into their futures, I can't see if she will become pregnant or if they will kill her, it is many months away, it may change."

There was stunned silence.

All the joy after the last successful encounter with the Volturi was gone.

Then the speculation started. Alice could see the event but not the motivation behind it. It boiled down to three simple questions: why this? why now? and why Demetri? A dozen answers to each question came from the gathered family. The most likely answer was that they wanted to catch us doing something against the rules as soon as possible, and Demetri can stand up for himself.

The others gave little thought to the planned baby. It was beyond the immediate worry and didn't affect us personally. But my mind was on Gina and how I could help her. I had only just survived my own pregnancy and I had had good medical care and love from all my family. I felt cold, cold to the heart.

Had I started some new vampire fashion? Would lots of vampire males want to father children? And what of the vampire females, would they want to become stepmothers? I thought of the loss of human life. I thought of Gina.

I found myself a spot on the floor and sat there still, shocked, horrified.

The discussion went on for nearly an hour, until Carlisle looked at the clock and said that he had to go for his shift at the hospital.

He turned to our guests, "Nahuel, Huilen. It may be best if you were not here when Demetri comes to call. I do not wish to ask you to leave but for your own safety I must ask you to think about what you want to do. You know you have our thanks for what you have done for us, and I owe you for the safety of all my family. You are welcome here at any normal time."

It was Huilen who spoke this time. She spoke simply in her heavy accent. "We will leave before he arrives."

Carlisle smiled warmly at her. "That is for the best. We can visit you before long, and maybe meet Nahuel's sisters if that is possible."

The others continued to speculate after Carlisle had gone, Emmett debating with Jasper the possibility of beating Demetri in a fight. Jasper thought that if there were several of us it may be possible, but it would only bring the rest of the guard down on us, a battle which we would not win this time.

Alice touched me lightly on the arm, tutting at my pants and jumper combination. My favorite sister was never happy with my lack of fashion sense. But she could see the future, and would have known the day before about this particular lapse of mine. I thought to myself that I would suggest to her that she warns me in advance next time, so that I don't disappoint her again.

"You know, I thought you would have learned a little by now Bella," she chided quietly. "I will just have to take you back to your cottage and show you how to match up those pants myself. I didn't spend weeks putting together your wardrobe for you to use it like this."

That morning I must have really gotten under her skin. How could she care so much about fashion when she'd just given us the news about Demetri? Really. It made no sense.

I looked down at my outfit. It didn't look that bad to me. I'd made sure that some of the threads in the jumper were exactly the same tone as the pants, but if it made her happy we could be home and back in a very short time. A few minutes out of the house would do me some good.

"Edward," she chimed. "I'm taking Bella back to your cottage, can you look after Nessie by yourself?" The look on her face one of great effort.

He smiled warmly at her. "By myself? I don't think that I will ever be allowed to look after Nessie by myself. She has too many fans for that." He looked quizzically at her while he made his answer, as if they were having another inaudible conversation but failing to understand each other.

It was true. Most of the room were watching Nessie again, just waiting to see what she would do next, fascinated by her. Her Aunt Rose and Grandma Esme sat on the floor with her.

"We'll see you soon," Alice chimed again, wincing with effort, like a small child trying to remember a really difficult times table sum.

As soon as she said this I looked around the gathering to smile a normal goodbye. Then I saw him, Nahuel. He was staring at me. Staring at me with total adoration in his eyes as if I were the only thing he could see in the world. The only thing he had ever seen. Like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time.

Oh no... no please no, I screamed inside my head. My face turned from a smile to sheer dread, his calm face turning from adoration to puzzlement at my expression.

Edward stiffened beside me, but said nothing.

Alice tugged my sleeve and we were off through the patio doors at the rear of the house, running back to my cottage hand in hand. I was only too glad to go, and Alice's excuse was perfect.

As soon as we were over the river she said in a very hushed voice, "Shield me, stop him reading my mind."

.

.

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**_Author's Note _**

**_Thanks for reading Cold Gray Light._**

_Please leave me comments as you read the chapters. I really enjoy reading your thoughts on the plot._

_I would love to reach the 1000+ comments but have someway to go yet._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 - Warning

I had never being good at shielding others before the big standoff with the Volturi. I'd got so mad then that I'd managed to really feel the shield like a muscle and see it cover my family and friends in a protective layer. Other people couldn't see it or feel it protecting them from the evil mind tricks of the Volturi guard. Now it seemed so little to extend the shield down my arm and over Alice. As soon as we were far enough from the house for even the keenest of immortal ears she turned to me.

"Bella, what is going on! I see things ... wrong things, things I never want to see," her expression a combination of alarm and disgust.

"What are you talking about Alice?" I snapped. "It isn't my fault, I've done nothing to encourage him, why would I? Yes, of course I'm grateful, but that's it. End of story. I didn't want him to imprint on me. And now I really don't know how I'm going to get him unimprinted"

Alice looked baffled. She turned her soft gold eyes to me, "What _are_ you going on about Bella? Emmett can't imprint. He's a vampire, not a werewolf. And he is your brother, before you forget."

"What ... What are _you_ talking about?" I shook my head. "_What_ about Emmett? What is his problem? Haven't I got enough of my own to sort?" I was cross with her now. Why was she going on about the family when I had such a big problem to deal with? I dropped her hand in irritation and stood staring down at her.

She really did look small today. Even smaller because of the worry written over her pixy-like face and the whole of her skinny little body.

Alice looked baffled again. "Who do you think has imprinted on you?"

"Nahuel, who else," I wailed, shaking my head. "What is Edward going to do? He'll kill him if they are together much longer. No wonder he looks so stressed."

"Well that's not what I'm seeing. I can't see the hybrids anyway, but he is a hybrid not a werewolf so I really don't think that you can be right. Edward would have said something or done something by now. You must be mistaken." Her face now thoughtful, her head shook a little from side to side. "I can't see it."

She paused for a moment in thought again. "You are very beautiful you know. Maybe he just likes to look at you."

I sank to the forest floor to sit on a flat rock, my head in my hands. I knew that look he had on his face. I'd seen it on Jacob's and Sam's and Jared's, all the wolves that had imprinted. "I know it," I said stubbornly, "He's imprinted".

"Is the shield still strong?" she asked. I nodded.

She sat next to me, putting her arm around my back but not quite managing to reach all the way to my shoulder. "I think you have a bigger problem than that, a bigger problem than Demetri's visit," her face full of pity and regret. "I have seen Emmett with you."

"And ... and what?"

"Well, there is no pretty way to say this Bella. You are in an intimate situation, ahem, very intimate. By the look of things you are not too happy about it. But he is."

I looked at her blankly. "What are you saying Alice? Spit it out!"

"Fortunately for me I can't see much, it's dark. I see a wood floor, a light - maybe fire or a candle - and you are there together. And, well, I hate to say it, but there are no clothes and things are very intimate."

I just gaped at her, frozen to the spot. To start the numbness was total. Then after a few seconds my brain started to work at two or three times normal speed, going over and over what she had said.

"No ... No, that c ... can't be."

"Bella, I see what I see. I don't like it, but I felt it best to tell you." Her voice was patient, like she was talking to a small child.

"But he has Rose. How could he ever want anyone else? She is the most beautiful person in the world. Even if for some bizarre reason he felt anything but brotherly towards me I don't think he would ever. Alice I'm a happily married vampire with a child. Why are these men having these thoughts about me?"

"And making these plans," she added. "I wouldn't have seen it if he hadn't of planned it."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 - Hope

"I'm not voyeuristic, you know," she said defensively as she saw the appalled look on my face. "I don't want to go viewing other people's love lives. Thankfully I don't see the usual stuff that people do to fill the day and night, only if I'm really trying to watch out for them, which takes an awful lot of effort. But I do see the big stuff, the events of significance or change. This must be one of them. I did see you covered in bruises the first morning of your honeymoon. That's why I packed the dresses. I knew that would be a changing point in your relationship with Edward, and I was taking care not to see what happened to give you the bruises. I'm really not a peeping tom. I only wanted to know that he wasn't going to kill you, what with it being the first time for both of you and you used to be so delicate".

She was rambling. I put my hand up to hush and dismiss her babble.

I felt like crying. But the tears would not come, not in this stone body. We sat there in silence for a few minutes. She still had her arm around me. I sat with my head in my hands. She took my nearer hand from my head and held it.

"Alice, can you see any triggers, or anything that would give a clue to timing. This must be a long time in the future, right?"

"I've tried," she said with frustration. "I spent most of last night in the forest alone trying to concentrate. But nothing. It's too dark to get any sort of handle on time or place."

"I'm going to have to leave, to get away. Maybe if I go they will both just stop this." Panic was in my voice but this plan was already cutting through the numbness. It meant action. I had something to do. I had hope again. "I need to be really quick. I have to persuade Edward that we have to leave without letting him know the real reason. Do you think he'd believe it if I just said that Nessie needs a holiday after months of tension, just somewhere with the two of us? He really doesn't need to know about Emmett. You know how jealous he gets. If he heard Emmett thinking about it, it's sure to end in a fight, and they are brothers. He loves Emmett. I think he must know about Nahuel already and that's what's stressing him out, and why he wasn't telling me the real reason for them hanging around here. He doesn't want me to know. It's like it was with Jacob all over again, but this time there are two of them, Emmett and Nahuel."

At least this time, I don't love either of them in that way, not one little bit, I added to myself.

I thought then of the months of tension that there had been between me, Edward and my best friend Jacob, and the way that Edward had forbidden me to see him. At the time, he said it was only out of concern for my safety, what with Jacob being a werewolf and all, but in the end he had to admit it was more to do with prejudice. He was also clearly jealous, but he never admitted it. In Jacob's case Edward did have something to worry about. I did love Jacob and not only as a brother. But that love was like a tiny spring against the huge river of love that I felt for Edward. If there had been no mythical world and Edward did not exist, I would have been with Jacob.

Of course the situation with Jacob had resolved itself, but not really in a way that I liked. Jacob had imprinted on Nessie the day she was born. It almost felt like Jacob and I had only been so close because he was subconsciously waiting for her to arrive. Neither Edward nor I were thrilled about having a werewolf imprint on our baby, but we knew it was totally involuntary on his part and that there was nothing romantic at all in his thoughts towards her at the moment. His whole world revolved around making sure she was happy and healthy. As he pointed out, not much different from mine really, just I was her mom.

"I'm not sure that an extended holiday would be a good idea when Demetri is coming," she reminded me, "and it's mainly Nessie that he's coming to observe."

After a few more seconds silence, Alice's eyes went blank again, but for just a few seconds this time. She turned back to me, a small smile on her face.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 - Plan**

"You know, you could go see Tania," Alice said. "She is going to call Carlisle when he is back from his shift at the hospital. Maybe you could weave some excuse about wanting to go to thank them again and let Edward grieve with them for their loss of Irina." Her smile brightened. "I'm sure that Nessie's presence would brighten their outlook. A new life, when an old life is over. A brief visit, just a couple of days. Maybe a little distance from Emmett and Nahuel will make all the difference."

"Why are they calling Carlisle?" I quizzed. "We did only see them two days ago."

"I can't get a handle on that at all. All I can see is that they look really upset. I'd say they looked ill, if they were human. There don't appear to be any injuries. I guess it's just part of the grieving process. Irina was their sister for centuries."

Irina was the only vampire who had lost her life to the Volturi. They burned her to ash for bearing false witness, or so they claimed. We knew that, in truth, they were just trying to provoke a fight, a reason to attack and kill us all. I had never met Irina before the standoff, so to me, her loss, although sad, was not a personal tragedy. The rest of my family were feeling it though. They considered themselves the cousins of Tania's clan up in Denali. They were the only other vegetarian vampires we knew.

"Go to the cottage. Change to the cream roll neck top in the third draw down of you dresser and put on the dark blue jacket in the fifth suit carrier on you lower rack. We need to keep up the charade," Alice said.

I was gone and back in no time.

I grimaced. "Let's go back to the house already."

"hmm ... Tania will phone this evening. Carlisle will want to go see them and you can make a plan to go with him."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 - Escape

When we got back to the house Alice's face was taut with concentration. She was working hard to keep Edward out. I couldn't shield her here without him noticing. As soon as she saw Nessie she swept her into her arms. This would make her future vision go blank and there would be nothing left for him to read. She also sat herself next to Jacob who'd come round for his daily visit. The wolves caused even more of a blind spot than either Nessie or Nahuel.

Edward's face was warm when he saw me. As he eyed up my new clothes, he murmured in my ear so low that even other immortal couldn't hear, "I prefer you with nothing on best of all."

The earlier tension from the news of Demetri's visit had not gone completely, but had turned to a resigned acceptance. We were going to have to present a united front and make sure that we didn't break any of the rules while he was here.

Rose had gone hunting with Emmett and Jasper. Jacob was playing cards with Nessie on the floor. Esme was upstairs sorting laundry. Our two visitors were watching the card game. Edward had gone outside to tidy up some fallen branches from the trees along the drive. I went out to help and Nahuel came along too.

The day drifted along in the normal pattern but my panic never ceased. I tried as much as possible to keep away from both Emmett and Nahuel, but it seemed that one or the other was always nearby. Maybe my imagination again.

In the early evening , Carlise, who had returned from his shift at the hospital, came from his study where he was ending his discussion with Tania. His face was full of interest and puzzlement. He said as if confirming the discussion, "I'll see you tomorrow morning."

Carlisle looked round at the now quizzical faces. "I have to go to see Tania and her family. There is something very odd going on. She says they all feel nauseous, and in fact, Eleazar has been vomiting on a number of occasions. It came on as soon as they got back home. It seems to come and go quite quickly. It's affecting all of them, but Eleazar the most."

Then he was off speculating. "I would have said it was to do with their loss and grief, but Garrett didn't know Irina and is just as bad. I've never heard of a case of our kind vomiting before, unless they tried eating human food, and that's over as soon as it's out the system. Can you see anything Alice?"

Alice stood up and moved to the kitchen, away from her blind spots. She concentrated for a moment and then looking green herself she abruptly came back, "No I can't see anything, I just want to come out in sympathy with them."

Edward's face had gone nearly the same shade of green as Alice's as he read her thoughts, but cleared as abruptly as hers. "Eleazar does look in a bad way."

"I think I'll drive up straight away and see what I can do for them. I'm not on a shift for another three days. This will be a first, a coven of vomiting vampires!" He was obviously looking forward to the challenge.

I saw my chance. "I think that we should come with you. Edward might be useful if they are beyond talking."

"I don't think they need mind reading. She didn't seem that bad on the phone, but it was one of her good moments. Apparently when one starts to feel sick they all start, like some mass hallucination. That's common enough in humans with sickness and fainting, but vampires?" He carried on talking to himself as he turned to go upstairs to find Esme.

My chance was slipping away. "I know, we will go with you and stay close by so that you can call us if you need us," I said, trying not to sound too desperate.

I concentrated really hard on pulling my shield away from myself, but keeping my face in exactly the same expression. And I thought to Edward, "Back me up on this, I need to get out of here for a few days."

Edward started slightly at the shock of hearing me. It was only something I'd managed to do a couple of times before, when we'd been alone in our cottage. He made the slightest nod, which no one else would have picked out.

Edward's smile was warm. He obviously liked the idea of having a little time with just the three of us. "Let's all four of us go, we'll drop you off at Tania's and find a hotel somewhere close. I think some time away is just what Nessie needs before we have another visit from the Volturi," said Edward in confirmation.

Carlisle smiled at me. "That sounds like a good plan. I'd like the company on the way up even if I don't need Edward's talents, and we should be back soon enough. When the Denalis are better I'm sure they would love to see Nessie again. A small child can help so much with grief. But keep her away from Tania's clan until I'm sure this is not contagious."

I couldn't believe that I had got the break away from Forks so easily. Not that Forks was the problem. It was Emmett and Nahuel that were my immediate problems, and a few days away from them could only be a good thing.

There was a murmur around us. Jacob was about to make a suggestion, but thought better of it. He had somehow realised that this might be a vampire-only outing. Or maybe the idea of being shut up in a car with us was too much for his nose to bare. The wolves thought that we vampires had a sickly sweet odour which burnt their nostrils, and we vampires didn't find their overpowering tar and burnt wood smell much better. "You won't let her near them till it's safe will you?" he asked, "... so bugs can hang around on surfaces and stuff, you'll have to wash things down for her even if they are better."

"Jacob, I'm her mother. Not you." I pointed out with a cutting glare.

"Yeh, I know, I was just reminding you ..."

I glared at him again. He shut up and went back to playing cards with Nessie.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The discussion on the possible causes of vampire sickness dragged on. I took the opportunity and pulled Edward lightly by the hand out of the door. "We need to pack."

"Jacob, can you take care of Nessie for 15 minutes?"

"Sure thing," came his reply.

Edward clicked. "Ah, yes. I'm not used to traveling with a family. I guess we'll have to take some more luggage, enough to make a good show of it. Especially if we aren't staying at Tania's."

As we ran back to our cottage Edward smirked at me, "Have you had enough of my family so soon, or are you ready for another honeymoon?" his velvet voice teasing.

"I just need a bit of space, that's all," I replied, trying to keep the urgency out of my voice. "I've had my fill of sharing Nessie with everyone in the main house. I'm not sure all the attention is doing her any good. A few days away will hurt no one and will be really good for us. We've got time before Demetri gets here."

As I said the words I knew it was not true. Jacob would really suffer; the pain of being away from his soul mate would be physical for him. A little though surfaced, 'A_nd Nahuel too'._ I forced that thought away.

"Let's take your laptop so we can videoconference with the family if we feel like it," I suggested.

I would make sure that Nessie and I called Jacob, and we'd do it mostly when Edward was not around. I didn't like having to share Nessie with Jacob, but Edward was her father and felt much more as if he had to protect her from Jacob than I did. He was starting to chill because of Jacob's good behavior and thoughts, but it clearly went against his inner feeling as a Dad.

"We will be back in time for Demetri and we can put on a strong family front," Edward said. "Hopefully by then the Amazons will have gone home too. I really don't find Nahuel's thought's very gracious. But I can't do anything, not when we owe him so much."

If I'd had a heart it would nearly have stopped. I didn't want that conversation with him; the one about another man being devoted to me forever. Not at that moment in time, not before I'd decided how I could explain it to him. Not before I'd had time to find the words I could say to him to make things right between us. I just couldn't go there with him, not then. Was I just a coward? I did what all cowards do - I diverted his attention.

"What do the others think of the Amazons?" I asked.

"Carlisle will be much happier when we are back to a household of vegetarians, and all the wolves will be able to come off red alert and go back to their usual life in La Push. Jacob has taken to Nahuel almost as one of them, but they don't trust Huilen at all, although they would never push for her to leave because they feel as grateful to her as we do."

"I think we should get Carlisle to leave as soon as possible," I said, trying hard not to show any panic in my voice. "The longer we delay the more the others will want to come too, Jake especially." But my guilt was now going into overdrive. "Do you think I'm being mean not suggesting he comes with us. It's going to hurt him so much to be away from her."

He pulled up and I circled round back to him. "Bella, we are her parents, we have every right to bring her up as we see fit without reference to a dog. He'll cope, he needs to learn how to. We are a family, just the three of us and we are only planning to go for a few days. We can help Tania as well, a brief visit only. Relax and enjoy."

_Relax_, I thought. If only I could.

We were back at the main house in a very short time with a couple of sizable overnight bags and a laptop. Alice had come to our rescue telling Carlisle that there was snow on the way in 36 hours and encouraging us to be at our destination by then.

We briefly said our goodbyes to Esme, Jacob and our guests. Jacob's look at the doorway was so pitiful that my guilt went into hyperdrive. I promised that we would call his house at later and told him about the laptop. This cheered him a little, but his dark eyebrows still pulled together, his bottom lip turned down slightly, and his shoulders stooped. He hugged Nessie to his over-warm shoulder and whispered, "Take care of yourself and come back to me soon, I'll be waiting for you."

This obviously got on Edward's nerves, and as he snatched Nessie out of Jacob's arms he was bristling with contained fury. Once she was in the car he turned back to Jacob and very quietly but furiously snarled, "Never forget, Dog, when she if fully grown it will be her choice not yours whether she spends her time with you, and up till then we will only let you see her if you behave yourself."

"What did I say?" Jacob barked back.

"It wasn't what you said but what you thought, Dog," Edward spat. "Bella and I can and will look after our daughter without your help."

This minor conflict over we were on our way out of Forks, Edward at the wheel with Carlisle beside him, Nessie and me in the back.

My panic diminished with every mile that we drove further from Forks, even though Edward and Carlisle were still speculating about Demetri and about Tania's clan. It was one of those occasions that left me feeling like an outsider again. Edward and Carlisle had been together for nearly a century and knew each other completely.

Their conversation was one-sided, like overhearing a phone call, with Edward speaking and pulling Carlisle's contributions straight from his thoughts. "I know you think he is good man, but I don't think that is the only reason... Yes, I'm sure he'll enjoy the change... I just think that it would have been less confrontational to send one of the women, Heidi, maybe, or Corin... Well, no, naturally, I'm pleased it's not Jane ... Yes, at least his talent is no threat to us when we are at home as they know where we are anyway." And so they went on speculating. Maybe this is how people with forever fill it, I idly thought.

We made good progress, more like flying than driving. Edward didn't slow below 120 until he heard the thoughts of nearby traffic cops.

After a few hours Nessie and I spoke briefly to Jacob on my cell phone, while we'd stop to buy gas. He seemed chastened by the altercation with Edward, but happier to hear Nessie's voice. We promised to call again the next day when we were settled into a hotel in Anchorage.

After that Nessie fell asleep in my arms, tucked in with lots of coats and a car blanket from the trunk. Although we had a child seat in the car I didn't feel inclined to use it. If there was an accident the safest place for her would be in my strong arms, not tied in to some piece of plastic. There was peace to the moment. It felt safe, all of us in the car where no bad memories haunted me.

I kept her hand against my face so that I could watch her dreams. My daughter's ability to project her thoughts through her palms straight into another person's mind continued while she slept. It was a delicious experience to watch dreams as I could no longer sleep myself. The dreams were a replay of the day's thoughts and actions all intermingled with images from books and television and more distant memories. Some of the images took new forms, metamorphosing to provide a narrative, however bizarre. I was content that her dreams were all happy with the only off note being the picture of Jacob's face, longing and forlorn as we left. I appeared many times more than the rest of the family, more even than Jacob, which gave me a smug satisfaction. There was an image of Tania in a hospital bed with Carlisle taking her temperature. It was so improbable that it made me laugh aloud. Edward's velvet chortle joined in too. He must have been listening to her dreams from the front seat; he did not need her mind speaking abilities.

Eventually, as the cold gray light of dawn filtered though the side windows, the roads got rougher and we had to slow down.

Hours later we stopped to drop Carlisle off, a few miles from Tania's. The road was deteriorating to a single track through the snow and the Mercedes was having trouble. It would have been nice to have Emmett's Jeep then, but the Mercedes was much faster and two thousand miles in the Jeep would have been a rough ride.

Then there were just the three of us on our own.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 - Motherhood

Being alone as a small family was delightful. I loved my new extended family very much and I wanted to live close by them. But it was so rare a gift to have this time as our small family. It felt like electricity flowing through my body. Maybe we could run away, just not go back, and I could have Edward and Nessie all to myself. We could be rid of any of the complication that Alice had foreseen with Emmett and Demetri, and the complications she could not see with Nahuel. As soon as I thought this the guilt kicked in. How could I be so mean after all they had done for me? How could I even imagine taking Nessie away from them for more than a few days? I said nothing to Edward. I wasn't sure how he would react to my thoughts. This was another of those times that I was glad he couldn't read my mind unless I wanted him to.

We went to Anchorage. I didn't notice how far it was from Tania's. I just sat with Nessie and enjoyed the sheer bliss of the moment. We reached the city as Nessie woke. It was the first time she had seen a city. She'd been into Forks often enough to visit Charlie, but we'd kept her from public view because her accelerated growth would have been difficult to explain to the neighbors. Here, where no one knew us and we were unlikely to come again, there would be no questions to answer. As far as the public on the city streets were aware we could be her big brother and sister taking her sightseeing. We could be her parents, but that might look slightly odd. She looked like a small five year old and the two of us couldn't pass for older than early twenties, with Edward frozen in his perfect seventeen year old state, and me just under nineteen when I was changed.

Nessie's eyes were wide with wonder and excitement, the warm brown shining and eager. We needed to find her some breakfast. We chose a fast food restaurant because it is easier to make the human charade work if you throw away your uneaten food and undrunk coffee yourself. No one would be puzzled by our lack of appetite. It was nice to pretend to be a human family. A few people did a double take when they saw us, maybe they were just surprised by our beauty. Fortunately we were all wrapped up against the cold with hats and scarves, another human charade, so there wasn't that much to see. I had my contacts in, so my eyes looked a slightly odd shade of brown.

Nessie was delighted to see other children in the restaurant. She was just about to go and introduce herself to them when I gave her the briefest of looks and she sat meekly at an empty table. We sat discussing what we were going to do that day once we'd found a hotel. A normal family discussion, it was so easy and so much fun. For my part I wanted to visit a book store, but beyond that I didn't mind if we went to see museums, galleries or old buildings. Edward discussed the merits of each with Nessie as we all sat with our eggs in front of us, we adults had gone healthy with white-only omelets while Nessie was tucking into her egg muffin.

We were in the middle of deciding between two galleries for the morning's activity when I suddenly noticed that Edward was looking at me with an expression of shock and disgust on his face. He was staring open mouthed at me.

"What's wrong?" I gasped. The last time I'd seen a look like that was on the face of an actress in a crazy film when a large poisonous spider had appeared on the head of her male opposite. "Is there something in my hair?"

"You're eating your eggs," he hissed.

I looked down, and he was right. The fork I was playing with definitely had egg on it and I could taste it in my mouth. I looked at the omelet. It was about a quarter gone.

"Why didn't you stop me sooner," I stammered, clutching my throat.

"Are you feeling sick?"

I thought about that for a moment, "No, I feel fine actually". I moved my hand from my throat. I felt normal, whatever normal is for a vampire.

"You'll be sick soon," he murmured.

I was sitting quite still processing what had just happened. Curiously, I took another bite. There was no bitter taste to it, very little taste at all really. I thought back to my human days and remembered that I would have had ketchup with something like this. I didn't try anymore. I didn't want to have to rush out to the bathroom to throw up. I'd not eaten since I was a vampire. I'd stuck rigidly to a strict animal blood diet. I'd seen Edward force down a piece of our wedding cake at the appropriate point at our reception, but I knew that it had made him sick. Of course he had known what it would do, and excused himself as soon as the camera shots had died down. I'd always assumed it was like this for all vampires, including me. Human food smelled mildly repulsive to our kind, but these eggs didn't smell too bad, though the cooking oil was a little overpowering.

The day passed too quickly for me. I got myself a dozen books including a couple of well-loved Shakespeares to replace ones that were so tatty that I'd thrown them away when I moved out from Charlie's. Macbeth and A Midsummer Night's Dream were favorites of mine although I hadn't read them for a couple of years. I knew that after I read them this time I would have them off by heart. Vampires have very good memories; and I mused how useful this would be if I ever got to go to college. The other ten books were a mix of brand new novels by my favorite authors, some obscure classics, and some more poetry books for me to read to Nessie. She really loved both reading and learning poems. Although my daughter was very advanced I did like to make sure the content of the poems were suitable for a child even if the style was adult.

After shopping and a trip to the art gallery, which was lacking any classic masterpieces but still had some modern pictures of real merit, we managed lunch at a cafe in the mall, a quick walk in the park, and then on to the next place of interest.

Nessie was engrossed with the science and technology part of the museum. Edward spent an age explaining each exhibit in detail to her. I had to hurry them past a few when one of the museum's hosts stared in astonishment as Nessie asked Edward for more information about the inner workings of an internal combustion engine. Of course most of her questions were never verbalized. Edward just picked them from her mind which avoided the surprised reactions from the humans.

We went into the last exhibition gallery. We'd been saving it until the end as we thought it would be the most fun for her. It was a life-size animatronic mammoth. She laughed for joy as soon as she saw it, and streaked off for a closer look, nearly flying to the rope barrier.

"It's so big Mo ... Bella. I bet they were tasty too!" she shrilled in her excitement.

Edward and I couldn't help grinning at each other over her delight, a beautiful indulgent family moment, one we knew we would treasure forever.

We walked over to the rope more slowly, at a human ramble. The heat detectors in the animatronics did not detect either of us so the mammoth did not turn in our direction. But behind us came a noisy little boy, not much bigger than Nessie, but already in school uniform. I could hear his mother walking across the stone floor towards us. It was obviously an after school treat to the mammoths. Her steps were slow. She must have been tired or carrying a heavy load, I thought. I turned to look at her and instantly froze. She had a sling over her shoulders and there, tucked up over her chest, was a tiny baby. I could only just see his blue cloth hat patterned with white rabbits and with a small white pompom on the point. As she came closer I tried to look away, but I couldn't. I was caught, mesmerized. I wanted to see all of him, I wanted to hold him. The scent of the baby and still bleeding mother wafted around me but it meant nothing. I just wanted to hold a little baby again, my baby. Other thought patterns were kicking in. I couldn't understand where this feeling was coming from, this longing. It certainly wasn't my head. My head and most of my thoughts were telling me to move, but I couldn't. Was it my heart? That would have been tricky as I no longer had one that beat. I concluded that it was my soul shouting to be heard, and in the next tiniest fragment of time I realized it was hopeless. This was the sacrifice that I'd made by becoming a vampire. My soul hadn't been taken from me. It had been trapped inside my stone body.

Edward blanched. He saw the woman, smelt the scent, and saw me fixated on mother and child.

"Bella, you have to move, you have to get out of this room now," he ordered.

I ignored him.

"We'll wait in the corridor, Nessie," he called over his shoulder as he put himself between me and the mother.

My view blocked, I strained to see past him.

"Bella, no! Hold your breath." His voice urgent, his mouth close to my face, "Move now!"

He grabbed me round the waist in an unbreakable grip and pulled me out of the gallery. I was staring back at the mother as we went.

When I could no longer see her my head cleared.

"I'm so sorry Bella," he was apologizing. He still held me close to his body in what would have looked like a tender embrace but was in fact a tight stone cage.

I looked at him. I couldn't understand why he was acting like this.

"I know it's the scent. It is always it's hard for vampires. I should have warned you before. Mothers and babies, they smell so appealing for the first couple of weeks. Why do you think the mortality rates in history used to be so high for child birth? You're still newborn to this life, don't think bad of yourself."

It clicked in my mind. He'd thought I was about to attack them, that I wanted to feed on them. I blinked my eyes to try to remove the picture he had created in my head, it was so far from the truth. But I couldn't tell Edward the truth. It would hurt him more than anything else in the world.

"They just took me by surprise that's all. I hadn't realized how big Nessie has got. I'm no danger to them."

He looked me in the eyes and saw I was calm and controlled.

"Wait here," he ordered again, and strode off to find Nessie.

The alone time was what I needed to get over this, a few captured seconds to shut away those feelings before he returned. I could think of it sometime, but not now. I would not let it spoil my time here with them both. I would not let him know those raw feelings I had.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 - Dreams

By early evening we were safely tucked into our hotel room.

While Edward went out to find his favorite newspaper Nessie and I used the laptop. First we had a video chat with Jacob. He seemed so pleased to see us and wanted details of everything that Nessie had seen in her day. He had clearly been pining. For him, it wasn't just the usual conversation a grown-up might have with a child before encouraging them in some point of good behavior. For him it was fascination. He really wanted to know what she thought about the city and the places. He delighted in her recollection of the mammoth and asked her to explain again the internals of a combustion engine.

When we were through with Jacob, I settled Nessie in front of the TV for a bit to calm her down and I called Alice.

"Did you really eat those eggs, yuk!"

"It was only whites and they really have no strong taste. Chill, it's no big deal. I didn't call to talk about eggs."

"I know, but you weren't sick."

"No, not yet. Maybe I'll try tomorrow if it would make you happy."

"I don't see you being sick ... oh, uh, I see you using the bathroom ... sorry, I don't usually get to see that – thankfully. It must be important to you."

"Alice! Will you stop it! You don't need to see and I don't want to know. Please just look for Emmett"

"OK, I can't help it you know, you ask about your future, I tell you what I see, I don't like it either. With Emmett ... it keeps changing, flipping from one thing to another ..."

"Tell me, Alice!"

"One is as before, you and he in a dark place. The other vision is you with Nessie walking along in the forest with Emmett, and then he picks Nessie up and puts her on his shoulders ... and then I can't see any more. I can't see past her."

"What does it mean?"

"I don't know. Remember, I just see the actions, not the motivations. You all look happy in the forest so maybe it's not connected. I've tried to figure it out, but I just can't. I can't concentrate with everything else that's going on."

"How does he seem today?"

"He's fine. He is just giving Rose lots of attention, so she is quite happy. They've gone out tonight to the opera in Seattle."

"Nahuel, on the other hand, looks lost almost in pain, he been out with wolves most of the day."

"I'm not sure I can cope with that."

"Anyway, got to go and concentrate now for Carlisle."

As we said farewell, I knew I couldn't put off my email any longer. Renée had sent me another. I'd not replied to the previous weeks'. I hated to do this to her, but it was for the best. I was trying to distance myself from her gently. I was playing the bad, inattentive daughter, hoping that she would get bored and get on with her life with Phil.

Charlie had been good to his word and had only told her that I had recovered from my illness and that he had seen me a few times. He didn't mention that I'd changed into ... well, he didn't know what. Or that I now had a daughter – who clearly wasn't normal – only a month after my wedding. Or that my best friend had an alarming habit of turning into a gigantic wolf. We kept all these things from her for her own good. She had a delicate emotional balance. Anything like that would have caused her to ... I didn't know what. But I was sure it wouldn't be good.

What I needed to do was let her go, to make sure that she never really got round to seeing me again. I was hoping her emails would become less frequent, but it wasn't working as quickly as I'd hoped. She was persistent. Her last email was almost begging me to call her. But I couldn't do that. She'd hear the change in my voice. My reply to her was suitably vague but upbeat. I tried hard to make sure it contained little about me and my family and was centered on her and Phil and their life. I asked no questions to discourage a swift response.

As I pressed 'send' I was thinking again of how we could handle this better. It was going to be hard. We may have to pretend to emigrate for a couple of years or so until she didn't expect to hear from us again. I hated lying to her, but it was for her own safety. She couldn't know.

As I got Nessie ready for bed, I realized how very tired she was, her eyes fighting to stay open as we pulled on her pajamas. I started to read her A Midsummer Night's Dream as a bedtime story, the musical lines lulling her off to sleep almost instantly. Once she was asleep I continued reading a little, enjoying the chaos created by the fairy spells as much as I had the first time I'd read it. I didn't read far. I didn't want to read it all tonight. I wanted to savor it. After all, I had all eternity.

Edward, who had slipped in noiselessly to avoid waking Nessie, was sitting in an armchair engrossed in a couple of car magazine and three newspapers. For once all the tension had gone from his shoulders and he looked as he had done before I was 18, before my dreadful party. He looked perfect. I knew better than to disturb him. He was blissfully happy.

But the thoughts in my mind wouldn't stay quiet. The thoughts of Renée, of Jacob, of Nahuel, of Emmett, and of the tiny baby.

I knew I needed distracting, so when Nessie was so deep in sleep that her breathing had slowed and her eyes had started moving with her dreams, I lay on the bed next to her and put her hand to my face, closed my eyes, and entered her dream world.

I saw the old cars we'd seen in the museum being driven by Edward and Jacob around this city, but the city had landmarks from other famous towns. There were towers, castles, lakes, monuments and squares made of cold gray stone, and another of warmer stone with a fountain and a crowd of people all wearing red. The bell in the clock tower was peeling midday and I knew I had to run.

Suddenly the warmth of the sun was gone and I could hear a shrill ringtone on Edward's cell.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

I knew it was Carlisle's ring tone. Edward greeted him and asked after Tanya's clan.

"Well, I've checked them all over and physically. They are all fine, although Eleazar was a little weak because of the vomiting and because he could not hunt. But they have been well all day, with no return of nausea. The only other symptom is some sight disturbance. Before they felt nauseous they have noticed the room shimmers slightly. But as I said, they have been well all day and Eleazar has managed to quench his thirst, so they are all feeling a lot more like their old selves."

"Not so much of the old!" I heard a voice tinkle from the background.

"When did they first notice the symptoms?" Edward asked, interested now.

"As soon as they got home. They went into the the sitting room and Eleazar was violently sick, and all the others felt nauseous and had to go outside for air.

"And it's not just some off animals they hunted?"

"No, they have all had different things at different times and places."

"Was there anything else unusual when they got home?"

"Yes, that is really the much more concerning thing. There has been a stranger here. None of them knew the scent and I don't know it either although it is old now so I may be mistaken."

"Volturi?"

"Well it's a possibility. I'm not sure why they would have come, or why they would have stayed so long. It's possible that they wanted our friends here to witness on the Volturi side. But why would the emissary have stayed here until they returned home rather than joining his masters? It's all a bit confusing."

"He stayed?"

"Yes, very confusing, his scent was fresh when they came home."

"And they were ill straight away, as soon as they walked through the door? And they were sure he'd left?"

"Yes, he'd definitely gone. He was nowhere to be seen. Now that's an assumption, it could be a female of course."

"Do you think the intruder could have left something to make them ill, a noxious gas in the house or something?"

"It's possible. But why would they have left something that just makes people sick? I can't make sense of it. If they were here to punish the coven they would have been much more effective, surely? Some of the guard could have been waiting for them, Alex or Jane. That's not a fight they could have won alone."

"True enough." A shudder passed thorough Edward as he said it.

Carlisle continued, "We know there's been an intruder, but leaving a noxious gas in the house to make them ill? It does sound a bit farfetched."

"Have they been ill any other time?"

"Twice more. Once it was only Kate and Garrett. They were sitting on the veranda and saw a shimmering in the trees and were hit by nausea. Garrett says it's the first time he has been nauseous in two hundred years. He's blaming the vegetarian diet, but I have tried to convince him that it's really not the cause. Eleazar felt it then as well, but he was at the back of the house and just felt a little nauseous. The next time was when ... "

My cell phone rang shrilly, Alice's ring tone. I stopped listening to Carlisle and answered my phone. "Hi Alice."

"Carlisle is just about to be sick. I can see someone with him in about forty-five seconds." Alice raced out.

"What's that? He is just on the phone to Edward at the moment. He's fine."

"He is not fine! Tell him to get the hell out of there right now. I can't talk to him myself, he's on the phone to Edward," Alice insisted.

I jumped across the room and pulled the phone out of Edward's hand and started shrieking down it, "Carlisle get out of the house now! Alice says you have to move right now!"

Edward stared at me and I thrust my phone at him, "Alice."

Carlisle was now shouting at the others, "We have to move right now, out of the house."

I heard the air whistle past on the phone. He was moving. I relaxed.

Then he came back to me. "We are all out. Eleazar is looking queasy from just talking about the problem, but the rest of us are fine at the moment. If you don't mind I'll talk directly with Alice, so goodbye for now." He hung up.

Edward had been having a rapid fire conversation with Alice but let her go with a "Talk to Carlisle, tell him."

I spoke quietly to Edward, "What did Alice say to you?"

He looked down at his phone as if he were wishing it would ring again. "She said she saw someone there at Tanya's place." Stress was making his velvet voice sharper. "She's been watching out for Carlisle and saw that someone would come into the house and stand by him and then he would be sick, very sick. She doesn't know whether or not Carlisle could see him because he doesn't greet him or move as if he was there. She's having trouble keeping it together with all the sickness she can see, she has a weak stomach for these things."

I thought over what she had seen. "This person, are they human or vampire?"

"He looks like a vampire, but a stranger. No one we have met before. Not anyone who was in the clearing last week."

Edward's face was suddenly resolute. "I'm needed. I daresay I'll be able to hear him even if we can't see him." He was rushing towards the door, car keys in hand.

"Edward, not yet, wait for them to call. Let Alice see what's best. She can work through the possible outcomes before we go jumping into anything."

Anger swept over his face. I saw the muscles in his cheeks twitch.

"You're asking me to abandon Carlisle," he spat through his teeth.

I knew it was only frustration that caused his outburst, but it still hurt. I replied as evenly as I could. "No, I'm asking you to wait for Alice, that's all."

He was contrite. "Yes, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped. I feel so useless sitting here."

"I know," I replied. "It won't be long before they call."

We waited. We both sat completely still listening to Nessie's even breathing.

Five minutes later, though it seemed more like five hours, Carlisle called.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 - Danger

Carlisle sounded relieved. "Hello Edward. We are all in one piece. There was someone here that we couldn't see, in the house. It's the same person who was here before - the scent is the same. He is the one causing the nausea, we are sure now. Eleazar is bad again although Alice didn't see him near Eleazar in particular. The rest of us feel slightly sick, but not too bad out here in the fresh air. It could be he's using a gas to cause the sickness."

"Where is he now?"

"Alice says that he's run off into the forest. We could follow the scent but if we can't see him and he's making us sick there really is little point following him. We don't know what he's capable of. Too much of this gas could be dangerous."

"Alice is looking out for his return," Carlisle continued, "but he hasn't made a decision to come back yet so she can't see him here. That could be the last we see of him, or smell of him."

"Do you want me to come out there and try to read his thoughts? It may be safer. I can get a bit of a direction on the thoughts if I concentrate, but it isn't precise." Edward was playing with the car keys in his hands. "I can leave Bella and Nessie and be with you in no time. They are in no danger here."

Carlisle continued ruefully, "I'm not sure about that. I don't know how much of our conversations our mystery visitor overheard. Just before I phoned you, Carmen and I were having a discussion about the Hotels in Anchorage and I mentioned where you were. It is possible he may of heard us. Alice doesn't see him with you, but he is going towards a city where he has a hideout, and there aren't many cities in Alaska. I wouldn't want you to leave Bella and Nessie alone. Edward, there are six of us here. We should be able to cope with one lone vampire and we have Kate and Eleazar's special talents on our side too. Besides which, all this person has done so far is to make people sick. He hasn't tried to do more than that. Let's stick to the original plan. Bring Bella and Nessie over here first thing in the morning. The family are all very much looking forward to seeing you, especially Nessie."

Edward immediately gave way, as he always did to Carlisle. "Well, maybe we need to think about how he is making you all nauseous. If we can come up with a countermeasure then no one will have any problems with this stranger."

"Eleazar is having a lot of difficulty talking about it. Each time he thinks about the stranger he starts to feel ill. In fact he has gone back into the house and put the television on loud to drown out our conversation. I wish he could tell us more about the stranger's talents, but he just cannot. Maybe he needs a bit of time to get over it. I know the vampire can make himself almost invisible, and can make us sick, but is there more?"

Edward raised an eyebrow, "Almost invisible?"

"Well, we can't see a person, just a shimmering, like a sight disturbance that humans sometimes get. You don't notice it unless you are looking for it or directly at it."

Then the speculating started in earnest. I went to phone Alice again.

"Hi there, are you OK?"

"Uhmm, as long as I don't look at how sick the others are, I'm fine. He hasn't made any decisions other than to go back to his hideout. They are not in imminent danger but I think I ought to go and concentrate on him to make sure I give Carlisle as much notice as I can. So bye for now, kiss Nessie for me."

Edward was pacing up and down the room. "I should go out there right now."

"No, Carlisle said to wait. There is no immediate danger," I retorted.

"Yes , I know, I know. I just want to do something," the exasperation in his voice echoing in the lines on his forehead.

"But you are doing something, you're staying here keeping us safe. We need to make sure that Nessie doesn't come into contact with the gas or whatever it is. If it can make vampires sick just think what it could do to her." I shuddered as I said it, and saw Edward's face bleach.

Edward came to his senses. "Alice will call us if he decides to come looking for us, and we'll move."

He fell silent and still, concentrating on the thoughts of the people all around us.

After a few minutes I put the television on to release some of the tension. It was the local news, about a missing journalist who was doing a piece on the homeless in winter but never came back in from the cold. He had only been missing 36 hours. I thought that it wasn't so newsworthy. If anyone else went missing for 36 hours no one would bat an eyelid. It was only because he was a journalist, one of their own. More than likely he would turn up again unharmed. Maybe he was too convincing in his disguise as a homeless drunk and he was in some police cell somewhere. It is good to have powerful friends, though. I remembered the time Charlie had put up pictures of Jacob in Forks when he had gone walk about, or should I say run about in his case. Even the local paper would only put the story on page six.

By the morning, Carlisle had rung again and said that they all felt fine now. He seemed quite interested in Edward's gas theory as he couldn't think of any medical explanation.

Edward took Nessie down to the hotel restaurant for breakfast while I stayed in the room to pack and check for any evidence that we were anything but a normal family. As I stood up quickly after retrieving Nessie's socks from under the bed I felt a sharp pain and an urge that I'd not felt in months. My bathroom moment, that Alice had so humiliatingly foreseen, had arrived. The pain was short lived and not too uncomfortable, more unnerving really. I made a mental note to ask Carlisle about newborn anatomy. Obviously the ability to eat a little food was due to my newness and would pass with time.

As soon as they were back from breakfast we were on our way to Denali. I'd already called Alice who said that there was still no change in the stranger's behavior, and he had made no decisions.

We neared Tanya's and stopped at a high point in the road to call Carlisle again, just in case, and to let Nessie out of the car to look at the view.

He spoke to Edward, "We are all fine again, even Eleazar ..."

My phone rang again. It was Alice. "Hi Alice ..."

"Get out of there. He is coming. He was wandering in the forest and has just seen you on that ridge. He is running towards you."

Edward froze. "I can hear someone," he hissed, almost silently. "He thinks we are a threat that he needs to check out. Let's get Nessie out of here."

We had no way of turning the car. The snow was piled three feet high along each side of the narrow track. We had no time.

We were out of the car in a flash and ran back along the track the way we had come. Even with Nessie on his back Edward was still faster than me.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"He's going to cut us off by taking the direct route to the road," Edward growled.

"You go off the track with Nessie, and I'll try to slow him down. We can't risk her getting gassed. If it can do that to Carlisle it will kill her. Get right away from here and then phone the others to come and help me. If it's only one person we should be able to out-maneuver him somehow, gas or no gas, invisible or not." The panic in my voice was evident but this seemed like the best plan. "I can't run as fast as you, I'd be really slow if I was carrying Nessie. If he got round you and followed me he could soon catch up with us. You are so much faster, you can keep her out of danger better than I can. Go, please go!"

His face answered. He didn't want to go. He was about to argue the point but I countered before he began. "It's your duty as a father."

Edward didn't argue. He veered off to the West and left me running down the track. I was on hyper alert listening for any sounds of someone running. Maybe I could floor him before he could gas me. What sort of gas was it that hurts vampires? I heard the footsteps coming towards me, muted by the snow but unmistakable to my ears. He could run fast, faster than me, but not as fast as Edward. That was good. Edward and Nessie had a head start. If things went badly for me they would get away. Nessie would never get near the gas.

He cut round at an angle to close my escape. I stopped breathing, hoping it would extend my fight time if there was gas about. As the footsteps grow closer I turned to look at my attacker. He was handsome, no doubt about that, blond hair, maybe early twenties when he was changed. His eyes were red, not the dark crimson of an old vampire but not the vivid red of a young one either. Not old or brand new, maybe around the year mark I thought. That was good, I would be stronger than him and he may not be that experienced at fighting. He pulled up short when he saw me looking directly into his eyes. A growl came all the way from deep within my chest erupting out of my throat and mouth. I quickly stifled it. I couldn't afford to waste my good air that way. He growled back but soon quietened, standing poised to defend himself. He didn't crouch to attack as I'd expected. He must have been used to taking people by surprise. He was not used to a fair fight. I'd show him.

He stared at me, concentrating really hard for five seconds or more. This must be a psychological prelude to the fight I thought, but the expression in his eyes turned from quizzical to exasperated to fear. I waited, crouched into an attack stance like I'd been taught by Emmett in my training. Then he turned and ran back the way he came. I was after him in an instant, traveling faster than I'd ever done before, the snow flying up in powdery clouds where my powerful feet hit the ground.

I had to defeat this vampire. My child's life depended on it.

He was faster than me - I'd been right about that. He was getting away. I saw my chance in a clearing in the forest. I sprang at his back and he was on the floor in a second and we were wrestling on the cold snow. His foot connected with my knee sending blistering pain along my leg. I went for his face, but he was defending it well. I went for his hands, making sure he could not use them on the gas canister that he must be hiding. I knew as soon as he gassed me I would lose. Would I lose my life? Would the others come to help before he could burn me? I caught one of his hands and crushed it, there was a keen sound as some part of it broke off. He shrieked in pain. One down I thought. But he was up on his feet again. I could see his mangled hand loose at his side. He managed a roundhouse kick to my stomach, launching me through the air. I landed hard against a tree, the air whooshing from me. But this guy was not Emmett. It was not so hard as the training I'd done with my big bear of a brother. I took a breath. The air was fine - I could only smell our two scents over the normal outdoor smell. Another wild growl ripped from me.

I crouched and sprang again, trying to speed up my movements to confuse him. He tried to keep me back but I had him. He was no warrior, and the small amount of training I'd had gave me another edge on top of my strength. I blocked his lunge and suddenly his face was exposed. Charlie's words echoed in my head from when I broken my hand hitting Jacob, "You didn't keep your thumb inside your fist, did you?" I made sure my thumb was out and this time, my right hook was more effective than the one I used on Jacob as a human. I launched my opponent off his feet. He went spiraling through the air, snapping a medium sized spruce tree with his shoulder and finishing his flight by smashing his head into a large boulder. He was face down in the deep snow gathered at it's base. I heard him groaning as I ran after to make sure that he didn't recover. Within a moment I had my knees on his back, his arms pulled out behind him. He was helpless. I'd won.

My euphoria was amazing. My first true vampire fight and I'd won. The pain in my leg and stomach seemed a small price to pay for this amazing feeling. The first time in my life or lives I'd been able to defend myself and come out the victor.

After a couple of seconds panting I thought to check his pockets for gas canisters. Nothing. He was still groaning and docile but I was waiting for this to end, for this to be a trick.

I suddenly realized that we couldn't stay like this for ever. I was the victor, I got to decide what happened next, he wasn't going to dictate that. I'd never been in this position before, needing to decide anybody's fate. It was a strange responsibility. I thought for a moment. I could pull his arms off. It would be easy enough in this position, and after that he'd not be in any state to defend himself as I took the rest of him apart. But I rejected that - I didn't want to kill him. He'd done me no harm before the fight and had only caused temporary inconvenience to my extended family. A death sentence seemed a bit of an overreaction.

I opted for the easiest and least scary option.

"Help! Someone help me! I've got him!" I screamed.

Tanya arrived nearly instantaneously but fell to her knees retching and clasping her stomach. Carlisle was hard on her heels but was sick as soon as he reached the clearing.

"Carlisle, what's wrong, is there another one?" I yelled.

"Bella?" he gasped between retches, "Where are you? I can't see you," vomiting again.

Then it struck me. I wasn't sick, I could see this vampire. I wasn't affected the same way as the others. I was shielded ... he was playing a mind trick.

I pushed my shield away from my body and over Tanya and Carlisle, feeling their life force protected under it.

Carlisle called but stayed where he was. "I can see you both now. Was it him doing that? Ooh, I still feel bit sick though," and he promptly retched again, blood coming out of his mouth.

I heard another set of footstep running up to us and I aimed my shield out into the forest to meet the newcomer. It was Kate, as I had thought. She took in the scene, with me pinning down an unknown vampire, and her sister clearly the worse for wear but now just sitting in the snow. Fury spasmed through her. She had worked out the situation and knew that this vampire was the cause of it. She was immediately on the snow next to me, beside my captive, shocking him. Her talent for debilitating an opponent was most prevalent in her palms and she had one on the back of his neck.

"You *******!" she shouted, "you thought you'd have fun making us all sick did you, you thought you'd hide and get away with it."

I saw his body jerk and twist, his muffled screams coming from the snow.

A few more shocks and he was still. But Kate carried on, her frustration and grief sending her almost demented.

"Enough Kate," I said quietly.

"It's never enough," Kate snarled, continuing her attack.

I pulled back my shield from her and she fell away from him retching. The blood in her must have been older - it was black as it came out.

The others were there and I shielded each one as they came into view. First Garrett, then Carmen, and finally Eleazar.

"Hold her and I'll shield her again," I screamed at Garrett. I pushed the shield back over her and she rose out of the snow. Garrett grabbed her before she could start on my captive again. She didn't try to shock Garrett this time and gave in with a furious stare.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12 - Inquisition

We picked him out of the snow and frog-marched him back to the house. He did look a little worse for wear: a mangled hand, a misaligned shoulder, and from the way he was holding his head I guessed that was hurting too. I looked closer. A bit of one ear was missing. Eleazar and Garrett took charge of restraining him, but he wasn't putting up a fight. I called Edward on my cell. All the time I was concentrating on keeping my shield in place.

"Edward, I won, we've caught him, it's a mind trick, a talent of his, not gas. As long as I shield you there is no danger."

"Are you hurt?"

"No, not much, just a sore gut and knee where he kicked me."

"I'll come and finish him off," Edward snarled. "I'll be there in a couple of minutes," and the phone went dead. I hadn't have time to tell him that it wouldn't be necessary for him to finish anyone off right at the moment.

Carlisle came in to the room and under my shield. I had the whole room covered except the captive, now held down on a chair by his guards.

I heard Edward running up to the house.

He paused by the front door, "Bella, come out here and look after Nessie while I finish him."

"No Edward, that won't be necessary. Is she OK after the running?" I replied.

"I'm fine Mommy, can I come in, I'm just a bit cold."

"No, I'm sorry you'll have to stay out there, the grown ups just need to talk to someone."

"I'll come in and finish him, if you'll just look after Nessie," Edward said again.

"I can't leave the room, the others need my shield. We need to talk to him before we do something so permanent."

Carmen left the room. I heard her take Nessie in her arms. "Hello again little one, let's go and find a place to sit in the sun, I'm sure we can soon get you warmed up." I heard their footsteps trailing off into the distance.

Edward came into the room and looked round at the scene. The captive was sitting on a chair with Garrett on one side and Kate on the other, the palm of her hand about quarter of an inch from his neck.

Despite his precarious position and injuries, our captive would occasionally grin broadly at us all. If anything, this was directed mostly at me. I thought this odd because I was the one who'd just injured him. I thought that maybe this was some kind of trick, or maybe he was a little insane.

Edward deposited himself on the sofa opposite the captive, next to Eleazar. "Well then, let's get some answers. You ask the questions Eleazar, I will read his thoughts."

Then it started, an inquisition that no spy could have stood up to. There was no training in the special forces for this. Even if you can lie with your mouth it's very difficult to lie with your thoughts. There was no need for force or harassment, just restraint.

Eleazar easily took charge. Centuries with the Volturi had given him all the training he needed for a situation like this. He started with the obvious and easy "Who are you?"

Edward replied in a monotone voice obviously speaking the captive's thoughts. "Fred, might be Fred Summers. I'm not sure about the last name, I don't remember that well." The captive's jaw dropped. Edward spoke directly to him, "Yes, I _am_ reading your mind, but we are the ones asking the questions here, not you."

"Well, Fred, are you from the Volturi?" Eleazar continued.

Edward answered monotone again, "He doesn't understand the question. He has never heard of the Volturi."

There was a definite easing of tension in the room. This wasn't a trick by them, then.

"How many are there in your coven?"

Edward replied again monotone, "I am alone, I have been alone for months."

"Why are you here?"

This time the answer didn't come from Edward but straight from Fred, in a deep base bell-like ring, "I followed two of the women back from Anchorage about six weeks ago. I watched, keeping out of sight and well away, they couldn't tell I was there. I saw there was a whole coven here, but I didn't want to make contact. I thought that they might be hostile." He raised his mangled hand, "I was right, I guess."

"But you were lonely," Edward went on reading his thoughts. "You wanted a coven, a safe coven this time, somewhere to feel secure for once."

Carlisle answered, "I know that a lot of nomads feel that way and they miss the comforts of a home."

"He was scared too," Edward continued, "he doesn't know how we get our yellow eyes."

There was a peel of laughter around the room. "We're vegetarian. We don't drink humans, only animals." It was Tanya who answered this time.

This time, it was Fred who looked sick, bewilderment crossing his face. I was sure his head must have been full of questions but neither he nor Edward voiced them.

Eleazar asked another question, "Where did you come from?"

Fred responded, "I was turned in Seattle. There was a large coven of us, but there was lots of fighting, it was awful. When someone got themselves burnt our creator just replaced them with a newborn.

The rest of the coven went off to a fight a big battle for our creator. We were supposed to battle a yellow-eyed coven who had a human pet. I took off in the opposite direction, it wasn't my war. I don't know what happened to them. I guess some would have survived. There were so many of us and we were all strong newborns, the other coven wouldn't have stood much of a chance. I never returned to find out. The only friend I had was a girl called Bree. She said she'd try to find me after the battle but she never came to our rendezvous. I don't know if that was because she didn't make it or if she just decided not to come. I know I'm not good company."

Edward nodded to Eleazar to reassure him that he was telling the truth.

"Who was your creator?"

"I don't know her name. I never saw her again after the night she turned me. We were lead by a vampire called Riley. He tried to keep order but he didn't stand much of a chance with the scum she changed."

"When were you turned?"

"I remember it being near Christmas on my first hunt. That would have been the year before last."

"The sickness is it a talent?"

"Yes, maybe a curse. It goes with the ability to be nearly invisible. It's all the same thing. How does she stop it?"

Fred's eyes looked directly at me and he grinned at me again.

At this point the rest of us looked over at Eleazar. He nodded, "That's what I can feel. That's why I was the most sick. In some ways it's like Jane and Alec's talents."

The mention of the Volturi made everyone wince. Little Jane could make a person, human or vampire, writhe round in pain with just a smile. But Alec, her twin brother, was even more lethal in some ways. He could conjure up a mist that could take away the senses of a whole army.

Eleazar added, "It is a raw talent. He needs training to use it effectively and get round the day-to-day inconveniences of it. It can be done, though."

"Explain how it works." Eleazar was interested now. In fact, we were all paying very close attention.

"It is always there. I can't stop it except for a small pocket around myself. Anyone around me feels sick. It's worse if I'm stressed. Sometimes if I'm calm it's nearly OK for a person if they stand behind me. If I concentrate hard I can make people really sick for a few minutes. They even feel sick if they think of me. That's what makes it hard for them to see me. It makes me nearly invisible, I become just a shimmer. That's how I got away from my coven."

"What have you been doing since you left them?"

"First, I went to Vancouver. I waited there for a few weeks to see if Bree would show up but she didn't. I kept a low profile, hunted smart, covered my tracks."

"What next?"

"I thought I'd hunted enough there so I moved on. I didn't want to draw attention to myself. I went to a few other cities in Canada, just kept moving and hiding out. I went to Anchorage and spotted them walking around the town," he pointed to Tanya, "her and the other one", pointing to Kate, "were in a queue for the theater. She was obviously a vampire with that scent. I followed them when they came out and noted her car registration. I broke into the government parking office and used their database to find an address. I assumed it would be false but I came to check it out and here you all were."

"What have you been doing since then?"

"I came back two weeks ago but no one was here so I went back to the city, then came back last week and let myself in. It was good to have a place to call home. Then you came back and surprised me - I'd got sloppy listening to my mp3 too loud. I didn't hear you so I had to make you sick to get away. Sorry. Then I came back to watch you to see how you lived. I hung out in the woods. Occasionally I would get near enough to hear you talking. Riley had said that yellow-eyed vampires were old and weak, and I wanted to check that out. I don't believe much of what he told us. He told us we couldn't go out in the day because we would burn to ash. I know that's a lie too."

"I had to make you sick every time I thought you were going to find me. It was only self-defense. I didn't want to be attacked. There were five of you and I thought you'd fight better than I could."

"Why did you think we would fight you?"

"That's what vampires do, isn't it? Fight and hunt. That's what I was taught."

"What do you think now, now that you have been watching us?"

"You can fight, and you have gifts. You are more dangerous than I thought." At this point he looked at me and Kate, "But in some ways you seem more like a human family. Did I even hear a child outside, with a heartbeat?"

"You have hunted recently, your eyes are red. Have you hunted locally?"

"Only in the city. The night before last, a homeless man. I hid the body well, they'll not find it. They don't look out for his kind. He won't be missed."

"What will you do if we let you get up off the chair?" Carlisle had compassion in his eyes but I could see the others were not so sure about this.

Edward's reassurance was complete. "I can't make you sick. There are so many of you, what could I do? I'd get nowhere if I ran, I am at your mercy," he said in a monotone speaking for Fred.

The guards moved away from him one pace. He sat in the chair but the questions continued. Questions about his motivation, his previous actions, and previous hunts.

It was clear he had been sticking to the rules and not being detected by humans. It was also clear that his appetite was waning as he aged past the year mark. He wasn't an out-of-control newborn.

Then the questions changed to his emotional state, and it was obvious he was in a bad way. He'd not spoken with anyone, vampire or human, since last May. He'd seen no other vampires before Tanya's coven. He didn't want to have any contact with humans. He saw them just as food.

By the end of the questioning my head was spinning and I was feeling drained. For all this time I was having to keep my shield over my family and friends. I could feel the need to recoil it, but I knew I couldn't. They were relying on me so much that it seemed like they had forgotten I was shielding them.

Fred looked weak and still mangled.

Now there was a question for the rest of us. What were we going to do with him?

Edward addressed Fred to answer some of the questions that were washing around in the captive's head.

"Yes, that is correct. We three visitors are from the clan that your old coven went to battle last May. Bella was human at the time. It was her scent that you were given. Yes, she is beautiful and talented and she is also my wife."

Fred looked devastated. "I'm so sorry. We were told that you were going to destroy us all because you wanted Seattle back as a feeding ground. We were told that we had to destroy your coven or be destroyed ourselves. I thought it was lies at the time. It didn't make any sense. You would have come to Seattle to find us if that was the case. What happened to the others from my coven? How many survived? Where did they go? Did you see Bree?"

Edward answered, "We met your coven in a clearing outside of Forks. We destroyed everyone except Bree. She surrendered, the others just fought to their deaths. We would have taken her in but the Volturi came to the battlefield and destroyed her because she had broken their rules. We destroyed Riley and your creator Victoria as well. They had abandoned the newborns and come to find Bella without them. I am sorry for your loss, we had no choice. Your whole coven, Riley included, was created by Victoria because she had a grudge against myself and Bella. Your entire purpose was to destroy us. If you had succeeded, Victoria would have killed you off one-at-a-time anyway."

Fred was silent for a few minutes while he processed this information, the expression on his face one of grief and regret.

Edward's head was in his hands, his shoulder hunched forwards. He was hearing the thoughts of this isolated, grief-stricken, guilt-ridden man.

Edward said very quietly, "We did try to save her, but they are too strong for us. We can't stand against them in situations like that. I am so sorry for your loss."

His silence gave me time to think of what might have been. What if he had fought with them? I was only human at the time, I couldn't have projected my shield over anyone. We would all have died. He could have just picked my family off one at a time while they lay vomiting on the floor. He had no need for the rest of the newborn army. He alone would have been enough. And the wolves? And what about ...

In a tightly-controlled voice he asked, "Who are these Volturi and what rules are there? Who makes rules for vampires?"

Eleazar replied this time. "The Volturi are the guardians of the vampire world. They have created a set of rules that keep us all safe from the knowledge of humans. They punish those who break the rules to keep the rest of us safe."

Edward's voice was understanding, "The Volturi are very, very powerful. They have a guard with amazing talents. No vampire or coven can stand against them."

We went back to the question of what to do with Fred.

We discussed every possible option.

Tanya's position was resolute. "We should hand him over to the Volturi. He is not our business."

Eleazar commented, "They would either see him as an asset worth adding to their guard or dispose of him as a potential threat. I fear his skills are too much like Jane's and Alec's to be of significant use as a member of the guard."

"They would surely use his involvement with the Seattle newborns as justification to destroy him, even if this particular newborn has stuck to the rules." Carlisle shook his head as he spoke. "There is also the small problem of how we could get him to Italy."

Everybody looked at me. "I can't take him to Italy, they would kill me as well." I wasn't going to stick my head out that far for the rules, especially not to give the Volturi a weapon to use against us, and walk into a huge trap as well.

One thing was clear. He couldn't stay near anyone without my shield.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 - Peace

There was several minutes silence before Carlisle asked the captive, "What would you like to happen now?"

Edward's shoulders stiffened on hearing the reply, but what came to Fred's lips didn't seem so bad to me.

"I would like to live in peace. I don't want to be any trouble to anyone. I need to find a way to control my talent so I can have some contact with other vampires. I've been really very alone for a long time now."

He looked over at me hopefully.

"Well, he has done us no lasting harm," Garret admitted.

Tanya joined in, "But you can't stay here because you will just make us sick and your diet is not compatible with our lifestyle."

Garret chimed in again, "It isn't easy being vegetarian. I'm just learning and it is damned hard, I can tell you."

Carlisle said, with regret in his voice, "You can't come back with us to Forks because Demetri's arriving there soon, and he may see your presence as a threat. Besides, I think it would be best if you avoided them for a few years."

"He is one of the Volturi guards," Edward added, to answer the question in Fred's head.

"He is checking up on us to make sure we are obeying the rules, and he has a few other errands," Carlisle continued. "As we have said before, if you come to the attention of the Volturi it may not go well for you."

Another minute's silence.

"If we just let you go and asked you not to come back to this place, what would you do?" It was Eleazar this time

"I'd go and try to find some other vampires in other places. I wouldn't stay in this area if I'm not wanted. I'm not trying to cause trouble."

Tanya's was adamant. "Well, there we have it, you need to go away from here and not come back. Do we have your word on that?"

"Yes," Fred replied simply.

"We will consider if you can come to visit us down in Forks after Demetri has left," Carlisle added, "but you will need to contact us to ensure the coast is clear first. I'll give you the house phone number. As we have Bella with us", he nodded to me, "your gift doesn't cause us the problems it may do to other covens. But Bella has other responsibilities so we can't ask her to shield you for too long. We may have to put you up away from the main house. I guess that could work for a short visit. Also we would ask you not to hunt anywhere near our home. We have human friends in the neighborhood who we do not want to lose."

But even as Carlisle was saying this I could see that Edward was unhappy with the suggestion. The previous stress returned to him. He was hearing something again that he wasn't going to voice but he didn't like. I thought he might tell me when we were next alone, but he did come up with a question for me.

"Would that be too much of an imposition for you, Bella, if Fred came to visit us? I know you are working hard to shield us at the moment."

_Well, at least someone has noticed_, I thought to myself. "I think I can manage some short periods, but I have to concentrate hard to cover lots of people in a room for a long time," I said, not wanting to seem too much of a wimp, but not wanting them to take it for granted that I could keep this up all day.

Edward seemed pleased with my answer, or at least the reaction that my answer got in someone's mind. But whose mind, and what were they thinking?

Kate looked at me and smiled, "Do you think that you could do an inside out shield just over him?" Kate was obviously not comfortable with using the name Fred yet.

"Well, maybe. It would take a bit of time to get my head around that one, but I think it would be very handy to know how to do it. I could practice."

"First of all, let's see to your battle wounds," Carlisle said to Fred and me, his medical training and compassion shining through the situation. "Shall we go outside to find the missing bits?" he nodded to Fred's hand. "I take it that you are whole, Bella."

"Yes, I'm whole. Just a bit of a sore knee and gut. Nothing worse than when I was training with Emmett." The others just laughed.

Four of us went outside. Edward went off to find Nessie and Carmen while Carlisle, Fred and I revisited the fight scene.

I felt horribly guilty when I found a couple of bits of Fred's fingers. They were clawing their way through the snow trying to find other bits of Fred to join on to. It looked vile. I tried hard to fight the feeling of nausea. I won against my stomach, but it was a close thing.

Carlisle explained to Fred that he was a doctor in a hospital, but also knew about vampire physiology. Fred just looked amazed.

"You are able to work in a normal human hospital with all that blood about, and you are able to resist?" He was amazed. "How do you do it? _Why_ do you do it?"

Carlisle laughed, "That's a long story, let's get you fixed up first. Bella managed to break off part of your ear as well. Bella, I'm not sure whether to be impressed or annoyed with you."

I had never seen anyone stick a vampire back together. I had heard the tales, but it was different seeing the action first hand. Carlisle got Fred to lick the broken-off pieces and then he pressed them back into place very carefully, where they stuck with hardly any seam. Carlisle tutored Fred to put venom on his finger and pull it hard across the seam to remove the line completely. "Well, it only works when the seam is fresh, but I always think that it is better to get rid of the scars if you can."

Carlisle looked at my knee and pointed out a tiny fracture in the cap. He told me to rub some venom into it. I did, and almost immediately there was a stabbing pain followed by a cool nothingness, and it was fine again.

As we worked, Carlisle explained to Fred the nature of our vegetarian lifestyle. Fred was completely bewildered by it and didn't understand our enjoyment of human company at all. He himself felt that feeding on humans was not a good part of being a vampire but it was a necessary part. He couldn't imagine hunting animals because the few animals he had come across during his vampire life smelt repulsive to him. But he did say that he would think about what Carlisle had said.

We went back to the house, by which time Nessie was sitting in the lounge with all the others. Fred just stared at her.

"What is this child ... is she a vampire? I didn't realize that we could have children, not that I'd really given it any thought at all. Are vampires born as well as created?"

"This is Renesmee," Edward said simply. "She is mine and Bella's daughter. Bella conceived her while she was still human, very shortly after our marriage. Bella became a vampire as soon as the baby was out of her body. Bella was the "human pet" you referred to earlier, a strange way to refer to someone's wife, but that was not in your knowledge."

Fred just stared at him open mouthed for a few moments, and then, remembering that this was rude, he shut his mouth and tore his gaze away from Edward to look at Nessie and me again.

"Wow ... wow, I just can't imagine how you can live like this," he stuttered out.

Edward bristled visibly next to me. He must have heard things he didn't like. "No, I don't have any super vampire self control. The control is much easier after time, but there is always a risk for any humans that you have contact with that your control is not as good as you want it to be."

Carlisle, always the medic, wanted to enlighten Fred. "Female vampires are not able to carry a baby. Their bodies cannot make the necessary changes. But it appears that a male that was capable of reproduction before the transformation is likely to still have that potential. It was a surprise to us all when Bella became pregnant but the experience ended her human life. Renesmee is half-vampire, half-human, and will be grown up in about six years. But a child who is created by venom will never grow or mature. Creating a child vampire is strictly forbidden in the rules, and the punishment is absolute."

"Your child is the most beautiful child I have ever seen."

"Thank you," I said simply.

"You really are a real family. I had no idea that that was possible."

I spent the rest of the morning with Eleazar and Tanya who explained the rules to Fred. I'd asked if everyone else could leave the room and if the two of them could sit close together so my shield could be as small as possible. I was beginning to feel the exertion of keeping the shield in place. I ached, but I wasn't sure where I was aching. It felt as if it was all over my body and in my mind. I tried to tell myself it was all in my imagination, but it wasn't. In the end the two of them sat on the low sofa and I sat behind them on a chair, a hand on the shoulder of each. This made is easier but still the ache was increasing.

In the end I had to call a halt to the conference. The shield felt like a lead weight that I was holding up in weak arms, and I was losing it.

We all went outside. Fred stood some fifty yards away, keeping his gaze away from us.

Our farewells were a combination of threats not to return without warning, not to hunt on our patches, and genuine wishes that he find a way to control his talent and join a coven.

Carlisle had the last words, the rather formal but appropriate "Go in peace."

And with that, Fred was off at a medium run back towards the city. Once the footsteps died away we all went back into the house. Kate and Tanya both wanted to play with Nessie. She was pleased to be back at the center of attention.

I knew that this was a good distraction for all three of them so I didn't interfere. I stood at the edge of the room staring into the forest with Eleazar. Suddenly I realized that I wanted to find out more about myself. Now was a good time, because Edward and Carlisle had gone hunting, but in the direction that Fred had run just to make sure that he wasn't about.

"Eleazar, could you do something for me? Can you see if I have any other talents as well as the shield?" I said this very quietly just for him. I didn't know why, but I felt this was a very private matter not to be shared.

He smiled warmly at me. "I thought that you might ask me that one day. I assume that you have mastered throwing your shield off? Let's go outside"

I followed him some way into the forest. "A lot of vampires don't like their powers revealed in public." He smiled at me warmly.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 - Talents

"I can only throw off my shield for a very short time," I admitted. "It takes a great deal of concentration." And with that I did concentrate again. It was so much harder than it was at the cottage with Edward. I still ached from using my shield earlier. It hurt like trying to throw a heavy rock would have hurt when I was human. But somehow I managed for a few seconds. I concentrated so hard I had to close my eyes.

When I let my shield fall back and opened my eyes, Eleazar's face was full of alarm. "Bella," he hissed, "you have such great powers. Powers that I have never seen before. There are a few with something similar, but nothing like this."

"Eleazar, what do you think that I can do?" I was surprised by the look of terror on his face.

"Bella, you have the ability to put thoughts into people's heads."

"Oh, like Nessie. Well that's not so bad, is it. Why are you looking so worried by that?"

"No Bella," he whispered. "You put thoughts into minds, not pictures. You can make people think the way you want them to think and they will not realize that it is not their thought. Not a picture but a thought. Thoughts don't just go away immediately like a vision. They can stay buried in the mind for a long time, then surface. Or they can swim around at the front of the mind, and dip below, and resurface later. Forgive me, but what Nessie can do is child's play in comparison with you."

"Well, I don't think you can be right about that," I tried to reply, but he immediately turned on me.

"Do you find you have too many admirers at the moment?"

"Er, well, er, yes, as a matter of fact ..." If I could of, I would have blushed scarlet at this. "I have had a little trouble in that area. What of it?"

"You are putting a thought into everyone's mind of _love me._ I think that you will find some are much easier to convince than others, but they will all fall in the end."

I was smiling now. He must have this very wrong. "Are you really trying to tell me that I'm convincing every vampire I met to love me?"

"Yes, and every human too, I would say."

"But I'm not, I'm not doing anything of the sort." I snapped "I'm a happily married woman with a child, for goodness sake. Why would I do something like that?"

"You are doing it. I can feel it. I think all the men around will fall for it. We are attracted to you but without too many thoughts around it. Just the thought _I love Bella_. It is weak in my mind and I can suppress it easily enough. But I don't spend too much time around you. It must be much harder for the men you live with. I think women would mostly feel _I love Bella_ as friendship, but there will be some that don't. I know that you don't know that you are doing this, but you are. You need to accept it and control it before you cause too much trouble for yourself and Edward."

"You must have this wrong," I stammered. "I can't control people's thoughts. I'll pull my shield away again, please look again."

I pulled it away, this time for longer. I had to fight, but I won against it. When I opened my eyes this time Eleazar was confused.

"There are other things too. I can feel something. I've felt it before very weakly in others, but I'm not sure what it is."

"Who are these others?"

"It may come from your mother. At your wedding I felt she had some talents, but it is not the same because she is human and I can't tell as well as I can with a vampire. It seems like yours, but with a different aspect, like the same patten in a different color."

"My mother? Renee? But she's just ... "

"And then there's Chelsea, of course. She has it more strongly than anyone else, but only a tenth of your strength. And then there is Alice and Siobhan, they both have only a smattering, the same pattern, though very weak and in a different color."

"And sometimes in Jane and Alec I see it, just a tiny amount, very very weak, less than a watermark on a piece of paper."

"I know this sound very odd, but it is the only way to describe what I feel. I'd not really put it all together until now, until I felt your talents."

"Bella, it is a great power I can feel, but I don't know what it is or what it does. You are not like any vampire I have met before. Bella, you have more power than the ancients in Volterra."

He looked at me gravely. "You must keep away from them. Whatever you do, keep away from them. Aro will want you or he will kill you. There will be nothing else there for you."

I just stood frozen to the spot. He expected me to believe that I had inherited some great power from Renee, but he couldn't tell me what. Was this a joke? Maybe he was deranged by his sickness. I didn't know what to say to him. I was cross and worried for him, both at the same time.

After a silent minute, Eleazar said, "I'm going to go into the forest now so that I won't be near Edward. I think that you should tell him this rather than him hearing it in my thoughts. I'll make sure that you have left before I return to the house. Goodbye Bella, I wish you well." And with that he was gone.

I wondered why he had left so fast. Did he think his joke had fallen flat? Or maybe he thought I was very infectious or something. Did he think he was going to fall in love with me if he stayed here another moment? I felt gutted and alone. I wanted Edward. What started as an idle curiosity had gone wrong, badly wrong. Either Eleazar was mistaken for some reason – and that wasn't good – or, worse still, what if he were right? I doubted Eleazar, and then I doubted my own doubt.

I ran off in the direction that Edward and Carlisle had gone to hunt but pulled up after a minute. I needed to get it together. Eleazar was wrong, I was sure of that. There must be some other explanation. I had to pull myself together before I saw anyone else or I would worry them too. I sat on a rock covered in snow; it didn't feel cold to me. There would have been relief in tears but I couldn't even do that. I debated hunting but I really wasn't thirsty. If I were human, I would have cried, slept, cried some more, and eaten too much chocolate, and then understanding and acceptance would have come. But here in this stone body I was trapped.

What options were there? Firstly, Eleazar was just wrong. This was the most likely explanation and was easiest to accept. He'd looked confused and said that he'd not seen anything like this before, so if this option was correct I wasn't sending out a thought to everyone to love me. Maybe I had some other power he just couldn't see. Maybe I could put out a false picture of what I could do, another defense mechanism, something that wasn't so scary.

I hunted for a second option and all I came up with was that Eleazar could be lying. Perhaps it was a sick joke. Or was he really a spy for the Volturi after all? Would he run and tell them what powers I had without me even knowing them? It would have been very tricky to keep spying a secret from Edward and Alice for long.

I couldn't think of any third option other than that Eleazar was right. I tried very hard to think about it dispassionately, as if the power belonged to someone other than me. I really focused – I knew I hadn't much time until someone came looking for me. He had said it was a raw talent and I guessed that like all raw talents the results of using it would not be very focused or particularly effective. I thought of all the training I had done to be able to project my shield. Trying hard to suppress my own feelings, I asked myself whether it was possible that a vampire could get other people to do things for them, out of all proportion to any obligation. Of course it's possible. If that vampire was putting out a "love me" thought, then even people that had no reason to love her might love her.

I started to breathe heavily. Emmett and Nahuel – was I the cause of their strange behavior and plans? How long had I been doing this? Was I doing this when I was human? What about Jacob and Mike, and a whole list of others that Edward said had fallen for me. And then the awful thought hit me. What about Edward? Did he really love me at all? Had I tricked him into it? If I stopped putting out this thought would he stop loving me? What would happen if I couldn't stop? Would I always be a menace to those around me?

I had to stop thinking about it. It was too awful. I stood up and ran, ran as fast as I could just for the sake of the speed. It deflected the thoughts a bit, but not enough. I kept away from the house but realized what I wanted more than anything was to be with Nessie. That would put things into perspective. I want her to hug me, and just want me as her mum, an understandable relationship not tied up in this mess. Please, no, not tied up in this mess.

But as I turned towards the house I knew it was too soon even for Nessie to see me so I took my cell from my pocket and phoned Alice. I wanted to hear a familiar female voice.

"Hi Alice how is ..." I didn't get any further than that.

"What's going on? I saw you win. Well done. Very impressive for a first fight. I was on the edge of my seat all the way through, giving the others a blow by blow account. I'll get Jasper to give you some more training. A few of your moves are a bit too human. A right hook? Not very vampire, you're lucky he was untrained. Oh, and wasn't he dishy! He'd give Carlisle a good run for his money in a 'male vampire of the year competition'."

"I saw you all talking to him and saw the decision to let him leave. I can't tell if he will come here yet, he hasn't made that decision."

"And what did Eleazar say to you? You looked distraught. Was it something about your shield? It isn't getting weaker is it, or something?" She was rambling on again.

"Alice, hush a minute. Has the future vision of Emmett changed since I went away?"

"Umm, sorry, no it hasn't."

"What has Nahuel been doing since I left?"

"Moping about would be the best description. He isn't happy at all, almost as if he is in physical pain from something."

"That's not good. How has Jacob been?"

"Very similar I think, but I've not seen much of him. He has been with his pack and at his dad's place for nearly all the time, but Seth called into to complain about him and ask when you guys were coming back as the pack's getting fed up with his pining."

"What did Eleazar say?" Alice demanded.

"Alice, I may have trouble, real trouble."

"I'm listening."

"Have you ever known Eleazar to be wrong or joke about someone's talents?"

"No, he would not have been with the Volturi for centuries if he was wrong about things."

"Oh. That wasn't the answer I wanted."

"What can you do? I missed that bit, it was when Seth was here. You've got me on the edge of my seat again. I can't see it, it must be something that isn't tangible."

"You can control you thoughts around Edward, can't you?" I asked.

"Yes, but why wouldn't you tell Edward?"

"Because he's going to be really cross with me and it's not my fault. I'm not doing it on purpose."

"Doing what? Come on, the suspense is killing me!"

"Eleazar thinks I can put thoughts into people's heads, like a thought virus that stays there, they won't realize that it is not their thought."

"Wow!"

"But I'm doing it without knowing. I'm sending one saying _love me_ to everyone."

"Oh. I see."

"I'm a menace to all the people around, mostly the men though I guess. I have to find a way to stop it or go and live on an island somewhere."

"I see we need to get you training but that is going to be tricky when we can't tell if your projecting thoughts or not. I'll have a think about it."

"But I don't know what it means." My voice cracked at this point. "Does Edward love me at all?" I was sobbing down the phone now. "Have I just been making him love me? Will he stop loving me if I stop putting out this thought?"

"I'm not sure that should be the focus of your concern right now." Alice's voice was sharp. "You need to keep your family safe first and sort you love life second. If you don't sort this Edward will end up fighting for you and you don't want that, do you."

"No. No, that isn't what I want at all."

"Well you know how jealous he gets when he finds people are thinking improper thoughts. What is he going to do? Defend his claim on you."

"Please, help me Alice."

"Bella, you know that I'll do everything I can. After all I do _love you_ ... joke ... not in good taste perhaps. I'm sure Edward does love you completely and utterly so don't worry. See you tomorrow."

After a few more minutes I had recovered enough to go back to the house to find Nessie.

I found her inside with Kate and Tanya just as I'd left her. Garrett was there too. I excused Nessie saying that I needed to take her to hunt before we set off home. I couldn't be around this man just in case.

As I held her hand and we walked through the trees, I found all the control I needed to pretend that everything was fine. Nessie was playing back the highlights, both real and imagined, of the time we'd spent apart, using her pictures rather than words. I saw her image of me with my foot on a prostrate Fred and my hands over my head in a victory salute. I laughed, and I told her that such victories were necessary, but nothing to be proud of, I was only trying to protect my family. I couldn't admit to her how much pride I had taken from it at the time. It didn't seem a proper thing for a mother to admit.

When we got back to the house, Carlisle and Edward had returned and we said our goodbyes to Tanya's clan. We said we'd have Alice keep an eye on Fred to make sure that he wasn't planning to harass them again. Although we knew that they felt vulnerable we had to leave. Demetri was on his way and we were needed back in Forks.


	15. Chapter 15

**Cold Gray Light – Part 2**

Chapter 15 - Return

In the car on the way home I tried to act normally. I tried to keep up the appearance that all was well. I chatted casually with Edward and Carlise about the day's events and accepted gracefully their praise for winning the fight. The euphoria that I had felt on winning was now just a distant and irrelevant memory after the revelation that Eleazar had given me about my talents. I was determined not to tell them yet. I wanted Alice. I wanted to know what she saw.

I hid behind the need for Nessie to sleep in my arms as an excuse to opt out of the conversation. Although Nessie did dream peacefully in my arms I didn't watch her dreams this time. I needed time to think and this was all the time I was going to get.

I dwelt on the things that had happened to me in my new life, looking for patterns, people who I may have had undue influence over. I found them. Why had so many of our fellow vampires witnessed for us against the Volturi? Had I influenced them? Had I made them stay and put their lives at risk? The love that people, vampire and human alike, had for Nessie as soon as they touched her - was that her doing or was that me forcing them to love her, putting that thought into their minds? Was it my fault that Jacob had imprinted on her? Had I changed his life irrevocably without even noticing?

I thought back to my first life in Phoenix. I certainly didn't seem to have this gift then. I'd lived an anonymous life in a big city with no real friends, although I'd got on well enough with the people around. Maybe the only signal I was giving out there was _leave me alone_. I'd certainly not infected any of my school class back there with my thought viruses.

There was only Renee. Was I the reason she'd stayed single so long? Had I influenced her somehow because I wanted her all to myself, only allowing her to move on when I knew I would be leaving in a couple of years? I decided that couldn't be true. My mother, although childish in many ways, didn't pander so much to my needs and wishes that I could have been forcing her to follow my every whim. Maybe she was immune because she was my mother. I didn't know how these things worked. Maybe she had a shield like mine and I'd just inherited it from her. Eleazar had said that I had been passed at least some of my talents from her. There were too many things I just didn't know.

I thought about my friends in Forks. Had I influenced them? Well, I had a string of admirers as well as Edward and Jacob. I knew some but Edward had always said there were a lot more who just didn't make their presence felt. Was this because I emanated _love me_? I guess when I first started at Forks High School I did want to fit in as soon as possible. I was terrified by the newness of it all, the buildings and the faces. I'd wanted to go back to being anonymous again as soon as possible. Would that equate to putting out the signal _love me_? I would have thought _accept me_ would have been nearer the mark. But maybe this gift wasn't that subtle, maybe just pushing positive thoughts of me into classmates' heads and leaving those same classmates to turn, mangle and exaggerate those thoughts into _love Bella_. It's not like everyone loved me. I had people who didn't like me, I hadn't influenced them. Yes that was right. I'd had the usual petty enemies that everybody ends up with at high school. I couldn't have been pushing a message, or even if I was it couldn't have been very strong because I still had enemies. Suddenly these enemies felt like my saviors. They were my proof that Eleazar was wrong. The short blond-haired girl, Lauren, can to my mind, and I immediately blurted out a question, what I needed to know so badly. I said it before I thought of the impact it would have on those in the car.

"Edward, why did Lauren hate me so much?" This would give me some new information, maybe something really helpful that I could apply to other people.

"Ah, yes, Lauren. She always did try really hard to look like she hated you, didn't she? It was me that really got up her nose."

"What do you mean by that?" I snapped, rather taken back by is answer. I was expecting something along the lines of "She hates incomers to Forks," or "You ruined her chances with Tyler."

"Bella, did you never realize? I thought you were the intuitive one." He gave a short laugh.

"Lauren had issues with her sexuality and it wasn't that she hated you at all. Far from it. You just made her realize that she was never really going to love any man."

He continued, "The hatred thing was all just bluster. I'd have thought that you would have got the message after I left, you know when she cut her hair off. She was trying so hard to get your attention. She assumed that you wouldn't want anything to do with men again after I'd left you so broken. She saw an opportunity I guess."

"But then, when you seemed to get back to your old self, you just started chatting to Mike as if it wasn't a man who had done this to you in the first place, and she heard that you'd been hanging round with Jacob. It made her feel angry and betrayed. That's why she acted as she did. It was all out of love really, in a strange sort of way. "

I tried to compose my face into only mild shock, which would be more appropriate than the absolute terror and guilt I felt. This wasn't the information I'd wanted, not what I'd hoped, not what I'd expected. She'd liked me - maybe even loved me.

Carlisle added his thoughts from a more parental perspective. "It can be hard finding out that your feeling are not the same as you friends, especially when you've grown up in a small community like Forks. A few of the older generation are still shocked by such matters. It can be very hard for people to live with such prejudice, even worse if you are still young."

What had I done? Had I turned this poor straight girl gay? No, surely not! You can't turn someone gay, can you? They either were or weren't when they were born. That was what they taught at school.

"But Tyler," I stammered.

"Tyler was just a cover, for her parents' benefit mainly. But then she felt even more jealous when he started to chase after you as well and seemed to have more success than she did. She really thought you'd said that you would go to the prom with him. It made her quite mad."

"Oh," was all I could say in response.

"Why did you suddenly ask me about Lauren anyway?"

"I was just ... thinking about what the others from school are doing now." It was a random answer, but he might buy it.

"Yes, I wonder how many of our former classmates spent the day brawling in the snow," Edward quipped.

"I don't think many of them could have packed in as much as we have in the last six months," he said with a smile.

"Nor be as happy," I responded.

His smile was radiant. His golden eyes shone, even reflected in the car mirror.

My guilt spiraled. Were they genuine feelings he was having or was I making him feel this way? Would he hate me if I stopped? Would he leave me and Nessie? I couldn't live without him - I had tried and failed before. I knew I had to regain control of my thoughts before I gave anything away.

"Are you OK Bella? You look panicked?" Carlisle asked, turning round in his seat to scrutinize me.

I searched for an answer that I could possibly give. "Holding my shield for so long today has made me feel, well, not tired exactly, but as if there's too much in my mind at once. It really did take a lot of concentration. I don't feel as if it has passed yet."

"I'm sure you'll be fine after a few hours and a little peace and quiet at home. Try to relax. Why not watch Nessie's dreams and concentrate on them rather than anything else."

He didn't realize it but he had thrown me a lifeline, a way out of this increasingly difficult conversation. A few thought-free hours, away from this new blight on my life, on everyone's life, did sound like a really good idea. I didn't want to think about what lay in wait for me at home either.

I put Nessie's hand to my face and really tried to concentrate on her dream. This one was about the forest where she had hunted today, a replay of her search for pray. The small rabbit she'd run after for a while and the bigger deer that she taken down in the end. I saw her on her father's back on the way home, but her father changed to someone else, Jacob ... no Jasper. I couldn't tell, he was in the shadows, and I was with them and I knew there was danger, great danger, in what was happening. I knew that I had to be careful. I had to get Nessie away from him and I had to get away too, he would hurt her if I didn't. He would hurt her and hurt me. I may not live through this but I needed to get her away before he could hurt her, my hurt didn't matter as long as she was alright. We were walking through the forest and I needed to find away to get away from him.

"Bella?" Edward's voice broke into my imagination.

"Bella? Are you enjoying that dream? You seemed to be a little disoriented. You were muttering about the forest but Nessie was just thinking about the park we walked through after lunch yesterday."

"No, it was the forest, we were walking through the forest."

"No, it was the park. There were a few trees but there were swings and slides, park benches and flower beds and the food kiosk all covered in snow, but certainly not the forest."

"Oh, I guess that I just mistook where she was then. How strange. I really must have overdone it today."

Edward stared at me in the mirror for a longer than normal.

But I knew that what I had seen wasn't a park, it was a forest. It was not something I was consciously thinking about. It was involuntary, like a dream. But I was a vampire, and vampires don't sleep and vampires don't dream! I didn't want to talk about it to Edward and Carlisle. Not tonight, it was all too much. Tonight I wanted very much to be in my little cottage with my husband and daughter and no one else. No one else who could do stupid things because I sent them thought viruses telling them that they should. If I was affecting Edward and Nessie then so be it, until I found a way round it. I wanted my little home. I wanted to go inside and shut the door and just keep the outside out for a bit.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16 Talk**

It was mid morning by the time we got back to the Cullen family home. They were all there waiting for us, eager for an account of the whole time we were away - the sickness, the fight, and the talk with Fred. Of course the 'all' included both Emmett and Nahuel. I made sure that I looked at them as little as possible and stood well away from them, but Emmett came over and gave me a high five when I'd described the fight to them all. I saw Edward's face flicker with rage then return to a smooth mask when Emmett walked away. And then I noticed Jasper, as always at the back of a happy crowd, not only hearing the tale but feeling the emotions that it created in all of us. His expression changed to slight surprise as Emmett walked away from me. His eyes darted to Edward, then to Emmett, then back to me. He looked at me with what may have been a slightly quizzical gaze, then obviously finding only worry in my emotions looked back at Emmett, definitely exasperated. He knew what was in Emmett's emotions just as Edward knew what was in his mind. He knew as I did that Emmett's thoughts were not entirely platonic towards me. He felt my stress and Edward's rage and he knew this situation could not continue for much longer.

I was sure that Jasper would have read Nahuel's emotions too. Jasper was almost addicted to positive emotions. If normal love was a positive emotion, what would imprinting be? Total adoration must be heady to share.

I looked over at Jacob with Nessie on his lap, her hand on his face. He looked so at peace and so in love with her and so certain of his future that I was transfixed for a while watching them. I guessed that now I had returned, Nahuel had the same serene contentment as Jacob. But I wasn't going to look at Nahuel to find out.

Then it hit me. How much of the emotion in this room was my fault? Jasper could feel it but was I the source of it? What had I done without even knowing? Why me? Why always me?

After as short a time as I could politely get away with, I announced that I needed to get our luggage sorted out. Alice came back to the cottage with me, carrying two of the bags.

She sat on our bed while I unpacked. I was taking longer than necessary just for the sake of something to do with my hands. Sometimes housework is therapeutic, but it wasn't working that day.

Her eyes glazed over again and she sat silent and still.

When she came back to the present she chimed, "Well, that was the Volturi council meeting just as I said it would be. He will be here in five days. There will be a delay due to the air traffic controllers' strike in Italy. They haven't voted yet but they will walk out before the votes are even counted. Esme is going to have to get on with the conversion. Even with the delay it might be tight."

"What conversion?"

"Oh, of course, you wouldn't know. Esme is converting the attic to give another couple of bedrooms so that we can accommodate guests more easily. We've all been working on it while you were away. We hope that Aro would be pleased that we were taking pains to be hospitable to Demetri. We want to mend as many little bridges as we can, don't we? And of course I hope that Demetri will be more comfortable with a room to call his own, and it might get him out from under our feet some of the time."

Alice continued, "We were thinking that we might make the other room suitable for non-vampires so Jacob or one of his pack could sleep in a bed rather than on a sofa, any time that they need to stay with us. We think that if we put in special ventilation and generally keep out of there the room shouldn't smell too bad for them."

"Well let's just hope Demetri doesn't get too comfortable. Do you have any time scale for when we might be rid of him?" I asked.

"Now, Bella, he isn't even here yet and you're wanting him gone. It could have been so much worse. Just think if we'd had to put up with Felix, or even Jane." Alice gave a delicate shiver and pulled a sour lemon face.

It was probably a full minute later that Alice interrupted my thoughts. "And just what are we going to do with you then? I don't know how it is that one women could be at the center of so much trouble. Well maybe we are getting closer to the explanation for that now. Thought viruses?"

"Yeah, right, I've been putting out _trouble find me_ all my life." I made pretend quotation marks in the air around the thought. She gave a short high trilling laugh.

I sat down on the bed next to her. "Do you think that Eleazar is right? Can you feel anything?"

"I'm sure Eleazar is right. But the question is more what can we do about it and can we undo some of the trouble that it has already caused?"

"But what about Edward? If I turn these thoughts off will he stop loving me and go? He'll know that I tricked him into loving me," I wailed, all my worries coming back again, and I crumpled into her arms and sobbed tearlessly.

"Bella, it's OK, really it's OK. Edward loves you so completely, you have changed him so much, he wouldn't stop loving you no matter what." She stroked my head. "Shh, it's OK."

She let me sob for a few minutes then she asked me, "Why did you fall in love with Edward?"

"Does that matter? He isn't the one doing mind tricks."

"Just answer me please. Try to remember the first time you saw him."

I thought back to my first day at Forks High School. I remembered him sitting in the cafeteria. "He just looked so amazing, like an angel. I just wanted to talk to him and to be near him."

"And how much of that was because he was a vampire? Why him and not any of the other boys at school? Weren't you drawn in by his looks, his scent, his voice?"

"Yes, of course."

"So he tricked you into loving him by being a vampire."

"No, no he didn't. It wasn't just that. That was only a very small part of it at the beginning. I loved him because he was Edward, not just a vampire."

"And you couldn't have tricked him into loving you by using thought viruses. That would only ever have been a small part of why he loved you. After all you were human at the time. Any thought viruses wouldn't have been very strong. Maybe strong enough to cause an initial interest, but it was you, Bella, that Edward fell in love with. The whole of you, your mind, your personality and your body."

I just looked at her. Could she have a point?

"But what if all of that was influenced by my thought viruses? What if I was making him have thoughts to love all of me, totally, warts and all?"

"I just don't think that Edward's love is as weak as that Bella."

"What are you, some incurable romantic?" I asked weakly.

"Maybe," she laughed again, this time lower and softer.

"But then again being married to Jasper I know how much emotions are not just based in the brain, if they were his talent wouldn't affect you. Emotions are much more of the soul or heart I guess." She was silent for a moment. "At least I know that you won't be stealing my man. He wouldn't fall for any mind trick about love. I don't suppose he wouldn't even notice that you were trying…"

"Alice, I'm not trying to do…" I spat, but she cut me off.

"I know, I know, the wrong choice of word … Jasper just is such a man of feelings that thoughts aren't really anything to do with his judgments of a person."

After another couple of minutes silence she said, "I'm going to go back to the main house now before someone notices that we are missing. I'll say that you've got your head in a book and carry out my promise to help Esme. But after lunch I'm going to bring Nessie back and we can start on your training."

"My training?"

"Yes, your training. You've got to get your shield sorted out before Fred comes to visit and I'm not sure that doing training when Demetri is here will be easy to explain. Talking of shields," a sudden light in her eyes, "what if you could manipulate you shield to cover yourself both ways, to stop things getting in and things getting out? It would stop you worrying about influencing people until we can get a handle on the thought viruses. I think training those may take some time and it will be very difficult to find easy ways to practice. I can't see the old parlor trick of _What shape am I thinking of_ working too well. So relax for now and soon we work. I'll get Jasper to give you daily fight training too. He seemed to take that punch as a personal slight, as if he should have taught you before."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

A small party arrived in the cottage at two o'clock. Alice had brought not only Nessie, but Edward and Jasper as well. I smiled quizzically at Jasper.

"Don't be confused Bella," he rang out in his deep bass voice, "I'm here to make you feel angry, really angry. I believe that helped in your last training sessions."

"Oh, well I guess that is a lot better than someone threatening to hurt Nessie. That's what Kate did to get me worked up last time."

"All in a good cause Bella," Alice replied, without any of the shock that I thought should have been present. "She had no intention of letting anything hurt her I'm sure. You just needed a bit of pressure to focus your shield. We'll forgive you for being horrible to us all when Jas makes you upset," she smiled, "but don't say anything you'll regret too much!"

She continued, "Now this is what I want you to do. Try to stop Edward from hearing anyone else's thoughts, but let Edward see Nessie's visions if she puts her hand on him."

"A wrong way round shield over Edward and no shield over anyone else. OK, I think I should be able to get my mind round that."

"I'm going to get you in the mood then Bella," Jasper grinned. I turned my head to look at Alice and in a flash he was behind me with his hand on my shoulder. Suddenly I felt a blistering anger and resentment surge though me. I'd not felt like this since we had faced the Volturi. This was true anger, not like I'd felt when fighting Fred, when I was just defending my family and friends. This was righteous fury at an injustice, but it had no cause, it was confusing. A red haze covered my vision. I hated them all, all except Nessie. I turned and faced Jasper. He was touching my shoulder!

"How dare you!" my eyes blazed.

"Ooo, too much Jas, cut it back, before she goes for you," Alice said in a hurry.

He dropped his arm away from me.

"I don't know, she's still fairly tame I think," he winked at me.

And that was enough. I flew at him, teeth bared, my only focus his neck, but he was gone in a blur. I whirled to find him and within a sixteenth of a second I was on the floor, Jasper on my back, pinning me to the ground, I couldn't move. "Come on now Bella, I'm not you enemy. Focus on you shield, on protecting your daughter. Stop Edward reading her mind."

I knew the man that held me now could easily end my life. And I hated that I hated feeling so vulnerable. It reminded me of being a human. Jasper's strong muscular arms owned me completely. We got up. Jasper had my arms pinned behind me. But despite his hold I still obeyed his word and turned on Edward rather than him.

This time I saw my Edward a new. I'd never looked at him through these eyes before, hate filled eyes.

I saw the smirk on his face and my hate turned to rage. Edward was reading other people's thoughts again. They were probably Jasper's thoughts about me. Edward was laughing at me. I hated everything about him, his crooked smile, his weird bronze hair and the arrogant tilt of his head. I would have attacked him if it was possible, but Jasper's arms were restraining me well and I couldn't budge.

Jasper whisper to me, "Fight with your shield not your body. Don't let him read Nessie's mind. Do it now!"

With a quick glance to one side I could see into Jasper's eyes, warm, amber and encouraging.

"Now Bella," he urged, almost silently.

I felt the shield, a skin-like, muscle-like layer expanding from me over Nessie.

"Well, I can't hear her now," Edward said.

"No, I've just got her covered in the normal way."

I felt for the edges of my shield, the spandex expanding and contracting as I pushed and pulled it. I took it from Nessie and pushed it over Edward.

"I can hear her again."

"I know," I snapped. "I've just got you covered the normal way round, but that is useless. How do I do this?"

"Think of wrapping me round in it but not under it"

I pulled the shield off him and pulled the edges of it to make two halves of a canister shape. I wrapped it around him.

"Well that's much quieter," he said. "I can only just hear Nessie's thoughts. Have you left a hole somewhere?"

"Yes, I thought it might be a good idea to let you breathe," I spat. I was starting to pant with the concentration.

Alice continued with the exercise. "Nessie, please can you go and show Daddy some of you pictures." Nessie skipped to Edward's side and put her hand up towards his face. He bent down obligingly towards her outstretched palm. My shield moved with him, but the top was still open. As he bent down the opening pointed towards Alice. He straightened immediately, "What was that Alice? Bella, put this shield down!"

On top of the anger I felt panic. What had Alice been thinking about? She was the only one who was good at repressing the thoughts that she didn't want Edward to hear. But what had Edward half-heard? I was sure of one thing; it wasn't going to be good.

I tightened the shield, pulling the edges of the canister together to make a cone over the top of his head.

"Bella, stop, I need to hear Alice. I can't hear anything."

"Nessie, touch Daddy's hand and show him a picture," Alice encouraged.

"Wow, Nessie, that's bright. Can you turn it down a bit? Daddy can hardly see." He turned to the rest of us, "I can only see Nessie's visions and can't hear any thoughts. Were you trying to provoke me Alice? That was hardly necessary, you know."

"A result, I think," Alice said. "Best let her go, and calm her down, Jas."

Jasper loosened his grip but only let go with one hand. As quickly as the anger had come, it was gone, replaced with calm. The sudden switch between the two was more than I could take. My knees buckled, but Jasper's arm were back around me, this time supporting me. The shield had gone in the emotional uproar, allowing Edward to hear thoughts again. He was at my side in an instant and I was out of Jasper's arms and in his embrace.

"Well done my love," he kissed the top of my head, "that was remarkably effective. It's only that quiet for me if I'm a very long way from anyone human or vampire. Usually it's only that quiet if I'm hunting alone. It was both refreshing and unnerving at the same time."

He shook his head very slightly but quickly from side to side, as if trying to dislodge something and get back to normal. He looked unsettled. I wasn't sure if it was the experience or what Alice had thought that was making him look that way, but I couldn't ask that now.

"Well, enough for now," Alice chimed. "We want to end this session on a high, and I'm thirsty."

My eyes flashed to her face. Her eyes were a dark honey, not black. She didn't need to hunt. This was an excuse.

"Nessie, do you want to show Uncle Jas and me how you can find a deer?"

"Oh yes," came Nessie's excited reply, and she jumped three foot into the air in her joy.

Alice became still for just a moment.

"We will have no problems," she laughed. "You will have ninety-eight minutes peace and quiet, bye for now."

"Bye Mommy."

And they were gone.

I couldn't fathom her actions. Why did she do that? Suddenly my daydream of Jasper, Nessie and me in the forest came flooding back. Horror hit, but then I thought it was only a daydream. Alice could see our future, and everything was fine.

Edward's lips were at my ear, his breath cool and gentle on my neck. "And what shall we do for ninety-eight minutes?"

_Oh_, it dawned on me, _alone time_, that is what it was about. Jasper must have felt Edward's mood and given Alice a nod without me realizing it. For the second time in two days I was glad I couldn't blush because I'd have been bright red now thinking what Jasper must have sensed.

_**A/N **_

_**Hi Reader,**_

_**Please leave me a review for this chapter. I love comments about the story and your theories on what is happening.**_

_**Do you think I'm publishing too often? Would you like more time to read each chapter before the next one is up?**_

_**Best wishes**_

_**C. **_


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18 - Together**

Any good intentions I had of talking with Edward about the news Eleazar had given me vanished as soon as we reached the cottage door. Edward was obviously feeling romantic; this must have been what Jasper picked up on. He took one quick look around to make sure the others really had gone, stood still for a moment, no doubt listening to their thoughts, then he swept me off my feet and through the door and to our room at an inhuman speed.

Although my mood didn't match Edward's, I was still feeling a bit angry after the training, I couldn't help being swept up in the moment.

I'd take rather more than five months of being married to get used to the concept that having sex with Edward was no longer considered wrong or even inappropriate. It was a hard switch to make. Before we were married Edward used to slip through my bedroom window at Charlie's house while he slept soundly in the other room. It wasn't as if we were up to anything much, but still Charlie would have been mortified if he knew. I kind of assumed that Carlisle and Esme were OK with the arrangement from Edward's perspective as Edward was well over a hundred years old rather than the seventeen he looked. Maybe they thought it wasn't proper for me because I really was only seventeen when he started doing this.

But what I hadn't understood was that as soon as you are married sex was part of the 'allowed' activities in life. Although it was a private activity and a taboo, everyone approved and expected it to happen. In some ways it was more like having a bath. I wondered if people felt the same when ordering a beer for the first time when they passed the legal age for drinking alcohol. That was one human experience I wasn't going to have.

Time with Edward was always delicious. I knew it wasn't something I'd get used to for years, if ever.

Alice was good to her word. Ninety-two minutes after they left Edward stopped his lips which were half way along one of my arms.

"Alice is on her way. I can hear her she shouting in her thoughts _time to get dressed, love birds_", he snorted.

"Oh well, there is always tonight," I sighed. I'd not had nearly enough of him yet.

Within a couple of minutes we were both presentable and sitting outside on our garden wall waiting for them. After four minutes they appeared around a curve in the path where the trees had obscured their approach. A shaft of sunlight hit them and they looked spectacular. Nessie on Jasper's shoulders, Alice walking alongside chatting to her. In this moment I saw again that Nessie wasn't only a blessing to me and Edward but to them too, her Uncle and Aunt. All three of them shone with happiness.

My bad daydream of Jasper, Nessie and me in the woods seemed so silly and out of place in this blissful moment.

We started to walk back to main house together. Apparently Nessie had an appointment with Esme who was going to give her a drawing lesson this afternoon. This fitted well as I thought it was time for her to have some home cooked human food again. I'd cook while she drew.

Jasper and Edward were fooling about with Nessie and ran off towards the house on some kind of a game leaving me to talk with Alice again.

"I'm so sorry," she began, "I didn't think he could still hear me... I was just thinking about your talents when he bent down to Nessie ... I really don't think he heard much, if anything. I'll be much more careful in future, I really will."

"It's OK Alice, he said nothing to me so I guess he didn't find anything out. I'm going to have to tell him, it's the only way, I just couldn't today, I wasn't prepared ... I didn't have the right words, and he was otherwise distracted. How do you say to your husband_, I know you think love me but it's just a trick I'm pulling on you!__?_ I've got to figure it out first before I tell him."

"Well don't leave it too long Bella. He does love you more than any trick and he needs to know."

"I can't risk it going wrong, Alice. I have to give myself time to find the right words, ones he'll understand and not take too hard."

"What do you see of Emmett?" She knew I meant his future.

She stopped for a moment, glassy eyed and them a strange quizzical look came into her eye.

"Rennie is going to phone you again at 6:20pm tonight. You might want to decide what you are going to do about that. She likes chatting to Esme, but it's you she wants to talk to and she must be thinking that you are trying to avoid her."

"Why now all of a sudden? She was happy enough to be away from me for a couple of year and all of a sudden she wants to know my every movement. Mothers!"

"Bella Cullen, you are a mother too!"

"Yeah, I guess, but... I just don't know what to do about her. What do you see about Emmett?" I asked again. Was she avoiding the question now?

"There are many versions now, the same one with you and him in a dark room, one with you and him and Nessie in the forest, but he is in the shade, I can't see properly. And a new one with polar bears, just lots of polar bears – how can he have a future that is suddenly full of polar bears?"


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19 - Moods  
**  
The next few days flew past. I trained my shield as much as I could without boring Nessie. I started fight training with Jasper. But when I had any time at all to myself I spent it thinking of the words I could say to Edward.

In my shield training I found that I could produce an inside out shield, not easily, but reliably, as long as Jasper made me really angry. Without him I could do a standard shield but nothing more fancy. Being made angry gave me problems, though. My moods were very erratic when Jasper wasn't there. I couldn't just throw off the rage like a coat; some of it stayed inside as lingering poison, tainting my thoughts. Sometimes I just couldn't forget the way I'd felt about Edward during that day's training, the hatred lingering on for hours after.

At the end of each session I would find myself out of Jasper's grasp and in Edward's arms, Jasper's hand lingering on until Edward planted his firmly over it and took over holding me.

Jasper and Alice always took Nessie off for a while after each session so that Edward and I could have some alone this wasn't working as Alice intended because of my lingering bad mood. For some reason Edward always felt so romantic after these session, I couldn't understand it. Our moods were so out of kilter: I angry, he obviously amorous. It wasn't a combination that went well together.

I also felt guilty every time I was alone with him that I wasn't telling him what Eleazar said. But I still didn't have the words.

I knew that this was ridiculous and I should just tell him what I knew, but I couldn't. Every day it seemed to get harder. The first bit of what I would say was easy:

_Edward I love you with all my heart and my soul but I need to talk to you about something really important._

_When we were up with Tanya I asked Eleazar about my talents. I threw off my shield and let him look. He saw…_

And there I got stuck. I didn't know whether to down play or play it up a bit.

I could make as little of it as possible and say that I might have some influence over people, and make them think positive thoughts about me. But this would not stop him thinking badly of Emmett and Nahuel. He had to know that they were in no way to blame for how they thought they felt about me.

I could play it up and say that I have the potential to be a very powerful vampire and with his help we could harness my potential for the benefit of the family. But I needed his help to focus it so that I could avoid unfortunate side effects, like the effect I was having on Emmett and Nahuel.

What I did know was that I had to get this right.

I remembered the reaction he had when he found out I was pregnant with Nessie. First the stunned silence that lasted for minutes, then the anger and bitterness, his self-hate and blame-taking. Then his longing to have the problem gone, to be done with it despite my wishes. The more I thought about it these were the reactions of a seventeen year old boy who couldn't cope with hard news, and he was a vampire and he hadn't changed by even one cell since then.

What would that seventeen year old feel about the news I now had to give him? Fear? Anger? Jealousy? Hatred? Betrayal? I couldn't imagine any type of good reaction.

In the end I decided there was no way I could talk to Edward when I was in this kind of state. I was just too prone to having a full-blown row with him. I could not control my anger. I didn't know whether I was just making an excuse not to talk to him about my talent or just not to talk to him much at all. I found him more irritating after each training session. I knew it was wrong to run away from the problem like this and that in itself made me more angry and sad.

I started to spend more time with Jasper. He could take the poisonous mood away when I was near him. Alice said he was safe company and that I didn't need to worry about infecting him. It was such a relief to have a normal, honest friendship. And I needed him to teach me some real fighting techniques, as a right hook didn't seem to be approved of.

Jasper was my rock.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20 - Untruths**

Renée continued to phone daily and I avoided these calls like the plague. One day after finding another message for me I cracked and went to Charlie's house. Fortunately it was a Sunday and I caught him in – not that I'd realized that, the days were merging into one long bad mood.

"Dad, I really need your help."

"Well, _Hi_ to you too Bella ... Come on in, are you OK? You look kind of cross with the world or something. That husband of yours upset you, has he? And you looked so happy the other day when you came to call, the three of you, joyful I thought."

"No, Dad, Edward's fine, he's not been upsetting me, I'm just in a bad mood, that's all. It'll pass." _When Jasper is around, anyway_, I thought to myself.

"Well, it's sure good to have you here but I'm guessing this isn't a social call else you'd have brought my gorgeous granddaughter – she is OK, isn't she?"

"Dad she's fine, we are all fine, it's Mom." I saw the shock in his face. "No, Dad, she's fine too, she just keeps trying to phone me and I don't want to talk, not with this voice. I've been emailing replies but she's getting tired of sore throat excuses for not talking. I'm worried she'll want to come and visit if I don't do something soon."

"Well, I'm not going to lie on your behalf Bella."

"Could you phone her on some pretext and mention that you'd seen me and I was fine and happy and stuff."

"But you're not happy Bella, I can see that. You're stressed out. Just like before your finals last year, and then again just over this Christmas. You seem to go from one extreme to another so quickly. Is everything OK with you?"

I thought for a moment about what he said. I guess to him it must seem that way, almost as if I were coming down with some kind of a mental illness. He didn't know that I had to fight for my life and my family's life during these 'stressful' periods.

"Well, I was a bit stressed back then before finals," I admitted, "but that seems a long, long time ago now, Dad." I though back to the time when I was human and we had been waiting for Victoria's army to attack, to the tension I'd been under, pulled apart by Edward and Jacob. "Yeh, that was a really tough time but it worked out well," was the best I could manage. I hoped he would be happy with the idea that most teenagers get a bit stressed during their final year at high school and not question me more, I couldn't tell him.

"Now isn't like then, this is more just a personal black cloud following me, it'll rain on me then go some day."

"OK then," he said. "Are you OK living with all those folks in the big house? I can see that might get you stressed, you always valued your privacy … Do you and Edward get time to yourselves? it's important as a young couple, you know, I don't want you to mess up like me and Renée. We, well, I never gave the time to our relationship and it suffered for that."

"Enough already, Dad." I glared at him. I knew he was only being fatherly but marriage advice from Charlie! I don't think I could take that. But maybe he had touched a raw nerve, _alone time_ was something I thought that we were getting just a little too much of at that moment.

"OK, OK I'll butt out … So what do you want me to say to Renée? That you are just too grumpy to answer the phone?" He smiled his smile - not a wide smile but it reached all the way to his eyes.

"Oh, Dad I've missed you," and I thoughtlessly moved across the room at superfast speed and hugged him a little too hard.

"OWWW … Bella, you're hurting my back!"

"Oh, no, sorry Dad." I backed off a couple of paces.

"When did you start to move so quick? You were always such a dawdler. Ugh, _need to know_ – I know! I just hope you know what you're doing up there messing with drugs. Even prescription drugs aren't good for you. But I guess Carlisle will have that in hand."

"Don't worry Dad, I'm intending on living for a very long time!" I smiled at the thought he was concerned with my health.

"Let's get a drink and work out a plan."

We went into our kitchen, his kitchen now I guess, and it was awful. I never kept the house particularly clean but this was a new low.

"Dad! Has the water been off for a week or something?"

"Er ... No ... I just been busy at work, and Sue invites me to her house a lot, she's really great you know, and a real good cook."

"And you know what they say, _The way to a man's heart is through his stomach_! But what are you going to do if she comes here and sees this mess? She may decide that she doesn't need such a slob in her life."

"Haha, I kind of see your point though, I better get to it later, after fishing."

"I'll wash, you dry and put away," I ordered.

It was just so good to be out of my new life and back in my old for a few minutes. Just me and Charlie doing normal everyday things.

My father's eyebrows did rise a little as I went to wash and put my hands in the steaming hot water. I remember just quick enough why he would be making that face, so I made a fuss of putting some cold in the basin.

When we finished the dishes, I cooked him an omelet and although I didn't eat any it didn't smell so bad really. I could imagine taking a bite and being able to swallow it without being sick at all.

We sat together in comfortable silence while he ate. I was reading the paper while he chewed.

"So Renee," he said after he'd finished, "what should I say? I've told her that you are OK now but having a quiet life at home for a bit. I've said nothing about Nessie, she thinks that you were just very ill."

"That's great Dad, and it's all true, or partial truths anyway."

"Well what are your plans now? Do you think you'll go to college?"

I blew my cheeks out and let the air out with a huff. "I don't have plans yet, Dad. There is just so much going on at home, I can't think of leaving yet."

"More visitors?"

"Yeh, the last two are leaving tomorrow and then we get another one the day after – we've got to be on our best behavior for him, he's one of Carlisle's posh friends from Europe." It was the closest to the truth I could give him. What else could I say - that some guy is coming to check whether we are breaking any rules, and if so how many of us should die?

"Does that mean I still can't visit?"

"Yeh Dad, you really need to stay away while he's there, but we'll come to you when we can."

I needed to change the subject before he started questioning me further.

"And my longer term plans …. I don't want to waste time learning when I can watch Nessie growing up. I want to spend time with her while she still wants and needs me there."

"Yeh, kids grow up so fast these days. You were just the same. One minute a baby, and the next a fully functioning little person, it's just amazing. I'm so sorry I didn't get to watch you do all your growing up."

"I know Dad, it would have been good to be nearer you, but we couldn't be and we can't undo what's done. Mom did her best by me and now I have to do what is best for her. Starting with her not noticing the changes in me."

"Well, I'll talk to her tonight. I'll say that Carlisle is very strict with your schedule and that you are having lots of rest and lots of fresh air, walks and stuff. I'll mention that the family has visitors and that keeps you busy too. Maybe you need to think about 'going away' for a bit, maybe pretend to be in Europe or something, at least she'd expect nothing but emails if you were 'abroad'. And I'll say your voice sounds a bit odd still and that you're embarrassed about it – that bit's true enough." He smiled at me.

"Well, _embarrassed_ – I'm not so sure."

"Too embarrassed to talk to you own mother! And I bet you can't talk to any of your other friends can you?"

"No, but I can keep up with them on the web."

"Not the same, is it?"

"No but..."

"I know you've got Nessie and all the Cullens now, and Jake still I guess, how many friends do you need?" He waved one hand vaguely as if half heartedly swatting a fly with the back of it.

Charlie paused. "You know, it could just be that Renée has something she wants to tell you..."

He looked at me. This wasn't something I had considered, how desperately self-centered I was. Maybe Renée needed me!

**_Author's Note_**

**_Hi folks, thanks for reading so far. Please leave a comment/review of the story. I try to respond to each comment but I'm not going to spoil the story for you by telling you what's going to happen next._**

**_Many thanks to all those who have commented on previous chapters, it always makes me feel that publishing is worthwhile._**

**_Best wishes_**

**_C._**


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21 Departure

The day before Demetri was due I watched as another dawn turned the little pond in the garden of my cottage from darkest black to heavy gray to match the clouds above. The weather, still cold, looked particularly uninviting at this hour. There was no warmth or happiness from this sun that day. All the color sapped from the landscape to leave it looking like an old black and white film. I wondered idly where the color had gone. If I looked deep into the pool would I find all the yellows, blues and reds down there, like layers of chemicals that we used to separate out in chemistry labs, each liquid sitting on another without mixing. I didn't need the heat but I liked it all the same. It would have uplifted my spirits, which were still low, but I couldn't even be cheerful about the sun if there were only to be clouds today.

But it didn't take me long to think of one very cheerful event that would happen that morning. One of my problems would be leaving. Nahuel and Huilen were going back to the rainforest. A long, long way from Forks.

I knew it wasn't Nahuel's fault. The imprinting was entirely involuntary, and he was being amazingly calm about it. He knew that I wasn't 'available' and that I couldn't possibly share his feelings. He seemed happy just to wait, not saying anything, not causing offense to most of us, just as Jacob seemed happy to wait for Nessie to grow up. The only one who really did get offended was Edward. His temper and stress was becoming almost unbearable. But he managed to contain it somehow and stayed with me some distance from the main house, far enough not to hear the Nahuel's _voice_ in his head. We never spoke of the stress, it was a taboo subject somehow. We both knew Nahuel had imprinted on me, though only I knew why.

I knew that Nahuel would pine for me when he left, it would cause him pain. This pain was my fault. How bad would it be? Was I such a terrible person, being happy that my trouble was leaving, though my trouble was really only a minor concern and his pain would be so great? I determined that if I could find a way to master my new gift I would release him and let him live his life without this burden of unrequited love, and let him feel whole as himself, not needing me. Yes, that was a good aim, a positive aim. But was it achievable?

Emmett had taken off with Rose for a few days, promising to be back before Demetri arrived. I wasn't sure of whom to thank for this but I thought it was probably Alice. They'd gone to a town in Canada which was having a problem with polar bears attacking people. There had been a documentary about it on television, and I had a shrewd idea that Alice may have turned to the right channel at just the right time. Emmett was delighted, "Well, I like to be of service to a community in trouble," he chortled. Emmett loved to hunt bear and this was an irresistible opportunity.

This gave me at least a few hours in the house at the heart of my family with no unwanted admirers to worry about. Bliss. But first we had to say goodbye to the Amazons.

They were waiting for us when Edward, Nessie and I walked into the main house. Nahuel openly staring at me again. We made our goodbyes brief and thanked them again for everything that they had done for us. Nahuel came over and embraced first Nessie, then Edward, and last of all me. He didn't say a word, but I could tell from the way Edward stared at him that his thoughts were not silent. Anger rolled off Edward in waves. I could almost smell it, like the smell of fresh human sweat.

Jasper moved towards Edward, quickly forcing calm on all of us. It was enough to defuse the situation. And they were gone.

My tension eased immediately, as did Edward's stress.

"Well, just the family for a day, then," said Carlisle, "well most of us anyway."

Esme looked round still slightly stressed by all the coming and goings, "Oh, now that you are here you can help me finish off the guest rooms before Demetri arrives. I didn't like to make anything of it while we had guests that we couldn't give a guest room to."

"Edward, would you be a dear and pop to Jones' shop in the town for me? They have the bed linen - they phoned to say that it had arrived last night."

"Yes, Mom." He smiled his crooked smile, this task obviously to his liking, and an easy job to do for his beloved Mother, all signs of stress now completely evaporated.

I left Nessie with Jacob as I went to help Esme upstairs. I had missed my mother-in-law in my self-imposed exile from the main house over the last few days. She was a force for calm, love and reason - three things that I craved at that moment. Then I knew that what was missing from my life was my mothers, both Esme and Renee. It was their wisdom I craved now. It would help me through the messes of tangled emotions, not only mine but the emotions of those around me as well.

We were hanging curtains against the small attic windows when I decided that I needed to open up. But she was there before me. Edward wasn't around it was the perfect opportunity.

"I know why you've been keeping away from the house. And I know that it really isn't your fault, is it? All of them falling in love with you like this," her voice so quiet even to my inhuman ears that I was almost lip reading.

"Is it that obvious?" I matched the volume of my reply to hers.

"To me, yes, to other people, not so much. Only Nahuel is obvious to the general observer, imprinting is rather obvious and they don't try to hide it. I know it is involuntary on both sides, neither of you can help the way he feels for you. It is not as if he even knew you when he fell for you after the standoff."

"Oh, it was then? I didn't even notice until a few days after."

"Yes, it was that very night, I saw it when we got back home from the clearing. You were talking and laughing and he just looked at you, his whole face changed, the worry wiped away and replaced by, well, devotion I guess. In an instant it his whole demeanor changed, his whole existence took on a new meaning.

"It isn't your fault or his, but it does matter. He is in pain when you are not around him. But I think that you were right to keep away. I'm sure that he will be in pain now. I don't think that he will be able to keep away from you for long. But then when he is here Edward does get so stressed with jealousy. It reminds me of how he was when you used to spend time with the wolves in La Plush last spring. He does get so jealous and it is so unnecessary. He may be a hundred and ten years old in some ways but in many others he is just seventeen. Before he met you he had no reason to be jealous of anything, so he has not learned to cope with that emotion in a mature way. It is just as raw to him as to any seventeen year old.

"And of course Emmett is never one for subtlety. Fortunately Rose seems oblivious at the moment, even though Edward's not. I'm hoping that this trip out to the polar bears will have helped them closer together again.

"And as for Jasper, he really is such a dark horse. He plays life like a long calculated game of chess, none of Emmett's up front ways."

I froze staring up at her.

"Jasper?" I whispered, only just managing to get the word out.

"Yes, Jasper. You didn't know? Hadn't you realized, Bella?"

"No"

I shut my eyes, but I wanted to keep out more than just the light. I wanted to get away from this knowledge, the knowledge that I was tearing my family apart.

"Ahh," Esme smiled. "He can keep things well hidden from people, even Edward and Alice and you so it seems. But I don't think I'm wrong. It's the little things that give him away, the way he moves when you walk into the room, the way he tends to disappear if you are with Edward. I guess it's hard to hold his thoughts together when he see you with your husband. I try not to think of any of this when Edward's about, I know it would only upset him."

"But Alice?"

"Yes, I know."

I thought to myself that she must be wrong. Alice or Edward would surely have noticed something. What Esme was seeing was just our friendship, the only one that I could rely on as being true and not manipulated by any thoughts that I was sending out. That was it. Jasper wasn't, couldn't be in love with me too.

"Jasper and I are just friends, that's all. He has only brotherly feelings for me. And as for the others, I've not ... done anything to encourage them... They know that I can't be more than a sister to them, they know how much I love Edward. Why are they acting like this?"

"Bella, Bella," Esme came and sat beside me on the bed, "I'm not blaming you, it's just very unfortunate that this is happening and we have to work through it. It will turn out right in the end."

At that point I stated sobbing. I felt something wet on my check, not cold or hot, but body temperature.

My hand instinctively went to it to wipe it away. It was liquid, clear liquid, just below my right eye. How weird, just as if it were a human tear but this stone body couldn't cry tears. I quickly hid the gesture from Esme, for some reason it felt as if this moisture on my face was wrong, a sin in a way, a shameful act.

My surprise at the liquid had stopped my sobbing and frozen me.

"Bella, what is it?"

"Oh, I'm just so upset by it all Esme. I don't know what to do or which way to turn. Every way I just hurt people. If we go we'll split up the family and take Nessie away from you all just when she is growing so much, and if we stay I just seem to come between my brothers and sisters."

"You can't do anything at the moment. You can't leave now with Demetri coming to visit. You and Nessie are the main reasons for his visit."

I stood motionless with all these thoughts shooting around in my head. The phone rang far away in the real world, a long way away from me.

"Bella?" I heard Jacob shout from the first floor, "call for you."

**_Author's Note_**

**_Hi Reader,_**

**_I hoped you like the chapter. Thank you for reading Cold Gray Light._**

**_Please leave a comment and let me know what you think to the story._**

**_Many thanks to those who have already commented._**

**_I can't pm all of you personally to answer your points as some don't have pm option enabled but thank you again for commenting and I will answer where I can._**

**_If any one would like to see a couple of trailers that were made for this story by some very kind online friends leave me a comment and I'll tell you how to find it in google - I can't give the url here._**

**_C._**


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

"Must be my Dad or Mom I guess," I said to Esme in a normal volume, if somewhat ragged, "Can you finish here yourself or shall I send Jasper up?"

"Thank you Bella, it would be a help to have another pair of hands. It saves creasing the curtains before we even get them up."

I ran downstairs and was there in a second or so. Jasper went straight up to take my position as helper.

I had realized now that if this were my Mom I was eager to talk to her. I wanted to know why she was calling. Had she real news for me? And if Charlie had warned her about my voice then it wouldn't be too problematic.

I took the phone from Jacob and forced a smile to my face. I remembered that I'd once been told that people can tell if your smiling by the way you talk, so I may as well try to make one of my parents think that I'm having a good day. There was no need to worry them.

"Hi there," I started brightly.

"Bella," the deep gentle ringing voice was not my father, it was Fred.

"Fred? How nice to hear from you so soon."

Jacob was watching me and raised an eyebrow. He smiled wickedly and mouthed "another one" to me. I frowned and turned my back on him.

"Bella, it's so good to hear your voice, I miss you so much."

I was taken aback. Surely, not him too.

"Fred, I don't think that can be the case, you hardly know me. You are just missing people in general, that's all."

"No, I need to see you, I'm so lonely."

"Fred, we've discussed this already. We have a house guest coming and it would be very dangerous for you to meet him. When he has left then we will all be happy for you to come to visit us as long as you don't hunt around here."

"Bella, please, I need you so much. Let me come to see you now."

"Fred, I've just explained. This guest has powers. You don't want to met him."

"Can you come meet me somewhere then, just for a couple of hours, you don't know what it's like not talking to anyone for over a year."

"No, I will not do that. I really don't think that would be a good idea. If you want to talk to people we will happily talk to you on the phone when you are being more reasonable."

"Bella, I'm sorry, please don't be cross with me, don't hang up, I just need ... to hear a voice."

"Fred, it's OK, just don't come here or you will end up dead... Where are you now?"

"I'm in Anchorage still."

"Tell me what you're doing and where you're staying."

"I'm in a disused factory, keeping out of the sunlight, hunting smart, you know."

"Well that's sensible. Have you tried any human contact?"

"Well ... Well ... I tried to talk with a newspaper seller but he just threw up before he could reply to my question. When I feed, I tend to pounce on my pray from a great distance and kill them before they have time to realize or react to me."

I pulled a face at the thought. "Hey, does you gift work on animals?"

"I don't know."

"Try it out, maybe you could get yourself a pet dog." There was a booming laugh.

"Still, not much good for a conversation, but I'll try it out. I'll break into a pet store and see what reaction I get. See you sometime, gorgeous."

And he hung up.

Jacob just looked at me.

"What?" I mouthed back. I stared, with my arms bent at the elbow and my palms facing upwards. It was the start of another almost silent conversation.

Nessie was happily watching a TV documentary about wartime politics.

"Another one? Another man panting after you. How many is that Bella, I've lost count?" Although his words were said in a joking manner there was annoyance behind them.

"Do you think I ask for this? Do you think that I want it? Do I crave attention? I'm a happily married mother, period. End of story."

"Okay, no need to sound quite so defensive, I know that it's tearing you up. But at least you don't love any of them like you used to love me."

"I still love you Jacob, but as a brother. I'm not the one who has broken all other relationships because of my daughter."

"She is the center of my world, Bella. I'll always be there when she wants me."

"I know Jacob, and I'm pleased that she has you to call on. I'm please that at least I'm not hurting you anymore by being a little in love with you and being a lot in love with Edward. I can be all Edward's now, and still have you in my life."

"And all the others? What are you planning to do about them."

"I really don't know Jacob, but I'm going to try thinking about it."


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23 Drill

I had one last afternoon for a fight training session with Jasper before Demetri arrived and I wasn't going to waste it.

I'd dismissed Esme's warning about Jasper. She was wrong. He wasn't anything but my friend and my brother, the husband of my sister and best friend.

Jasper's sessions were fantastic. They were fun - nothing like the shield training and nothing like the training I'd done with the other vampires before the Volturi came to visit. I learned fast and well. Edward never watched. He stayed in the house with Nessie well away from where we went to train. Edward couldn't stand the thought of me fighting, never mind the sight, but he also knew it was what I needed so he never protested.

Usually Alice helped by taking the role of the attacker while Jasper tutored me from the sidelines, but on that day, after about thirty minutes, she excused herself. She stood perfectly still for one moment with her eyes wide open, but seeing nothing in front of her.

"You'll be fine, nothing broken on either or you. And I promised Esme that I would take delivery of the new cabinets for the guest rooms and the driver has just decided to deliver to us prior to Port Angeles instead of the other way round as it said on his delivery schedule. If I run I'll get there in time. Esme popped out to get some new picture frames for the drawings she did for the rooms."

And with that she was gone, back into the forest in the direction of home, the leaves under her feet making the familiar crunch as she ran. But something was off. One of the crunching sounds did not come directly from Alice's path. I had that sense that I was being watched. I listened very very carefully and breathed deeply to try to catch every different aroma in the forest. But there was nothing out of place. The normal forest smells, the occasional small animal rustling in the undergrowth, the rotting leaves on the forest floor, and the scent of all the living growing things, resins and tars, high citrus notes and other subtle flavors, many of which I had no name for but pricked at my memory. I could find nothing out of place, not a single sound or movement or smell.

I looked back at Jasper, "Are you OK to go on or would you prefer to call it done for the day?"

"I'm fine, I'll play attacker. It will be good for you to try with someone bigger than yourself for once."

Jasper was so quick each time he came towards me that I had to use all my strength to repel his blows. We worked to a drill. I knew what was coming. First his left hand would chop to the side of my head, the heel of his right first under my chin, the two together designed to expose my neck in exactly the right position for him to bite and remove my head completely. Try as I might, I couldn't stop the blows. If I sped up my defense he would slow his attack and again I would be foiled. The blows themselves weren't designed to hurt me much but did smart for an instant.

After the fifth attempt I was panting with the effort. If I were human I would have had adrenaline zipping around my veins, but even in this body I felt something I couldn't place, maybe pure excitement.

Two more attempts and clearly my concentration was waning and I was getting worse.

"Bella, I could have your head so easily. Do you want to lose it so badly?"

And this time the blows were harder and Jasper ended with his teeth just millimeters from my throat. I could feel his cool, rasping breath on my skin. To an observer this would have looked like a lovers' embrace, but I knew there was nothing I could do. I couldn't move without his permission, I couldn't live without his permission. But that wasn't what frightened me. What frightened me was the feeling that I had, the longing that flowed through me, to have no distance between us, and for him to have his lips to my neck. I relaxed my stance but Jasper didn't move a muscle. It was as if I was pinned in an embrace with a statue.

Anger and frustration hit me both at the same time, all warm feeling banished. Suddenly I was flung on the floor face down again with my arms pinned high behind me, his foot on my back.

"I wouldn't have harmed you. Why did you think I was going to bite you? I wouldn't have, don't you trust me?"

"Jasper, what?"

"I felt panic, fear ... I felt hatred."

"Jas , I don't hate you."

"But that's what I felt."

I really didn't want to talk about feelings. I was confused now. Whose feelings had I felt, mine or Jasper's? Was he longing for me in that moment or was I just having a dangerous fantasy?

"I don't hate you Jasper! You are my brother and my teacher."

Frustration waved over me again, less than before.

"Let's get out of here," he said as he released me. He was looking around, peering between the trees. He must have the same feeling as me. Were we both being watched?


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24 Arrival

On the day of Demetri's arrival we all gathered in the lounge of the main house at ten thirty. We arranged ourselves casually on the chairs, Edward, Jasper and Emmett slightly closer to the door than the rest of us although still managing to make it look a haphazard arrangement.

As Alice had predicted Demetri arrived by car at ten forty. As he drew up at the front of the house Carlisle rose from his chair and opened the door to welcome our new guest. A calm permeated through the room - Jasper was purposely making this meeting as relaxed as it could be. Carlisle had requested that we all went out of our way to make sure that Demetri felt welcome. Personally I felt that was going to be hard, it felt as if we were having a spy forced into our midst. A spy who would report back on any behavior considered out of line, and that would be the end of the family.

Nessie was sat on my knee. I was nervous but not in the same way as when the other vampires had come to witness for us. Partly this was Jasper's calming influence, but mainly because Demetri already knew about Nessie and who she was, and it had been decided by his masters that she was not a law breaker just by her mere existence.

"Good morning Demetri, I trust that you had a pleasant journey."

"Carlisle, I am honored to meet you again and yes, thank you, the journey was very straightforward. I have a letter here for you from Aro but I have been assured that you will already know its contents."

"Yes, Alice gave us the news of your visit a few days ago and you are most welcome here, please come in and meet my family."

The brothers of the family all stiffened slightly but remained calm. Without Jasper this would have been very awkward. Demetri entered the room just in front of Carlisle. I was expecting to see him dressed in his gray cloak, his Volturi uniform. I'd only ever seen him wearing this and only ever associated him as part of the Volturi guard, but without it he seemed to bear little resemblance to the man I'd first met in Volterra. He looked glorious even though he was standing next to Carlisle. He was dressed in what was evidently an expensive and highly fashionable dark blue suit with a black cotton shirt beneath. Alice was sitting next to me on the loveseat sofa and purred so quietly that I was sure that I was the only one to have heard it. I thought it was probably his suit that was causing this reaction. She at least would appreciate his fashion sense.

Demetri smiled a dazzling white smile at us all, "Good morning, friends." his hands were in a non-aggressive gesture, open clearly, trying to put us all at ease.

I looked more closely at his face. His eyes were an odd, almost black, color, no doubt colored contacts to disguise the deep crimson of a mature, human-hunting vampire. But what really intrigued me was that around his eyes there were very small wrinkles, not the wrinkles of old or even of middle age, but just the slightest first showings that were emphasized by his smile. His hair was black but flecked with gray as if highlighted. How old was he when he was turned? Older than me certainly, but I was just a teenager. Older than Carlisle also, but I thought he must be younger than my father as Charlie was more wrinkled and more gray.

It hit me then who he reminded me of - a lead singer in a European pop group from the early 90's that had reformed. I'd seen him interviewed on a late night chat show the previous week. Although Demetri was past the prime of his youth he had aged gracefully towards middle life, like a tree turning from the first flush of spring leaves to a full summer crop. The wrinkles fell from around his eyes as his smile calmed to a contented look.

Carlisle broke the short silence, "Demetri, this is Esme my wife and mother or grandmother to all the rest."

Esme rose from her seat as Carlisle introduced her. Demetri took two slow paces towards her, bent his head and kissed her lightly on both checks. "It is a pleasure to meet you first hand Esme. You have a charming home here."

"Thank you, Demetri, you are most welcome here. We have prepared a room for you and I hope that all will be to your liking."

"You are most kind, I had not expected such a welcome. I'm not used to home comforts such as a room of my own. I assure you that I will endeavor to fit in as a member of your family as best as I can."

Carlisle introduced us in turn around the room, first Emmett with whom Demetri shock hands rather than a normal European kiss, which was a good judgment as I'm not sure how Emmett would have reacted to such a greeting.

Demetri smiled at him, "I'm sure you are the sportsman of the family. I was hoping that I would get to understand American games while I'm here. I've taken to following football at home over the last hundred years or so and it has become a bit of a passion of mine, sorry soccer as you'd call it, but baseball and American football are a bit of a mystery to me."

Emmett grinned from ear to ear, "Do you play soccer or just spectate?"

"Well I don't get much opportunity in to play in Volterra but when we are not busy a few of us go off to the hills and have a game on the way to hunt. But I watch the European leagues although only ever on television and then only when I can get out of the palace."

"Fantastic," Emmett beamed, "I'm sure that we can arrange for you to have some soccer and baseball while you are here, weather permitting of course."

Carlisle moved on to Rose who was sat on an upright chair next to but a little behind Emmett. She stood and moved forward, "This is Rose."

"Ah, Rose, your reputation for beauty goes before you." Demetri kissed her .

Rose smiled, embarrassed but smug.

Jasper was next.

"Good morning, Jasper. I'm sure that I have you to thank for my calm on meeting you all. I was concerned when I got out of the car about the reception I would receive, but now I feel relaxed, such a very useful talent. I presume that you are a soldier too, from your battle scars."

"Yes, I'm a survivor from the Southern wars."

"A terrible time, for all of the vampire world," Demetri nodded grimly.

Next it was Alice, who jumped up, pecked Demetri on both cheeks, and announced that she had foreseen that the two of them would go on shopping trips together. There was a brief interlude while the two of them talked of fashion designers that I'd never heard of.

Then it was Edward.

"Edward, a pleasure to meet you again in much better circumstances. You are truly blessed to have both a beautiful and talented wife and a miraculous daughter. I had children when I was human, two. Fortunately the memory is dim now after so long, the pain of leaving them was so great."

Then it was just me and Nessie. I stayed sat down rather than rising to greet him as Nessie was holding on tightly to me.

"Bella, the talk of the vampire world. How can it be true that you were only turned in September, you show such maturity." He squatted down in front of the two of us and for an instant he stared straight into my eyes as if he was looking for something within me, but I wasn't sure what.

"And this is the blessed miracle. Can you talk to me, little one?" he said in a soft and gentle voice.

I felt Jasper's calming influence increase. He was obviously helping Nessie not to feel frightened.

"Please let me show you, it's quicker and easier," she chimed. putting her little hand up towards his face.

"Aro told me that you have the gift to show visions, Renesme," and he took her hand and placed it on his cheek.

As the first vision hit, his face twitched with surprise and spread into a wide smile again. When she was done Nessie removed her hand from his face, "You see now?"

I felt Edward relax next to me. Obviously Demetri's thoughts towards our daughter were as positive as the thoughts our friends had when they first met her. I was plunged for a moment into doubt about whether this was a gift of Nessie's as we had all supposed or if in fact I was pushing positive thoughts about her into visitors' minds. But for this moment it really didn't matter one jot; what mattered is that he didn't want to destroy my baby.

"Fascinating, fascinating, such a talent. You are such a blessing to your family."

He stood and turned to the whole room, "What a joy it is for you all to see a child grow up. In our world that is so fixed such a thing is a rare blessing. I am so privileged to be able to see it for a short while myself."

So that is why Aro had sent Demetri, why he was the prime candidate for the role of observer – he loved children. Maybe he would be happy and honored as Aro had said to father another child himself. Maybe he would be able to stay focused enough not to kill the woman picked out by Aro to be the mother. Perhaps we could help him to be more human-friendly. If he could learn to control his blood lust by living the way we did then maybe she would live through the conception. But would she live much further than that? I had, but only just – would she?

"Now I must give you this letter, Carlisle. Aro said that I must do so, even though you know what is in it. I want to be as little trouble to you as possible and I will live and hunt as you do. But I have never hunted an animal before so I will need you to teach me how. I'm not sure that I'll have much of a taste for it after so long on human blood, but I am trying to stay open-minded on the point."

"It will be my honor to take you out for your first vegetarian hunt," Carlisle said seriously. "How hungry are you?"

Demetri made a slight gesture of apology, "I fed rather too well the day I left Volterra so I will be comfortable for a few more days at least."

"As soon as you are ready just let me know and I'll be happy to show you our lands. But I must ask you to respect our border with the wolves. We live in peace and harmony with them and wish it to remain so, as we do with the humans in the area."

"Even if Aro had not instructed me to do so, I would have done this. I have no agenda to cause you trouble here or elsewhere."

Edward was totally passive as he said this, so his thoughts must run true with his words. It was we who were to keep secrets from him, rather than the other way round. He still had no idea about his potential fatherhood.

"Let me show you to your room," Esme said. "Do you have bags?"

"Just a couple," and in an instant he was gone and back with two very pretty suitcases, and then he and Esme drifted away up stairs.

The mood in the room changed immediately. Jasper stopped forcing us to be calm but I felt relaxed anyway now.

Carlisle announced that he had to go to his shift in the local hospital and things seemed to switch back to normal.

Emmett was off, "Ed, do you know the rules of soccer? I've never played but I know it's real big in Europe. I saw a game on TV but I couldn't make sense of some of the rules, there is something called offside but I'm not sure what it meant"

"Yep, that would be your best bet," Edward had just pulled something else out of Emmett's thoughts, "the web would give us the rules and then we could watch a couple of matches and have a go."

Emmett switched his focus to the TV and started flicking through the guide, "Alice, please can you let us know when there is going to be a storm in the clearing. I don't think that soccer would be as noisy as baseball as there is no bat but still it would be better to have some other noise going on as there may be quite a lot of body contact. Anyway, who's in?"

Emmett found the whole room takers except for me. I had no wish to go back to the clearing, it had been the scene of too many of my crisis points in the last two years. Also, but I wasn't going to tell Emmett this one, I had played soccer before in my old school in Phoenix and I had been so hopeless at it that the memory still burnt bitter. I'd tried to tackle one poor girl and she'd ended up on crutches for the rest of the term.

"Oh come on Bella, it'll be fun, you could be on the opposite side from Edward and shield him to stop him cheating. We won't expect you to do much kicking or score any goals if you think your strength has already gone, little sister."

That last jibe did its job and I rose to the bait, "So you think you can beat me again already, brother? I played soccer at school, you know. I was only human then but at least I know what I'm doing."

Panic rose a little in me. Why had I said something so rash and stupid to Emmett, of all people? I really didn't want to embarrass myself in front of the whole family and Demetri. I'd have to get some practice in. Then it hit me – the wolves, they played soccer a lot, they'd teach me.

I took Nessie off to hunt but stopped on the way, far enough from the house that my family wouldn't hear me. I took out my phone and called Jacob.

"Hey."

"Is everything OK, I've been worried sick all morning, is Nessie OK."

"Slow down, Jake, everything is fine. Demetri is here and we've all met him and he loves children and is pleased to be here with Nessie."

"Oh well, I can't wait 'til he's gone."

"I know Jake, but it is best if you are away from the house at least for a bit. He says he is going to stick to our side of the border and hunt animals so I don't think you have as much to worry about with him as our other visitors, but let's see if he can stick to that."

"Look, you play soccer, right."

"Yep, what of it?"

"I want to learn. Demetri is a big fan and we thought it would be nice to have a game while he's here. But I'm unless at sport and need a few lessons."

"That's no problem, we can teach you. Bring Nessie with you."

"There's a clearing about six miles North of town. It's on neutral territory, we could meet there. I'll bring a ball and Embry. He's the best at soccer in my pack and I know he's at a loose end tomorrow. Will eleven be OK for you?"

"Great, see you tomorrow."


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25 - Discovered

When Nessie and I got to the clearing, Embry and Jake were already playing ball. We sat and watched for a while, Nessie on my knee to keep her off the damp earth, a thick coat between me and her to keep her warm.

Embry was obviously the better of the two players. He could work the ball with either of his feet with such precision that Jacob didn't stand much of a chance. Jacob would occasionally make use of his extra speed and strength to get a goal but they weren't a match for Embry's talent.

"Wow, Embry, you could play for one of the big teams."

"Well, if I didn't keep turning into a wolf I could," he laughed, "can't see that going down well in the middle of a game with all the crowd watching."

Jake came and slumped down next to me. He wasn't in the least bit breathless after his efforts. "Your turn now, vampire girl."

"Hey, that's no way to talk to me you know. Think what I could be in your future." Nessie scrambled on to him gratefully, pleased both to have Jacob to herself and to have his hot body to sit on.

"OK _Mom_, just don't tackle him. I want him to be able to run a patrol tonight, a broken leg will take at least a day to mend."

"OK, got it."

This was the first time I'd tried anything physical with a non-vampire and I was a bit wary. They did heal fast, the wolves, but I'd no intention of causing anyone any pain.

"Let's start with a few gentle passes," Embry suggested.

I misjudged the first one. Expecting the ball to be heavy like I remembered from school, I sent it flying off into the forest. I fetched it, only glad I'd not got it so wrong that I'd popped it.

After that the passing wasn't bad. I could easily get the ball directly to Embry's feet from a distance of fifty feet or more.

"Well, that would put you up with the internationals in the human world," Jacob commented.

"OK let's try dribbling."

Embry set out a series of sticks for us to dribble the ball around.

"Now the trick is to not look at the ball, Bella."

"OK, show me first."

He expertly maneuvered the ball around the sticks at a run, but is was slow enough for me to catch what he was doing.

I took the ball and going more slowly, but faster than a walk, controlled the ball with my feet and successfully got round the sticks.

"Not bad at all, but this time a little faster and keep the ball well into your feet or an opponent will have it off you."

I was just trying again when I heard someone approaching at speed. I wasn't sure who it was.

I grabbed Nessie and pushed her behind me, "Get out of here you two", I hissed.

"No chance," they said in unison and phased.

Jacob took center point facing the direction of the intruder, Embry on his right and me on his left, with Nessie behind us.

The footsteps stopped and after a second the intruder strolled into the clearing. It was Demetri.

Hell, this was not good, not good at all. The second day he is here he finds me with a couple of wolves.

"Bella, sorry to startle you, I mean you no harm," he had stopped at the edge of the clearing, surprised I presumed by my company and our defensive formation.

"I'm sorry Demetri," I relaxed my stance and walked forward a few pace in front of the wolves. "I don't recognize you gait yet. I didn't know who it was, you've caught me having a bit of soccer practice with my friends, this is Jacob and this is Embry. They only phased as I thought there might be a stranger coming." It felt odd introducing them in their wolf forms.

Demetri beamed. He walked forward and kissed me on the cheeks, then turned to the wolves, "I'm delighted to met you both, be assured I don't mean you any harm or trouble. I just thought I'd take a stroll and see what Nessie was doing with her time."

At this Nessie flitted over to Demetri and jumped up into his surprised arms, but he caught her expertly, obviously his fatherly instincts were still there. She touched his check and he smiled again seeing her explanation of the situation.

"Of course I'm not here to cause your friends trouble Nessie," he reassured her. "I wish I'd been here to see some of the soccer first hand. It looks very skilful in your memory."

"Jake, Embry," Nessie called, still in Demetri's arms, "can you play again, pleeease." She flashed Jacob a huge grin, which I would have found hard to resist and which must have just melted Jacob.

Jacob whined softly then the wolves ran off into the woods.

"Did I say something wrong?" Demetri asked, popping Nessie back on the floor. "I had no intention of intruding on your game." His face look sincere and apologetic. This morning he was wearing more casual clothes suitable for the forest - jeans, jumper and a hiker's jacket. He was clearly trying to fit in with the locals. His eyes were the strange black they had been yesterday.

"They are just phasing back I think. They don't like to do so in public because they need to change back into clothes." I kicked at what was left of one of Embry's shoes so that it landed at the base of the nearest tree.

"Oh, of course, that makes sense. I'm sure it is a little inconvenient for them at times."

"Yes, I think it isn't easy when there are women and children around. They try to maintain a little dignity."

A moment later Jacob and Embry walked back into the clearing in human form, complete with clothes, new ones. I guess they had some stashed somewhere. Their old shorts were in slivers on the floor.

"It's easier to shake hands this way," Jacob said walking up to Demetri. "My name is Jacob Black, I'm one of the pack leaders in these parts."

I was struck again by the authority in his voice. He smiled down at Demetri as they shook hands. Jacob at six foot seven dwarfed Demetri who was five foot ten at most.

Their handshake was friendly. Embry, clearly still on edge, stayed at the back of the clearing.

"I've not come here to interrupt your recreation, please continue. Maybe I can learn a thing or two. I don't get to play much myself"

"Well, we were just doing a few technique drills with Bella, rather than anything competitive," Jacob responded.

I felt the need to explain why I was here with the wolves. It looked bad but maybe he'd see the reasoning behind it, and realize it was all innocent enough.

My explanation spilled out in a rush, "I was so bad at sport when I was human and Emmett used to tease me so much that I thought that I ought to have a little practice before I have to play in front of the whole family I don't want to be the butt of his jokes for the next century."

"We'd better get to work then," Demetri said, taking off his jacket and hanging it on a small branch.

The wolves relaxed at this gesture, clearly happy for another pair of feet to join us.

"We can't tackle the wolves, Demetri," I said, foreseeing a flaw in his plan. "They aren't made of stone like us. They are tough, but not that tough in human form."

"I thought that, let me just see you do your dribbling drill."

I tried again. This time I was faster and kept the ball much closer in to my feet as Embry had said.

Demetri took a turn and although quicker than me, wasn't as expert with the ball as Embry, which pleased me to see.

After a few more minutes all the men were discussing their favorite professional players, none of whom I'd heard of. Demetri favored a Brazilian call Pele, who had retired from playing the game many years previously. The wolves admired the current players. Embry idolized an Englishman called David something while Jacob argued for a Frenchman called Zee something. I'd no idea that this game was so international, but one thing was clear - there were few Americans at the top of the sport. The banter between the three of them was relaxed and friendly. We were all laughing and commenting on each other as we completed our drills as if this was a totally normal situation. It struck me how surreal it was to be playing ball with a member of the Volturi guard and two wolves. My life was full of truly strange events. What would Aro make of this when Demetri got home?

Embry was just showing us a one-to-one drill that I could practice with Demetri and he could do with Jacob when we heard another two sets of footsteps running at top speed towards us. I could tell it was Alice and Jasper. We all waited for them not bothering to start again until we knew what their mission was. Surely if they were running that fast they had a mission.

The two of them arrived in the clearing and suddenly the happy relaxed feeling we had felt was chilled. Jasper was doing his mood shifting again, and as they reached us Alice gave me an exasperated stare.

"There you are, I've been worried sick. We had to come and follow Demetri's trail to find you. You'd totally blanked out of my vision, Bella, and then Demetri went missing as well. I thought ... well I wasn't sure what to think but I guess these two explain it." She looked over at the wolves.

"Can't you see the wolves Alice?" Demetri asked.

"It can be tricky," Alice reluctantly admitted, "I'm getting better at seeing past them to those around them but ... did you phase?" She looked accusingly at Jacob.

"Only because we weren't sure that it was a friend who was approaching because none of us recognized the footsteps. Better to be safe than sorry, especially when we have Nessie with us," Jacob explained, smiling at her. "There was no need for you to panic."

I couldn't take any more of this. "I think we should call it a day now. This place is too near town for any bigger games. We might make too much noise and have some human come to investigate.

Shall we go fix you some eggs for lunch, Nessie?"

"Yes please Mom," she squealed, "can Jake come home with us too?"

"I think that he and Embry have things to do Nessie, but they are both very welcome of course."

"I'll come by the house tomorrow, if that's OK," Jacob said, picking Nessie up. "Oh don't look like that kid, you've plenty of people to keep you entertained for the afternoon."

_**Authors Note**_

_**Hi Reader,**_

_**Just to let you know that I usual publish a chapter each evening Monday to Friday.**_

_**I'd really like to hear what you think about the story. Please drop me a review in the box below. It doesn't matter how long or short the review is they are always good to receive.**_

_**Best wishes**_

_**C.**_


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26 - Words

Edward was sitting on a chair in the cottage's living room, staring at the fire, when I came back from putting Nessie to bed. I had thought there was something wrong all afternoon - I could hear a frustration in his voice even then, but now he was no longer trying to hide it.

"So why exactly were you having secret liaisons with werewolves in the woods, Bella?" he spat at me. "How could you be so foolish when we have a spy living with us? Do you really not think of the implication of your actions at all before you proceed?"

"Edward, I was only playing ball with them, it really was no big deal. I can't see why you are so cross about this."

His voice became very quiet. "I'm cross because you appear to be spoon-feeding Demetri with all the information that he needs to bring our family down. He has spent the afternoon thinking about what he learned this morning. That Alice can't see the wolves, and that the wolves are fragile when in human form, and that Jacob is particularly attached to Nessie. A good crop of information don't you think.

"I'm sure that Aro will be most interested to hear his report when he returns.

"He is such a smooth operator, Demetri, you mustn't underestimate him. We have to assume that whatever he is doing, he is doing for Aro's agenda, not ours. He flatters us and goes out of his way to be interested in us and tries to make friends with us, but it's not for our benefit. He is doing it to learn how best to defeat us. I thought that I wouldn't have to explain this to you, that you would have understood. I forget that you are still just a child."

I felt hurt to the core. My husband, my Edward, had just called me a child. So that is how he thought of me - a useless child. Worse than useless, dangerously self-centered. I couldn't reply. I just stared at him wanting the words to not have been said, to close the huge gulf that had opened between us, and for us to be close again. But I couldn't see how I could even cross the gulf, never mind close it.

I took one of my books from the shelf and left the room. I was too shocked to think how to talk to Edward right now. I needed to be away from him. I went and sat on our bed. I wanted to be near Nessie but I thought that I might disturb her and I didn't want her to see me this upset.

I opened the book but the words were swimming round in a blurry pattern on the page. I had difficulty focusing on them, I couldn't make out the lines. I tried hard, very hard to quell the sobs before they started. I tried to take deep calming breaths but it didn't help. Within a few seconds my breath was coming in ragged pulls and I was unable to hold the book. I let it drop to the floor. The tears flowed down my cheeks on to my shirt. I sat on the bed, my head in my hands, crying like a human.

I'm not sure how long I cried for. Being vampire means that one doesn't tire, not of running, not of kissing, and so it seemed not even of crying. Part way through my sobbing, I tried to rationalize how I was crying. I'd thought that vampires couldn't cry, that they didn't have the physical capability to cry. Obviously I'd been wrong. It wasn't that vampires couldn't cry, it was just that they were more in control and didn't cry. I was just a really useless vampire, a child, as Edward had said, unable to understand what was going on and to have any kind of handle on my emotions. I was glad he didn't come in to see me. I didn't want him to see me like this, to prove to him what a failure I was. This thought only added to my worries and prolonged the upset. In the end, my throat felt so dry that I needed to quench my thirst.

I rose from the bed, hastily changed my clothes, and did what I could with my hair and face to make myself look respectable. I marched the few steps back into the sitting room. Edward hadn't moved, he didn't look up as I entered the room.

"I'm thirsty, I'm going to hunt," I said quietly and l left the house walking slowly into the cold gray light of dawn.

After taking down a couple of small deer my throat felt more comfortable, the burning had gone, but the rest of me was no better. I longed for the simple reassurances that I used to get when I was human. The feeling of being at home with Renée. I'd always felt confident then, always had faith in myself, but now … now I wanted that feeling again but I couldn't have it. But I could do the thing we always did at night to put the day in perspective. I could sit with a cup of hot chocolate in my hands. Obviously I wouldn't want to drink it, just hold the cup and feel the heat. I felt chilled, even after the warm blood of the deer.

I knew it was wasteful and silly to make a drink that I couldn't drink but I went up to the main house and in by the kitchen door. No one was about. I guessed that some were in their rooms, Carlisle in his study, and some out hunting. I listened hard. I could hear very quiet music coming from one of the rooms upstairs. It sounded like Jasper's taste, he preferred gentle ballads by female singers. As quietly as I could I filled the kettle and put it to boil, found the hot chocolate powder and a mug. Just these familiar acts were a kind of a therapy. I'd not done this for six months and it felt like coming home after a long trip.

I made the chocolate and settled into one of the bar stools next to the kitchen counter to hold my drink, and try to make some sense of the situation.

Suddenly Jasper was next to me.

_**Author's Note**_

_**Your comments are always appreciated.**_


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27 - Manipulation

Jasper had not quite managed to take me by surprise but his speed of arrival was unexpected. He looked, as ever, like a brooding movie star.

"I heard the kettle being put on," he said.

"I can feel your upset. Do you want to talk about it? Is there a problem with Nessie?"

"No, no, Nessie's fine, it's ... it's me."

I felt him force calm over me. It stopped me bursting into tears again, for which I was truly thankful, but it didn't take away the chill I felt in my body. My friend there for me when I need him. My rock.

"I'm just … I'm just so useless and stupid. I do everything wrong. I can't even be a vampire properly."

"Why have you made a mug of hot chocolate? There aren't any humans here."

"I wanted to feel the heat in my hands and smell the chocolate. I use to drink it at my mother's house every night, I just want the comfort of it."

Jasper sat on the only other bar stool which was opposite mine. We sat for a minute in silence, me with hand wrapped around the mug smelling the steam and chocolate scents, him just watching me.

The only time I glanced at him, just for a second, I noticed he looked relaxed, confident, like a man who knew what his day would bring and was looking forward to it. I wished I could feel that way.

The calm started to penetrate through me, I became more able to take a longer view. "This does smell good, we never had such a quality brand at Renee's house … Things were so simple back then, a bad day put right with a mug of chocolate. Now things are just so much more complicated and I can't keep up."

Another minute's silence. Jasper pushed more calm on to me, like a warm dressing gown on a cold morning, taking away the fear of getting on with the day. I was beginning to relax now too.

"Edward is a fool," Jasper said quietly.

"What? Why do you say that?"

I'd never heard anyone say that about him before, least of all someone in his family.

"Why else would he upset you like this?"

"No, it was my fault. He was just pointing out the issues that my recent football practice had caused. How could I have been so reckless?"

"Bella," a sad smile playing on his face, "what exactly do you think that you've done? What is he accusing you of?"

I felt the need to open up to Jasper, to tell him my hurt. I thought then of what Esme had said to me, that she thought that Jasper had fallen for me too. I thought of the clearing, of the feeling of longing that had shot through me. I still didn't understand where that feeling had come from, it could so easily have been me being caught up in the moment. I knew I should be careful whoever it came from. This breakfast discussion wasn't helping me keep my distance from him as I ought. But I felt the need to talk to him so strongly. I wondered if he was making me feel that way, but this wasn't a normal emotional response that he could manipulate. Or was it? I knew I ought to get off the chair and go find Alice or Esme but I couldn't find the will to do it. It was Jasper I wanted to talk to.

"Tell me about it," he said. "Maybe I will be able to explain his point of view from a male perspective. I think I know how Edward ticks pretty well by now."

And of course he was right. That's what I needed, a brother to help me understand why Edward was so disappointed in me. I started the words tripping out of my mouth so fast I couldn't stop to think.

"He said that it was my fault that Demetri found out that Alice can't see the wolves and that he knows the wolves are more vulnerable in human form, he says that he will use this information against us somehow. He thinks that I am careless and self-centered. Just a child."

"And you think that he is right?"

"Yes."

He talked in a calm low voice, taking time to make his points, "Bella, we all know that Demetri is here to find out information about us, it is his mission. Carlisle has asked us to be honest and open with him and I believe that he is correct in this strategy. When I came into the clearing yesterday morning I felt Demetri's emotions. They were simple, he was enjoying himself, he was enjoying the game and the company. His feelings were very positive towards all of you. He wasn't feeling that you were hiding things or being aggressive which could have been much more damaging to us all in the end.

"I think Edward's reactions are less to do with yesterday's soccer and more to do with jealousy. It was going to come to a head one day. And this really isn't your fault. He just can't stand the way some other men feel about you. His mood goes very black whenever he hears certain people's thoughts. It's worse if you are present and the thoughts are directed at you in person, rather than anything more vague. And when you asked Jacob for help, even though it was only football practice, it was enough to set off all those jealous thoughts about Jacob again."

"But Jake isn't in the slightest bit interested in me at all, not in that way, not now."

"Yes, I know," he gave a slight laugh, "he is so completely drawn to Nessie that other people don't get much of a thought now. I think it was more the memory of the jealousy coming back and moving from Jacob to others. He finds it hard he has so many rivals, Nahuel, Emmett and others."

"Jasper, do we need to talk about this?" I asked, suddenly feeling uncomfortable about the turn in conversation. This situation was too intimate - just the two of us sat in the kitchen, no one else about. Again I knew I should get up and walk away, but as soon as I'd reached this conclusion Jasper fed warm and soothing emotions to me, making it impossible to leave.

"Bella," Jasper reached over the counter between us, putting his hands on either side of my head and lifting it to try to look into my eyes, but in an almost childish gesture I refused to engage his gaze and stubbornly looked down out of the window. In truth I was just trying to avoid him seeing the mess that my eyes were in. When I had checked myself in the mirror before I left the cottage, the usual purple bruising under my eyes had been replaced by puffy redness from the crying. I'd hoped that the cold air and animal blood had lessened this effect, but I certainly didn't want close inspection. I didn't want him to know about the tears.

"Yes, we need to talk about this. I've been needing to talk about this for months but I've been holding back not wanting to interfere in your life when I know it is wrong to do so."

As Jasper talked I felt loved and acceptance, no longer a burden as I obviously was to Edward. The feeling washing over me like sliding into the most wonderful hot bath ever.

"Bella, you are having a strong effect on some of the men in the household. I can feel their love for you whenever you are close to them. I feel their guilt too. They know it's wrong but they can't help it, you are like their planet and they are the moons orbiting around you. They are helpless to do anything but stay on this course."

I had the distinct impression that we weren't talking about Nahuel or Emmett at all. More feelings of calm came through his hands into my head and then over the rest of my body to quell the panic that had risen in me, the urge to run stopped before it could take effect.

"Jasper, please don't say such things, it's wrong," I pleaded quietly. My head was hazy but not as bad as the rest of my body. I forced myself to get the words out before the situation turned into something I truly regretted.

"Please don't even think thoughts like that," I continued. "These thoughts of love that they have for me are not truly theirs. It is not their fault that they have these thoughts but we must convince them to fight them. I wish I could explain but I can't. It wouldn't be safe for you if I explained why."

"No, Bella, there is nothing you need to explain. It is quite natural they have fallen in love with you, it is quite simple. Wrong and sinful to think of a brother's wife in such a way, but quite natural. You _know_ it is possible to love two people at once. Emmett has not lessened his love for Rose by one ounce but he has fallen so in love with you it is hurting him very badly."

I knew then that we weren't really talking about Emmett at all, and he was just trying to disguise our conversation for Alice's sake. And I was also sure that she would see right through it.

I concentrated really hard and forced myself to maneuver out of his grasp. As soon as I was free the emotions he was pushing towards me felt less intense. But I missed them, like turning off a hot shower in a cold bathroom.

"Jasper, think of Alice," I hissed.

"I always think of Alice, she is always in my heart," he said simply. "What has she to do with Emmett?"

He was deluding himself big time if he thought that would work on her.

"Jasper, I'm telling you the truth, you can't trust your thoughts on this, they are not your own. You must fight them for yourself, for Alice."

"Do you know where she is now? Off with Esme, Demetri and Jacob, they wanted to keep it low key and informal. They are showing the border to Demetri. She left me here. She said that you may need a friend when you got here but that she couldn't see any more than that because the wolf blanked her vision. She can see nothing at the moment."

He took hold of my hand and again the feeling intensified, this time not only calm but love and longing. This time he said nothing and I mistakenly looked deep into his eyes.

I felt a flash of realization from Jasper, but only for a moment, "Ah, so I was right, that is the reason … you are …" he began, the feeling was almost … fear?

"I am what?"

"You are … you are what you are," he replied "… but I don't care." The last phase he said with resignation, as if he ought to care and do something about whatever it was he thought I was. He looked deep into my eyes and put his other hand on top of the hand he was holding.

"Jasper, I don't understand, please tell me."

His pushed feelings had turned back to love and longing and I was having difficulty being coherent.

"Bella, I know what you are ... who you are, and I accept all that it brings."

His odd words confused me. "Jasper ... what?"

"Hush now ... Everything is going to be OK."

The feelings of longing, although unwanted, were quickly working on my body and taking hold of my mind. I wanted so much to be in his arms, to have him hold me while I sobbed. For him to calm me and hold me.

My feelings started to slowly change from the need to be comforted, just to be held by him, to be close ... closer still, to have his lips on me. The idea of just staying where I was, sitting in my seat, looking across at him, seemed unbearable. I couldn't stand the counter being between us anymore.

I didn't understand why I was spiraling so out of control like this, why I was having such dangerous fantasies.

I tried to concentrate hard and one of my thoughts managed to hold together … I suddenly understood. These emotions weren't my emotions and they were causing these wrong thoughts. I was being manipulated. Was this something he'd done before to other? How many times? Was this his MO? Is this how he'd controlled the female newborns for decades?

More love came and longing and lust washed though me.

I was losing my grip on the situation. I'd no idea that Jasper was this dangerous. I fought back in my head like I had to when I was human and Edward was close to me. I was trying to think of a way to get him to stop without either of us getting hurt physically or emotionally, but I was coming up blank. As I thought this, the idea of being with Jasper was becoming more and more appealing. My body was pulling me to go with him but my one remaining clear though was screaming to stop.

Suddenly Jasper dropped my hand.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I should not have done that to you. Forgive me, please."

I was bewildered. Extremely thankful, but bewildered. The emotions he was forcing on me were gone, leaving me feeling empty and blank, rejected in a way. Then it hit. I felt the guilt, so guilty this was my fault. I felt unclean as if I was contaminated, as if I'd allowed this other man to play with my emotions.

I wanted the comfort and love back but not the motivation behind it. I wanted the love to come from Edward not Jasper.

"Jasper, please don't do that again ... it is wrong."

"I know, I promise you I won't. I don't know why I did. I have no excuse for what I was doing."

His face was pained with guilt.

"Please listen to me Jasper. These thoughts are lies. We must all fight them before they destroy us as a family!"

I was shaking with the stresses of the emotions that had come and gone through me, the worry of how close to disaster the situation had taken us, the worry of what Alice had seen and how she was going to take it and the worry that Jasper was still in the room and although he had said that he wouldn't do it again, I had no way of knowing for certain. I couldn't afford to have Jasper as an enemy. He was too lethal.

I'd not been scared of Jasper since I was human, but now I was again. The one person I thought was truly my friend betraying me this way was heartbreaking. My rock gone, turned against me.

At that moment we heard a vehicle turn from the road up the drive towards the house, Carlisle's car. Jasper stood up and walked over to the window to look out on the forest. The space between us eased my worries and discomfort. I'd be safe in a few short seconds. We stayed motionless, lost for things to say. I could feel Jasper's own heightened feelings now, of guilt and of frustration. And of fear.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28 - Consultation

Carlisle appeared in the kitchen, "Good morning to you both and how is the day treating you?" His appearance was like a life jacket. My mood lifted instantly. I had nothing to fear now, but I knew I had a part to play, the _there's nothing wrong here_ part.

"How was your shift?" I asked in reply, "Did you have many casualties today?"

"No, not too bad. A few sporting injuries, a senior citizen with a break due to a fall on the ice and a couple of toddlers with viruses, but nothing too worrying. Fortunately no traffic accidents."

"Did you catch sight of Alice on the way in?" Jasper asked. "I promised to accompany her to Port Angeles today for some shopping. I think I ought to go and find her to decide on our departure time."

"No, I didn't see her," Carlisle replied.

"I'll follow her trail then. Goodbye for now."

He left through the back door into the morning air, ran across the lawn, and jumped gracefully over the river. He landed without breaking his rhythm and continued running into the forest and out of sight.

Carlisle turned to me, "Did I intrude on something? I'm sorry if I did."

"No, not at all." I forced a smile, but I got the impression that he was not sure that I was telling the truth. I had only managed to control the shaking just before he'd reached the door.

"Who is the chocolate for? Is Nessie coming?" Delight toned his voice.

"Not yet ,Carlise, I think that she is still asleep. To be honest, the chocolate was for me to smell. I used to drink it at home and I just felt like reliving the smell. I'm sorry, I know it's a waste when I can't drink it. I guess I'm not totally out of the habits of human food yet."

"And do you still like the smell?" he asked, interested now by this revelation.

"Yes, and the warmth of the mug in my hands. It brings back good memories." I looked up into his face for the first time.

His expression changed to alarm

"Bella, your eyes, are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine Carlise," I said, knowing that he meant in the physical sense, "what's up with my eyes?"

"They are a little red, that's all."

"But I've not had any human blood, why would they go red again? I've not been cheating, killing people."

He raised his hand, "Not that kind of red Bella. They look slightly sore, that's all. I've not seen it before on a vampire."

"I was crying," I admitted glumly.

"Tears?"

"Yes, I know I'm not supposed to, I should have more control now that I'm a vampire but things just got on top of me and ... and ... " my breath was ragged again, the talk with Jasper had done nothing to take away my worries, and a single tear leaked out of my right eye.

"Fascinating," Carlisle said. He was holding my face in a flash. He took the tear off my face with his middle finger. I froze, believing that I'd done something very wrong.

He studied the tear on his finger closely, smelling it and eventually tasting it.

"Fascinating," he repeated, "and you've produced tears before as a vampire?"

"Yes, I'm sorry, it's wrong isn't it."

"No, not wrong. Just I've never seen a vampire who was able to do it before, that's all. I didn't think our tear ducts were able to do that."

"Oh, I can, I cried a lot last night."

"Sorry Bella, I shouldn't be so excited when you are in emotional pain. Is there anything I can do? Would you like to talk about it? Ah … and you were talking to Jasper when I walked in – I'm so sorry. I really think that he would make a good psychiatrist if he ever wanted a human career, well both him and Edward of course. Their talents would both be so useful. "

I really didn't want to talk to Carlisle about my row with Edward and especially not the incident with Jasper, I just couldn't. But there were things I did want to ask Carlisle about, things about me that he may be able to offer some advice on.

"Well, I'm worried that I'm not a good vampire. I do stupid things like cry, and enjoy the smell of chocolate. The other day I had a daydream, just like the dreams I had when I was human. And when we were away I ate some egg white omelet and it tasted OK and didn't have any bad effect on me. Does it make me a bad vampire? Am I sick in some way or not changed properly?"

"Bella, why have you not said this to me before? You must have been very worried." His face was quite grave. "Firstly, these things are not to do with being a good or bad vampire, put that thought straight out of you mind. These things are all physical attributes, nothing to do with morals."

When he said it as simply as that I couldn't argue with him.

"And I believe that you are a good vampire in any case," he added with a smile.

"Now, let's start with the crying. You have done this twice now?"

"No, twice before just now, but it was only last night that I cried a lot."

"And these are occasions when you probably would have cried if you were human, when you were upset?"

"Yes, I'm weak, I lose control."

"No Bella, we would all cry at times if we were able, it's just that we haven't learned how. It isn't a matter of control, just physiology. Do you think that you could cry at will? I would love to take a sample of your tears and see what they are made of. Oh, I'm sorry that does sound very harsh doesn't it, I'm just fascinated. I have heard tales of a vampire who lived in ancient times who could cry but I thought it was just a fairy story."

"So I'm not the only one?" My heart lifted at the thought.

"Maybe not Bella. There may be others living now that can cry. It isn't something that you would necessarily share with anyone but a close coven member."

"Tell me now about your daydream and we will try to work out what is going on with you there."

"The first time it happened, I was lying on the bed next to Nessie and watching her dreams, and then I started to relive running through the square in Volterra, just like a dream when I was human, and then the phone rang and I woke up and I was back in the real world next to Nessie. It can't have been Nessie's dream, I've not talked with her about it so she wouldn't know what the square looked like or details like the time of day. But it also wasn't a straight memory. It was as if I was there again, running again, just as it was in my human dreams."

"And have you had any other dreams apart from this one?"

"Yes, one about a totally made up situation, not something that has happened before or is likely to happen."

"And that time did you feel that you woke after the dream? Not like seeing, say, a vision from Nessie and then her taking her hand away?"

"No it's not like that, it's like waking up. You are somewhere or thinking of something and then you are back in reality whether or not you want to be. Do you remember in the car on the way home from Denali? I said that I mistook Nessie's vision of the park to be the forest. Well that wasn't exactly the truth, I'd been dreaming my own dreams of being in a forest with someone else."

"Oh, you were dreaming then, I didn't even notice," he sounded so disappointed. "If I could just monitor you whilst you were dreaming with a CT scan I could tell if they were dreams like human dreams or something different. You can tell from the area of brain activity. It would be a very good test to see what is going on with you."

"But Carlisle why am I dreaming? None of the rest of you do, do you?"

"Good question. Again I must stress it is not a moral issue. You wouldn't call a double jointed human immoral just because they can do things that most can't." He sat still thinking for a moment

"I think it is probably a question of overload. Your brain has had so much to think about in the last few months that it is trying to protect itself by shutting down for a bit and replaying some memories or making new connections to try to make sense of all the information. Just like a human but with massively more to cope with. To be honest, I have been worried that, as a newborn, all the events that you have had to deal in such a short time might drive you to a breakdown. Some newborns do lose their sanity and unfortunately it is permanent as so many things are with vampires. Some leave their senses so much that they break the rules and are dealt with by the Volturi. We would not let that happen to you but we have not been able to shelter you as much as we wanted to and for that I am sorry. A few dreams is not such a heavy price for your sanity. I'd try to be pleased to have them if I were you and make sure that you do get some period of total rest in the day when you can dream if you need to. I'll explain to Edward that he must leave you some time alone if you would like me to, if you feel that he may take this as a rejection if it came from you. I am your doctor as well as your father-in-law."

"I'm sure that Edward will be happy to help me as much as I need." But as I said it I wasn't sure how I was going to explain to Edward that he would have to let me rest. I was only sure that he would find this a cause of extra irritation with me. This, however, I did not want to have to explain to my patient and loving father-in-law.

"The eating and the smelling now, Bella, tell me about them. You said you ate egg whites and like the smell of chocolate."

"Yes, that's right, but that's all. I've not eaten or been attracted to any other human food."

"How much egg do you think you ate?"

"Probably one egg white in total, it was fried up as on omelet. I wasn't thinking and just ate it when we were in a cafe with Nessie."

"Well it is a very handy skill Bella, that should be said first of all. It is the one thing that makes us stand out from the humans more than anything else, well on a dull day anyway. We can't partake in mealtimes - it's such a human ritual that not complying with the normal graces marks us out. Even if you can only take a small amount of something relatively bland like egg white it will help you blend in much better. Just think how much better your father would feel if he saw you eating an omelet.

"How did the egg taste to you?"

"It was fairly tasteless except for the olive oil which it was fried in, that overpowered the egg flavor too much and wasn't very nice. I would have had ketchup with it when I was human."

"That is very interesting. And what made you stop eating? Did you feel full?"

"Oh no, as I said I was eating without thinking what I was doing, then Edward pointed it out to me so I stopped."

"Did you suffer any discomfort at all after eating the egg?"

"No, none at all. I did have to use the bathroom the following day but that was not uncomfortable, just a little more human-like than vampire-like."

"Have you felt like eating any egg since?"

"No, I haven't even thought about it. I'm certainly not craving for any."

"Tell me about the chocolate smell. It smells faintly revolting to most vampires and yet you find it comforting."

"It was just this morning, I was feeling ... less happy than usual so I thought I'd try to cheer myself up. I used to find it comforting when I was human. I was fond of the smell and the taste and the warmth."

"And do you, like the smell?"

"Oh yes, this is a good brand. As I said to Jasper we never had good quality chocolate like this at Renee's. I can smell the high notes, almost like orange zest as well as the base notes and some vanilla."

"How would you feel about tasting some?"

I took a small sip and screwed up my nose.

"Does it taste too strong?" Carlise asked cautiously.

"No, it's just gone a bit cold. I'll warm it up and have another go."

The microwave pinged and I took the now piping hot drink out. The heat had intensified the smell which was now mixed with a small amount of steam. I sat back down at the counter with Carlisle and took another experimental sip.

"Umm, better, much better, but a little too bitter for my liking. Do you know if we have any sugar?"

"Top cupboard to the right of the sink," Carlise answered, "do you mind if I take a sniff?"

"Be my guest."

Carlisle wafted the cup in front of his nose, but put it down quickly. Obviously it held no attraction for him.

I added a teaspoon of sugar to the drink and took another sip. This time it transported my mind straight back to my mother's house. I felt my shoulders become less tense as the cheerful thoughts rolled over me. A little like having Jasper in the room, but much safer.

I only noticed that Carlisle was staring at me intently when I lifted my eyes away from the mug. He was open mouthed.

"Do you find that pleasant?" he asked, amazed.

"Yes, but I don't think I could manage a whole mug, just a few sips. It's very relaxing, not thirst-quenching like blood, more like gentle music or a warm fire, that sort of feeling."

"I wouldn't advise that you take in too much first time, it may make you sick later on. But it is very interesting, you do seem to have brought over some human characteristics when you transformed. That is good as I said, you'll fit in much better if you can drink a bit of hot chocolate when you're out in a diner with Nessie. I think we should monitor you for any side effects. Could you keep a stool sample for me to analyze if you have to go to the bathroom human-style again?"

I was embarrassed by that proposition, "Do you think that is really required?"

"Yes, I need to check for bacteria and breakdown products. I assume that you body is not absorbing anything but a little of the water in the food and drink but I think we need to know for sure if you are digesting it in any way."

"OK then," I said in a rather unwilling, resigned voice.

"Don't worry, I deal with a lot of samples. I'm very used to it.

"Maybe you should go and have a lie down and rest now before Nessie is here even if you don't dream. Maybe the lying down, being horizontal, also reminds you to relax because that is what you did when you slept as a human."

"Yes, Carlisle, I think I will take the opportunity. Thank you for your advice, it has helped. I'll go lie down in Edward's room."


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29 - Awakening

I was glad to have an excuse to get away from Carlisle's observations. I went up to Edward's room. I'd not been in there for many weeks. We had the cottage and no longer needed a bedroom in the main house. The room had been put to use as a guest room while we had so many of our friends staying with us, and then Nahuel and Huilen adopted it as their own when they were with us. I was thankful that the attic conversion was finished and Demetri was billeted there giving us some flexibility back. At least we could stay in the main house or put Nessie to sleep in a bedroom if the need arose, without putting anyone else out. The room itself looked as ever – the enormous bed inviting with its gold-colored spread.

But my first need was to decontaminate myself and get rid of all trace of Jaspers scent. I need to feel clean again and I was still cold, I needed warmth. I quickly stepped into a hot shower, allowing the water (hotter than any human could stand) just fall on me. After a while the warmth penetrated through my skin and I started to scrub. But try as I might I didn't feel clean. Like Lady Macbeth, would I always be wanting to wash Jasper's scent off me even though there was no trace of it left? I cut the water, realizing I was going to have to come to terms with this myself, think past it. Soap wasn't going to do it for me. I dressed back in my underwear and tee, closed the blind and turned the light off, and, for the first time since I was a vampire, I bothered to snuggle down under the covers.

I could still smell Nahuel on the pillow, the scent reminding me of something, sometime … but I couldn't put my mind to it. I swapped the pillow for another that had lost almost all traces of scent and settled down, closing my eyes.

I knew I wasn't going to sleep but the warmth of the duvet was comforting and I did want time to think, quiet time by myself, just as Carlisle had said. If only I could have told him all of it, if my doctor weren't part of my family … but what he had said had made me feel stronger. I was not a bad vampire and I shouldn't worry about the things I could do that others couldn't. They were something to be glad of, not sorrowful. And certainly not guilty.

I began to think of the incident. I was already terming it _the Jasper Incident,_trying to look at it from a third person perspective to save myself the pain that this thought would otherwise cause. What had Alice seen? That was my biggest worry. I wasn't quite sure how she saw her visions but she always explained them as an observer rather than one of the players. I tried to look at it from the view of a fly on the wall. Jasper and I sitting in the kitchen, he holding my face or my hand, how bad would it have looked? And what was said, would she understand it? Did she know what he was capable of doing to other women? Was it something she'd seen before? Would she hate me forever now? I managed not to hyperventilate, but it was a close thing.

I turned to think of Jasper. Should I have seen this coming and been more wary? Yes, obviously – Esme had warned me and I'd ignored her. The feeling in the forest in our last training session – I knew now that wasn't me, that was Jasper. What had stopped him then? Someone watching, but who? I couldn't detect anyone, just a feeling of being watched. And I was sure Jasper felt it too. I thought back to the shield training sessions we'd all had together. Were there clues there? At that point my breath did get ragged. Yes, I should have seen it. The anger he put me through, was it really necessary? Could he have released me completely from that mood at the end of the session?

Edward's amorous mood – was that Jasper too? I remembered how Jasper's hand would always touch Edward at the end of the session. Yes ... yes that was it, he had been deliberately trying to make things hard for us. But why? So that I would rely on him? So that I would like Edward less? Was I … was I being groomed?

The last thought stuck like a bone in my throat. My feelings for Jasper turned. He wasn't my friend or my rock. He was my enemy and I couldn't stand him. But was he only acting that way because I was manipulating him, making him have feelings for me? But would that give him the right to … or to try to? The answer to that was easy – NO!

And what had he been babbling about, was that all part of his game plan? Was he just trying to make me curious? Well, I wasn't going to fall for that! Carlisle had said that it was fine if I cried and I wasn't the first vampire in history to do so. That was good enough for me.

I tried to imagine us as a normal human family. What would a young wife do if her brother-in-law was trying to emotionally abuse her, to seduce her even? If I were some agony aunt in a magazine what would I suggest? I thought of the daytime chat shows I'd seen on TV when I was too sick to pick up the remote and turn them off. I imagined myself sitting in a chair next to the presenter, Edward on my right …

... I heard the door being opened and sat up with a startled gasp. I'd not heard anyone on the stairs. I looked at the clock – it was an hour and a half later than last time I'd seen it. I felt very disoriented. I had just woken up from a deep, dreamless sleep.

Edward came quietly into the room and shut the door softly behind him. He came over and sat next to me on the bed. He put his hand on mine.

"I love you so much, can you forgive me?" he asked in the softest whisper, his eyes staring into mine seeking out the reply.

But my lips found his before I had time to form the words in my head.

After a minute he said, "Nessie's down stairs and will be coming up any second," and with a slightly frustrated look he pushed us both back into a more dignified position, "the joy of parenthood!"

"Later?" I said with a smile, and his beautiful crooked smile replied.

A shaft of bright sunlight escaped around the edge of the blind and fell over me, warming my face and sending dancing reflections into every corner of the room.

Nessie burst through the door. "Grandpa Carlisle said that you were resting Mommy but I told him that Mommy's don't need rest, he is funny isn't he?"

"Well, Nessie, everybody needs rest sometimes," Edward smiled, "even your Mom. We all take up so much of her time getting her to help us with what we want to do that I think sometime we should remember to leave her to rest quietly by herself." I could tell that Carlisle had had a word with Edward on my behalf despite me saying that I could handle it, but I was very grateful that I didn't have to explain it to him myself.

"But I'm all rested now, Nessie. Shall we go and find you some breakfast?" I replied.

_**Author's Note**_

_**Sorry this is so short but I wanted to finish on an up note for once!**_

_**Thank you for reading Cold Gray Light. **_

_**I really appreciate your comments - and if you don't usually comment I would be delighted to hear from you.**_

_**Best wishes**_

_**C.**_


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30 - Impass

That night back at the cottage we delighted in putting Nessie to bed together. Edward read to her from A Midsummer Night's Dream whilst I tidied her clothes away and made her bed straight.

We left her to settle and went back to the living room.

"Is it later yet?" I asked after two minutes.

He grinned at me, remembering no doubt us saying something similar when we first knew each other and I was human. "Not yet, I think just another couple of minutes."

We both knew that the 'later' to which I referred was after Nessie had finally lost her battle to stay awake. We pretended to read books, but I was not concentrating. I needed to talk to him about everything. I was going to get it over to him in language he could take in. I'd got some words sorted out in my mind. These words weren't perfect, how could they be, it wasn't a perfect situation, but they would have to do. He had to know, he had to know everything.

After seven and a half minutes he looked up from his book, grinned again and said, "It's later now."

"Edward, we need to …"

But his lips had found mine and any thought I had of talking or resting for that night was gone …

Dawn was, as usual, heralded by the noises of the birds that felt safer conducting their lives in daylight hours.

"On no, she's already awake and I am supposed to let you rest," he said swiftly, tidying the bed and making things look respectable, as well as dressing himself. I followed his lead.

"Mommy, Daddy!"

"Come on in here darling," I called back.

"OK Nessie, this is what we are going to do this morning, my love. You and I are going to the main house and find Aunt Alice, I know she has some new clothes for you to try on. We are going to leave Mommy here so that she can have some quiet time to read her book. I'll come back here and find her and we'll both come back to the main house after you've had some time with your other auntie too." He looked at me, obviously checking if that were OK. I smiled encouragingly. That was what I needed - time alone with him to _talk_. Inside I was churning with anxiety.

They left me alone. I snuggled back in bed. I didn't even have time for my usual count of regrets before sleep took me.

I was woken by the sound of footsteps in the cottage, but I was grouchy, I really didn't want to get up, I couldn't peel my eyelids open just yet. I pulled the duvet over my head and mumbled, "Just 10 more minutes". I knew that he would hear me. And I was gone again.

I surfaced again and I heard my bedroom door creak shut. It took me a of couple of seconds to realize that the accompanying, almost silent footfalls where not Edward's. I listened intently to the sounds but there were no more. I'd heard maybe five steps and that was it.

I lay motionless, listening for the tiniest sound, anything that might identify the person. There was no scent, which also puzzled me. I knew if I got out of bed and went to the door I would surely smell it, but from where I was I got nothing but … not the scent of a person, more like a plant or something. I couldn't remember where, but I knew I'd smelled it before. If only I could name it, maybe I could remember. But this could not be the scent of the owner of the feet.

There were no more discernible sounds. My panic level started to ramp up as I became fully awake. Who would come here to my bedroom door? What did they mean by such an infringement on my privacy? Were they friend or foe? Were they here to do me harm?

I had an internal battle about the best course of action. My first reaction was to cower under the duvet as I would have done when I was human. But now I wasn't human, I was strong and brave and old enough to know that bedclothes offered little protection from supernatural intruders. I decided that I needed to surprise the offender.

I flew out of bed at an insane speed, hearing the wood of the frame give way under the force of my foot as I pushed myself off. I hurtled through the cottage, growling like a wild animal. As I got to the front door, it opened, and I shot outside. I span round to see who had opened.

Alice was standing to the side, holding the door.

"Was it you?" I demanded

"Was _what_ me?" She looked quizzical, but pleased about something, "And I'm glad you're OK."

"There was someone in the cottage, I heard footsteps. Didn't you see?"

"OK, let's follow the scent."

After a moment she returned to me, "Bella, there isn't any scent … are you sure you didn't just imagine footsteps?"

"No, I was lying in bed and I heard the bedroom door creak and footsteps." I insisted

"Well I can find no trace. I'll get Jasper to come over and check, he's better at this than me."

"No … No, I don't think you need to trouble Jasper. I'm sure you did a thorough job, let's just go take a wider perimeter together."

She looked at me oddly, but acquiesced.

We circled at about a hundred yards from the cottage, searching first at ground level and then taking to the trees, but nothing.

We went back inside and I made a full search of each room, going into every corner, trying to smell things like the door handle to get some scent, but I got nothing.

Alice stationed herself on one of the armchairs in the living room, and had clearly lost her appetite for what she saw as a fruitless activity.

"Are you done now?" she asked, looking seriously at me. "Maybe if waking up is going to cause you so much worry, sleeping isn't such a good idea."

I was slightly shocked that she knew I'd been sleeping. It must have shown on my face.

"Bella, you can't keep a secret here, you know that."

I suddenly remembered why I'd been worried about seeing her."Did you come to check up on me, or … or was there something you wanted to talk about?" _Oh no,_ I groaned inwardly, _Jasper, she saw!_

"No, you'd gone."

"I'd gone where?" not understanding for a moment.

"I couldn't see a vision of you, as if Nessie was here with you but she was up at the house. You were there for a while, Edward asked me to keep checking to see when you woke up, but you got fainter and then disappeared."

"Oh that's odd … Why couldn't you see me? Maybe you can't see me when I sleep because you can't do it?"

"No, I saw you sleeping, but then not, as I said. It is fascinating how you do sleep, Carlisle is so excited. How does it make you feel?"

"Better, I think, I feel I have a better perspective on things now. Or might do if someone wasn't spying on me."

"Bella, there was no trace." She looked exasperated.

"Shall I fix you a hot chocolate. Jasper said that you seemed to be enjoying the smell of it yesterday. It may calm you, or I can get him over here if you prefer."

"No, no need to bother him," I repeated, "let me put the water to boil. I'd like to see if it still has the same appeal. We have some here for Nessie, but not the good stuff like at the house."

I went into the tiny kitchen area of the cottage. It and the little bathroom were additions that Esme had implemented last autumn. She'd thought they would be unnecessary for two vampires, but had thought again after Nessie was born.

The water came from a bore hole that we had dug deep in the forest floor and the gas was supplied by cylinder that we carried from the main house. This would have been impossible for humans but was no problem for us at all. We could easily carry a cylinder over a shoulder on the way home.

We didn't keep much food for Nessie here: a few drinks, some cereal, and eggs, the perishables being kept in a tiny gas-powered fridge in the kitchen.

"So you saw me drinking the chocolate yesterday?" I wanted to probe a bit, I needed to know what she had seen. Was she angry and hiding it well? Was she lulling me into a false sense of security waiting to pounce and ash me?

"No, I was with Jacob and Leah. She'd phased because she didn't trust Demetri, or just didn't want to have to talk to any of us, I'm not sure which, but it was inconvenient. I saw you go to the house all upset but then she phased and I couldn't see anything but myself until I was away from her."

"I knew you'd need someone to talk to, which is why I'd insisted that Jasper stay to comfort you. I hope he was helpful, he usually is very good what with his talent and all. I'd of stayed but I'd already promised Esme I'd go with her. We wanted to go with Jacob as we are the least likely warriors and it would show Demetri that the whole family has trust in the wolves, not just you."

"And did that go well?" I asked, pleased now that she'd not seen me under her husband's spell.

"Yes, no problem at all, we had a very enjoyable run, thank you. Demetri really is an interesting person to talk to, he is just so, well, _old_ I guess, but in a good way. He has seen so much and experienced so much, he is fascinating and has such a grounded perspective on it all."

"It is so inconvenient, not being able to see you. Most of the time I see you so clearly now, it's odd really, I see you more easily than the rest of family. I never know why some people are so clear. Maybe you get that from Rene, I could see her well too, for a human. It's probably a gene thing, maybe we are very distantly related."

"Yeah, I guess we may be," I said, "maybe a shared ancestor if we go back enough generations."

"I noticed first when you were in Anchorage. I saw you so clearly in the museum when you tried to talk with that mother and baby."

"Alice, I wasn't trying to kill them, I just wanted to see the baby, that's all." I'd put the incident to the back of my mind, but it certainly wasn't forgotten. The feeling of longing for another baby of my own hadn't subsided.

"Oh I know that, I could see that very clearly, but you would have spooked the mother if you had tried. Edward's reaction was only because the Volturi don't like us to pray on mothers and babies any more, even though they do smell so good, and taste it, so I'm reliably informed."

"What?"

"Mothers and babies, they smell good and taste good. That was one of the reasons for the high mortality rates during child birth in the past. It's disgusting, I don't know how they did it.

"The Volturi laid down a law when the humans started to take better care of their mothers a few centuries ago, to guide against the practice. It is not a fatal crime as far as they are concerned but they will investigate to make sure there is no evidence, if any suspected incidents come to their attention. Vampires in less developed countries where their humans don't have resources to investigate deaths still get away with it. It's officially just put down to poor medical support for the women. Some more traditional tribes have legends which are nearer the truth and try to guard against it with vigils and such."

I was horrified by this information. I realized that my mouth was open. I closed it quickly.

"The Volturi had two reasons. Firstly they didn't want any attention towards our kind, and secondly, like any good hunter, they thought the prey shouldn't be killed off in high numbers when they are just born. Best to let them mature first."

"Well, I can't agree, but I see their point," I gasped, still horrified by even the thought of it. "And you seriously thought I'd …"

"No, as I said, I could see you at that point so clearly. And you are still clear most of the time … odd really."

"So what does my future bring?"

"Ah, pretty lady, cross my palm with silver first," and she giggled. "No, that's easy, nothing unusual yet, too many decisions yet to be made, but lots are still leading towards you walking in the forest with the unknown man and Nessie. Still can't get a fix on who it is."

"Emmett?"

"Ah, well, the one of you and he in the candle light has gone, thank goodness, I never want to see that again. You have been replaced by polar bears! It's a really good job he has the concentration span of a goldfish. I think you keeping away from him is helping a lot. Jasper was even saying yesterday how much Emmett's emotions had calmed when he returned from Canada. Jasper seemed especially pleased by it. I guess it can't be easy for him, reading emotions when you and Emmett are in the same room.

"But I still see you with a man in the forest but I still can't see who it is, and Nessie is still with you. You look very serious as if something has happened but I can't get a handle on the trigger for it at all. Odd really, it must be some way off, I'm sure I'll see it all nearer the time and we can take what action we need to then, I don't think you need to worry yourself."

Her words were very calming. At least I'd lost, well maybe not lost, but temporarily distracted one of my unwanted admirers. That was very good. I didn't want to be on the wrong side to Emmett, or Rose for that matter!

"I'll call Edward and let him know you were OK. I kind of ran out on him and Demetri earlier and I need to let him know that you are awake. I can see you two need a little heart-to-heart, and I don't need to be psychic for that." But she didn't laugh at her own comment, she fixed me with a steely look. "I know you haven't told him yet, it's going to get worse until you do. It's not just you, do you know how hard I have to work to keep him out of my brain?"

"I know Alice, I'll do it when he comes back here OK?"

She called him and left, saying she'd take a run north to avoid him reading her mind.

I made the hot chocolate and sat on the chair by the little round table to smell it. I was right, it wasn't as good as the brand at the house, the smell was thin in comparison, but it was still welcome. I tried a sip, just to take my mind off what I was about to do. The taste was sweet, and bland, none of the harmony of flavors the other had. I made a mental note to buy a jar of the good brand for here.

And before I had time for a second sip he had arrived.

"Hello my love, are you OK?"

I kissed him a welcome on the cheek, making sure that it wouldn't be seen as an invitation to more passion. We needed to talk, not just enjoy each other. I was determined.

"Edward, please sit down, we need to talk." He immediately did as I requested.

"Please don't scold me," he begged, " I will try harder to let you sleep at night, I will not monopolize your time from hence forth, I promise."

He misunderstood, he thought I was going to complain to him.

"Edward, that's not it. I have to tell you about me."

He looked really guilty at this, "I don't think you need to," he confessed, "I took it out of Carlisle's mind. He would be very cross with me if he realized how much I'd eavesdropped on his thoughts before he knew I was in the house. He takes the doctor patient confidentially very seriously, but I just plowed on anyway.

"Do you know how fascinating you are? Carlisle is almost beside himself with curiosity. He's not seen anything as interesting as you for centuries. You even top the wolves for interest.

"And I … I was so truly rude to you and then I left you to cry for hours, without moving to comfort you. I know you have already indicated that you forgive me for such appalling behavior but please could you say it and release me from the personal hell I am in."

I marveled that at times Edward's cadence was so formal.

"Edward, I love you, totally and completely, the fact that sometimes we disagree is not a weakness of our love. You were right to say I wasn't being mindful enough of my actions, but calling me a child did hurt me badly. I am not a child, I am a woman, I am the mother of your daughter, but I do make mistakes as everyone does and at times my judgment will not be the same as yours. But that is in the past now, let's put it behind us. I need to talk to you about me."

"I'm listening."

"Edward, I can do things."

"Oh I know", he said with lustful smirk.

"Will you stop a minute! I am trying to talk to you about this sensibly and that doesn't help."

"Sorry Bella."

"Edward, you know I can sleep. Well I can take some food and drink too and I don't have to throw it back up."

"Yes I know, I heard this from Carlisle's mind."

"There's more. In my sleep I sometime dream like a human."

"Do you have nightmares again? When you were human …"

"Edward, please."

"Sorry"

"Sometimes I feel cold, really cold, and I find it hard to warm up. And when we were in Canada …"

"You were totally amazing, you …"

"Edward!"

"Sorry"

"When we were in Canada, I saw that baby and I didn't want to kill it, I wanted it to be mine, I wanted to have a little baby again. The time with Nessie has flown past so quick."

His head was in his hands and it was clear that he was on the point of shutting down again.

"Edward, I'm not angry or anything with you, I just want you know what was going on. I wasn't going to kill the child."

But I was too late, self loathing had set in.

"I am so sorry my love. I shouldn't have come back to you. I should have left you with Jacob, you could have had a proper life with as many children as you wanted. And now I have ruined you for the whole of eternity."

"Edward, stop! Now just stop! I love you, I love Nessie, I have no regrets about being what I am. I just have to learn to live with this longing. I thought you should know what I am struggling with. I didn't tell you so you would feel bad for me."

But it was way too late, he was wallowing.

I did the only thing I could think of, I distracted him. I stood up and forced his face to look at me and I kissed him with all the passion I could muster.

And that was the end of our talk. I'd not told him about Eleazar, about Nahuel, about Emmett, or about Jasper. I hadn't mentioned that maybe I could put thoughts into people's heads and I may have some other powerful but unspecified talents. I didn't mention that maybe I was going paranoid or that maybe there really was someone watching me at times, even when I slept. I couldn't. I'd been right, he wasn't ready to hear it yet. I was going to have to cope by myself and protect him from it. I was going to have to be the strong one here.

After an hour, we got out of bed. I fixed a happy smile on my face. He had managed to repress his regrets.

A new normality had set in. He would worry and I would have secrets and we would distract each other rather than talk about it. And so it would continue for weeks.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

By mid February the weather had worsened but life had settled into a routine.

I was still avoiding Emmett whenever possible but I had no need to worry about avoiding Jasper. He was working so hard at avoiding both Edward and me that I had hardly seen him at all since _the_ _incident_. He had taken extended hunting trips and shopping trips with Alice. He had even signed himself up for a short training course in Seattle, something about computers, claiming it would be very useful for the family. He sometimes stayed overnight in a hotel in the city, claiming it made better cover than what would be an abnormally long commute for a human. All I cared was that he was nowhere near me or Edward. On the very rare occasions I was with Edward and Jasper I shielded Jasper from Edward's mind reading. It was the lesser of the two evils to have Edward guessing why I was shielding him rather than having him hearing the truth of what had passed between Jasper and me. When Edward questioned me about it I just smiled and said I was being sneaky and doing some shield training. He didn't ask a second time.

Demetri had turned out to be a remarkably easy house guest. He'd taken to our hunting style, not with ease, but with resignation. Although he didn't enjoy the animals at all, and the smell of them even on the hunt nearly made him sick, he did have to agree that they satisfied his thirst. His eyes started to change color quickly, the rich dark red being replaced with yellow, making at first a very odd orange color before finally finding a reddish amber. This would have been a very unusual color for a human's eyes but with a pair of colored contacts they were no problem in public.

He also found that he was able to cope better with the company of humans and enjoyed taking a shopping trip with Alice to Seattle to buy clothes. He said it was much more satisfying to go shopping, rather than breaking into stores by night and taking what he wanted as the Volturi guard usually do.

He ingratiated himself with Edward by playing music with him. Demetri had been a self-taught expert on the lute in the sixteenth century but had fallen out of practice a couple of centuries ago when the instrument became very out dated. He went with Edward on another trip to the city to buy music and came back with a classical guitar which he started playing at the house. Within a very short space of time he was able to duet with Edward who was playing his beloved piano. He would sing too, his voice would rival any opera star. I had always thought that Edward's voice was the most beautiful voice that I would ever hear, a lush velvet. But Demetri's voice was like silk. Clear, strong and smooth, yet soft. His notes were precise and never cutting or harsh. His delivery was full of emotion that spoke of centuries of experience. It was a voice that would melt any heart. His repertoire would range from the chants of ancient monks through classical opera to modern pop. In fact he could do such a good impression of the 80's pop star that he looked like, a fan would only tell the difference because Demetri would get each note exactly right and the pop star would miss some.

He talked endlessly with Carlisle about the old history of our people and we all learned a great deal about the current state of the vampire world from him. He shared anecdotes with us about eccentric vampires he'd come across in his travels.

He told us of a vampire coven living in Asia who pretended to be the heads of rival drug smuggling gangs and used the inter-gang rivalry as cover for the high death rate.

He told us an of an extremely tall vampire who lived in the mountains in Tibet who had caused all the Yeti stories. He had been warned by the Volturi that he needed to curtail his appearances to make sure he was undetected in the modern human age.

He told us of an Indian vampire who specialized in hunting humans in the sea and pretending the deaths were due to shark attack. He would mimic the correct injuries on the bodies, using a shark's jaw with teeth still attached to 'bite' the drained corpses .

He talked with resignation about the West African vampire wars that were brewing and looked as if they could rival the Southern wars on our continent. The death toll was already high in both humans and vampires but the former was covered over by the high mortality from famine and drought and disease. In the past, the human authorities largely ignored deaths in rural areas, but now, with modern technology, patterns in the data were starting to emerge. The press, both local and national, were starting to question what was really going on in the villages. It wouldn't be long before the international press started to become aware of 'interesting news' and go to investigate. They may find it interesting to listen to local peoples whose cultures made them more aware of the supernatural causes, people the local authorities had ridiculed for years.

He told us of the Volturi's attempts to create skin covering creams for vampires so they can go out in the sun if required. And of similar efforts to make cosmetics for humans that would cause the sparkling reflection our skin naturally made. Neither experiment was proving fruitful so far. However, they had developed a good line of red contact lenses that they were retailing to humans, along with other colors, to try to make 'normal' vampire eyes not seem out of place to their prey. I was surprised to find that my colored contacts had been sourced from a Volturi-headed company.

One rare, cold, crisp, but sunny day, when we all had to be out of public view because of the sunlight, the whole family was in the main house and he told us his story. His face took on a new warmth as he talked gently about his human life.

"I'll start at the beginning and then I won't confuse you in the telling. My early years were very similar to most of my countrymen. I was born near Naupactus in the year 986 to a farmer, and I spent my youth tending goats on the hill sides above our village. But, like a lot of young men, I wanted to see more of the world. I enjoyed sitting on the very tops of the hills and seeing if I could see any new places that I had not been. I soon knew my way around the area better than most of the old men. I also became good at finding lost animals, and on occasions people. I never lost any of my goats in all my years on the hills. 'Demetri the finder' they used to call me. Once, in bad weather, a young child did not come home with his goats from the hills. Some of the flock came back, but he did not. We sent a search party for him. All the men of the town, young and old, went out. I went with my father and brother. We found him, his leg broken after a fall, and got him home. I knew then that the gift I had was not usual. I knew that I had been drawn to the spot. I thought that maybe God was working through me to save the boy, but I said nothing. The penalties for taking the Lord's name in vain were very high in those days. There were other times I found people – a young child who'd run away, not far, but I found her. And once I got there too late and only found the remains of a women who'd been for water at night and been set on by a bear. All these incidents gave me the reputation of 'Demetri the finder'.

"But as I said I was keen to see more of the world, and when I was old enough I joined the army. Our Emperor was Basil II. I was just a low-ranking solder as I came from a poor background, but I was useful to my superiors – they soon started to use me to find people.

"We were at war with the Bulgarians. We were trying to win back our land for our people, for our emperor, to make us glorious again. We had a huge battle in the summer of 1014. My legs were seriously injured and I had to return to my home to recover. There I married one of the women from the village who I'd always known, and she had a child, a boy also named Demetri. After a while I had to decide what I was going to do. I could farm and struggle like my father, or I could go back and be a soldier and send good money home to my wife and child. I took the second option.

"This time, I was more keen to climb through the ranks to get better pay and status. My reputation for finding people and for fighting became bigger. I was concentrating hard and practicing all I could. In the end I joined the elite forces of the emperor himself. It was an honor I was please to accept. As I was both good at combat and finding I become known as something of a 'fixer' to the Emperor, removing tricky situations and people for him. This meant that I would have a good variety of tasks, some were diplomatic assignments, and others were more straightforward 'find and kill' assassinations. The emperor came to rely on me personally both for work on the field of war and with matters of a more delicate kind, such as silencing troublesome nobles.

"I worked in this role for some years. My wife and I had a house in the city near the palace, I was no longer expected to live with the rest of the unit. We had lost our firstborn child to measles when he was only eight but we'd gone on to have two more children much later, my wife surviving despite her age which was at the time considered too old for child bearing, a miracle we called it. We thanked God for it every day. We were happy, so happy."

A sad smile appeared on his face at this memory, showing both joy and grief, even though it was almost a thousand years ago.

"The Emperor died, and so did his brother, and the new Emperor Romanos Argyros came to power. After a terrible defeat near Antioch, I was asked by the emperor to take a small group of men and find and kill a couple of the enemy generals. They were threatening our Eastern boundaries. We did not want all-out war with them, but if we could remove the two generals that were causing such trouble to our forces we may be able to contain them for a few years longer.

"I found the generals without difficulty. They were in a tent without guards on the edge of a forest. I couldn't understand it, where were their men? Why would they leave themselves so exposed? We watched and waited expecting a trap, but there was no sound, no movement in the tent.

"I went forward, sword raised. I decided to try to negotiate with them. It would be better to get a surrender than just a killing. It would give us more leverage with the rest of the enemy forces. I went to the tent and drew back the flap, and then I saw them. The two generals sat waiting, still as stone but sparkling dimly in the sunlight that filtered through the tent. I thought it was a strange war paint. It took me a few seconds to recover myself before I could deliver the message that I had come to say.

"'I am Demetri, agent and officer of Romanos Argyros. I demand you surrender. You shall not be harmed by my men if you do so.'

"'So Demetri, you have finally plucked up courage to visit us. We have been waiting all day for you to come forward. We wanted to talk with you. Were you the one who lead the men here to find us?'

"I was surprised by this answer and I replied, 'Yes'.

"Then in a moment the taller of the two was by my side. I couldn't understand how he had moved so fast but he was unarmed so I was not overly concerned. Then he lunged at me and all I felt was pain.

"I remembered hearing the shrieks of my men as they were dealt with. I assumed that they were being attacked in the same way that I was. Then I remembered nothing but wanting to die, begging for mercy over and over but there was no one there to kill me.

"They returned to me before I was able to walk and explained to me what I now was and what they wanted me to do for them. It was a very simple bargain. If I did as they asked they would not pull me apart and burn me nor would they find and kill my wife and family. I spent ten years or more working for them, trying to win over Egyptian vampires to their cause and removing those who would not bend to their will. I was rewarded with blood when I did well, and left thirsty if I was weak or lenient in the slightest.

"We also searched for talented humans, always looking for men or women with above average abilities. We would listen to rumors and reports, look who was being prosecuted or persecuted as that was so often the path for those who excelled. We found a few, but their skills were not powerful enough and they proved troublesome to us, so we disposed of them.

"I could feel that my wife was still living in our old house but our children had left. They must have grown up and married, I presumed. I could always feel where my wife was even if we were a thousand miles apart.

"After about fifteen years I was tasked with my most difficult mission. I was to infiltrate and spy on the Volturi, who were the enemy. Many hundreds of years before they had dislodged the Egyptian coven from their place as rulers of that part of the vampire world and the Egyptians were plotting their triumphant return. I was to spy on the usurpers and report back on the state of their guard.

"I found the Volturi without difficulty and tried to infiltrate. But then I was given an interview with Aro and, as you would expect, my secret was out. Amun did not know his power, or he would have seen that the scheme for a spy was useless. Fortunately for me, the Volturi had lost their last tracker a century before and were finding this a weakness. I was given another ultimatum. Be destroyed and see your family destroyed, or join the guard. I thought that I had a negotiating position, I thought that I could save my wife, and leave to live as a nomad. I had underestimated Cias' wrath. Guards were sent immediately to bring my wife to Volterra. I was given the choice: did I want to turn my wife or see her die? I chose to turn her. I thought that it was the correct choice but she died during the transformation. She was not young anymore and the pain was too much for her aging heart; it stopped before the venom reached it. She died in agony caused by me."

He stopped at this point, obviously distressed by the memory. After a silence of a minute or so, Jasper eased all of us with a gentle calming. Carlisle voiced what we all felt

"Please don't feel obliged to continue if you find this distressing."

"No, Carlisle, that is quite alright. Jasper has soothed me and all of you I think. I loved my wife very much and I miss her even now after over nine hundred years. We had such a short time together. At least she does not have to bear the burdens of immortality."

"There are indeed few vampires who were turned over fifty, I believe that it is common for the heart to be the weak point in older transitions. Of course those that survive often have great wisdom to bring to our world," Carlisle agreed.

Edward sat with his head in his hands. He look distraught. The only reason I could think of was that the agony in Demetri's mind was worse than in the words he spoke.

"And your children," Rose asked, "what happened to them?"

"Well," Demetri smiled here, "I felt their locations until they grew old, and then I felt them no more. First my son left, and then my daughter, so I feel that they must have lived a normal human life and died in the right way and that gives me comfort."

After that I stayed with the Volturi. I was in the end happy to change sides … I can see to you that would seem strange. Amun was a hard master to work for, and was a poor leader of men, his strategy and methods were rudimentary. The vampire world needs stability and that comes from the powerful, which means the Volturi. With the three brothers in equal power a fine balance is kept. Cias will always argue for vengeance, violence and strict adherence to the letter of the law. Aro will see new angles on a problem and new ways to approach it and Marcus is there to represent mercy, justice and peace.

Of course Chelsea helped me. When we are near her, she makes us feel obedient to our masters. She makes it easier for so many vampires to work and live together in harmony. I admit I feel I like them a little less now I am away from her. There is little room in the castle in Volterra and our quarters are very sparse, just a simple cell like a monk's. It is a real treat to be here in a home with a family and with a little one."

At this, Nessie took a flying leap from where she'd been sitting on the floor leaning on Rose's knees, and on to Demetri's lap.

"Well, stay with us all the time, don't go back," she squealed excitedly.

"I'm sorry, Nessie, if I could I would but I have a duty there in Volterra. We are like the policemen of the human world, like your Grandpa Charlie. Some fear us, some hate us, but if we were not there the world would be a very different and much more scary place for everybody."

The only time I worried was when Edward returned from the main house with Nessie one night saying that Jasper had just arrived home and couldn't stop thinking about me. At this my head began to spin, had he been so stupid as to think about _the incident _while Edward was in the house. I was anger with Jasper, not only had he violated me he was now tormenting my husband with the memory of it. But I soon realized that couldn't have been the case, if Edward had known they would have fought, there would be no question about any other way to resolve the matter. I didn't think that even Carlisle and Emmett would be enough to stop them. So what had Jasper let slip?

"He kept just repeating _she is a cuckoo _" Edward recounted "I think the computer course is getting to him, I remember years ago he said he thought that all this new technology didn't suit him. But still do you know why he thinks you are cuckoo, I mean I know your actions can be a little odd at times but I thought _cuckoo_ might be a bit strong."

"I've no idea what I am supposed to have done to earn that title" I replied "Do you think I'm cuckoo?"

"I think you are my beautiful wife" He replied pulling me to him and kissing me passionately, and so that evening's distractions started and nothing more was said.

The only problem with the whole _avoiding thing_ was that I saw less of the rest of the family as well, and I missed them. I made sure that I tried to find 'safe' times to visit. Alice would occasionally tip me off that Emmett and Rose were going out and I would go over and hang out with her and Esme. Alice was obviously at a bit of a loss with her husband being so unusually busy and enjoyed distraction. I'd always leave prior to Emmett's return, using some excuse but both Esme and Alice knew why I was leaving and regarded it as prudent precaution.

I also kept my distance from Demetri, there was no way that I wanted to infect one of the Volturi guard that way I had my brothers-in-law. I was scrupulously polite to him and always had a conversation with him whenever we were in the house together but I always made sure the Edward was with me, preferably standing close by me.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

I received an odd email from Renée one afternoon, it read simply,

_Hi Sweetie,_

_Please phone me in private this evening._

_Love _

_Mom_

In one way I'd been relieved to receive it. I'd been trying to phone her ever since I'd talked with Charlie about it but I'd never managed to get through to her. Her home line went straight to the recorder and her cell was either off or out of battery again.

After a week or so of this I was getting increasingly worried. Maybe there was some 'thing' she was trying to tell me and that maybe it was too late. Maybe the 'thing' had caught up with her. I was contemplating going home to see if there were any clues there to her whereabouts. But then I got a first short email,

_Hi Sweetie,_

_On tour with Phil, will call when I can, no cell._

_Love _

_Mom_

So that was it, she'd lost her cell again and wasn't at home. Well I could wait, I had longer than her, I had eternity. But saying that I was getting increasingly anxious to talk to her again.

I wondered about the newer message when it hit my mail box. What had she got to tell me that was so private? Something she didn't want the Cullens to know about. It seemed odd, but it was probably just a money issue. She must have not paid one of the bills and was embarrassed that they would see her as scatterbrain. As soon as the light started to fall I made an excuse and went back alone to the cottage, leaving Edward to bring Nessie back home by himself.

Excitement and worry coursed through me as I rang her number again. What would she say about my voice? Charlie had warned her, but even so I got myself into my rough voice zone ready to chat.

"Bella?"

"Mom?" _Good, that sounded rough – not quite the old me but fairly human at least._

"Hi Sweetie, how are you?"

"I'm fine Mom, how are you and Phil?" _Oh no – too much chime on the 'Phil'. Come on Bella, you can do this._

"Oh Phil is doing so well, his game is going from strength to strength. Between you and me I think that he may get sold on to a bigger club at the end of this season."

"That's great Mom, and how about you?"

"Oh I'm doing very well, I love to go on tour with Phil, it works out so well. I get to see the games and see the cities we are in and have plenty of time for doing my own thing."

"And what is your own thing the days?" I was probably at least three crazes behind in Renée's leisure activities.

"I've take to Genealogy," she said, "and that is what I wanted to talk to you about."

"You wanted me to call you about our family history? I thought it was something important, maybe the insurance documents had gone missing or the power company were going to cut you off or something." I was a little cross, I'd worried about nothing. Oh, how Renée to get so excited over something so dry.

"No dear, it is important. I wanted you to know that you have a long family history to be proud of and that you can stand tall. You don't need to be swallowed by the Cullens. You are not just Bella Cullen."

I didn't really understand what she was driving at.

"OK Mom ... have you managed to go back a few generations?" I struggled to find something relevant to say. I really didn't care about my long family history. My human beginnings were becoming less and less important to me.

"Oh yes, a surprising way. I'll show you all I've collected when you come to visit next. Can you visit sometime soon? It's really important that I show you about your family, it is part of who you are."

That was one of the two questions I didn't want her to ask, _when would I go visit?_ I couldn't visit, not ever. She could never see me again but I couldn't tell her that.

"Or I could come see you some time. Phil's back home for at least two months now." And that was the other question, _when could she come here?_ – again the answer would have to be negative, she couldn't.

All I could do was stall.

"Umm ... It's a bit tricky at the moment. Carlisle has a friend over from Europe so we are playing hosts at the moment. We may go off on vacation then, but I'm not sure yet. Our plans are always changing. It could be we go back to Europe with him."

"Ah, the Cullen's like to entertain, don't they. Charlie was just saying the other day that you'd had lots of friends staying just before Christmas. Are you managing to get enough rest? It's not stressing you out too much? I know you don't like crowds."

I thought, if she only knew what stress I had she'd go mad with worry. "No Mum, it's great to have new people to meet and they are all very kind towards me. And yes, they make me rest because they know I've been ill." Well at least the last bit was true, sort of, anyway.

"OK then honey, you just let me know when you decide what you're doing. But I do need to talk with you about this. I'm not going to live forever and I need to pass on what I know. "

We had a few more pleasantries and that was it, the call was over.

Why had I worried so much? Yes she'd wanted to see me but was easily put off. I had wasted months worrying about that call. I'd been so scared, yes, even embarrassed, by my new ringing voice, and she had said nothing about it. She hadn't even hesitated for a moment _–_ she knew it was me. And why, oh why, oh why does she have to get me all scared that the sky is falling in just because she has taken up a new hobby? And why was it such a secret? Had we got a mass murderer in the family a few generations ago or something? I really couldn't understand why the Cullens had to be kept out of it.

I had my mother back in my life, even if only by email and phone, and that was amazing. I felt somehow more fulfilled and confident knowing I could call her now whenever I needed, or just because I wanted to hear her voice. I smiled to myself. I loved my mother, and that was the key to it.

I thought I'd sleep better that night, easier now that one worry had gone.

Edward brought Nessie back to our little cottage. We put her to bed, Edward read her a bedtime story sitting on the low chair in her small room whilst I lay on her bed watching her thoughts. After she had dropped off to sleep I quietly left her room and went to my own bed to rest. But that night my dreams were bad again.

The dreams were mainly old nightmares from my human days, or real moments in my life which were scarier than most people's nightmares. I dreamed about being with Jasper in the woods with Nessie but I wasn't sure that it was Jasper. Then there was a scene of Demetri sitting in judgment over the three of us wearing a wig like they do in court in old films, a scale of justice in his hands. Then a scene of Renée flying through the air in a blast of wind, saving a child from a burning building. The bit about Demetri I could understand, but the Renée scene left me confused. Why would I dream that my mom would be playing fire fighter and why did I think that she could fly?

The dreams continued nearly every night. Some nights sleep would elude me altogether and my rest would consist of agitated tossing and turning worrying about my life and the effect that I was having on everyone. At other times Edward came in worried as I was talking and screaming in my sleep again, a habit from my former life.

I always woke after a couple of hours usually feeling refreshed, and at that point I would peel my shield away from my mind and call silently to Edward. The rest of the night would pass in a blur of physical and emotional pleasure.

I was still worried that I slept. Vampires don't usually sleep, but Carlisle was now giving me regular checkups. He reassured me that there was nothing wrong with me and that I just had much more than most newborns to cope with and that this phase would pass with time. Fortunately Demetri didn't seem in the slightest bit interested in me needing rest or have any clue that maybe I was sleeping.

The rest periods were helping, though. I was beginning to feel more in control of myself, more as if I could be mature and have measured responses to situations. The sleep seemed to help me adjust to life better, to take in any information and use it properly and take appropriate action about it rather than feeling a victim to every new fact that came my way. However, when the news was about my family I still found it hard to stay in control.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33 - Shadows

Nessie was again sitting on the low stool in front of Demetri, looking at him in awe. I was glad that Jacob wasn't there. I wasn't sure if it would have made him jealous but I didn't want to find out.

I marveled at just how completely Nessie had taken Demetri to her heart. She had no worries about his agenda or his reports to Aro. She accepted him just for who he appeared to be and to her he was _Demetri the story teller_ rather than _Demetri the fixer_. He would spend hours telling her tales from ancient Greece or Rome of gods and demigods and mortals that got turned to stone. She was thrilled by the tales and the obvious joy with which he told them to her.

All-in-all he did seem to be enjoying his stay with us away from his usual duties in Volterra, rather like a man on vacation, but we hadn't forgotten why he was with us one bit. His positive feelings towards us and his good grace just made the whole process much easier for all of us to bear. A spy was a spy however wide his smile.

Once a week he would send a letter back to Volterra. We all knew what was in the letters: Alice would see the act of him writing the words as soon as he'd decided what to write and Edward could pick the words and motivations from his thoughts. There were no secrets here. He gave only factual accounts of what he had seen, who he'd met, how we lived and, most importantly, how Nessie was growing and learning.

Alice also saw Aro's replies before Demetri received them. His instructions were to find out more information. Sometimes these requests were to find out more about the nutritional benefits of a vegetarian lifestyle, sometimes more about the wolves and once, very worryingly, to follow up my pre-vampire contacts to ensure that no one suspected.

The moment Alice saw this I went into panic mode. Charlie, Renée, what could I do about them? I'd only spoken to Renée on the phone, so she should be OK. But Charlie?

Edward was with me when Alice told me. I think that she had planned it that way.

"Edward, what can I do about Charlie?" a shrill note in my voice. "I could try to run with him. I could shield him from Demetri."

"But you couldn't do that forever or until he died, could you? It wouldn't be possible. Besides, if you so much as tried the Volturi would come after the pair of you and it would be certain death for you both. You couldn't leave Nessie and I won't have her brought up on the run unless it's for her own sake.

"Bella, you need to calm yourself. Charlie has never even thought the word vampire, he hasn't the first notion. He thinks that we are on some drug treatment for an illness, and that Carlise adopted us all because he has the same disease and he is a doctor. I thought it was surprisingly inventive for Charlie and will adequately protect him. Don't panic or you will make things worse."

Edward arranged with Demetri to bump into Charlie in town and allow an informal introduction that way. I was keen to be there but Edward was very firm that my presence, looking tense and edgy, would make matters more difficult for Charlie.

It was Alice that calmed me.

"I can see the whole thing perfectly clearly," she smiled. "Edward will introduce Demetri as a friend of Carlisle's who has come to stay for a while on vacation from Europe to get some fresher air. Charlie is going to invite them back to the police station for a coffee and they are all going to get on just fine. Charlie is going to talk about how quick Nessie is growing up."

"Nooo," I moaned.

"It's OK. He is going to say that you were just the same, that one minute you were a baby and the next you were running about. It's not a big deal, Bella. He is going to repeat the line that Nessie is your niece and, without Aro, Demetri will have to accept that that is what he thinks."

Two days later the encounter happened. I spent the day with Nessie and Alice, my nerves completely shot to pieces. Alice gave me a minute-by-minute account of the meeting and it seemed to be going well until Demetri came to leave and looked up at one of notice boards in the station, the missing person's board. He paused for several seconds in front of the board looking at the _have you seen_ posters. He seemed to be concentrating on a particular picture, of a young girl just turned ten who had disappeared two weeks previously in Seattle. He turned to Charlie and said, "These lost children, they bring such sadness to their families. Tonight I will pray that they find Sophie Johnson alive and well."

Charlie looked surprised but managed to recover himself to politely say, "I'm sure that the family would thank you for that. A tragic case but I don't think the girl is likely to be round here. Seattle is some distance but we keep our eyes and ears open."

And after cordial goodbyes the encounter was over.

When Edward got back I took him immediately to the cottage so that I could find out what was going on in Demetri's mind. I could see that Edward was looking relaxed but something was not right.

"Bella, we have no problems with Charlie at all. Demetri believed everything that was said and does not consider him any sort of threat to the rules."

"Thank goodness." Relief washed through me. Out of habit I sank down onto a chair.

"But what went wrong then? Why the pause when you were going to leave?"

"Demetri knows where the girl is. She is in Forks, he wants to ..."

"No we can't let him drink her, not here. I know he must slaughter hundreds of children in Volterra, but not here, he agreed. Just because she is missing, I don't see that give him a right."

"Bella," Edward held up his hand, "Let me finish, please."

"OK then, but I'm not going to like it."

"Demetri wants to help, but doesn't know how. He is going to talk to Carlisle about it tonight. Maybe set a few false clues or something, to draw Charlie to the place."

"Oh," was all I could manage. I couldn't bring myself to worry about the child. I knew that I should, but my father had just been saved. and that was all I could cope with for the afternoon. At least no one was about to die because of one of us.

The next day Demetri came to our cottage with Carlisle. They asked Edward to take Nessie up to the main house while Demetri interviewed me. Edward had no choice but to go - Demetri would have felt his presence if he stayed close enough to read his thoughts. Alice, however, would no doubt be filling him in on what was going to take place.

I was glad that Carlisle was there with me, sitting at the little table with Demetri and me, his hand supportively on the back of my chair. Nervous didn't cover how I felt.

"First of all, Bella, please can you tell me about Nahuel."

_Well that's not too bad_, I thought, _he didn't even know me before I was a vampire_.

"I am extremely grateful to him for showing himself to the Volturi council as evidence in favor of Nessie."

"And how long did he stay with you at the house after we had left?"

I thought that was an odd question to ask me. He could easily have asked Carlisle or Esme or any of the others.

"He and his aunt left the day before you arrived."

"And where did he say he was going?"

"I believe they were both going home to South America but I never asked specifically about his plans. Perhaps he has gone to visit his sister, she live here in the US."

Guilt knotted me up in the centre of my very soul. I'd not thought of him in the weeks since he had left. I knew wherever he was he would be in pain over me. Would that pain be lessening any with time? I would have loved to convince myself that it was the case but I knew in my soul it wasn't. I knew how I'd missed Edward when he'd left me, and I guessed it would be the same if not worse for Nahuel as he'd imprinted, he had no escape from it. This hell I had put him in.

"Has he been in contact with you since he left?"

It was my fault he was in pain!

"Bella?"

"Sorry, you asked me?"

"Has he been in contact with you since he left?"

"No, he hasn't. We all said goodbye and I guess we will see him sometime. It would be good to keep in touch with him and meet his sisters, for Nessie's sake."

He looked perplexed but shook his head and carried on to another line of questioning that was much more worrying to me and made me snap straight back to the here and now.

"Bella, please tell me about your mother."

"She lives in Jacksonville with her new husband, Phil. He is a baseball player so sometimes she is away from home for extended periods."

"Do you have a photograph of her?"

I found the album of wedding photos on the shelf and showed him the one of just me and Renée that Jasper had taken. It was a lovely shot, the trees were behind us and the setting sun behind them. I was still human when it was taken. It was almost shocking to see it now, I looked so pink-cheeked and wide-eyed.

"Ah, a lovely shot of the two of you." Demetri was still for a moment and then continued, "And Renée is safe in Jacksonville as we speak." He smiled at me.

"Please can you tell me all you know about Renée?"

So I told him. I told him about my grandmother, about her brief marriage to my father, about her jobs in phoenix, and her new man. The best hope for Renée was for me to be totally honest. I hated doing it, to lay it out for him to pick through, but there was no other way. Surely none of these other people would be considered any threat to our world.

"How many times have you seen her since you were transformed?"

"Never, I haven't seen her. We have communicated by email and once by phone, but I won't see her again. It would be a dangerous thing to do."

"And do you have a sister, or an aunt, or a female cousin?"

"No," unable to hide the bewilderment in my own voice.

"Umm ... but I thought ... Oh, no matter, I must have been mistaken. I see your two shadows at times and ... I must have been mistaken. I thought for a moment I could find a lost one."

I looked quizzically at him. What was he talking about? And why was he peering into my eyes, as if he was searching for something?

"I have shadows?" Was this jargon he used for some trace I left that he could pick up and track?

"It is nothing, as I say. I'm not used to being unable for feel someone's presence. I have just been mistaken. Maybe sometimes I can feel your presence just a little."

But his words didn't seem genuine. He was trying to hide something he shouldn't have said, but I didn't know what it was.

Why would I give out two shadows?


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34 - Voice

My mind could not get past two images: one of me walking in the sunshine with two shadows behind me, and the other of my mother kneeling at Demetri's feet with him holding the scales of justice in his hand. I couldn't see the connection. Was there a connection?

My mind was whirring out of control now. _What was the connection? Had what I said condemned my mother?_ In my mind one of my shadows entered the image of my kneeling mother and Demetri killed her.

"No!" I shouted.

Suddenly I noticed I was still in the room with Carlisle and Demetri. Had I just shouted that aloud or in my mind? It felt like my mind was about to explode.

"Bella, are you alright?" Carlisle was asking.

"I don't understand, that's all. If I could fit all the pieces together I could understand and it would be OK."

"Bella, there is no mystery, do not concern yourself." Carlisle tried to sooth me. He looked concerned.

Demetri was staring at my hand. When I noticed this I looked at it too. Was it a clue as well?

I was drumming my finger on the table so hard that wood dust was flying off it and my fingers were imprinting on the wood. I stopped drumming and quickly hid my hand under the table. It was only then that I realized that my whole body was swaying.

"Bella, I have to ask you about other humans you knew before you were turned." Demetri looked almost apologetic as he asked.

"What of them, do they have shadows? How many?"

"Demetri, might we conclude this interview another day? I think Bella needs to rest." Carlisle was watching me closely. "She will be here another day to answer your questions, is there a need for you to continue right now? I believe you have a few days before you need to report back to Aro."

"Yes, I think we have pushed things as far as would be reasonable today," Demetri replied to Carlisle, "would you be happy to resume another day, Bella?"

I didn't respond. I knew he'd asked me a question but I couldn't bring myself to answer. How could I want to resume when he was going to send a shadow to kill my mother? Even the walls of the house where starting to mock me now - they were pretending to move, to squeeze into us then move away and to bow round at the edges.

"I best leave," Demetri said. "Have you seen her this way before?" he muttered to Carlisle.

"No, not this bad," Carlisle answered.

"I had no intention of bringing her to this point."

"Oh, I know Demetri, but you have a job to do. If we can do it over a few sessions, it may be better all round."

Demetri stood at the front door ready to leave. Carlisle was standing too, but stayed next to me. I was so confused that I hadn't noticed that they were getting up out of their chairs. Maybe they had said something more to me and it hadn't registered.

Carlisle was looking at me with great concern. He squeezed my shoulder and spoke to me slowly.

"Bella, I'm sure that Edward and Alice will be here soon. I'm going with Demetri back to the main house now. Please sit quietly for a while and just rest yourself."

I did as he asked. I didn't move to the door to say goodbye as a good hostess should.

"Bye for now, Bella," Carlisle said, looking back at me from the threshold, worry etched into his face. As he left, the wind blew leaves into the cottage but I didn't move to pick them up. I listened intently to their footsteps taking the track back to the main house. There was no other sound. The world seemed still, even the trees weren't moving.

I was on the downwards spiral of guilt and despair.

_Had I condemned my mother to death? Would they stop at her? Would they take Phil as well? Why did they want to know about Nahuel? What did he mean by shadows – was some other being after me now? Were they going to kill my mother?_

I was pulled out of my internal hell by a voice, Edward's voice. "Bella."

I looked round for him out of instinct but part of me knew it wasn't really Edward's voice at all. Part of me knew that I was having another episode just like I had when I was human. It was the voice I courted by jumping off cliffs and riding motor bikes. It was the voice of my hallucinations, it was like an old friend. This was why Carlisle looked so worried, my behavior had made him think I was losing my mind again and I could see then that I was.

Would this voice shout at me as it had done when I was human?

"Bella, honey, it's fine, they will be with you soon. Don't worry, you did exactly the right thing."

The voice was almost Edward's, but didn't have the depth and richness, some of the underlying harmonies in the notes were not there. But at least the voice was being supportive now. I was glad of its support even though I thought it was only my mind playing tricks.

At the very least, having a disembodied voice in your head was distracting. The voice rambled on a bit more, still making soothing statements. It was pleasant company for someone who felt as alone and wretched as I did.

Too quickly it quietened to nothing and I was spiraling down into a pit of guilt. I missed the voice and wished it would come back.

But the real Edward arrived at the cottage with Alice to try to haul me out of my despair. They were a thousand times better than the voice in my head.

As soon as Alice and Edward walked through the door, Edward rushed to me. He sat on the chair next to me and pulled me into his lap. He just held me tight. I felt secure at last. And the enormity of what had taken place started to hit me. My breaths became harder to keep steady and my shoulders, instead of being statue-still, began to move slightly with each painful gulp of air.

"Shall I go?" Alice purred quietly.

"No Alice ... I'll be OK in ... a minute ... I just need a … little time to recovery."

"Hush now, my love, it's over," Edward whispered soothingly in my ear.

"Is it? ... But for my Mother?" My sobs now coming more often and louder, I couldn't control it. The tears started to leak from my eyes down my face. I knew they would see them, I couldn't hide them. I knew they knew I could cry, they'd just not seen it before. I thought they'd leave and walk away in disgust but they did nothing of the sort. If they were surprised they hid it well.

"Bella," Alice squatted down next to me and rubbed my back soothingly, "Demetri has no plans to put anything more than the fact that you have not met your mother in person into his next report to Aro."

Even with this news I couldn't let go of the vision of Demetri holding the scales of justice over my mother's kneeling figure. My breaths got harder and harder to pull, I gasped for air, the tears now flooding out of my eyes. I was blinded by them.

"Yes, call him, it would be best, this isn't doing her any good." Edward muttered to Alice.

She was on her cell instantly. "Bella needs your help ... very upset ... the cottage." She snapped her phone shut. I guessed she talked directly to Edward in her mind as he nodded.

"Just hang in there for a few minutes Bella." Alice said.

I'd supposed they'd called Carlisle back to take a look over me. Perhaps I really was losing my mind now. Perhaps Alice had seen it in my future. If I were human he'd give me a sedative and I'd sleep it off, but now, in this stone body, that wasn't an option.

"I hate this ... my mind … feels like it's going to explode! … What are shadows?" I gasped through my sobs.

"I don't know my love. It's not a term I've come across before. As far as I know there isn't a supernatural being called a shadow."

"I've not heard the term either," said Alice, "but it didn't sound as if he meant it that way at all. I asked him the other day about his gift and he told me that he feels people and they give out a feeling that is almost like an identity, more like seeing someone with particular colored hair and height and face type. But it seems to be linked in some way to their genes rather than their actual appearance, though knowing what they look like does help him. He sees family connections between people as well, though only on blood lines, marriages would mean little. He even said that being with so many of our family changed by the same person he was beginning to see a trace of Carlisle in those he has turned. Carlisle is finding it all fascinating."

Her ramblings were working; I was being distracted out of my downwards spiral. I was forcing the sobs to be quieter because I really wanted to hear what she was saying. Was there anything in there that was going to assure me that my mother was safe?

"How long now?" Edward murmured to her.

But even as he said it we heard footsteps coming to the cottage fast.

_NO! Not now, they can't have done this to me now!_ I screamed internally and the gasps were more painful still.

Jasper came through the door.

"Bella!" His voice was shocked, "... Give her to me!" He almost growled at Edward.

I didn't want this now, I didn't want to be close to Jasper, but Edward picked me up and placed me on his lap in his arms, as he sat on one of the armchairs. I made a feeble attempt to hold on to Edward's shirt – it was a futile, childlike gesture and I gave it up quickly out of embarrassment.

I knew I had to shield him from Edward. I fought hard for enough control to find my shield and pushed it over him. But control was much easier now I was in Jasper's arms. The only thing I was allowed to feel was the calm. He was pushing the feeling through all off me. I was surrounded by his body and all of it was stopping me feeling anything for myself. The sensation of it was so overwhelming. My sobbing stopped in it's own time, the odd gasp still coming after the rest had passed.

With my emotions numb, I found my brain again, and the difference was fantastic. Each thought was only that – a thought. It had no emotion attached to it, letting me think with a clarity that I had never experienced before. This must be the feeling humans seek in flotation tanks, I thought, but it wouldn't be nearly as good as this. In a flotation tank your senses are dulled and your proprioception fooled. But in Jasper's embrace I had full knowledge of my body but total release from any emotions other than calmness.

Edward and Alice sat on chairs patiently. As I wiped my eyes on my shirt sleeve, I could see that Edward was looking helpless and angry with himself, as if he'd just failed a major test. But it wasn't him that had been interviewed. I couldn't understand why he felt so bad.

Jasper sat with his eyes closed with an expression of pain on his face. Did I revolt him that much? And then it hit me – he didn't know I was shielding him. He was working hard to keep Edward out, unnecessarily.

Now I was calm, I searched for a way out of this dangerous new situation.

"I'm sick of you all talking about me in your minds," I said, "it's rude, you know, to talk behind someone's back."

And with that I flipped my shield and threw it inside-out over Edward, just like I had in training some weeks ago. But this time I had to do it. If I didn't, what would happen? Would Edward and Jasper fight? Would his secret – our secret – be out? Would Alice hate me forever?

"Now I have you all shielded, can we try to have a grown up conversation please? I'm not totally useless."

I felt Jasper relax his posture and I made to move but he held me tight. I was revolted – did he think he owned me now, here in this room, when my husband was present? It felt wrong to have Jasper's body so close to mine, to feel his strong arms holding me tight. He was cradling me as you would a child who had fallen over.

"Bella, stay here with me, it's too soon. You need me to keep you calm for a bit longer yet."

Revolted as I was, I acquiesced. He was right. Without him my grip would fall and my shield would fall and then immediate trouble would be upon us all. And I wanted this new clarity of thought for a bit longer.

"Right, does anyone know what a shadow is?" Alice asked.

Jasper replied in a slow drawl, "I used to have a shadow, when I was a boy. My little brother used to idolize me and follow me about. My mother called him my shadow. I'd forgotten all about it – in over a hundred years nobody has used that term to me." A wave of grief passed over me. It made me feel bereft, as if I'd lost someone dear to me. But as soon as it hit it was whipped away and replaced again by calm.

"I'm sorry Bella, I lost my focus, are you OK?"

"Yeah, it's just a bit of a rollercoaster of emotion, perhaps I should move now." But he held me tight and wasn't going to let me go without me making a very clear stand about it. And I couldn't make a stand without it seeming out of place to the others.

"Yes, that's it, he means he can feel people following you about. He can't feel you but he can feel them." Alice chimed

"Bella, do you think anyone has been following you?" Edward asked.

I was cagey. I didn't want to reveal to him how much I'd been hiding. "Well, I did think that maybe someone was on a few occasions but I couldn't find any evidence. There was no scent."

"Why didn't you tell me. I can help find them, I want to take care of you ... you should have said."

"Edward, I could not hear any definite noise, and no scent, just a feeling that someone was there."

"When?"

"A few times, when I was in the woods. And then once when I was here asleep."

"Someone spied on you when you were sleeping?" Edward sounded appalled.

"Well, I don't know, as I said there was no trace, I just had the feeling someone was here. I thought I heard footsteps in the house, I thought it was you but when I got up to follow them, there was no trace of anyone."

"Here, in the cottage, and you said nothing to me?"

Alice sprang to my defense. "Edward, I was here when she woke up. I checked with her, there was no trace. I really think it was just a dream."

"But with what Demetri has said it doesn't look that way, does it?"

"Umm ... point taken," she conceded.

I was feeling drained, I so wanted to take my shield down. I knew I had to break up this gathering even if we seemed to be making some kind of progress. I couldn't chance Edward finding out what else I was keeping from him.

"Edward, can you go back to the main house and monitor Demetri. I need to know what he is thinking and he'll be thinking about it more right now than later because he has just finished talking to me."

"Yes, I was just thinking that, but will you be OK here?"

"We'll look after her," Alice chimed.

Edward took Nessie's coat and boots with him as an excuse to go back to the house. We all knew Demetri would see right through it, but he would have little reason to complain. It was the polite way to handle the situation. Even in a crisis like this Edward would try to be polite about things.

He shot out of the front door. I hated to see him leave but I knew it was for the best all round. I flipped my shield back over Alice and Jasper. I knew that Edward would be able to hear them from some distance but not when he got towards the river.

"You look exhausted again," Alice said, "your eyes are jet black. When did you hunt last?"

"Will Edward get to the house OK?"

Her eyes went glassy for a moment, "Yes, no problem, did you think that there maybe problems?"

As she said that I dropped my shield – he was out of range.

I made to move off Jasper but he held on tight.

"Bella, it is still too soon. I am absorbing all your other emotions. I can tell they will be too much for you yet a while, you need to quieten your mind first. Do your thinking now and then relax your mind, then maybe try to rest."

I had to admit it was a good plan, however much I disliked being cradled by him.

My thought patterns were rushing round in my mind, each a bright clear flame that flared for just a moment and died, there were so many of them.

_Had I protected my mother? Yes. But why then did Demetri ask about other female family members that may have been here. Had he felt what he thought was someone in my family here in Forks. Was this my shadow? But I don't have any living female family other than Renée. Maybe he can see me a little at times and that is what is confusing him._

_Why had he asked me about Nahuel? I didn't want him in trouble – he had helped us – even though he had imprinted on me. _It was a relief to be able to think of Nahuel without guilt pouring into my mind. _He would be in the Amazon and in great pain right now as he hadn't seen me for weeks. I would work to find a cure for the imprinting, I would look high and low for one, I would study the mythology, I would even try to train my supposed mind-bending abilities to free him._

I laughed inwardly at this thought, as if I could ever do anything but cause trouble with my 'gift'.

"Alice, what do you see in my mother's future?"

Again she went into her trance-like state. She came back immediately. "She is coming here. I see her in the woods with you and me. We are watching the boys wrestling, but I can't see it all."

"No!"

Jasper huffed. "Bella, please try not to overreact. I don't think you realize how close you are to a breakdown. Carlisle warned us all that we need to help you keep in a steady place but you need to help yourself as well."

Alice said, "Sorry, that wasn't the right way to put it, it is just one of the possibilities. I'm sure that we can put her off."

If I could have felt relief at this, I would have. Perhaps Jasper absorbed it from me.

"I'm going to have to go and think about all this somewhere alone. I need to spend some time looking into Renée's future. She is very clear but I need to concentrate, and all this calmness doesn't help my visions. I need to be able to feel for myself."

Once more her eyes went glassy. "And you two are going to be just fine. But why do you need to apologize to Bella, Jasper? I can see you doing it as soon as I am no distance away?"

Thank goodness that is all she had seen. At least he had no other plans for me this time.

"Last time I tried to help Bella when she was upset, I said the wrong thing and made matters much, much worse for her. I really am very sorry about it, it was inexcusable."

"Oh," Alice said.

_Don't ask Alice, please don't ask_. I thought.

"Well you better kiss and make up then, hadn't you," she said, slightly shortly. "I have to go, I'll leave you to it."

She looked at Jasper. "Will you mind your manners this time?" It was an order, not a question.

"Yes ma'm."

She smiled, skipped over the room, pecked us both on the cheek, and glided out of the cottage.

"I am truly sorry, Bella, it won't happen again."

"Jasper, I have to move. You don't understand and I can't tell you why but trust me this isn't doing either of us any long term good. But thank you for calming me when I needed it." He let me up without any hindrance.

"I need to rest. Please can you stay here while I do so. I don't want to be in the cottage by myself trying to rest if I am being followed, they may come back in the house again."

But the emotions were back now and I was spiraling down again. I nearly broke down where I was. Jasper picked me up and carried me to the bedroom. I started panicking,

"Don't be ridiculous Bella, I'm just trying to get you to rest."

He lay me on the bed, lay a blanket over me and sat next to me, his hand on my shoulder, "Now rest girl!"

And within a few seconds I was gone.

I woke up hearing Edward mutter to Jasper, "This room is so calm that I almost feel like sleeping."

"I think that she'll be OK now," Jasper said. I felt Jasper's hand move from my shoulder and him get off my bed.

"Thank you for taking care of her and staying while she slept. Yeah, I know it's just fascinating isn't it, I don't know why but it just is."

The last comment pricked my consciousness enough to drag me out of the last remnants of deep sleep.

"What is so fascinating?"

"Jasper was just thinking that watching you sleep isn't as boring as he thought it would be."

As if an alarm had gone off, my brain put the information together. _J__asper thinking about me … Edward reading his thoughts. _It was enough make me leap from my bed and shield Jasper all in one maneuver.

"Enough, already, thank you. There is no requirement for you two to pick over my peculiarities together."

"Sorry Bella," they both chimed, and grinned at each other like children caught with their hands in the cookie jar. But how near had they come to being at each other's throats?

Edward reported back about Demetri's thoughts. "I stayed as long as I could without it seeming rude. He is very confused but he believes everything you said to him. He is just not sure that you know everything that is happening."

"What is happening then?" I demanded.

"He was trying hard to cover that. But again he's not sure, it's almost as if he sees Renée here at times but also still in Jacksonville. He had thought that he just wasn't picking her up properly but now he has seen the photograph he will be able to study her movements carefully. He is sure he has her feel now and won't get it wrong."

"But ..."

"I don't understand either. She can't be in both places at once, can she," Edward asserted.

"Could he be seeing me sometimes?"

"Well, he had thought that before seeing you both together on the photo. But now he has seen the photograph he knows you would have a different feel, especially now you're a vampire."

"Umm … And Nahuel, he didn't think of him at all?"

"He has no bad thoughts towards either of them, so I don't think there is any danger to either, just a bit of a mystery why his talent is playing up a little."

I was reassured. The sleep had helped my perspective and now I just had to wait for Demetri to work out what it was he felt.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35 - Messages

Alice was right, I was thirsty. In the early hours of the following morning I left the cottage to hunt, leaving Edward with Nessie as she slept. I wanted to go alone for two reasons. First, although I loved Edward 'distracting' me, a little time to think now that I was calmer and had more perspective would be good, especially outside where I could run to alleviate any stress. Second, I didn't want to feel a prisoner because of my shadows. Demetri could be wrong - maybe I wasn't being followed and even if I were my shadows seemed to be benign.

The two deer I had taken down satisfied me but I really felt like hunting a carnivore. That would have to wait for a longer, more distant hunting trip to somewhere the big cat numbers could stand predation.

After hunting I went back to the main house to say Hi to some of the women. It was usually the best time, the safest time, to go to the main house. The men tended to be out, but Rose, Alice and Esme would most likely be in getting ready for the day. Hair still had to be washed even if you were a vampire.

As I walked in I went by habit to the kitchen to look on the notice board. We always looked for messages – with so many in the household it would be difficult if we were not organized. Esme insisted that we check the notice board whenever we entered the house. We all complied with Esme's wishes, not only because chaos would ensue if we didn't, but also out of love and respect for her. She was head of the home in the same way that Carlisle was head of the family.

That morning I had two messages, one open for all to see. _Bella, Charlie rang. He's on the local news, he's found the lost little girl and is giving interviews, he wants us all to watch._ This was taken by Emmett – It had a smiley after the message and the handwriting, though not messy, was clearly not a matter of importance to the writer. My other message was also from the telephone message pad. It was folded over so that you couldn't read it without unpinning it and had _Bella_ in fancy calligraphy written on the outside. For a moment I was confused. I tried to place the style with it's owner. Carlisle was the nearest match, but not quite. The "B" had small embellishments which were not exactly right for Carlisle and didn't suit his personality. Then with a gasp I realized that Demetri must have taken a message for me. Would this person be next for an interview? _Please not my mother or any of my human friends,_ I thought to myself. _Maybe just Jacob_, and Demetri knew Jacob already.

I pulled the note down so fast that the pin holding it shot high in the air and across the room, landing dangerously point-upwards in the doorway.

I flashed to pick it up before it impaled anyone – well, Nessie or Jake anyway – the rest of us would just crush the pin without even noticing.

I read the note as I crouched down to pick up the pin

_Bella,_

_Fred (no second name given) called for you at 8:32pm on Monday evening._

_He asked you to return his call, he said that he is keen to visit you all soon._

_He wishes you and your family well_

There was a fancy "D" in the _Taken by_ box on the note.

Relief again, as this was not my family, no one human, or even wolf for that matter. The image of Demetri holding scales over my mother came instantly to my mind and evaporated just as quickly.

This was just Fred, lonely vampire Fred. We'd told him not to contact us and we'd phone him. If he brought Demetri down on his own head that was his problem.

As I rose from the floor Demetri came through the door and had he been human rather than vampire he would have tripped over me. As it was he just caught me by my shoulders and carried us round in a spin, the momentum of his forward motion being used up after a turn and a half. We came to a halt facing each other, both of us grinning widely. He stared deeply into my eyes for a fraction of a second and then looked away as if he was looking for something but didn't want to be caught looking.

"I'm so sorry Bella, I'm not used to living so close to someone I can't position. I have become very lazy. I rely on my gift so much that I don't use my eyes and ears well enough to see you before it's too late. I can pinpoint the others in the house to the nearest inch but with you I get nothing at all."

"My fault, I was crouching down behind the door. The board pin had shot of over the kitchen and I was just retrieving it." I held up the pin as if it was evidence.

"Ah, I'm glad you got your telephone message. Esme has you all well trained.

"I wasn't aware that there were any other vampires resident in the area."

"Oh, no, Fred is in Canada. I've only met him the once, but he was taken with our family and promised a visit. "

"I see, and you would have suggested no doubt that it may be better to delay such a visit until after I have gone back to Italy, that would certainly be understandable."

I smiled, not in apology, but more in recognition that my plans were very transparent.

"Yes, I didn't want to complicate things any more than required."

"Well, I think that things are slightly more complicated than you wish already. He is in Port Angeles, not Canada. I guess he is ignoring your advice."

"What? What is he doing there of all places!"

"I imagine that he is planning to visit you. I can't see why else he would have come all this way. Does he know about the Wolves? He may well cross their territory coming from Port Angeles to here."

"No, no he doesn't, we warned him not to come here without talking to us first. We said that there were dangers. We didn't specify ... he must have thought that we were lying to keep him away." There was anguish in my voice. I was starting to imaging the wolves running towards Fred and dropping in front of him as they hit his sickness wall. What would he do to them? Would he try to destroy them whilst they were down?

Demetri was suddenly very businesslike. "I can feel that he is moving towards us. We will need to move quickly."

I forced my head to think. "I have to go to him and bring him here. I need to keep him out of the wolves' territory. Could you tell me exactly the route he is going, please?"

"Certainly, but it would be a lot easier if I accompanied you."

I ran from the room. "Edward, Carlisle, Esme, anyone?" I called in a loud voice. I knew they'd hear if they were within a quarter mile of the house. "Ohhh! where are they now."

Jasper ran in. "Bella, what's wrong?"

"Fred is coming here. Demetri can feel him. We need to bring him to the house avoiding the wolves' territory. If they find Fred first they will try to defend their land and then I don't know what will happen. They could fight and they could all die."

"No problem, I can sort him out if you can shield me. He should have listened to Carlisle's instructions."

"Jasper, there is no need to kill someone just because they want to come and pay us a visit," I said, rather shocked by his assumption.

"Hmm, we'll see how it goes."

I turned to look at Demetri, "OK then, are we going to run or go by car?"

"Running, I think, it's across country. But tell me why you need to come with us Bella, Jasper and I can probably handle it."

We were out of the back door and running through the forest.

"No, we need Bella as a shield," Jasper explained as I was dialing on my cell.

"Edward, where are you?"

"At the cottage with Nessie. What's the problem? You sound distressed."

"Fred, he's coming to visit us. I'm going with Jasper and Demetri to bring him here without going through the wolves' territory. He just better not be thirsty."

I'll find someone to look after Nessie and come with you."

"No, stay there, we'll be fine. Jasper can calm the situation down and it'll all be fine. Just find Alice and keep a check on us."

"OK, will do."

As soon as I was off the phone to Edward I called Jacob's home number. The wolves never carried cells.

Billy answered. "Hello?" The gentle tone held all the authority of a leader. Even in my panic I realized that I hadn't talked to Billy since my transformation and I wondered about my reception. Despite his son's closeness to our family and devotion to my daughter, Billy may not be pleased to hear from me.

"Billy, it's Bella."

"You sound different now, like one of them. I guess that is to be expected. What can I do for you?

"Billy, can we chat later, we have a bit of a situation. Is Jacob there? I need to talk to him."

"No, but I can call round for one of them easily enough, or Sam for that matter."

"OK, thanks Billy. Tell him that Fred is on his way here. He knows who Fred is. They won't be able to fight him because he has a talent but I'm going with Demetri and Jasper to bring him to our house. We can sort this, they just need to keep out of the way and don't try to attack. Keep close around La Plush. I'll call again when it's all clear. OK?"

"Consider the message delivered. Can you fight him safely?"

"Yes, but he is only here to visit with us I think. He is trying to be sociable, not looking for a fight. But if the wolves go to attack him I'm sure he would defend himself. I don't want any fighting, I don't want anyone hurt or sick. Look, I'll call to give the all clear. Thanks Billy."

I clicked my phone shut and put on a rush of speed to outstrip Jasper and Demetri a little. I was still newborn enough to outrun everyone except Edward.

"What exactly can he do?" Demetri asked again, "I'd like to be prepared."

"He makes you feel sick if you are within a small distance of him. This is involuntary at the moment and rather cramps his social life. But he can ramp up the effect at will to make people very sick, so sick that you can't see him or even think of him without feeling sick again. It's just a mind trick so Bella's shield works against him. She can shield us." Jasper muttered quietly to him.

"Is he a fighter? I'm surprised that we haven't heard of someone with such a talent. Where did he come from?"

I noticed how easily Demetri slipped back into the Volturi plural. I hated it; the whole thought that they thought that they should know everything, them the rulers, and us the governed. I saw the image again of Demetri with scales in his hands this time with Fred in the front of him, answering for his very existence.

Jasper replied to Demetri, "No, he is only still young, a year or so, and he has not been taught. He has no coven." Jasper smiled, "Bella managed to take him down herself a few days before you arrived when she was up in Canada with Tania's clan."

"Bella, I didn't realize you were a fighter as well. I'm impressed."

I replied, a little irritated by his tone, "There is no need to be, I'm not much of a fighter at all. I was just worried about what Fred was going to do to my family and I needed to stop him. I need a lot more training to be much of a threat to anyone with the least bit of skill."

"Yes we all needed instruction in the beginning. I'm sure Jasper is well placed to instruct you."

"I've given her a few pointers. I don't like to see my sister defenseless."

"Who created this Fred? And why is he loose to trouble the world?"

That was the question we feared on Fred's behalf. This was the reason we'd asked him not to come here while there was one of the Volturi guard living with us.

"We will leave him to tell his own story, Demetri. He is not our responsibility. He is not part of our coven. He does not live like us. He needs to talk for himself," Jasper exclaimed forcefully.

"Well said my friend, I'll talk to him. Bella can shield me while I do so, if she would be so kind," placated Demetri.

"I don't mind helping you to talk to him but I'm not helping anyone pull him apart without good reason."

"Let's hope that doesn't need doing," Demetri said grimly. "It is not for me to judge, but for my masters."

Again with the 'masters thing', why did he have to be so subservient to them?

"Look, we aren't going to fight him, he is just coming to visit us. We are just collecting him so he doesn't have any trouble with his journey, that's all." I was feeling agitated now. I didn't want any fighting, it was so unnecessary. The only problem was that he may run into the wolves on the way to us. Did we have to blow it up any more than that?

It took us sixteen minutes to get close to Fred. We were intersecting his path from an angle to stay in our territory. At the edge of the wolves' territory I stopped running and turned to Demetri .

"Thank you for your help, Demetri. You better go back now. You are our guest and it would not be right to put you in danger. If you could, please just tell me the right direction to find him."

"Bella I don't think that there is any danger here. I'll come with you, you'll find him quicker with me."

"Thank you Demetri. Let's be in and out of their territory as quickly as we can."

So we ran quickly forward into the wolves' territory, which made me feel uncomfortable even with the warning I had given Billy, but there was no sound or scent of wolves in the air. I shouted into the forest when we were about quarter of a mile away.

"Fred ... Fred it's Bella. Just stay where you are. We are coming for you, don't keep running."

As we got closer I pushed my shield over Demetri and Jasper, and we slowed. Fred had slowed too. I could hear him now.

"Fred, it's Bella. We've come to show you the way to our house."

And he was there between the trees, he'd come to a halt. I looked at Jasper and Demetri checking that they were not affected by him and they looked OK.

"Bella, I wasn't expecting a welcoming committee. How did you know where to find me? I've missed you so much."

Fred, beaming all over his face, walked forward to greet me. He was just as I'd seen him last time, glorious, blond haired, about 6'2". He walked directly up to me and grabbed me into a big bear hug, Just due to his size, he picked my feet off the floor.

"It's so good to see you again Bella."

I was stunned. This was a bit familiar for someone who I'd only met once, and the last time I had got into a fight and injured him. Jasper and Demetri immediately took up defensive crouches, and growls issued from Jasper's chest. Fred put me down immediately.

"Step away from her," Jasper growled.

Fred look puzzled but did as he was told.

"Jaz, it's OK, he's just being friendly, he means me no harm."

Jasper straightened up, obviously feeling that he had overreacted. Maybe it had taken that long for him to process Fred's feelings as well as his actions. Jasper, coming from a different era, would never have walked up to a female outside of the family and hugged them. He would consider this inappropriate.

"I'm sorry, my misjudgment."

At this Demetri straighten up too.

Fred looked at us all and noticed the tension.

"Is there something wrong?"

"Long story, Fred, we've got to go. This isn't a good place to be."

"I've had no trouble."

"Trust me, come with us, we need to be a couple of miles north, that's all. This isn't our territory."

"Another vampire? Maybe I can help."

"Nothing that easy. Come home with us and we'll explain it to you. There is no danger if we stick to our own patch."

"Let's go."

And we ran. We ran fast, straight for our border. We were about half a mile away when we heard them. They were going to cut us off before we crossed the line.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36

They came into view, five enormous wolves, Paul at the lead. Not what we needed. Paul was the most volatile of Sam's wolf pack, and by the look of it, he was at point and was heading this sub-pack today. He was much bigger than the rest. I knew none of the other four wolves; they were probably just young teenagers, turned because of the vast number of vampires that had been around Forks that winter. They must have lined up with us that day in the clearing when the Volturi came to rid the world of the Cullens, but I didn't know any of their names. I felt shame for not thanking them properly, for not taking the time to understand what our presence had done to their lives. And now instead of allies they stood against us. These new wolves, though young and less experienced, would be unpredictable and unsafe.

Jasper and Demetri immediately stepped in front of me and took up defensive positions. I knew I was the least good fighter of the three of us but even so I was rather taken aback by their action.

"What … What are they? Can they hurt us?" I heard Fred gasp.

I knew I had to shield the wolves from Fred, so I extended my cover over Paul and this was enough to feel the other four were covered. I just didn't have the confidence to do an inverse shield over Fred at such a crucial time. I was glad that their minds were so connected in wolf form that I could just cover the leader and I was sure that I had all the rest.

Paul bared his teeth at us. All the younger ones growled at us quietly.

I decided to try to talk our way out of this. I wanted to try before any of the men in the party let their macho sides get the better of them.

"Paul," I addressed him directly even though I could only see him through the space between Jasper and Demetri, "we are just going back to our lands. We came in here only to remove this vampire from your territory. We meant you no harm or disrespect."

He barked in reply. Without Edward it was impossible to understand the content, but it sounded as if he wasn't happy with my explanation. I really wanted Edward to be there with me, I missed him in that second, like I missed him when he left me for _my own good_ when I was human. I needed him, not only for his talent, I just needed him.

But why was Paul being so unreasonable? I'd explained and he was still just standing there barking and growling. Sam's pack was never as happy with our company as Jacob's pack and evidently Paul was very much anti-vampire, even though he had imprinted on Jacob's sister and was likely to be Nessie's brother-in-law some day. Paul was sticking to the _vampires and werewolves are mortal enemies_ line – or so it appeared. I'd not experienced this prejudice before, being hated just for what I was, and I didn't like it. Yes, I'd seen it from both Jacob and Edward, but I'd never been directly on the receiving end and it hurt me.

"We don't want any trouble Paul," I repeated, "Please let us back to our lands. We will take care of Fred and keep him off your patch."

And again I got no positive response from him, just more growling and teeth. Was he really just anti-vampire or was there more to it? Did he want to fight four vampires with only a pack of cubs at his disposal? I couldn't understand it.

Jasper sent out calming feelings and the younger ones quietened and relaxed their stance. Paul, however, didn't change his stance much, although he did stop bearing his teeth.

A gust of wind blew my hair into my eyes and ruffled the leaves in the bushes close to us. It did nothing to lessen the tension.

This was going to be difficult. We were in the wrong; we were on their side of the border however good our intentions. They were calm now but standing their ground. And we had Demetri with us. Yes, his fighting skills may be very handy, but if he should get hurt at all what would the Volturi do? In fact, what would he report back to Aro about this incident? Would it be enough to send the guard to eliminate the 'problem' from the area, as no doubt they would see it?

The voice started in my head again, not Edward but an Edward imitation, like a copy of the grand master, identical until the details revealed a mass of differences.

"Keep talking Bella," the voice urged, "Just think carefully what you want them to do and explain it to them."

I followed the suggestion. "Paul, please let me explain to you why we are here. Could you change back?"

He gave a short bark which was obviously "No".

Why was he doing this, making things so hard? We'd got up from our defensive positions. "Look, I'll come away from the other three and explain if that makes it better for you. We don't want to fight."

"No Bella, don't put yourself in such danger!" the voice almost shouted. "You just need to think about what you want them to do."

The short bark again.

"What are they … My God, they smell bad," whispered Fred in a very low voice for us and not the wolves.

So many people talking at once was very distracting. But I was sure I could hear another noise coming in from the left. Maybe some animal approaching slowly. I couldn't turn to look, I was mesmerized by the wolves. I thought I heard it fall into the undergrowth and make odd sounds – was it vomiting? So Fred couldn't even be near animals – this wasn't going to be good. What would he do to a wolf?

"Werewolves, shape shifters, whatever you like to call them. Sometimes man, sometimes wolf, and they could tear you to shreds," Demetri said. "And this is their territory."

"I didn't know. I just thought I'd surprise you with a visit. I didn't realize the danger I'd put you in. Why can't I make them sick?"

"Bella is shielding them, I think."

"Of course I am," I snapped, the tension getting to me despite Jasper's influence. "They are our neighbors and my friends, I don't want you to make them sick. They are very nice people if we stick to the rules. We are in the wrong here, not them. I don't want you making them sick unless we really have to."

I walked forward, past Jasper and Demetri. I heard Jasper's worried hiss, "No Bella, it's too dangerous."

"Jasper's right," the voice said, "don't do this, just think about it."

But I ignored both of them and walked half the distance between the two groups. I felt alone there, very vulnerable. I couldn't stand up to five wolves by myself and the wolves knew that. I had thought about it. I needed to bring this to an end, and bridging the gap between wolves and vampires was kind of my specialty. I had to do this.

"Paul, we were only trying to get to Fred to stop you finding him first and causing you problems. Fred has a talent which would be … unpleasant for you." Did he hear the hesitation in my voice? I didn't want to play it up, after all maybe Fred couldn't make the wolves sick. "He didn't know about the territories, or about you, he has just come to visit us. That is why he was traveling through here. He wasn't hunting. He was traveling from Port Angeles to our house and this is the direct route."

Paul stood his ground. He was calm, but didn't move an inch, not even a twitch of his ear. I thought that maybe he was communicating back with Sam. I waited a minute or so but still no change in his stance. If only Edward was here.

"Paul, may we could go back to our land?"

A short bark. I assumed a "No" again.

"Paul, I'm shielding you. Do you want me to stop?"

He looked at me with a definite sneer on his face, his nose raised at an angle, his eyes not moving from mine. He sniffed. It was a dare, without a doubt. I could almost hear his words, _Bring it on, bloodsucker_.

This wasn't going as well as I'd hoped. I was calculating what I would do it Fred made them all very sick and calculating what I would do if he had no effect on them. Better sick than a fight. Maybe if I tried to expose Paul that would be enough.

Part of me marveled how I was now coming up with a strategy. It may not be a good one but at least it was a plan. Maybe I was learning from the others more than I realized.

I carefully pushed the shield over the other four wolves, counting to make sure I could feel them all. I could feel the part of the shield I was holding over Paul, I could so easily retract it. The whole of my shield was aching to be retracted.

"Paul, don't worry, I am shielding your pack but I think that you need to experience this. Fred, could you come over and say 'Hello'".

Just at that moment, before Fred had taken his first step, we heard other footsteps, or rather pawsteps. More wolves, re-enforcements no doubt. Maybe if we were lucky it would be Sam. Maybe we would be able to talk our way out of this without making anyone sick.

I waited to extend my shield over the newcomers.

Jacob in wolf form tore through the trees and stopped just fifteen feet from where I stood. At his back he had Embry and Quill. He walked up slowly to stand beside me. My relief was complete, my vulnerability gone.

Jacob in his huge russet wolf body, suddenly put his head back and howled so loud that I jumped backwards involuntarily. Embry and Quill fell in beside me and Jacob and we began to walk towards Paul and his pack. Jacob walked slightly ahead and was soon nose-to-nose with Paul. Jacob, the bigger wolf by far, barked again. They stared into each other's eyes for a full minute. I guessed they were trying to communicate with each other. I didn't know if they could as they weren't the same pack and Paul wasn't an alpha.

The atmosphere was weird. Jasper was calming us, but we knew we might need to fight our friends for our lives at any second. I didn't understand why Paul was doing this and kept repeating to myself under my breath, "Just move aside and let us through, just move aside," to try to stay focused.

Paul moved his gaze from Jacob to me. At this point Paul walked five steps to the right and flopped to the floor. The four other young wolves whined a little and moved aside as we walked forward past them. Jasper, Demetri and Fred followed very rapidly. As we passed the wolves I turned so that I could keep my shield over them as we left.

"Fred, just keep looking forward," I ordered, "and run to the side of the others."

I heard him go with Demetri, but Jasper held back to wait for me, still pumping calm into the situation. I removed the shield and turned and ran slowly away, flanked still by Jacob, Embry and Quill.

Once we hit our border, I found Fred and Demetri standing fifty feet apart, Fred looking in the opposite direction.

I knew somehow that I could do this now, I threw my shield towards him wrapping it round him like a cone as I'd done in practice with Edward. I made sure that the seal was tight and walked towards him.

"Bella, I'm so sorry."

"Not now Fred, let's get home."

And with that we ran home, the seven of us, four vampires, three wolves, in close formation.

On the way I phone Edward and got him to meet us at the main house. I wasn't sure what the implications were of the encounter. I needed to get him away from our cottage where he was alone with Nessie if Sam's wolf pack were in a bad mood.

I was thankful for Jasper's presence on the way home. The release of tension had me shaking like a leaf and he kept pushing calm on to me to stop me panicking. And it was Jasper I looked to now for what to do when we got home.

"We'll need to secure the house and patrol until the situation is clear," he said in his Southern officer's drawl.

By the time we had reached the lawn, Edward had heard his thoughts and had brought down the first floor metal shutters and was waiting at the bottom of the porch steps.

We halted in front of the house, the wolves too big to fit through the door. Edward started translating for Jacob.

"I don't know what Paul's problem is. We will patrol the perimeter. What Paul was doing was unauthorized by Sam or me. He seems to be trying to take a harder line with your family than either of us require him to do. The power of his little babysitting duties seems to have gone to his head. I need to speak to Sam about this incident."

"I'm so sorry," Fred repeated, shaking his head. "I shouldn't have ... I didn't mean for this."

"We did warn you not to visit without arranging it first," I groaned. "Did you just think that we didn't want you here and were trying to put you off?"

"I know that I'm not good company," Fred said in a dispirited voice.

"No time for that now," Jasper said, pulling us back to the reality of the situation.

"Where are the others?" he asked Edward.

"Rose and Esme are inside with Nessie, and Alice and Emmett are just coming up to the river right now. Carlisle is still in surgery at the Hospital."

"OK then, we don't want to fight with Sam's pack but if they come to attack we need to defend ourselves. You, could you make them sick without doing permanent damage?" His last remark he directed to Fred in a rather unfriendly tone.

"Yes, I could do that if it works on the wolves but I don't know if it will."

Seth came plunging through the undergrowth at that point still as a gangly youth.

"You could try it on me," he said, "as long as Bella is going to shield me again as soon as we are done."

"Are you sure, Seth?" Edward asked, concerned for his friend, "We don't know what it will do to you, how long the effects will last."

"Someone has to find out, and best not take one of the older ones, they are better fighters than me."

"OK then," I said. "You OK with this Fred? Just as mild as you can to start with."

"But he's just a kid, a human kid," he answered, looking at him coming towards us from the other side of the lawn.

I switched my shield from just over Fred back to over everyone else. Because Jacob was pack leader, Seth would automatically be covered if I put my shield over Jacob, so I asked Jacob to move to the end of the drive, away from my shield and away from Fred's influence.

"Looks can be deceptive," I answered to Fred and then addressed all of them, "Can you all just stay still so I can make sure that I have you covered?"

Fred and Seth walked to the middle of the lawn and faced each other like some kind of old-fashioned Western gun battle in a bad movie. I had the urge to giggle, but I stifled it.

"OK Bella," Seth said, "take your shield away."

Jacob barked from a distance.

"Jacob want's him to transform, he doesn't trust Fred," Edward whispered.

Suddenly from where the youth stood an enormous tan wolf erupted towering over the vampire.

Fred was visibly shaken. He jumped back five feet and took up a defensive crouch, a snarl coming up from his chest. Seth on the other hand gave a great wolfy grin, sticking his tongue out at the side of his mouth and the sound he made was definitely a snigger.

I flitted to Fred's side and put my hand on his shoulder. "It's OK Fred, he's a friendly monster. You don't have to get worried, he isn't about to attack. It's just a better test this way, even if he has ruined another pair of pants. Don't forget, mild at first."

Fred took a few seconds before he realized that he'd overreacted and came out of his defensive stance. "I've never seen anything like that before, that was so ... cool, I guess."

Seth gave a jubilant bark and showed all his teeth, pleased at the complement.

I peeled my shield away from Seth, leaving him exposed; it took all of two seconds before he was vomiting. I threw the shield back over him and we all started to walk towards him to help him up.

"He's thinking _that wasn't nice at all._ Well, something unrepeatable, but that was the gist of it," Edward said. "Was that as mild as you can go, Fred?"

"Yes, that's the best I can do at the moment. I might be less powerful on a calm day but I wasn't trying to make him bad. That was a 'without trying' level for me. They don't seem as resistant as humans or vampires."

We didn't make it to Seth's prone wolf form before Leah, also as a wolf, shot out of the forest and to Seth's side. It was fortunate I had Jacob protected again or she too would be sick. She nuzzled Seth as he lay whimpering on the ground. Then she turned on us, Fred, Demetri, Edward and I as we walked closer to Seth. We all stopped, assuming a defensive crouch again. I hadn't seen Leah for months, not since that day in the clearing. I knew she was about but I'd not actually seen her. I was shocked to see how thin she looked. But for all her lack of girth she looked terrifying as she stood growling and barking what must have been hideous words. Her fur was raised around her neck. The blistering anger she felt for the plight of her brother was evident in every muscle in her body.

I thought to myself, _Leah, we are your friends, don't hate us, we need your love._

As her head came up to look directly at our group, she quietened and stood completely still, just staring at us all.

I assumed Jacob had ordered her to back down.

But suddenly there was what almost sounded like a snigger from Seth, and Edward cursed under his breath.

"Well, I think we may have another difficult situation on our hands." Edward stood up.

Jacob barked as if agreement. Leah hadn't moved an inch. Jacob barked again and she shot off into the forest.

"Why this now?" Edward demanded of the sky.

I had no idea what he was talking about.

"We haven't got time for this now, we've got to patrol," Jasper insisted. "Fred, stay here and assist if we get any incoming trouble."

Fred nodded in agreement, "It's my fault we're in this mess."

"But you'll need to stay here with Bella until that point and then stay with her as you meet the wolves."

I again changed my shield to do an inverse protect of Fred. I walked up close to him to make it easier for myself.

Edward translated for Jacob. "We'll take the border down towards La Plush. Hopefully Sam will come and we can talk."

"Alice, Emmett, Rose and I will take the North side of the perimeter." Jasper ordered. "Edward, if you stay with Bella and Fred to help coordinate us all. I have my cell with me.

"Sure," Edward said, looking a little disappointed.

"You all have to defend the house as well," Jasper reminded him. You have Esme to assist too.

"I want to help in whatever way I can," Demetri said without hesitation.

It was obviously a sincere comment.

"Thank you," Edward said, "but we can't risk you being in a fight. If anything were to happen to you it would mean certain death for all the wolves and probably for our family as well."

"Yes, I see the predicament, a difficult diplomatic situation," Demetri said. "I can help with the defense of the house if they get that far, we all need to fight for our lives."

We talked as we turned into the house, leaving the others running off to their duties.

"Where's Nessie," I asked Edward, surprised that she wasn't in the lounge.

"Upstairs. Esme is trying to get her to have her nap. Esme thinks that it would be good to try to keep to routine so she's reading a book to Nessie. I think Pride and Prejudice should be enough to send anyone to sleep."

"It's beautiful, how can you say that? Sometimes I think that you have no poetry in your soul Edward." I so wanted to ask him what had just happened, what was in Leah's mind, but it would have to wait until we were out of earshot of Fred and Demetri. I didn't understand the incident, but it was clearly something. Something that Edward knew, the wolves knew and Jasper knew, but I didn't.

Once we entered the lounge we settled to wait. To wait to see if the other wolves, who I still thought of as our friends and neighbors, would turn on us again.


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37 - Patrol

After thirty minutes I'd had as much as I could take. The tension was getting to me and I was tired again. I could feel my shield trying to recoil. I knew I couldn't let that happen, it would expose Fred and make the others sick.

"It's no good," I said, exasperated, "I'm going to have to hold on to you, or my shield will weaken. I'm sorry to invade your personal space and all that." I took hold of Fred's shirt and immediately the shield flowed down my arm and over him with much less effort.

Edward stared at me, appalled.

"I have to," I mouthed at him. "I love you."

He didn't look much less appalled even then but there wasn't anything that I could do about that in the short term. I was trying my best and I was new to this. We may need Fred to work with us; what I was trying to do is keep everyone safe.

We sat in silence, Demetri, Edward, Fred and I. Edward would occasionally fill us in on what was happening and as yet it was nothing at all, no sign of Sam or of any other wolves from his pack. Jacob was trying to talk with him through thoughts but not getting any replies.

Apparently Paul had been given charge of the four new wolves a couple of months ago to take them through some training. Since Jacob left, Paul was now the beta is Sam's pack and had to report to Sam, his Alpha.

Jacob's pack had a couple of new recruits too, both of whom were now patrolling with Jacob and the four others. Jacob had not spoken about them before and I guess that I'd never bothered to ask where all those wolves at the stand-off had come from. The most surprising thing that Edward reported was that both of these new recruits were girls, and they both appeared to answer to Leah. Edward found the pack dynamic as interesting as ever, the soap opera having many more characters now. I was sure he edited out at least ninety-five percent of what he heard. Something was amusing him and worrying him but I didn't know what it was.

But what was clear was that Jacob's pack acted with discipline, carrying out Jacob's commands to patrol without complaint.

Jasper and the others patrolled a half circle around the house, turning when they hit Jacob's half circle. They found no trace of incomers.

Demetri was fascinated by the whole situation, and looked at it from a diplomatic and military perspective. He listened with interest to Edward pulling thoughts out of the minds of those on patrol. As I watched him I thought that he looked more interested in Edward's ability to do this than in the things he was saying. I realized that this was the first time that Demetri had seen Edward's gift working fully from the same side of a conflict, and he was clearly impressed at the strength it gave our side. I was just glad that Alice at least was safe from his attention as she couldn't see the wolves, so her talent was not of any help in this situation.

Then it happened.

Edward said simply, "Paul's pack are coming. They are going to attack from the North, five wolves. They are after Fred and anyone who guards him, but not Nessie, of course. Paul hasn't managed to talk with Sam yet for some reason."

He called Jasper and speed talked him through the situation.

Jasper decided on a show of force, running around to Jacob's side of the perimeter, the idea being to use overwhelming numbers to avoid a fight or the need to make them sick.

Edward turned to Fred and I. "Jasper would like you and Fred out there too, he is sending Rose and Alice back here for defense. That will give us four plus Demetri at the house"

Without hesitation I sprang to my feet and pulled Fred up after me. I turned and saw Edward's face, a picture of worry and revulsion. He started towards me but I was already moving. I couldn't comprehend what his problem was and I hadn't got time.

We were out the back door and off to find Jasper in a second. I tried to focus, not to think too much about the expression on Edward's face. I grabbed Fred's hand to run, it was easiest that way to keep him covered with my inverted shield. I couldn't risk him causing any problems yet.

Holding hands with another man felt all wrong. His hand wasn't the same as Edward's, it was bigger and slightly more bulky, and he held my hand tighter than Edward did, not unpleasantly so but still it was noticeable. Maybe Edward retained his habits from my human days when he had to be so careful not injure me just by squeezing me too tight. This hold would have put me in hospital with crushed finger bones for sure, but for now Fred's hold on me was reassuring for both of us.

I heard Rose and Alice enter the house by the front door before we jumped the river.

A great howling rang out and we sprinted in its direction. As we approached we heard Jasper and Emmett running in from the South East. We followed the scent of the wolves around a stand of spruce and there in a small clearing we saw them, the five wolves from Sam's pack lined up in a v-formation with Paul at the head. They were facing all of Jacob's pack, with Jacob at point and Leah to his right, Embry and Quill to his left, and Seth and the two new she-wolves further behind, but just as ready to fight.

Jasper and Emmett ran in behind Jacob's pack and we joined them and spread out into a line, Fred and I still holding hands, something that Emmett noticed immediately and clearly didn't like.

We had the numbers, seven wolves and four vampires. Surely Paul wouldn't try anything, not with just the five of them. I wondered why Jacob didn't just give him an order like he had earlier, or was there more going on than that? Did Sam know what was going on? And why wasn't he here?

Jacob stood his ground and snarled at Paul. The wolves behind Paul seemed less keen to respond with bared teeth than Paul was. Jasper again flooded the situation with calm. Again the growling stopped but the two leaders stood still with their eyes on each other. The seconds ticked by. We all stood motionless.

In the trees above there was movement. Some animal, I assumed, scurrying away from the situation, sensing the danger in that air. A breeze ran round our feet, almost as if it held something and was going somewhere. It seemed familiar, but I couldn't place it. I'd felt a breeze like this before, but when? First this morning, and again now, but also long ago. But when and where? I snapped myself out of my distant thoughts. I had to deal with the here and now, with these hostile wolves, or at least wolf, trying to get himself and the others – what? Killed?

"Think carefully Bella. Think what you want them to do." My voice was back. I didn't want it disturbing my thoughts now, I had enough to think about. I tried hard to ignore it but it persisted.

"Bella, what do you want the wolf to do?"

Before I'd even framed an answer to the question, a distant howl came without warning from the far North, and the five wolves that we faced turned about and ran.

Jasper was on the phone instantly with Edward. But Jacob's pack went back to patrolling the border.

Emmett looked over at Fred and I, looking puzzled and upset. I didn't see that it was any of his business who I held hands with but decided to explain anyway.

"This is the easiest way to hold the shield over him," I explained, raising our linked hands in emphasis.

"Well don't you be getting any ideas about my little sister," Emmett said gruffly, walking over to where we were standing and looking Fred in the eye. They were much the same height but Emmett was far more muscular and looked intimidating to say the least.

"Hey, I'm sorry that I've caused you a problem with the wolves, and this," he nodded to our linked hands, "was her idea not mine."

"Fred, this is Emmett, my other big brother."

"So you're the guy that Bella took down a few weeks ago then? How is that working for you?"

"Emmett! What is your problem? Will you stay focused on the job in hand, you know, the wolves."

"Yeah, right, little sis... We can talk later," and he strolled over to Jasper. His final remark was addressed to Fred in a very threatening tone. Could he really be that upset that I was holding hands with this man, even though he knew I had to? Was he worried for Edward's sake or just plain jealous? Then it hit me, he may very well be jealous. Not this again, another problem! I was going to have to be in close company with Fred all the time he was here. Were Jasper and Emmett going to get awkward with him about that? I'd thought that Edward might find it hard, he was my husband after all, but the others? They knew I wasn't theirs, nor was I ever going to be. Why were they doing this? What did it matter to them that I had to be physically near Fred? There was nothing going on between us. I'd only met him once before and then I'd removed part of his ear.

Jasper came over. "Edward says that Paul got a _stand down and return to base_ command from Sam. Edward can't hear Sam from this distance but the thoughts that he could read from Paul showed that Sam was not pleased with his actions. I think that we need to keep up the patrol for now until Sam talks with Jacob but it looks like we may be OK. If you and Fred go back to the house for now, Emmett and I will take the half circle together and Edward can send you out again if we need you." And with that he was off into the woods with Emmett.

We walked back to the house, still hand-in-hand, but when we got to the door I switched to holding his shirt again. He said nothing but gave a tiny smirk when I did this. I didn't understand this expression – perhaps he just preferred less skin contact.

When we came into the house Nessie ran straight at me, jumping from ten feet away into my arms. It was all I could do to catch her in one arm and keep hold of Fred with the other.

"Mommy, Daddy said you were outside with Jacob."

"Yes I was but I think that most of the wolves will go home soon and then maybe in a while when Jacob's had a chat with Sam, Jacob may come in and see you before he goes home. We'll hope so, shall we?"

"Oh, yes, I haven't seen Jacob for ages."

"Nessie, you saw him yesterday. You can't expect him to spend all of his time with you, he has responsibilities in La Plush."

She made a grumpy face at me. I knew too well that Jacob would spend much more time with Nessie if Demetri wasn't here and if we let him. I thought that they should have some separation (as my Dad use to call it) or else they would get too dependent on each other too soon, and besides which I wanted to have time with my child while she was young. I didn't see why I should give it all up. Jacob would probably have her for the rest of eternity as soon as she was fully adult.

Fred couldn't take his eyes off Nessie.

"This is your daughter?"

"Yes that's right, this is our Nessie."

"But she is so big and you are so young. I still can't get my mind around it. And she has a heartbeat and everything and… and she is so pretty."

"Thank you," Nessie chimed, with an enormous smile on her face.

I really didn't think that all these compliments were doing her any good. They were bound to be having an effect on her personality. Would she end up as an unbelievably attention-seeking adult and make everyone else's life miserable?

"I wanted to be a teacher before I was turned. Not young children, but eleven to fourteen year olds. I was going to teach Science."

"It may still be possible if that is what you want to do now," I suggested.

"I not sure that parents' evening would be too much fun if I'd slaughtered the class, but I guess I could always take the parents out couple-by-couple as the term went on. I haven't even talked to a human in over a year, I just make them sick if I'm close by. When I hunt I tend to go for a pounce and kill method, it is offputting if they puke before you feed. The smell is awful."

"We don't hunt people, it's wrong," Nessie said simply. "Even though they do smell tasty."

Fred looked taken aback at such a dismissal of his lifestyle.

"I used to have donated blood when I was smaller but Mommy says I'm too grown up for that now."

Fred looked taken aback. "You got people to come here and donate blood?"

"No," I smiled at the thought. "Carlisle is a doctor at the local hospital and managed to buy a supply when she needed it. In fact I had to drink it when I was human and pregnant with her – I couldn't keep much else down," I explained.

"Wow," was all Fred could manage.

"I didn't realize that you pregnancy was so traumatic all the way through," Demetri said. "I was under the impression that there was only a difficulty at the end. Aro never said – I'm sure he must have seen it in Edward's memories."

I suddenly felt uncomfortable. We knew the other task that was planned for Demetri when he returned to Volterra and I knew that information about my pregnancy may not be in his best interest to hear.

"Well, it wasn't pleasant, and as you know Edward had to turn me as soon as Nessie was out of me. It was a close thing – if he wasn't so clever I would certainly be dead."

Edward, who was sitting in the chair next to mine, reached across for my hand. "It could so easily have been the worst day in my life but now I think of it as the best. Not only were you safe but we have Nessie. I just don't want another day like that again, ever, in the whole of eternity."

"I should gather all the facts I can about you pregnancy so that I can report it back. It is the sort of thing that the Volturi should know and have a record of for the future."

Now I felt very uncomfortable. Would Aro think that we were somehow trying to tip Demetri off? I noticed Edward's eyebrows slightly pulled in and his shoulders pulled marginally forward and together. He was as worried as I was.

"I'm sure that you'll have enough for this week's report," he laughed to Demetri.

It was Fred who came to the rescue. "So you are from the Volturi. Carlisle explained what they are to me. Where do you fit in? They are kind of vampire police aren't they?"

"Well the function of the Volturi is to ensure that the rules of the vampire world are kept to allow us all to live in peace. As you say we are like police in that we investigate possible breaking of the rules. But we do differ from the human police in that, with no other vampire authorities, we also have to make judgments and carry out punishments.

"I am here with Carlisle's family simply to learn. The lifestyle that they adopt is an interest in itself but the ability it gives them to mix with humans is astounding and the product of that is before us now."

At this point he nodded towards Nessie who was sitting on my knee.

"I have been practicing this style of hunting whilst staying here with the Cullens, and although at first it seemed very unappealing, I have found it adequately nutritious and easier to cope with as time has progressed.

"It was only in January of this year that we learned of the existence of human-vampire hybrids and as far as we know Nessie is the only one who is still in the child state. Hence I am also here to observe her grow which is both an extreme pleasure and a valuable insight into the species.

"I am also tasked with observing the wolves and any problems that they pose to the vampire world.

"My tasks here have been made a delight by the kindness, hospitality and understanding shown to me throughout by the Cullen family."

It was Esme who spoke next. "We are very pleased to have you as our house guest Demetri."

I was thinking in agreement. _Yes, Demetri, much better you than Felix or Jane._

"Now Fred," she continued, "we have another guest room at the top of the house, I hope that you will find it to your liking. If you would come this way, I'll show you where it is and let you get settled in. Am I right in thinking that you only need Bella to shield you when we are in the same room?"

Fred looked taken aback. "You would let me stay with you today, after all the trouble?"

"Yes of course, if you would like to. You are perfectly free to leave at anytime but I suggest that you stay with us until the wolves have calmed down a little. You had planned to visit us, hadn't you?"

"Yes, I had planned to visit, but I'm not used to being shown such hospitality, not since I was a human."

"We would ask you not to feed in this peninsular. We can lend you a car to get out of state if you need to hunt – it can cause problems for us and make the local humans more suspicious if there are hunting expeditions in the area. Besides which we live among friends here and should not want them harmed."

"I hunted in Seattle 36 hours ago, I'll be good for a few days yet. I can go longer now between hunts than I used to.

As for my gift, if you can call it that, as long as there is something solid in the way I don't make people sick. I'm trying to learn to control it but I have no means to practice."

"This way then." Esme got up and lead the way upstairs.

I tagged along keeping hold of Fred's shirt as we went. I was so glad that Esme had suggested we show him to another room. The relief was immense. I didn't think that I could take any more stress today. My shield was feeling like an swimmer's drag suit making each stroke a hundred times harder. A prolonged interview with Demetri could wait until after I'd rested.

After installing Fred, I went down to our room to lie down on the bed. Sleep would have been an escape but it didn't come easily. I lay there thinking what could have happened. I didn't worry that Fred might move from his room without me. I was sure he was being monitored. Edward would be reading his thoughts; Alice would be seeing his future; and Demetri knew exactly where he was to the nearest inch. He could just sit and read a book quietly for a bit while I recovered!

What happened today with the wolves had shaken me to the core. I thought the wolves were my friends. I'd spent hours in Paul's company down in La Plush, why did he think for a moment that I had meant them any harm? But he was there, lining up his little sub-pack of cubs (I was sure that was all they were) against us for a fight even when Jacob had joined our side. What on earth made him act in that way? What was he trying to prove? Were they going to fight and die just because we had trespassed with good cause and with prior notice on to their land? It just didn't seem right. Why not just bark lots and chase us back to our side of the border? What was the point in standing there in the way when it was obvious we were going? And what had Sam's orders been, and why? How had Jacob managed to get him to stand down in the woods in the first place and yet not managed the second time? It just didn't add up. I couldn't make out the motivation going through Paul's mind.

Then there were all the issues closer to home that I had to worry about. Shielding Fred was going to be a drag, like babysitting a tiny baby for someone, one that needed constant vigilance and attention. I didn't trust Fred. He'd already disrespected our wishes by trying to come here in the first place, but I had to admit he had acted as well as could have been expected after he joined with us today.

But the attention that I had to give to Fred was going to have consequences. Edward clearly didn't like it, nor did Emmett, and who knows what Jasper was thinking. And Fred seemed to be too friendly already – the embrace he'd given me in the wood was far too familiar. Had I already infected him with my mind poison, or was he was just grateful for someone he could hug?

And what would Demetri put in his next report? What would the Volturi do about the wolves now? Had Paul earned them all a death sentence?

And could we keep up the pretense to Demetri that we didn't know what was waiting for him back in Italy, what he would be expected to do, what he would be ordered to do? I liked Demetri and didn't want to see him being forced into things against his will, or maybe he wouldn't see it that way, maybe he would be happy for the arrangement, maybe it would be an honor to him, as Aro would say.

By now I was dreaming. I saw the scene, Demetri down on one knee in front of Aro, back in his dark gray robes.

"Master, I have returned with the information you sought." He held his hand forward for Aro to take hold of and read his thoughts.

Aro, a mad gleam in his eye, swoops on the raised hand holding it in both of his own. He takes minutes to process all the information.

"Fascinating, fascinating ... You have done very well Demetri as we expected you would. The Cullen coven will give us no problems for a while, they are respectful of our power. And the child... fascinating, fascinating.

"Demetri, I have one more task for you to perform now that you are back here in Volterra. Best to do it before you return to real blood I think, it can't wait too long.

"You are better with humans now, are you not?"

"Yes master, they affect me little now. I couldn't do as Carlisle does and work around blood, but the scent does not cause me as much pain as it used to."

"That is good."

I saw a small smile come onto Aro face.

"This task, I hope that you will see it as more of an honor than a trial. I want you to father a child with a human."

I saw Demetri's face blanch to purest white.

The scene changed and I was the one standing. This time there were people at my feet as Demetri had been at Aro's. I saw Edward, Jasper, Emmett, Fred, Jacob and Nahuel all before me, all ready to do my bidding. Then another joined them, Paul. He knelt before me, rose to his feet, and fell prostrate to the floor.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38

"Bella, Bella, it's OK you're safe. We are all safe." Edward's face was close to mine, his hand slowly stroking my hair.

"I'm sorry I had to wake you but you were talking, well, shouting, again, and I didn't know what you'd say next. What with Demetri and Fred here I thought it was best.

"Demetri was asking why you were talking to yourself. I didn't tell him you were asleep but if I left it another minute he would have come to check for himself." Edward was murmuring so quietly in my ear that not even sensitive vampire ears would pick it up.

"Oh, what have I said this time?"

Edward smiled the crooked smile I loved so much, a warm glow shot through me and I smiled in return.

"Nothing too bad, you just kept saying _don't kneel, don't kneel,_ and that was it. Nothing else that I or anyone else heard."

"Oh that, not so bad I guess. What are they making of it downstairs?"

"They think that you're cracking up under the pressure. It has been a hard day. They assumed that you were telling yourself not to give in to it." He smiled again.

"What's going on now down there, with the wolves I mean?"

"Ah, problem resolved, or put to bed for now anyway. All the wolves have gone home now, Jacob included.

"It's a bit of a long story really. And it's all because Paul is a fool. Paul was at Billy's when you called but left in a hurry half way through your conversation. He appears to have thought that you were warning them that this was a dangerous vampire and they should go kill it because we couldn't.

"Paul thought this was the ideal time to show off what a good wolf he was to Billy and Rachel as he feels that he is outshone by Jacob. He feels he needs to win their respect as he isn't an alpha.

"Well, he went off with his little pack to meet a lone vampire which he thought would be easy to take down with five of them. He hadn't bothered to find out what talent that vampire might have.

"When he found you he was so cross that you'd interfered with his plan he didn't just want to let you through without some kind of a show of strength. And then it all got out of hand, he just didn't feel he could back down, not against Jacob.

"Paul wasn't going to give in until a thought came into his head _just move aside and let them through_. He didn't understand what happened because it wasn't Sam's thought, but he still felt he had to obey.

"After you'd got away from him in the wood, the fool thought that he'd be able to take us by surprise here at the house. He has no sense of strategy at all. He thought that we'd be so busy arguing with Fred for causing trouble that we might even be pleased if they could burst on to our land and take Fred out for us.

"I can still hear Jacob's thoughts and 'fool' would be the nicest thing he could say about Paul.

"But I don't think Jacob is being as hard on him as Billy or Rachel are. They phoned Jacob here, and they are practically disowning Paul at the moment. He is going to have to work hard to rebuild what he had with them."

"Where was Sam?"

"At his wedding rehearsal, so he couldn't be contacted."

"Oh, I guess that explains it. And what did Sam think? Did you get to hear that?"

"Yes, he came up here and apologized to Carlisle in person. It was very big of him to come to our house as a human. He's never done that before.

"He has demoted Paul to the lowest ranking dog in his pack. He'd expel him but the last thing any of us need is a lone wolf on the prowl, especially Paul.

"Sam and Jacob have agreed to carry cell phones from now on, for emergencies only. We are going to get them some satellite ones like ours so we can call them when we need to."

"Will they be red?" I asked, so relieved by the situation that I wasn't taking it seriously any more.

"Red? Does the color really matter?"

"In all the cold war films I've seen the president always has a red hotline to Moscow."

Edward gave the slightest of smiles. Evidently he was not too impressed by my flippant comment.

"And what is Demetri thinking?" I asked, trying to take the situation seriously again.

"He is thinking of diplomatic niceties that may help the situation. He isn't too bothered by the wolves' response because we were on their land. He considered it to be justified. I think that he has really changed since he has been on the vegetarian diet. I'm sure that he wouldn't have seen it that way the first few days that he was here."

Edward paused, "I can hear Fred is getting impatient. He has finished his books and wants to go and talk to people. Maybe you ought..."

"I'm right on it. Uhh, this is going to get tiresome quickly. We've got to get him to cope without me."

I went swiftly upstairs and retrieved Fred from the guest room and we went downstairs together. After my sleep the shield didn't bother me at all and I managed to cover him without physical contact. I just sat in the next chair to him.

Demetri was discussing with Carlisle how to stabilize the relationship with the wolves.

"I have seen regular joint working or social events work well in the past between groups where conflict can easily spring up. Some kind of coming together that is not just at a crisis point but is regular to help build trust and knowledge of the other party," Demetri continued.

"Maybe we could come together to do some sort of good work for the community," Esme suggested, "I'm sure that there are things in La Plush that we could help with."

"I don't think that they would like us on their territory yet. Only Jacob would trust us that much, and then not all of us," Carlisle responded.

"How about something neutral in Forks, or out here in the forest. We could volunteer to paint the library or something."

Edward made a confession. "Well, I have been helping one of the wolves with his school work, just doing a little tutoring as he'd missed so much school. I could make that more regular and organized and extend it to any of the others who wanted to join in."

Edward had been helping Seth with math and Spanish. For some reason, Edward had been keeping this from Demetri, though I didn't understood why. The young wolves took so much time off from school they must all be behind in their studies. They were probably little or no use when they were at school, what with being dog tired all the time.

"Yes," Demetri said, "I can see that helping a lot. I'm sure that it must be a trouble to them when they are young, and it is when they are young that we want to prove to them that we can live in peace. Maybe we could construct somewhere on the line to meet. It may be a useful meeting point in future. We could disguise it as a ranger's hut.

"But I think that we also need something where they can use their skills to impress us. It really needs to be two-sided."

"How about we play some sport with them?" Emmett suggested. "We could have mixed teams … Soccer? Maybe adapt the rules so we can't do inter-species tackles or we'll take their legs off."

"Well, you have a point Emmett," Demetri agreed. "We know that they like soccer and some of them are highly skilled. They might like the challenge and the chance to shine. Yes, I think that is a good idea. Perhaps you could run it by the two pack leaders at some point and see what they think."

"I think that they were both embarrassed by today's incident and will want to find ways to make amends," Edward added. He was grinning now, clearly up for the sport.

Emmett was off in his own little world. "We need to think carefully about the rules. Let me print them off from the web and see what we can think of."

"I really enjoy soccer, but I haven't played for a year." Fred was joining in now, sitting forward and obviously wanting to contribute, not only to make himself useful but also for the sport.

It must be a guy thing, I thought. I didn't want to embarrass myself like I had in every gym class through school.

"I spent two years living in England in my early teens," Fred continued enthusiastically, "and all we played was soccer, and then when I got home I took it up at school too."

"Right, you get to help with the rules then," Emmett said, now warming more to Fred and actually managing a friendly grin.

I had to ask but I already knew the answer, "Where would we play?"

"In the clearing," Carlisle answered. He watched me carefully as he said it. He knew that it would be hard for me to go back there again, it held so many bad memories: James and his coven, the newborns, and the Volturi. It was always the place where things happened. "We'll have to be really careful."

"But Alice won't be able to see, not past the wolves."

"It'll be OK Bella. I'll make a point of listening really hard even if that means I have to sit out. And we can have some people out of the game patrolling," Edward tried to reassure me.

I wasn't reassured at all. This had the potential to go wrong, very wrong. But if Demetri thought it was a good idea we needed to give it a go just to be polite, and he did have experience in diplomacy.

"But what if someone gets hurt?"

"The wolves mend quick. And anyway it's not like we are going to try to hurt them, and if we adapt the rules well we don't have to put them in danger," Emmett replied.

But the images were there in my mind. Wolves in their human form injured on the ground, a vampire and wolf having a disagreement about the offside rule and the wolf phasing. And so they went on, each ending worse than the last. Could any good really come out of this? Would it be worth the risks?

But the men were off, trying to think up good new rules for the inter-species game.

"Maybe if we widened the pitch and had strips on the wings for vampires and gave the wolves the middle."

"But we'd need to be able to have a good shot at the goals too."

"How about we make it more like this ..."

And then the paper and pens were out. The male camaraderie was showing through and they were all pitching in with ideas, Demetri and Carlisle included. It was going to be a very long evening.

I looked over at Alice, her face a picture of worry. She notice my gaze and answered my quizzical look by mouthing the thoughts that were going around my head as well.

"This is bad. I can't see what is going to happen."

She got up and quietly but gracefully and left the room. Esme and I were the only ones who saw her go. I wanted to follow but I was trapped in the house babysitting a fully-grown man. I nodded to Esme and she got up from her armchair and left by a different door but I knew she was going to find Alice.

To make matters worse, Emmett started clicking through channels on the TV to find a match. It was going to be a very, very long evening.


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39 - Rules

After a couple of hours of discussion the rules and pitch layout were agreed, and just needed some fine tuning. In the end I was glad I had been there for some of it. I managed to persuade them that safety strips would be needed between the vampire and wolf areas. This had eased my worries considerably.

I'd also managed to influence the rules to use yellow cards and red cards liberally for incursions into the wrong areas by either wolf or vampire.

They did listen to my anecdote about popping the soccer balls if they are kicked too hard, and plans were made firstly for appropriate disciplining of players who caused this and secondly to buy in a large supply of soccer balls for training and the match. Carlisle tasked Emmett with going to Seattle the next day to visit sports stores to buy up as many as he could. I thought that Carlisle's suggestion was very apt as if anyone was going to pop more than one soccer ball it was going to be Emmett.

After the offside rule was explained for the third time by Fred and Demetri, this time using chess pieces, my patience was wearing thin. My shield, although still strong and intact, was beginning to irritate me. I thought I'd subtly put my hand on the arm of the chair that Fred was sitting in, but as soon as I moved to do this I saw the whole of Edward's frame stiffen and I thought better of it and just fidgeted like a human in my seat.

My rescue came when Rose walked in with Nessie. They had been in the garage, Nessie helping Rose with some brake adjustments on Carlisle's car. Nessie had a little all-in-one boiler suit and had her hair tied back but had managed to get a black oil smudge on her cheek. She looked so cute I could do nothing but grin when I saw her. But this was my cue. It was my job to go clean her up, fix her some food and get her to bed.

But her appearance was enough to bring the discussion to a halt. Jasper, Demetri and Emmett decided to practice some drills at human speed on the front lawn, Fred took the hint and went back to his room, and Edward volunteered to make supper for Nessie while I bathed her.

We decide to stay the night at the main house rather than return to our cottage, mainly because I couldn't trust Fred unless I was there to shield everyone from his talent. I could see from his face that Edward would so much rather have returned home, but he understood that we, or at least I, had a duty to be there. But this was something we were going to have to get sorted out. I couldn't be a 24x7 guard. Fred was going to have to stay in his room or in the forest by himself for periods of time through the day. I wondered how thick the walls had to be to stop the talent. Would glass do? Could we build him a small glass room in the main room, like a shower cubicle, where he could be with people but not influence them?

I then started to think about what people would need to do to be safe from me. I didn't think that just sitting in a glass cubicle would be enough – the chaos I made would need more like four inches of lead, and several yards of concrete, at least. Something was bothering me and I couldn't put my finger on it. Something Edward had said about Paul's behaviour. He'd come to his senses and backed down. Why would that bother me? It was a good thing, but still it was nagging at me. A thought kept coming to the surface trying to be heard, but I couldn't understand. I tried to recall all of Edward's exact words rather than the ones I'd concentrated on: "Paul wasn't going to give in until a thought came into his head _just move aside and let them through_. He didn't understand what happened because it wasn't Sam's thought, but he still felt he had to obey."

The phrase _just move aside_ – where had I heard that before? I knew it was recent, but where? As I sorted the dishes into the washer from Nessie's supper, it hit me. I knew the words because I had thought them. They were my words. They were my words in Paul's head. The bowl in my hand cracked under the strain of my absent-minded grasp.

"Bella, is everything alright?" Carlisle asked from the breakfast counter, where he was playing mahjong with Nessie.

"I'm sorry Carlisle, I'll apologize to Esme and find a replacement. I know how fond she is of this set."

"Don't worry about that, Bella. I was just worried that you may still be finding the shield stressful."

"Oh no, it's not too bad. I was just thinking of the whole situation today, how stupid it was, and it worries me, Carlisle. I worry about playing sport with the wolves. It could go so wrong."

"Bella, we have to try, we can't let something like this happen again. The rules we have thought up are going to make it safe, so safe it will probably be too dull for people's liking, but it is a first step we can offer the wolves. If we can get them to spend more time with us we can show them we aren't worth fighting. We aren't their enemies."

"Could we at least plan to help them with some school work too?" I asked. I'd liked the idea of us being useful to the wolves in a non-physical way. "I'm not sure what help I could be, but I know Edward helps Seth with Spanish and math. Maybe I could help with English homework?"

"I think while we have a visitor your time may be taken up."

"Umm, yes, I guess you're right." This was definitely going to have to be sorted out. "How am I going to hunt?"

"Well, you could take him along. It wouldn't hurt for him to see how we live. He might show some interest."

"I'll have to do that with just him. I couldn't shield and hunt at the same time."

"Yes, I see your point. After nearly four centuries I still find it hard to think of anything much when I'm hunting. I'll make sure that you are given space to do this."

I knew exactly what he meant without him saying. We both knew that Edward was having a hard time with Fred here, and with my attentions diverted. We both knew that me going off with Fred was not what Edward would like but if it came as a request from Carlisle it would be easier for him to bear. The big picture had to be served too.

"I'll keep him busy," was all Carlisle said. It was said with a conspiratorial smile. I was so glad to have him on the same wavelength as me. "I'll also make sure that you get to go home at night. It is important to have the space, you are still newly married."

I would have blushed if I were human. It wasn't something I wanted to discuss, and certainly not with my father-in-law! "It is nice to have time as a smaller family unit," I managed. At least with Nessie there I knew that the conversation wouldn't get any more embarrassing.

Carlisle smiled indulgently at me. "We'll make sure you all get that time."

I don't know why I found it so hard. I was supposed to be a grown up. I was supposed to have a physical relationship with my husband but I couldn't get my head around it. It was as if I hadn't fully accepted my position and was still denying the self-evident truth of Nessie. So stupid, but so… human?

I took a deep breath and tried to be very grown up. "Shall we work out a schedule for tomorrow, when I'm on guard duty and so on," I suggested. "That way we can let Fred know, which should be easier for him as well."

"Great idea. Shall we ask Fred to join us after Nessie has gone to bed?" He then added, in mock alarm, "Ohh Nessie, look at the time, you'll turn into a white mouse or something!"

"Grandpa, you know that's not true, I'd rather turn into a wolf anyway, who would want to be a mouse? But I'd like to sleep now, I am very tired, it has been a long day."

I couldn't have agreed more with my daughter. I only wished that I would be allowed another sleep, but it seemed unlikely. Maybe if I just lay down with her a while and watched her dreams that would be relaxing.

So I did, but soon Nessie's dreams gave way to my own. This time I was standing over Paul and again his form was prostrate before me. I knew now what it meant. I had made him act. I had power over him. The scene changed. This time it wasn't Paul in human form, it was Leah as a wolf. She wasn't in front of me but to the side of me, her fur raised ready to attack. There was a red aura of fury about her. She was staring at a group of vampires. I leaned forward and whispered in her ear and suddenly her aura changed color from red to pale pink. Her stance relaxed and she almost purred. The object of her view had narrowed. Just one vampire stood there now - Demetri.

"Mommy, don't be sad! My dream wasn't sad. Why did you tell me _NO_!"

"I'm sorry honey, you go back to sleep now. I'll get up and stop disturbing you. Your dream was beautiful, I was just thinking about something else."

I left her and went down to find Edward, but it was Jasper I found. He was using the Internet in the study end of the lounge.

I walked over to him and leaned over to the keyboard and typed _Has Leah imprinted on Demetri_? I seemed the easiest way to have a silent conversation.  
_  
She has imprinted but I don't know on who, I only felt it. Ask Edward.  
_  
So this was the undercurrent that was going on today - the thing the wolves knew, Edward knew and Jasper knew. But did Demetri?  
_  
Demetri? How do you know?_ typed Jasper.  
_  
Women's intuition.  
_  
I deleted the words in case anyone joined us. I typed, _Who knows?_ _Carlisle?  
_  
Jasper shook his head.

I put my head in my hand and would have cried if Jasper hadn't grabbed my forearm and forced a huge wave of calm over me.  
_  
Why so sad? What has it to do with you? They imprint, it's involuntary.  
_  
Again the words deleted almost as soon as they were written.

He looked up at me and felt my guilt.  
_  
OK, I see._

What do you see? What do you know? I typed.

I knew he knew something. I needed him at least to admit that he knew something. Maybe I could get him to tell me now. I threw my shield over him. I didn't know where Edward was, but he may have just have been in Carlisle's study listening to Jasper's thoughts.  
_  
Not here, not now._

When?

Let's go out in the car.

But I have to look after Fred.

Take him too.

No! Not today, it's too soon. The others would be suspicious.

Tell me now, please.

No, too dangerous.  
  
I stared him in the eyes. His fingers flew across the keyboard. Although the word only flashed in front of me for a split second before he deleted it, it was etched into my consciousness.  
_  
Cuculus  
_  
I didn't even know what it meant. But it frightened me. Was it the name of a vampire disease? Or maybe some ancient vampire?

Esme walked in and Jasper pulled up the next day's weather forecast onto the screen as she came over to us.

"Bright spells off and on all day, we should check that with Alice," he improvised. "I think I'll pop out for some air just in case we can't get out tomorrow."

I so wanted to go with him. I wanted to find out what he knew. I want him to explain the word he'd used. But I couldn't, I was trapped here babysitting Fred with all the ears of my family about me. I was desperate – I would have to look it up on the web when nobody was looking, or wait for a good time to talk to Jasper.

Jasper gave me a smile and just the slightest nod of the head in the direction of the door to show he wanted me to join him. He could feel my frustration no doubt, but I shook my head so slightly that neither gesture would have been large enough for Esme to pick up.

And Jasper was gone, out over the river and into the forest, and with him the knowledge of my powers. I felt cross and it was Fred I felt cross with. I knew I shouldn't, it wasn't his fault he needed me, but I stormed up to his room and almost dragged him down to Carlisle's study to get a schedule sorted for at least the next twenty-four hours.

I'd been right. Edward was in there with his father. He looked happier now as if the time with Carlisle had done him good. Their one-sided conversations did seem to ease his worries. I'm sure he would have picked up on Carlisle's thoughts of a schedule and our having the following night in the cottage.

Carlisle was very clear with Fred. He made it clear that he was very welcome to stay with us for a period, but that we expected him to do as we asked and if he did not he would be required to leave. Fred was delighted to be allowed to stay and was happy to comply with any restrictions we placed upon him. He apologized again for the trouble he had already caused.

The schedule was set for the next thirty-six hours. It included a couple of slots for training sessions for Fred and a hunting trip in the forest in the middle of the morning. Just the thought of it made me thirsty. I wanted blood, my throat burned for it. The stressful day had used up my energy quickly and I needed more. I could spare hardly a thought for the eight hour slot free of Fred that Carlisle had given me overnight. Edward gave a smug smile when he saw Carlisle write this, but the time I need was not just eight hours with Edward, which of course I valued, but I needed five minutes alone with Jasper, and I couldn't see how I was going to get it.


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40 Eyes

By 8am it was time for Fred's first training session. Carlisle had valiantly volunteered to help and Demetri and Jasper were going to instruct Fred.

Fred was looking nervous – an obvious sign that he didn't want to cause his host any discomfort.

"I'll apologize in advance Carlisle, I don't mean to make you sick. It's usually worse if I am facing the person and close to, so if I back off and turn away, I don't want you to think I'm being rude or anything, it may just be better."

"It's OK Fred, we know you are training. No one is expecting you to get this right straight away," Carlisle reassured him.

"Am I correct in thinking that if you are calm you can be less... let's say, strong," Jasper asked.

"Yes that's right. But, hey, you can call it obnoxious, that what most of them used to say."

"If you start say thirty feet away with your back to Carlisle, I'll calm you, and Bella will unshield him and we'll see how it goes."

I made sure that my shield was tight round Demetri and Jasper before edging it off Carlisle.

"I can feel it just very slightly," Carlisle said, "nothing too bad at all, so far."

"OK Fred, can you start to walk slowly backwards towards Carlisle," Jasper instructed.

"Let your thought patterns concentrate on the forest, clear your mind of everything else," Demetri interjected.

He managed to close the distance by ten feet before Carlisle said that he felt any problem at all.

At this point I could hear someone throwing up noisily in one of the bathrooms. _Alice!_ I thought to myself. I lost concentration, just for an instant, and my shield snapped back away from the others.

"Bella! It's gone, I can feel it's gone," Jasper said, somewhat flustered. Fred turned round to ask Jasper why he wasn't calming him any more and immediately Demetri and Jasper were both on their knees, not actually vomiting yet but near.

I pushed the shield inside-out back over Fred. I was surprised that Jasper had known the shield was gone before he felt the sickness, I wasn't aware they could feel it. I suppose I had never considered it from their point of view before.

"I'm so sorry, I just lost it for a moment," I apologized to them all.

Jasper and Demetri were back on their feet now and Jasper wasn't looking quite so calming as before.

"OK, let's call that the first session over," Carlisle said. "Alice must have seen something not good if we continued. We now know that at distances of greater than twenty feet, outside, when you are calm and looking away, there is little or no affect. That is good progress, a place to start from."

"I would like to talk with Fred for our records," Demetri said. "If you would be so kind as to assist in this Bella, it would be easier that shouting through a wall or over a long distance. I will not forget that Fred is here as your guest at the moment Carlisle, just as I am. My interview will be conducted under the proper procedure if that it is OK with you."

"Yes of course Demetri, you need to do your job as well. Fred, are you happy to answer questions now?"

"Yes, sure."

"Would you like any witnesses other than Bella?" Demetri offered.

"No, I have nothing to hide from you or anyone."

"Would you mind if we used your cottage Bella?"

I couldn't say no to this although I didn't want them there. If things went badly I wouldn't want to be haunted by memories of it in my cottage. I wasn't scared though. If Demetri tried to hurt either me or Fred I could just unshield Fred, and if Fred tried anything I was sure Demetri would come to my aid.

"OK, shall we go now?" Demetri suggested, keen to get the job over with.

We took places around the little table in the living room of our cottage.

"So you don't usually stay up in the main house with the rest of the family?" Fred asked. "Why not?"

"Well, we... we like a little space to be a small family at times." Again this was embarrassing to answer.

"There is no need to embarrass Bella," Demetri chided. "It is often the case that newly mated or in this case married couples will leave their original covens for a while, or even forever. It is the normal run of things. Just like a human man and wife, they will try to make a new home of their own if they can."

"Sorry, I'm not use to things being so peaceful. I would have thought you would want to stay together for safety."

"I think that Bella and Edward are quite capable of coping with what the world throws at them," Demetri answered. I wondered if he referred to the standoff we had with the Volturi. "Their family is close by if needed. It seems an admirable arrangement to me.

"But we are here to talk about you, not Bella," Demetri continued. "Please can you tell me about your human life: who were you, what did you do, your family, and so on."

"I don't remember that well, it's like its' been washed away. Some bits I do remember and some bits are gone. I've been trying to remember since I left Riley's coven and I've been on my own and not so stressed out all the time.

"I grew up in Seattle with my Mom, Dad, and elder sister. We moved around a bit and even went to England for a couple of years, my Dad was... _is_ I suppose, a college professor. It was when we got back from Europe that I had the accident."

"The accident?" Demetri asked attentively.

"Some idiot in a car ran in to me on the sidewalk. I was lucky to live through it. It busted one of my legs really bad and my arm was mangled and half my face where I was dragged along the ground under the car.

"After that I was fairly useless, I couldn't walk right, I couldn't do sport, I had to learn to write again with the other hand. And my face was a mess. I didn't like to go out in public much.

"I did well in exams as I had no social life. Even the bullies left me alone at school and I got a place at college no problem but I wanted to stay at home so I just went to the local community college. I'd sit at the back and not talk to anyone. I'd keep my face hidden under my hoodie. But I was good at my studies, I did well, the staff liked me in a way.

"I was studying science, I wanted to teach. I thought that I could teach in a special school of some kind where I'd fit in. One broken body amongst the many.

"I was taking a night walk when Riley found me, I use to hide in the dark even then. He offered me a cure for my leg and my face if I went with him. I was depressed or just desperate I guess, and that is why I went.

"I didn't see who changed me – the room was pitch black. It was a woman's voice that talked to Riley. She said, _Good work, a tall one – he'll be useful when the venom has put him right. But I can't even stand to look at him now._ And then the pain hit.

"When I came round I was in the basement of some house with a whole bunch of other new vampires. It was like hell. There were fights all the time over really stupid things, people would get ashed and Riley would just get new ones in. Most people just kept away from me so I had no trouble. I assumed they didn't like the way I looked. Occasionally someone would vomit near me but I didn't think about it. I'd find somewhere to sit and just stay there and read mainly. I was so blood-crazy to start with I couldn't think about much. I realized my arm and leg were mended but it took me a month or so to think of looking in a mirror and saw that my face was OK now. In fact more than OK, I looked as good as the rest of them.

"I tried to join in more but it was then that I realized that it was me making them sick if I got close to them. In some ways it was a pain, but it kept me alive in that hell so I can't complain.

"When I could think more clearly, I started to practice with my talent. Sometimes I put my mind into it and forced them all to be sick at once. I practiced hiding behind it, as if it was a wall about me and that worked OK. They couldn't see me if I tried really hard, and I worked up to being able to hide for minutes on end.

"It really helped. It gave me more freedom than the others. I could leave the basement every night and no one would try to stop me. I'd come back before dawn. I believed Riley that we would turn to ash if we went outside in sunlight – it seemed to fit, it was in all the vampire films.

"But then I started to think – _Why had she turned us all? What did she want with us?_

"Riley said we had to train for a fight with another coven. So that was it – we were just pawns for her to use in a fight. And what would she do with us after the fight?

"I decided I wasn't going to have any part in it. I knew that I could probably win them any fight without help from the others – but it wasn't my fight. I just wanted out of it, out of the coven.

"When Riley showed us it was OK to go out in sunlight I realized I didn't need them anymore.

"I left when they were going to the fight."

There was a long pause and then Demetri asked, "Did any others leave with you?"

"No, I asked Bree to come with me – she was my only friend in the coven – but she said she had something she needed to do first and went off to the battle. I didn't see her again. Carlisle said she is dead."

Demetri looked at his hands which were in front of him on the table and spoke in a quiet but firm voice. "She was executed by the Volturi guard for illegally attacking the Cullens. The Cullens asked for mercy for her, but we cannot show mercy, it is against the Volturi rules. It is unfortunate that in this case we had to execute a person who may have turned into a good member of the vampire world but we cannot make exceptions, for that way lies chaos for vampires and humans alike.

"But I am sorry for your loss. We will observe two minutes of silence now in her memory."

And we sat there perfectly still for the time, none of moving a muscle.

At the end of the time Demetri continued. "Brie was your friend. Could she shield as Bella does?"

"No, she used to sit directly behind where I was sitting. I think there may be a spot where it's not so bad if you are close enough. I used to protect her from the others. She was more peace loving than them. She was just a little thing, she would have stood no chance against them. We used to share books."

The interview continued with all the questions that we'd asked him when we were in Denali – where he'd been and how he had hunted. The final question was, _And why did you come here to the Cullens?_

His answer was simple but not what I wanted to hear, "I wanted to see Bella again."

Demetri chided him once more. "Bella is a married woman with a child, you need to be careful what you say and to whom, young man. It would be unwise to upset this coven when they have offered you their hospitality and friendship."

"I meant purely as a friend, I wouldn't disrespect her in any way." But as he said this he briefly grinned at me in a way that was hidden from Demetri.

I scowled back but then I had to laugh. This boy just made me laugh and Demetri was sounding so much like a minister or principal.

"Demetri, it's fine, Fred knows that I am "spoken for" (I made the air quotes) but we can be friends. Fred means nothing improper by it."

But as I said it in that easy style I hoped that it was true, that he hadn't been so caught by my thought viruses that he would try to do something that was improper. Alice would tell me if there were a danger and I could plan around it, it would be OK.

"You young things, I don't think I will understand your modern ways. Things were quite different when I was young... but that was a long time ago."

"How old are you then, if that isn't an impolite question," Fred asked.

"Well, I will be 958 this year."

"Wow!" was all Fred could manage.

"My masters are over two and half thousand years old."

"Wow... wow, I knew that they call it immortality but all I have seen of this life is death and loneliness. How do you get your head around two and half thousand years? Why would you want to last that long?"

"They serve the vampire community and this gives them their fulfillment," Demetri replied.

That was certainly not how I saw them. I saw them as power-hungry maniacs bent on making other people's life a misery, but I thought better of bring up this opinion in front of Demetri.

"Carlisle is just over 360, a relative newcomer to the community," Demetri continued, "but a great example of a leader."

"And how old are you Bella?" Fred asked, turning to me.

"Oh, I'm just nineteen, I was turned last September, just before my nineteenth birthday."

"So you are younger than me!"

"Yep"

"But Nessie?"

"She grows quickly."

"I'll say!"

We concluded the questioning. Demetri seemed satisfied with Fred's answers but said he would write it up in his weekly report to his masters to see what they would say or if they required further information about Riley's coven.

Fred left and ran back to the house alone to give me a rest from shielding. He said he'd sit outside for a while and not be a nuisance to anyone.

Before Demetri left I pick up my courage and asked the question I'd been wanting to ask since it was my interview. "Demetri, you said I had two shadows. Can you tell me any more about them? Who are they? Why are they following me?"

Demetri looked at me for a long moment and sat down again at the table.

"One I still can't understand, how she could be so close and you not see her, but then she is somewhere else too, or it could be just my talent playing up." He looked over at me and saw I was still looking at him with confusion written all over my face.

"Bella, I see your mother at times here around Forks. She appear just where I think you are as if she is with you. It is most likely that my talent is playing up because when I concentrate I can see her in Jacksonville as well. As you know, I can not feel you properly inside your shield. Perhaps it is you that I am feeling, behind your shield, but it is odd because the feeling is identical to your mother and not what I would expect to sense from you.

"My mother?" I said breathlessly.

"Yes, Renée."

"But I haven't seen her since my wedding. I can't see her ever again."

"I know Bella, you have explained this to me and I trust your statements. I am just telling you what I feel. It is as if she is here sometimes, not often, but occasionally. I felt her with you when you were facing the wolves in the woods but I knew she wasn't there. Someone would have mentioned it, a human in the midst of a supernatural fight would have been worth mentioning. Also when I finished my interview with you I felt her appear here in the cottage after I left. I don't understand this anymore than you do Bella. Maybe I could meet her sometime, that may help me. As I say I think this is my problem – a problem with my talent, not a real thing at all."

The idea of Demetri meeting my mother didn't sound good. It concerned me, what would she say? Her scatterbrain ideas may be nearer the truth than Charlie's reasoned deductions.

"I can see that me meeting her would cause you to worry. How about if I didn't speak to her and just saw her with my own eyes from a distance, no introduction, no interview. It would help me to understand this flaw."

"Well, it's just that I can't see her again and I don't want any of the rest of the family going to her or else she is bound to want to come back with them. So we really can't introduce you to her. I guess if you went to Jacksonville and just observed her without her see you that might save any difficulties. Do you think you would have to watch her for long? I wouldn't want her watched, it is very intrusive."

"I think I would just have to see her for a very short time to get my bearings, Bella. You would be welcome to accompany me or send one of the others if you like."

I knew he was asking out of courtesy, but there was nothing I could do to stop him. If he wanted to watch my mother he would, and he would continue to do so for exactly how long he wanted to or was ordered to by his masters.

"I think it would be better if you went alone. If she saw any of the others she would feel they were being rude not going to see her if they had business in Jacksonville."

"I will make the briefest of visits when we have settled things with the wolves. I am keen to see them take up our offer of a sporting match. Diplomacy through action, it is what I feel works the best."

"Of course, Renée whereabouts are no mystery at all in comparison to knowing who she is. Are you sure you can't recall any more of your family history. I should love to find out why she seems so familiar in a way."

"She feels familiar to you?"

"Yes, and I don't know why, almost as if I have know her for centuries, but not, I just can't place it. Again this is why I want to see her in person. I may be able to get more of a handle on it."

I was quite sure at this point that Demetri's talent was going wrong and this was nothing I had to worry about.

"Demetri, Renée is really not all that old!" I laughed, "I am sure you're mistaken. I think that you have it wrong for some reason. I hope that you figure things out Demetri, it does sound very strange. I have no idea if it will help if you see Renee but I think you should give it a try from a distance as you say. It isn't as if you are not going to find her if you go to Jacksonvile.

"Please tell me about the other shadow." I'd nearly forgotten about the other one.

Demetri smiled at me. "I really hope that you find a way through this that allows you, Edward and the shadow to be happy. May be with your modern ways of thinking you'll come up with a suitable solution – for the life of me I can't see it, and they call me _the fixer_."

"Who is it Demetri?"

"It is his business not mine and I will not interfere. You have nothing to fear from him! You don't need to worry yourself, he would not want to have you concerned about him. But that is all I am going to say. Let's go back to the house, your family will be getting concerned for you."

I was frustrated but I knew I wasn't going to get more from him today – _if only I really could do mind tricks when I wanted, rather than just by accident, then I'd be able to force him to tell me!_

Demetri didn't come all the way back to the house with me. I thought that he was probably trying to avoid Edward's talent. He must of had things he wanted to think about in private because a mile or so from the house he left me using the excuse that he wanted a run.

Then it was my time to take Fred hunting. Edward looked distraught and I think may have attacked Fred had Carlisle not put a hand on his shoulder and led him away to perform some task or other that he needed 'help' with.

Carlisle's parting comment was, "Don't forget Alice and Demetri will be looking out for you both." I wasn't sure if that was to reassure Edward or me, or as a warning to Fred.

As we ran north Fred asked me why we did it, why we forced ourselves to go without human blood.

"I only take the weak the ones the humans don't want any more. They don't have a way to get rid of them, they are just left to live as best they can until death takes them. I'm just cleaning up more quickly, really."

"I have a father, Fred, and a mother – would you see them as food?"

"Do they sit on the roadside at night high on whatever they can lay their hands on?"

"No, of course not."

"Well I have parents too, and mine don't act like the people I take. Any family that my prey had have long since been lost. They are without worth to the world."

"Don't say that Fred, no one is without worth."

We were quiet for a few minutes while what he said turned over in my mind. The thought patterns crystallizing in my brain around things I had heard before, seen before.

"What if the people you thought were worthless were not what they seemed? What if they had family and friends?"

"But I'm careful. I only take the homeless off the street."

"You were in Anchorage before you went to Tanya's? Did you take a homeless man in his late thirties? Clean blood I'm guessing, you probably don't get that often, just a little alcohol to keep out the cold."

"Yes, I remember, I don't get blood like that often. It stood out as odd at the time."

"Fred, he was news reporter, not a homeless man. He had a family and a home, he was just researching a story."

"No! It couldn't have been the same man."

"We'll look at the press reports when we go back. I was there in Anchorage at the time. It was all over the news, they'd lost one of their own and they weren't going to let the public forget."

Again a couple of minutes silence whilst we ran on north, the mountains getting larger.

"If I did take the wrong one then I am sorry about it, But how was I to know? Why did he have to go and put himself in such danger for a story?"

"Why did you have to drink his blood when there is an alternative?" And with that I stopped and put my finger to my lips. I let the predator instinct in me take over and felt the presence of the creatures all around. The one I wanted was just four hundred yards away in the trees overlooking a group of deer.

I looked round at Fred. He just shrugged and pulled a funny face.

The scent of the mountain lion was constricting my throat, I knew I had to have it's blood. I left Fred and silently made after the beast. Fred was not going to be left behind, and followed with none of the subtlety that I had learned from the Cullens, and crashing through the undergrowth sent the animal dashing away for safety. If I were by myself I could have caught it but with this noise machine with me I didn't stand much of a chance.

"Fred, I need to feed. Could you just stay still while I catch something, please. Animals don't just sit singing on the pavement waiting for you to pick them off."

"Sorry Bella." And he made a sorry face that just made me laugh. How could I be annoyed with him and laugh at him at the same time? I wasn't sure but that is what I was doing.

"Do you want me to follow or just stand here?"

"Follow but quietly, can you do that?"

"I'll try." And another face, which made me grin back.

"OK then, I can feel elk at about two hundred yards, can you feel them?"

"Do you mean that awful musty, wet, rotten smell?"

"Yep, that's the one."

"You are going to drink that?"

"More healthy than down and outs, less chemical additives," I grinned back, and I sank into a low crouch as I stalked the animals.

This time Fred at least tried to make less noise. The small herd broke apart as he came near but not before I had the chance to bolt for the aging male and take him down.

Fred stood away from me as I downed the blood. It quenched my throat, easing the burning. It was a good job he was apart from me, I had no wish to share this kill with anyone. Maybe on the next one I would offer him some. Maybe I'd be patient and find a carnivore, they did smell and taste better. I wondered if I could find the big cat that had got away. I looked over to Fred.

"How do you do that girl! It stinks! It makes me almost throw up!"

He walked up and pushed the carcass I'd left on the floor with his foot. "And what had this one ever done to you?"

As our eyes meet he jumped back. "Wow, I didn't realize they made your eyes go green as well as gold."


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41 - Disclosure

I froze_. My eyes green? Is he serious?_

I stared at him for a few seconds waiting for a grin or a wink, any sign to show he wasn't serious. Nothing.

The phone in my pocket vibrated. I'd left it on at Edward's behest. I knew who it would be - Alice.

I answered

"Is it true, can you see?" I knew she would have called because she would have had a vision, would that show her?

"They have a dark green line around the edge of the pupil and around the outer edge of the iris, where they first start to go black usually," came a firm voice, "but I want you to stay calm Bella."

"Why? Why are they green?" I whispered. It was all that would come out.

"I have no idea, I was going to ask the same thing. Come home, we'll talk."

I felt myself starting to hyperventilate. Again I had the feeling that my head was going to explode with all the things I needed to think about, all the questions I needed answered.

I put the phone back in my pocket, desperate to find water to see a reflection of myself, and suddenly remembered _phone – mirror app_! They were just as Alice described _– _a deep, dark green surrounding the dark gold of my eyes, yet feathered into the gold which softened the join of the colors.

"Didn't you know?" Fred said, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to worry you, I assumed you knew." He was looking worried; obviously my reaction was not what he expected.

I started to pace up and down in the wood at vampire speed.

Fred was looking very concerned. "If you can take a deep breath and hold still for a minute I can look again." He held my head, not in a romantic way, and looked into my eyes, searching. And I looked back into his. His eyes were mainly black now with dark red in the center of the irises. It surprised me a little, I thought they were redder than that when we came out to hunt. I realized that his worry must have taken away some of his reserves of energy. The worry showed in the whole of his face now, his eyebrows pulling together, knotting the skin above his nose.

He gripped me for a minute. We were both totally still. I held on to the breath I'd taken as he stared deep into me. The time seemed to stay still as if we were statues placed there in the forest an eon ago.

My mind began to wonder. Other people had looked at me like this, they must have been searching too. And then I remembered. This is what Demetri had done on a number of occasions and what Jasper done just before... before, _what was it he had said?_ I tried hard to picture the scene but my mind couldn't focus on it, it was so overshadowed by the rest of the incident. But this meant one thing. They both knew to look for something in my eyes – presumably this green, and presumably they knew what it meant.

"I swear it's fading," Fred said curiously.

"What?"

"It's not as green now, it's getting darker, turning black."

I ripped my phone out of my pocket again and stared into it. He was right, my eyes were already less green.

"Do you want to go home now?" Fred asked. He must have seen the expression on my whole face, not merely the color of my eyes.

"I really didn't mean to upset you," he apologized again

"I know Fred, this isn't your fault ... at least you had the... guts to point it out." I huffed between breaths. I was hyperventilating again. I could hardly stand.

"Maybe Carlisle will have a theory," Fred suggested, "He knows a lot about vampire physiology."

I concentrated hard to get the answer out to him, it came in a rush. "Yeah he'll have theories but it's Jasper I need."

I pulled out my phone and texted him _Please come quick,_ _need to talk_ and sent him the phone location – but I knew he'd just follow our scent. The tension was too much for me. My fast shallow breaths turned to sobs and I suddenly felt myself falling.

Fred grabbed me before I hit the floor. He picked me up, carried me to a fallen tree and sat me down on the trunk. He sat next to me, holding me to make sure I didn't fall again

"Bella, nod if you can hear me."

My tears were flowing now, and that bothered me on top of everything else. Fred saw I could cry, I felt shame again as if I was doing something sinful or obscene in front of him.

But he didn't flinch at the sight of me crying. "Bella, nod if you can hear me."

I nodded once slightly.

"OK then, listen to me, you are going to get through this. I want you to try to take three slow, deep breaths, cup your hands around your mouth while you breathe."

His voice sounded firm yet kind. It was reassuring. I didn't think that it would work because I didn't need the oxygen anyway, but I thought I would listen to him, to try to put all my thoughts into listening to him to distract myself. Maybe it would stop me sinking any further before Jasper got to me.

"I'm going to count to three and I want you to take your first big breath." I concentrated hard on his words and tried to push every other thought out of my mind. The sound of his voice had a fresher quality to it than any other vampire I knew. His age, I mused, between my shallow breaths, the tears still flowing.

"OK. One, two, three and slowly breathe. Fill your lungs... good, and slowly out." As he said the words both he and I took the actions and I obediently cupped my hands around my mouth.

His instructions on my breathing kept coming, but I was only half listening to the words and allowing myself to drift away in his clear strong voice. It didn't boom like Emmett's and he didn't have a Southern drawl like Jasper. It was a voice that sounded like spring, as Edward sounded like Autumn.

Footsteps approached fast – not Edward's, they had to be Jasper's. With my last ounce of strength I pushed my shield back over Fred.

"Move away from her!" Jasper commanded as soon as he saw us. "What right do you think you have to put your hands on her?" He had stopped some 50 yards away.

"Hey man, she is just faint I think, that's all, I'm just stopping her falling."

"Jas, it's... OK, just come... over please... I need your help," I gasped through my sobs.

Jasper walked curiously up to us, obviously assessing how strong my shield was. He clearly didn't trust Fred at all.

"Bella! What's wrong?" He turned on Fred, "What did you do to her? Did you make her sick?" He was in Fred's face.

"Jas – no – panic attack," I managed to get that out all in one breath.

"Sorry, my misjudgment," he said to Fred, in a tone that still didn't sound friendly. "I'll take it from here, it's my area of expertise. You go back to the house and find Edward and send him out here."

And I was alone with Jasper. Fred had seemed reluctant to go, but having been given a direct order decided to comply with it.

Jasper sat next to me on the log and pulled me on to his lap. The calm was immediate, like a warm gentle shower. I relaxed completely into him and wrapped my arms around him, my head on his chest.

"This is becoming a habit," Jasper sucked through his teeth. "Not that I mind, but I don't think Edward or Alice will approve. I'm sure they will be here soon. I was closest, I didn't want to leave you with him too far from home with no help so I kept a distant watch."

Was he complaining? Did he resent helping me, or did it cause him pain to feel the way I was feeling? Or worse, did he enjoy it too much? My mind span into high gear, adding this to the many threads of thought whirling round, shouting to be heard. However, my thoughts were clearing and in a couple of minutes I mastered the spaghetti of thoughts into clear groups and straightened them out ready to examine. It was going to take time, but time wasn't something I had. I had to ask him what he knew, now, before we were interrupted.

"Jasper, look at my eyes." He stared into them again. "Why are they green? Don't pretend you don't know. You noticed that day when we... we talked in the kitchen. What does it mean?"

He looked sad. "I'm so sorry about that, I shouldn't have tried to,"

But I held up my hand to silence him. "It's history. Please just tell me what the green means." But he looked away.

I suddenly felt injected with panic, like a lightening bolt. It was there, then it was gone, all in a moment. The intensity was blistering. My finger tips and toes stung. Then the total calm returned. Jasper had mastered his own emotions again and soothed both himself and me with calm.

But my brain was clear and I wasn't going to give up that easily. "Jasper please tell me!" The whole of me was begging for the knowledge of myself. I thought hard how I could the information out of him. Persuasion? Blackmail? Seduction? I couldn't beat it out of him, I wouldn't win a fight, but what wouldn't I do for this information? But before I tried anything he spoke.

"Bella, it means that you are a cuculus."

"A what?"

"That is what Maria said the green-eyed were called."

"Is it important, or is it just eye color?"

"She told me that I should destroy any cuculus I found."

"Why, what is wrong with me?"

"_Cuculus __are too strong, too powerful_, is what she said, _they can make you do things, that is what makes them so dangerous_."

While he said this his old eyes stared deep into me. I didn't know if he was assessing whether he should follow her order now. But my panic was immediately suppressed, not only by calm but by love – not romantic love, but family love, the love of acceptance. I was grateful it wasn't romance. I was so close to him that if he tried any sort of seduction I would of had no hope of resistance.

"What sort of things do cuculus do?" I didn't just want to know, I wanted to distract him, to carry on talking about facts and myths, not feelings.

"She was never very specific, she said there were three types – faith, hope and love."

"_But the greatest of these is love._" My mouth made the words without me even thinking about them.

He said nothing.

"Jas, you have to tell me everything, I have to know."

I knew instinctively when he said it that I was a love... _type._ If type was the right word to use.

"She said that you can sometimes tell when they are human, sometimes their eyes are green, but only if they aren't brown so it's not always a good indicator. And then not all green-eyed humans are cuculus. They all have pale skin but it is their smell that really gives them away. They always smell so good as humans. Their blood will even sing to some vampires. It's an adaptation to get vampires to bite them. Sometimes even as humans they can do things."

"Why would a human want to be bitten? Why would they want to attract vampires to them? And what sort of things can they do?"

"Bella, being bitten is the only way to become a vampire, you know that. If you hadn't smelled so good Edward wouldn't have been so attracted and you wouldn't be a vampire now. And what were you doing even then? You were making everyone love you, of course. They had no choice. Not Edward, not Emmett, not Jacob, none of them, the humans included. I had to try so hard not to fall for you. I knew what you were from the first time I smelled your scent. I knew I ought to get rid of you somehow, but having broken the rule for myself once how could I deny my brother?

"And now your eyes are going even more green as you become stronger. I have never seen a cuculus with eyes so green."

"But what do you think I can do?"

"Do, Bella?"

"Why do you think I can do anything? I try to stop people having crushes on me, it does no good, it brings trouble. I have Edward."

"Bella, I think you can do anything you wish."

What sort of an answer was that? _Anything I wished?_

"Have you met others like me?"

"Yes, there are a few."

"Who? Vampires?"

"I know of three vampires and one non-vampire. And some as humans but I …" But he'd become cagey – his body tensed, he clearly didn't want to say, and that in itself was intriguing, but I didn't want to discourage his disclosure so I didn't press for names.

"Why cuculus?"

Jasper relaxed again. "I don't know. Maria said it was something to do with life cycles but she never explained further. It was something that an anchant vampire had told her when she was new borne, he had checked her eyes for green after a hunt. I don't know who he was."

"Am I bad? Dangerous?"

He took a moment to answer, "Powerful... certainly. Dangerous... maybe. And bad... I think that is up to you."

"What should I do? I need to be normal. I have husband and a child. I can't go being something else people don't understand. I don't want to hurt anyone."

"Bella it is your life. You have to find your way through it."

"Demetri, does he know? He keeps staring into my eyes but I don't know if he has seen them green."

"Ask Edward," said Jasper, turning his head.

At that moment I too heard Edward speeding towards us.

We looked up as he came into view, but stayed in our embrace. I had no idea what expression I had on my face – I wasn't in charge of my emotions.

Edward stopped thirty yards from us and stared, clearly appalled by what he saw.

"Why?" was all he said.


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42 –Why

I'd never been scared of Edward before, not truly scared. I'd never seen my husband look like this before. Not when we were in Volterra, not when he was fighting Victoria. This was something different. I didn't need Jasper's power to sense the feeling of betrayal he had and the hatred he felt for the two of us.

Jasper and I were on our feet in a split second, Jasper crouching in a defensive stance in front of me.

"Edward, what is your problem? I was just calming her down."

"You lie so well Jasper, you almost believe it yourself. Don't forget, I hear all your thoughts, not just the ones you shout but the little ones you try to hide. I know you want her."

Edward had come closer by ten yards and had slipped into a fighting crouch as well. If I had had a heart that beat it would have been beating hard enough to break my rib cage. My husband and my brother fighting for real, but over nothing, ready to... ready to what? I didn't want to think about it.

"No!" I yelled and sprung over Jasper's head landing between them, "you can't fight." I was standing between the two with an arm stretched out in each direction.

"Out of the way Bella!" Edward ordered.

"No!"

"Bella, let me handle it, I don't want you hurt," Jasper said. In contrast to Edward, he sounded surprisingly calm as if he was going to do some minor task around the home that was just a little too much for me.

_How could he be so calm? Was this the product of a thousand battles? A thousand wins? What would he do to Edward? What would they do to each other_? Jasper had removed the sense of calm that had been in the air when Edward arrived. _Is he eager for this fight? Why isn't he calming Edward_?

I tried to reason with Edward. "Edward, I love you, you know that. There is no need for this."

"I don't know that, I don't think that is true, if you loved me why were you draped round my brother in the middle of a wood?"

I faced Edward. "How can you say that? After all we have been through together? Jasper was only stopping my panic attack."

"That may be what you thought, but that wasn't what was on his mind. He wants you Bella, they all do." The last phrase came out as a growl.

My head turned back to Jasper, _"_What were you thinking?"

"Of course I love you Bella, how could I not, but it doesn't mean I'm going to do anything about it."

"You see now he admits it, get out of the way and let me tear him to shreds. He stands there calling you names and thinking that is love."

"I'm ready for you Edward, whenever you want to start! You have been wanting this for so long now, haven't you?" Jasper's drawl came back. I couldn't see why he would want to try to provoke Edward like this. "All these decades you have been wondering how your position in the family had changed now I was here. Whether Carlisle and Esme had switched their preferred son? Whether you could take my wife off me? Tell her Edward, how much is this really about Bella? I feel your feelings and understand them better than you read my mind."

I couldn't believe it. Why was Jasper doing this? Was it true? Did Edward have feelings for Alice? Had he still got them? Did he for one minute think that Carlisle and Esme were less fond of him because Jasper was here?

"And that jealousy – it eats you up, doesn't it. You can't stand that other people might have feelings for your wife. Would you rather we all disliked her intensely?

"Well, fight me then Edward. It will do you no good, you will feel just the same whatever the outcome. But at least it will be done and over."

"You're not thinking straight, either of you." I was getting frantic I had to stop this fight. "Edward, look in my eyes."

"Get out of the way Bella, I'll deal with you later." Edward growled at me. They were circling and moving slowly, both trying to get to the other around me.

"Edward, stop, look in my eyes!" I moved forward and put myself right in his view, he had no choice but to see.

He moved again, shrugging his shoulder. "They're black, you need to hunt."

"But they were green around the edge."

"Not now they are not, but they always are every time you hunt. I see them go green for an instant then revert to black. I saw it in Fred's mind today when he came back to the house."

"You knew all this time and you said nothing to me!"

"Bella, you are odd in lots of ways, you wouldn't thank me for pointing them out." The tone he used to describe me was almost disgust, but it was working. He had stopped pacing and come to rest in almost a normal stance. I had brought the focus back to me, away from Jasper.

"But it means something Edward. It means I'm a cuculus."

"Yes, I've heard him call you that before," he returned to the crouch and the slow dance around me with Jasper, "he calls you a cuckoo and you think that is fine and acceptable?"

He addressed Jasper over my head, "What do you mean by it? What sort of insult are you throwing at my wife? Do you think she's mad or do you mean something else? Are you telling me that you already have had your way with her or you think another has?"

"Edward, it isn't like that, she just has gifts. Cuculus is what Maria called it. Bella has a gift for making men fall in love with her."

"So it's all her fault, then, those tiny thoughts you try to hide in your mind about my wife?" Edward spat.

They both crouched lower, but with a beautiful somersault through the air Alice bounded right beside me, back to back, me facing Edward and her facing Jasper. My hope was restored that we might be able to stop this somehow.

"Jasper please, he needs your help, you don't need to do this. We are all family," she begged him.

"Alice out of the way."

"No!"

We stood there for half a minute, each of us braced for impact. The wind whipped around our feet but other than that there was silence.

Suddenly Edward and Alice came out of their stance and backed away ten yards and waited for us to do the same.

"Now we talk," Alice commanded.

I didn't understand Alice and Edward's private in-head rows. This was just like when they played chess – suddenly someone would knock over their king after playing only one move on the board, but this time it was a relief that things could be settled without physical battle.

The voice in my head, not Edward's this time but Esme's, whispered to me, "Go to him Bella, he needs you more than ever." The voice puzzled me but I did as it advised.

I took eight steps to arrive right in front of him. I didn't know what reception I would get. I was still scared – what had he meant by _I'll deal with you later_? But when he looked down at me his anger had subsided, leaving only regret.

"Bella, love, I'm sorry. I just lost my mind when I saw you with him. I knew in my heart he was only helping you but my head wouldn't see it that way. How will you ever forgive my accusation?" At this he turned away, his shoulder shaking with dry sobs.

"Edward, just tell me what's wrong."

He turn back to me and sat on the damp forest floor. He looked utterly defeated, his long fingers place on his forehead and thumbs on his jaw line, almost hiding from me. I moved to him and pulled one of his hands away and held it in both of mine.

"Edward, I can't read minds or feelings, you have to tell me."

"I can't stand it anymore, I can't cope with all of them wanting you. All of them just waiting for me to make a mistake and lose you, you have so many options. And I feel like this and my love for you hurts so much and yet he is out there always and his love for you would kill him and yet it is so selfless, how can I compete?"

"Edward, you have my love, you don't need to compete for it. Don't you remember, _for as long as we both shall live_? We are an item, we are one, who is it that is trying to break us apart?"

"He isn't trying to break us apart, he just wants you to be happy, he is just guarding you. He told me that he had to stay near you or he would die, so he hides from you and makes sure you are safe. How can I be unhappy about that? But my love is so flawed and selfish and his is so pure. You should be with him not me."

"Edward, I don't understand. I don't want anyone but you. Who is out where?"

"Bella, Nahuel is always with you, he is your shadow. We both know he imprinted on you. It was him who came in to our cottage to check on you when you were screaming in your sleep. It is always him, he has a talent for hiding and that is what he does."

"Nahuel? But he's in South America." As I said this I saw a movement in my peripheral vision some fifty yards to my left. I turned and saw him walking slowly towards us, dressed only in animal skins."

I couldn't help but stare at him. I couldn't believe that this man had been near all this time, following me.

As he walked forward I rose to my feet to greet him but he just knelt at my feet.

"Please forgive me, I didn't mean for you to be upset by my actions," his voice husky and deep.

I was at a loss as to what I should do, I froze. I could feel the heat of his body on my legs but his scent was almost completely absent, and I couldn't describe the tiny scent he had. Seconds passed and I didn't mark them.

The voice in my head, Esme again, said, "Bella, talk to them."

I sat on the floor again beside Edward, who was again hiding behind his hands, and beside the man who was wasting his life in unreciprocated love.

"Please both of you listen. I have a gift for making men love me. I put the idea into their minds that they love me. I can't help it, I can't control it. But what you feel for me isn't real. Edward, I am so sorry, I know that you will feel that I tricked you into loving me and marrying me but I really had no idea that I was doing such a thing. I will try to tame this gift but I will understand that until I do you may not want to be near me. I will try to release both of you from the spell I have put you under and then you will be able to chose what you want to do with your lives from then on."

I'd done it, I told my husband what I had done to him. I needed him to understand he couldn't trust his feelings for me.

There was complete silence. Alice and Jasper had withdrawn to allow us some space. They stood facing each other, holding both hands and staring into each other's eyes without moving.

I was about to stand up when I heard footsteps again. I recognized them this time – Demetri.

He came into view and walked slowly towards us. We'd not moved.

"I'm sorry for intruding," he didn't look at all surprised to see Nahuel, "but I thought I felt your mother here for an instant. I just came to introduce myself to her."


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43

I just stared at Demetri. Had he lost his mind?

I rose cautiously from the floor. I didn't want to startle him. I thought that maybe he was dangerous when he was like this.

"Demetri, my mother isn't here. Why would she be here? She couldn't get to somewhere as isolated as this easily, she is only human."

Demetri walked slowly around our little group, obviously checking for scent. "You saw no one?"

"Just those of us who are here now, and Fred was with me before."

He shook his head, almost a twitch. "It is odd, very odd. I felt her approach the three of you, I can't feel you Bella, so it feels like three to me, and Nahuel was off to the side as always. She was moving rapidly and reached you and then she disappeared. Are you shielding her?"

"No Demetri, she isn't here! I haven't seen her since my wedding last August."

"Yes, sorry, I really wasn't trying to accuse you, that was badly worded. I have never been thwarted like this before, it throws me."

Nahuel joined in, "I have been here for some time and there was no else, just the vampires, no humans."

"I shall leave you then, and I am sorry that I intruded. I think I chose a delicate moment to come barging in uninvited and I am truly sorry for interrupting your gathering."

Edward was in there before the rest of us, trying to paper over the cracks that had appeared in the Cullen family facade. "Demetri, that is no problem, we were going home soon anyway. Bella has a scheduled to stick to with Fred and the rest of us have chores to do. Let's run together. Nahuel will be staying with us as well in the main house for a while, I'm sure Esme will be delighted to have him back again."

Nahuel played his part in the pretense well. "It was a great kindness you have shown to offer me again such hospitality and I do enjoy the company of the family although I have also been enjoying the solitude that life in this forest brings."

So the pretense went on for the rest of the day. I was desperate to speak to Edward but there was just no chance.

As Edward had predicted, Esme was pleased to see Nahuel back again, but I think secretly glad that his human-drinking aunt was at a safe distance. I thought that maybe Esme had taken it upon herself to try to convert Fred and now Nahuel from a diet of humans, but felt there was no chance at all with Huilen.

I tried to stick to the schedule with good grace. Fred's training and recreation times were adhered to and I tried not to be impatient although Demetri seemed to be keeping a closer eye on me than usual. Had he heard what I had said in the forest? Had he become infected himself?

It was only at Nessie's bed time that I could get away from Demetri and go home with her and Edward. I needed to plan, to be responsible, to accept the blame that my husband laid at my door. I just wasn't sure of my reception, how cross would he be, what would he want to do? I supposed that he would want us to separate. Perhaps I could live in the cottage with Nessie and he could go back to the main house, would that be enough for him? What would I do if he tried to take Nessie away from me? I stopped that thought as soon as it came into my head – I couldn't bear it. None of the rest of the family, except maybe Rose, would want that either.

Edward, for his part, keep the pretense going beautifully. He looked happy, relieved, like a man who had just been told he'd passed a big exam. It must be the easiest mask to keep up I thought to myself. Or maybe he is just glad of an excuse to get rid of me, his troublesome wife. And... and to do what? Try to woo Alice? No! I had to stop that thought too.

I put Nessie to bed by myself and read her some pieces from a modern poetry book. One poem spoke of the feeling of impending doom. It summed my feeling up totally. I couldn't quite finish the poem without my voice cracking. Nessie hugged me.

"I love you Mommy, always, whatever happens in life."

It was so hard not to break down in front of her at that moment. I just didn't know. Was her love real or was her love just something I'd made her have for me? I couldn't bear it. I hugged her back.

"I love you more than you will ever understand," I responded.

I quickly joined Edward in the sitting room. I had to get myself away from her so she didn't see if I cried.

Edward was sitting perfectly calmly on one of the wooden chairs by the table when I walked in but moved to sit in the easy chair when I took a seat myself. We were sitting opposite each other. This would be a good place to have a grown up conversation I thought.

To my surprise he grinned at me, the crocked smile that I loved so much. We didn't speak. I didn't understand his expression. Was he looking forward to the break up of our relationship? Was he planning for his future alone, without me? Maybe he'd been wanting this for so long that it came as a relief.

We waited in silence for sleep to claim our baby. I was tired too and on a normal day I'd have joined her. But this wasn't a normal day. Her father and I had to discuss the rest of our lives, hers as well.

"She's gone," was all he said.

"Edwa..."

But he was kissing me.

"Bella, I love you so much, why did we let such a let such a little thing as this overshadow us for so long?"

I was firm, "Edward we have to talk about this, don't try to distract me, please sit down and listen." And broadly grinning at me he did as I requested.

I explained it again to him. I explained that I had entrapped him and it would be understandable and totally proper if he wanted no more to do with me. Still he was just grinning at me. Why couldn't I get his over to him? I tried again, I explained at length that I must have infected his brothers and Nahuel, and others when I was human. I explained that maybe I was to blame for Jacob and Nessie and maybe for the other wolves. I told him all that Eleazar had told me when we were in Denali. But still he sat there grinning at me.

I talked for well over an hour. I told him everything. (Well, I glossed over the Jasper incident and the seriousness of Emmett's plans and made them sound as innocent as I could, but near enough everything.) I explained that he may feel that I hadn't done this and that his love for me was his own idea, but that was an artifact of my gift, he was bound to feel that way. But still he just grinned. I even explained that I may have had something to do with Paul standing aside in the forest when we first saw him. But still no change, as if he were carved that way.

Only when I suggested that I thought that it would be better if he moved back to the main house did he snap out of his stupid besotted expression.

"Bella, I'm going nowhere without you!"

"But..."

And then he started he speak. He spoke in a way I'd not heard him speak since we were first together at high school. His argument was robust and eloquent. He took the view that my gift may of made me initially attractive but it was the real me he had married, not one conjured up in his mind. He even threw my very words back at me, _how could he not love me after all we'd been through together_.

But I argued back that this was an artifact and a part of my gift.

And then we started on a huge discussion about love, the very nature of love, how could a person love another, how could they start to love that person, how could they continue and how could they stop. This took hours, we took to reading parts of books to each other. I read him parts of Midsummer Night's Dream about the chaos love brings and he read me parts of Wuthering Heights. By the end we were sitting together on the two-seater, his arm around me laughing as we found quotes to defend our points of view.

I could not get him to budge, he did not want to leave me. In the end he said it made him happy to be with me and Nessie and that alone was why he should stay from a purely selfish point of view.

He was just in the middle of reading, well reciting, a Shakespearean sonnet, at which I was laughing loudly, when our little baby wondered in. She just looked at us for a moment. "Were you laughing Mommy?"

"Yes honey I was, I'm very sorry I woke you."

"I've never heard you laugh before, I didn't know who it was," and she ran to me. "You see Mommy, it's good to be happy as well as sad."

"Oh Nessie, I love you," was all I could say. And with her hand on my cheek I saw pictures of myself, some from right now with me grinning, but most of days where I looked as if I was carrying the world on my back. "Nessie, I promise you that I will try to laugh more," I said with a straight face, before we both curled over in giggles.

We both took her back to bed. Edward sang a lullaby and she was soon gone again.

We went back to our two-seater and continued our discussion.

I explained that although I wanted him to be with me for my own sake, I was worried for him and thought that it was maybe immoral. Was I allowing this addict to have his supply and go on thinking life is fine when he could live in such a better way without it?

He pointed out that he had lived without me for a century and knew what that felt like. It was a gray existence, a cold gray existence with little color or warmth and now his world was bright and full.

It was another impasse.

We continued to discuss the morality about the others I'd infected. We agreed on Nessie. She was my daughter and there was no way we could tell if she were infected, and I should certainly not try to stop her loving me. I was relieved that he was as clear about that as I was. To force a child to suddenly stop loving their mother so much would be a worse crime than any possible infection she may be getting from me. Edward had no wish to split up our family unit. My relief was huge, like a golden warmth spreading through me from my heart to the end of my fingers. I too started to grin.

We talked about the others. What was the morality here? If I could train my gift (and that was just an if) and could, say, stop a wolf from being imprinted, should I? The answer with some was obvious – I should release Nahuel as soon as I could. I couldn't have a man living forever in unrequited love. But what about Jacob and Nessie? Leah and... ? Edward confirmed it was Demetri that she had imprinted on. Sam and Emily? But I was sure I had nothing to do with their love – they were together before I knew them. We drew a blank. Neither of us could understand where to draw the line. But it was theoretical at present as I couldn't put things right, I didn't know how.

Edward confessed that his feelings of jealousy had colored everything in the last few months. He said he could feel it in his brothers although Jasper tried hard to hide it. He found it so hard not to confront them all the time about it. They wanted his wife so much. He found it almost impossible to act civilly to them although he knew that it was only due to his gift that he had this information and therefore this problem.

"Can you imagine how it feels when I have to hear Emmett mentally undressing you every time you are both in the same room?"

"He… he what!" I was disgusted, "I don't think that has much to do with love! Lust not love."

"Emmett has a very straightforward mind and in it the two things are very closely linked. As soon as he notices me in the room he tries to cover it by replaying his last night with Rose, which isn't good to see either but at least he should be thinking of her not you."

"Jasper on the other hand hides his thoughts as much as he can but sometimes there will be a stray strand to give him away. He hates it when he is with you and I walk in the room and you smile at me."

"He loves being able to calm you down when you need it, he loves being able to do this for you when I can't, as if he has won a small but significant battle on the way to winning you off me. He was trying so hard not to think of you in an intimate way today, he was warring with himself trying to decide if he should say something to you about his feelings. He is much more dangerous than Emmett, you need to be careful of him."

He told me about the problems that he and Jasper had when Jasper and Alice first joined the Cullens.

"Jasper finds my gift far more intrusive than most people do. He has become skilled at hiding some things from me. When he first came he found it particularly difficult. He found my knowledge of his plans to find human blood difficult to bear."

"He also found my fascination with Alice hard."

"You had a thing for Alice?"

"No it wasn't like that, I promise you. Alice can read the future, I can read minds, therefore suddenly I could see the future too. It was hypnotic. I use to spend as much time as I could with Alice just so I could see her visions. This didn't impress Jasper. And of course two freaks like Alice and I have a lot in common. We understood each other, she is so much like a sister to me that it is hard to think that we aren't related."

I was glad of this explanation. I didn't know why. Would it have mattered that Edward and Alice had feelings for each other decades ago? I thought I was probably a more jealous person than Edward, I just had so much less to be jealous about.

"There was a point about a year after they arrived when Jasper couldn't take it anymore and wanted to leave. I persuaded Alice to stay. He hasn't forgiven me for that yet."

"Jasper also see things as a matter of rank because of his early days in both human and vampire armies. He always aspires to move towards the top of whatever organization there is. In this case he thinks that Carlisle and Esme see me as second in command, ready to take over if something ever happened to Carlisle. It is ridiculous, he knows it and tries to put it to the side, but it is always there."

Edward told me about Nahuel. He told me that he knew he had imprinted on me on the day of the Volturi standoff. He said that he had confronted Nahuel in the woods when he was supposed to have left for South America. "I found him just watching you from a distance. I came close to killing him, he isn't a vampire it wouldn't have been hard. I just couldn't cope with another voice in my head wanting you. It just happened that Jacob came by and stopped us fighting. Nahuel begged me to let him stay out of the way in the forest and guard you. How could I say no? But please forgive me – that was why I was in such a bad mood the day when Demetri found you playing ball in the woods with Jacob and Embry."

He told me that Nahuel's love was pure, it was good, that he had no selfish thoughts in him, only my needs and happiness. Edward said he would understand if I wanted to be with Nahuel as he would make himself into the best mate I could ever have, just the person I needed, a man that Edward himself could never hope to be.

In reply, I stated the obvious. "But it is you I love and you I am married to. It is you who are the father of my child. Why would I want to be with anyone else?"

"Fred is besotted with you as well, I suppose that is only to be expected, what with your gift and his gift. He is planning on being cheerful as a way to woo you away from me. He thinks I'm far too dour."

"I wish he was cheerful for his own sake, but at least that isn't too much of a problem. I'll have to release all four of them just as soon as I can."

We talked about my gift. I told him all I knew. Everything that Jasper had told me. Edward told me that he thought Jasper was insulting me because cuculus meant cuckoo in Latin, he wondered if there were any other names for a gift like mine. I told him again what Eleazar had said. Concentrating really hard I pulled my shield away again and showed him the scene of Eleazar and me in the woods in Denali.

Then three things happened at once. The voice in my head yelled, "Put the shield back he'll hear me!" Edward froze, just staring at me. And Alice's ringtone played on my cell.


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44 - Confession

With the surprise of the three coinciding events I lost my focus and my shield crashed back over me.

I didn't recognize the voice. Well _I did_, I just couldn't place whose it was. It tugged at my memory but still no name emerged.

Edward was still staring at me and the ring tone hadn't die away.

"What's wrong?"

"Bella your mind!"

"Yes, you have seen it before; you shouldn't be that surprised that I have one. Will you stop kidding about."

"Do it again," he ordered. "I didn't read it all, there was so much, I need more time, take the shield away again."

The ringtone died, only to pick up again.

The voice in my head surprised me, _Oh no, not now, I thought this would be a problem one day but please not today! Bella, keep you shield in place, it will be much better for all of us_. Still I couldn't place the voice.

"Bella, I need you to take your shield away again, I need to hear. There was so much, and I don't think it was all you, love. Please don't be frightened, just let me hear. Then we can work out how to fix you for the best."

"What do you mean fix me? What do you think is wrong with me that I need fixing?"

"Keep calm love, I can just hear thoughts in your mind, a lot of thoughts. I don't know if they are all yours."

"Edward! You know I hear voices, I told you that years ago. They didn't go away just because I turned into a vampire."

The ringtone started up again.

"May as well answer her, she isn't going to give up. It may be important."

Alice's shrill voice burned my ear as soon as I answered. "At last! He is on his way, I think he has really lost it now, I'm going to send Carlisle and Jasper over, maybe they will be enough to calm the situation."

"Fred?"

"Fred? No Demetri! He'll be with you in about a minute, he was muttering about the two of you being together. But you and Edward are always there at night together so I don't know what he means.

"Any way, go and meet him outside the house or he'll wake Nessie up."

Edward was out the house before Alice finished. He had heard every one of Alice's over excited words and gone to stand outside our front gate in the silvery light that filtered through the trees. I joined him just as the first sound of Demetri's arrival cracked the still air.

"Bella, could you try again?" Edward was still looking at me with concern.

"This is just weird," I said, "you can hear thoughts in my mind and you think they aren't mine – what did you hear? Maybe they were my thoughts. I seem to be able to think about a lot at once these days."

The wind ruffled my hair and skidded away through the undergrowth.

Edward looked at me then started to walk off as if following something. Hesitant at first, he put his finger to his lips and then started moving faster. He was jogging off into the forest after nothing, then he started running in earnest.

Demetri's footsteps were still coming towards the house. He was running at full speed. He shot past me and the cottage without even a look. He was intent on running full pelt in the same direction as Edward. Was he following Edward? If so, why? I was bewildered.

I couldn't follow. I need to stay at the cottage with Nessie.

I went back inside, the night was still cold and a there was damp in the air. I only waited thirty seconds before Carlisle and Jasper arrived. Jasper on his cell to Alice.

"OK, we'll wait with Bella," and he killed the call.

They both came inside trying to keep the noise to a minimum.

"Alice says they'll both be back in a few minutes," Jasper explained in a hushed tone.

Carlisle was calm but concerned. "Do you know what may have brought this on? And why did Edward follow after him?"

"Oh, he didn't. Edward went running off before Demetri got here. I don't know why, it was really odd, as if he was following something but there was nothing there."

"Was there any trigger, or did he just run out of the house?"

"We were talking and then Alice's call came saying that Demetri was on his way, so we went out to greet him and Edward went running off."

"Umm, it is a bit mysterious. They will be back shortly to explain. Did anything happen just prior to this, prior to the call? Alice said she didn't see anything before her call. I'm guessing she was trying not to see to give you some privacy."

"Well, I wanted to show Edward something in my mind – a conversation that I'd had with someone." Jasper shifted uneasily and for a moment I felt a slight anxiety in the air. I shook my head very slightly enough for him to understood that it wasn't him that Edward and I were talking about. The anxiety was replaced by a slight calm.

Although this interaction was supposed to be unnoticed, Carlisle looked from one of us to the other. He sat down, and indicated that the both of us should join him.

"We need to be honest and open with each other, in this family. That is where our strength lies; it is this that will hold us together. It is particularly important when we have Demetri here with us. We can't have secrets and taboos. Is there something going on between the two of you?"

We sat silent. I gnawed my bottom lip. Carlisle waited for one of us to speak, but we kept quiet.

"Are you having an affair?"

"No!" my instinctive reaction.

"No, but I love her," came Jasper's defeated voice. I felt wretched, I felt guilt, I felt trapped, I felt love and passion – not my feelings, Jasper's. Then as if someone had broken a dam Jasper's confession poured out in a tidal wave.

"I know it is a sin but I have feelings for Bella I should not have. I love her. I know she is my brother's wife and I have Alice who I very much love, but there it is. I have tried to stop, I just can't."

"Jasper, no! Stop right there, Carlisle is right, we need to explain everything to him. Please don't try to take blame on yourself for something that is not your fault, it is mine. He has to know everything."

"Bella, what exactly are you telling me?" Carlisle now looking alarmed. "Has something happened between the two of you? Does Edward known? Alice?"

"Carlisle it isn't like that, nothing has happened, it's just me, I have a talent that I have kept from you. I am, well, Jasper calls it a Cuculus."

"A cuckoo?"

"Yes, that's right, my eyes go green around the edge when I hunt."

"Green you say? How green, and how much of the eye? I've not seen you directly after a hunt so I've not noticed any green in them, I suppose it must fade. Have you monitored it? Why didn't you tell me before? May I take another look into your eyes."

"Carlisle, it is more than my eyes. Cuculus have other powers. Eleazar said I had the power to put thoughts into people's heads, though I didn't believe him at the time.

"Jasper told me yesterday that it is true. I put out thoughts that people should love me. I plant it as an idea in their mind. I don't mean to. I'm really not trying to steal my brothers from their wives. I have Edward, I don't want anyone else.

"I am so sorry. I can't help it.

"Jasper doesn't really love me, it is a mind trick I've played on him."

"No Bella. I understand feelings, and the love I have for you is not just a mind trick, it's a real feeling. Eleazar wouldn't have seen this. He wouldn't have seen how much power you have over people's feelings."

I was scared now, scared of Carlisle's judgment of me, scared of the thing I had become and my effect on people. Scared of Alice's and Edward's reaction to what Jasper said. Scared for him and scared for me.

Calm penetrated the room. Jasper stopped me falling into a pit of despair. Carlisle's eyebrows and eyes were nearly a full stretch. He was quiet for a few seconds.

"And this is how you feel for Bella?" he asked Jasper.

"Yes, I love her. I try not too but I can't stop. I try to avoid her as much as I can. I know it is a sin, I hate myself for it. I have Alice and I still love her too. The others too, we all love Bella."

"The others?"

"Nahuel, Fred and Emmett. There are others, but they don't feel it as strongly. I can tell with my gift who has fallen under her spell."

"And Edward, does he know?" Carlisle asked me.

"Yes, I spent all tonight discussing it with him. I thought that he might want to leave me as I have clearly entrapped him but he was adamant that he wanted to stay.

Carlisle was listening intently. I explained to him the points that Edward and I had made to each other. I explained that Nahuel had imprinted on me.

"I didn't realize hybrids could imprint, but they are so similar to the Wolves in a way with 24 chromosomes. This does explain a lot. I had noticed the tension but thought it would easily pass with time but I see now. Tell me, is there any more? I need to know the full extent of you talents before we make any plans."

"I think I may have made people love Nessie, maybe even made Jacob imprint on her."

"Umm,it may not be the case. She has talents of her own, your daughter. Is there any more?"

"I may have put the idea into Paul's head when he was facing us for the first time to move and let us pass. The words that Edward said were in his mind were the ones that I was wishing."

Carlisle looked uncertain, "That could be circumstance and not really cause and effect. But we will need to test it to see if you can repeat something similar."

"I am responsible for Leah."

"Leah?"

"She has imprinted on Demetri. When we were outside the house a couple of days ago, when Fred had just arrived, she was going to make trouble and I wished she'd _just feel the love,"_ I made air quotes as I said it, "and she imprinted."

Carlisle's look of interest and concern turned to worry. "Ah, that is unfortunate, a wolf and a Volturi guard are not a couple made in heaven. I can't see how this could work out."

Edward came jogging back to the cottage. He came in quietly and sat on one of the chairs by the table. He sat sideways on it, his back resting on the wall. He put his head back and rested his crown on the wall too. He looked almost human in his exhaustion. It must have been mental not physical, Edward couldn't tire of running.

"I lost it, it was moving so fast I couldn't keep up. Demetri has gone on but he won't catch it, it is too fast."

All three of us looked at him waiting for him to give us more of an explanation. Jasper filled the room with calm again. The effect on Edward was immediate. He relaxed out of his slump and sat ready to talk to us all. He brought his chair to join us, rather than sitting behind Jasper. His chair was close to mine so I reached over and took his hand. For an instant I saw pain in Jasper's face but it was fleeting and had gone before anyone else noticed. I covered Jasper with my shield. He looked at me, he felt what I'd done, and again pushed calm into the room. Jasper relaxed himself, he was temporarily freed from the burden of trying to hide his thoughts of love for me.

"Edward, can you tell us what is going on please," Carlisle verbalized the question for us all.

"I'm not sure I can satisfactorily. Bella removed her shield for a second or so and I read her mind, but it was as if it was two minds, maybe more. There was so much, so many thought patterns, it was like trying to read a room full of people at once.

And then we went outside and it was as if some of the thoughts moved out of her head and off into the forest, disembodied. I tried to follow but they were too quick and I couldn't keep up. Demetri came as well. I gave up after a few minutes but he kept following. I couldn't hear the thoughts any more, they'd gone further than I could read."

"And what was Demetri thinking?"

"He was very focused, _I must catch her, I must bring her home_. But he was worried that she was so quick."

"And the thoughts, son, what were the thoughts you heard?"

"Well, there were a few mild expletives and an underlying _why now? _But there were others, so many others, thoughts of a child in trouble, worry about other people, but no names. And the need to get away quick. There was also one deciding not to come back here for a while."

"Do you have ideas on what you were hearing?"

"It was like human thoughts, but not in a way. There were too many, too many even for a vampire, layer upon layer, but missing some of the normal ones, like the reflex processing we all do for movement."

"Like a spirit?" Carlisle continued.

"Yes, I would say a free spirit with no home."

I had to ask, "Was that what you heard in my mind? Was that spirit in my mind?"

Edward looked uncomfortable, he fidgeted in his chair and straightened his sleeve before he answered me.

"Yes my love, it was in your mind or another one was. If you take you shield away again, I can see if it has gone."

"This was in Bella's mind?"

"Yes."

"Do you think it is part of Bella?"

"I can't be sure, but I don't think so. If you take you shield away again I can see."

"It would be a good idea Bella. We know that the spirit, if that is what it is, isn't here now so lets make sure there isn't a second in your mind. Did you feel it? Did it talk to you maybe?"

I felt uncomfortable, did I really have to admit to all of them that I was a freak and heard voices, as well as everything else? They looked at me, I didn't have a choice.

"I hear voices, I know they aren't real." I felt ashamed. "I hear them when I'm stressed. They started when Edward and I were apart a couple of years ago." Even the mention of this made me feel as if the scar where the hole had been in my heart might break open again. I thought it had gone but it was there still. I took a deep breath and continued. "When Edward left I started to do stupid things, dangerous things, and a voice would talk to me and try to stop me doing them. At the time I thought it was Edward's voice, but it wasn't. It was just an imitation that I thought I conjured up."

"I know it is painful Bella but please continue." Carlisle soothed me and Jasper was still calming us all. I hated having to go on but I had no choice. It was important they knew even if they did think I was a crackpot or maybe a little cuckoo because of it.

"The voices have come back because of the stress. Mainly they sound like Edward, but yesterday they sounded like Esme for a bit."

"Esme?" Carlisle was surprised, "What did this voice say to you?"

"She encouraged me to talk with Edward when we were in the forest with Jasper and Alice before Demetri joined us."

Jasper was looking at me in a very concerned manner, almost scared. He obviously thought that I had lost my mind. Edward on the other hand looked thoughtful, puzzled, as if trying to figure out something hard. But what was so hard about a wife with a lose wire in her brain?

"Bella, love, would you let me try to read your mind again? Did the voice talk to you this evening?"

"Well … yes." I hated admitting that I was still not in full control of my mind.

"I think that you voices may be what I followed through the forest, the spirit for want of a better word. I don't think you are hearing you own thoughts and subconscious. If I can listen again I may be able to tell if they are just you own thoughts now. Can you do that?"

I nodded in reply. I didn't feel like doing this and I certainly couldn't shield Jasper while I do it.

"OK then I'll take away all my shield." I hoped that Jasper understood and would make sure his thoughts weren't ones that would send Edward into a rage again.

I threw my shield off. It wasn't getting easier to do, especially when I was stressed. It seemed to really want to stay in place and protect me when I was in such a state. I had my eyes closed tight to help concentrate, my fingertips on my temples pressing down so hard that had I been anything less than stone I would have crushed my own skull.

Suddenly all the calm was gone replaced by fear and longing, and again my shield fell back into place.

Jasper was out of his chair. "Stop! Please stop! I can't stand it! You are too powerful like this."


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45 – Spirit

Jasper was in front of me in an instant, "Bella, please! I can't stand it. You have no idea how that makes me feel."

"I hear the way it makes you think! Get away from her Jasper. She is my wife." Edward growled.

I quickly shielded Jasper again.

He turned to Edward, "What I think is nothing to what I feel, do you think I want to feel like this? I hate it."

"OK, time for cool heads." Carlisle was on his feet standing between Jasper and Edward. "Sit down you two, immediately, this is no way to behave inside a family. We need to talk to sort this issue out, not fight."

"Sorry Carlisle."

"Sorry Carlisle."

They sat down again. I was desperately thankful that Carlisle was there – at least they both listened to him.

"Better. Now Bella, do you have Jasper covered? I think it would be better if Edward didn't have to listen to his thoughts right now." I nodded in confirmation.

"Bella, I do not want you to take your shield away when Jasper or any of the other males of the family are close to you again."

"Yes, I will only do it when Edward and I are alone. I had no idea it made things worse."

"Jasper, can you describe what happened, what you felt?"

"I felt as if my whole world had turned upside down, as if the only thing that mattered was being with Bella. In that instant part of me was prepared to do anything to make that happen, no matter who it hurt. But I still knew it was so wrong. I still love Alice but I can't help it."

"Yes, I heard that," Edward hissed.

"Edward, Jasper can't help this. There is no need to get upset, nothing is going to happen. We need to find a way around the issue not make it worse."

Edward looked furious; the thoughts in Jasper's mind must have been very dark to bring on this reaction.

"Jasper, I want you to go to Alice in a minute, I'm sure she will have seen what just happened and will want to talk with you however painful that is. But before you go would you please spare us a few minutes to tell us what you know about cuculus." Carlisle's voice of reason was a tonic. This is what we needed, someone to help us through this crisis. Our leader, our father.

"This all happened when I was with Maria back in the newborn wars in the South. She said that she had been in a coven with a very ancient vampire, she didn't even know how many millenniums he'd seen. He had told her about the cuculus.

"They have great powers. They are the only thing that can kill a vampire, other than fire. They have the ability to take away life at will. She said that they took on different forms and you need to kill them when they were still human or it would be too late.

"Maria would make sure that when we moved to a new area one of our first tasks was to hunt down any humans who were cuculus. She and I would detect their scent and find their home and take them. In all the time I was with her we found only three. Maria would always allow me the blood, but always checked that they were properly dead when I'd finished. She would make sure there was no sign of life at all. The taste was extraordinary, the very best wine, or drug as high as you could have, there was nothing better. They made an ordinary human taste like weak beer in comparison. But it was drinking the cuculus that first set off my depression about human blood. The high was followed by such a low, as if something in me had died. In the end I saw that Maria allowing me the blood was not a kindness on her part but a defense of her mind."

This description made me feel cold. I could see how easily Jasper could have disposed of me when I was human. I would have had no defense from him when Edward was not with me. I though back. Is that why Alice babysat me when Edward went to hunt? I thought Edward was over-protective and just too controlling at the time, but had he heard plans in Jasper's mind to do away with me as a human?

Although I wanted to ask them, I didn't want to interrupt Jasper's story .

"She told me we had to be careful to destroy them as humans because if they turn to vampires they are powerful. They could make you do things without you realizing it. She got me to check each newborn after feeding to make sure they had no trace of green in their eyes. Just in case we'd missed the scent when she turned them.

"I found one once. I took her on her first hunt and the green was there, at the outer edge of her iris, just for a split second as she finished feeding, but I saw it."

"Maria destroyed the girl and ashed her. She said that I shouldn't, that it would hurt me too much because of my talent. I never told Maria at that point I lost my hope in the future, and it wasn't until I met Alice that it returned.

"Maria said that I should remember the face of the newborn and if I ever saw it again in any form I should run. I don't know what she meant, the girl was ash, how could I see the face again?

"She told me about the three types of cuculus, the way they can make you feel, faith, hope and love. She said the Volturi had one still in vampire form. I didn't know what she meant by_ still _in vampire form, and she wouldn't elaborate. They must have been human first, then vampire. But what do you become after being a vampire? I thought there was only ash, for our bodies at least.

"Anyway the one the Volturi have is a love type, she binds them together, she is the power behind the throne. Without her the others would not last – they would fight amongst themselves and fall. "Maria wasn't sure if the family knew what she was or just thought that it was a vampire talent. She probably doesn't even know herself."

Carlisle interjected, "That would be Chelsea as she calls herself now. She makes them all love the family. Demetri is tied by her so tightly he couldn't leave Volterra forever without a lot of pain. But her method is to tie people to Aro and the others. She does not have the guard all falling in love with her. In that way she is unlike Bella."

"I'm not trying to tie anyone to anything," I said defensively, "and I am certainly not trying to get them to fall in love with me."

"Bella, I'm not accusing you of doing anything knowingly. We need to explore the issues and what we know so we can find a way around the problem."

I was relieved by his remark, it made sense.

"We do need to tell the rest of the family about you talent as well. Jasper, you say that Emmett is in the same predicament?" Jasper nodded. "Well, I will talk to him about this privately as soon as I get back, it's only fair. Rose and Esme also need to know. I'm not at all sure how Rose will take this news. Alice will already know, I assume, as she will be watching us."

Carlisle's phone hummed, a text message. "Alice has requested that I let you go back to her now. Thank for your time Jasper, we know that it has been difficult for you."

Jasper looked relived to be dismissed and left without a word. My thoughts were with Alice. How much had she seen? How did she feel about Jasper now? How did she feel about me?

We sat for a minute in silence, each in our own thoughts. The quiet shattered by Edward answering one of Carlisle's thoughts.

"I don't cope, I can't cope, it drives me insane hearing them all. I nearly killed Nahuel when I found him in the woods, it was a very dark day. I nearly killed another man for doing what I do, loving Bella."

"Edward, jealousy is a sin, my son, but in your case it may have been far more justified than many. But you have the love of your wife and her vows at your wedding to help you. You must use the knowledge of both those things as a shield to ward away those feeling of Jealousy. Pity is what you need to feel for these others."

Edward's jaw nearly feel open when Carlisle said this, but Carlisle continued.

"Bella is your wife, no one else's, she is going no where, she will be your wife forever and it is obvious for all to see that she loves you so much.

"The others are either alone with no one or are torn with guilt because they are betraying another love.

"You will be able to overcome this son."

"Father, I hope that I can be as strong as you think I can be. The thoughts that they have are so… base, I feel that it would be hard for any man not to react."

Carlisle was thoughtful and after a minute said, "I even felt Bella's power when she was unshielded, but to me it made me love her as a daughter. I felt the need to protect her more strongly than ever before. It must be hard for those who do not see her as a daughter."

At this point I considered it prudent to shield Carlisle just in case this revelation was hiding something in his mind that Edward might find disturbing.

Carlisle smiled at me, obviously feeling my shield over him. "There is no need to shield me Bella, I have nothing to hide from Edward." But I was taking no chances, I was not having Edward more upset than he was already.

"Do you have any idea how Demetri is fairing?" Carlisle asked Edward.

"Demetri is working hard to contain all his emotions. He was warned by Aro that there would be things here that would tempt him and he is to protect himself as best he can from them. I think Aro's comments were probably more to do with family life and lack of guard duties rather than falling in love. Demetri is trying so hard not to feel anything that he hasn't fallen yet, as far as I know, other than for Nessie of course, and that is because she is a child and reminds him of his own. He thinks of himself as her great uncle."

"I do try to keep away from them all," I said defensively. "I try to only go to the house when the women are home. I try to keep out of the way, but that is hard when I'm expected to be there with Nessie and now I have to babysit Fred."

Carlisle took charge. "Right, as a practical step we will try to limit your exposure to them. You have to spend time with Fred but I will ask Jasper and Emmett not to be near you at all."

Carlisle made an exasperated gesture tapping his forehead with his left hand. "Oh no, that's not going to work, you'll want to practice, train, work out tactics. The others will need you to shield Fred while they train."

"Carlisle, I don't understand. I can't read your mind, Bella has you shielded," Edward said in a slightly frustrated tone.

"The match, it's arranged with the wolves for 18 days time, I forgot to tell you earlier. Well, we will limit exposure to just any required training sessions, it's the best we can do for now."

I couldn't get my head around it. Were we supposed to play soccer with the wolves with all this going on? I tried to put my best spin on my reactions. "Do you think it might be wise to delay the match a little until some of these issues are resolved?"

"I thought that myself until Alice said she had a vision of Demetri leaving us a few days after the match, and as much as I like Demetri on a personal level I would like to be finished with his knowledge-gathering task. I'm sorry Bella, we need to see this through. I think it will be better for all in the end."

Carlisle's statement took away all my arguments. I could see from his posture that he wasn't comfortable with the idea but was resigned to it.

"Try to relax and enjoy the sport Bella, you could do with a little fun."

Carlisle had no idea how little fun I though such an event would be. Dread would be the best word for how I felt about it. Dread about what could happen to any of the participants, the thought of a wolf getting hurt or angry. The dread of my own personal lack of sporting prowess (the second was minor, but still niggling).

"Sam and Jacob met me in town today when I was on my lunch break from my hospital shift and they seem very pleased at the idea. I really think Demetri may have this right. They were keen to foster good relations. Alice suggests two weeks on Tuesday would be a good day weather wise, a storm will rumble further towards town but the clearing will only have a light shower. I'll finalize all the arrangements with the wolves in the morning."

Carlisle looked at me, my face a picture of worry. "Relax Bella, try to enjoy this or at least put on a good act. I understand your concerns and we will be very careful."

"I'm just surprised it will be so soon, I was imagining in a month or two."

"I'm sure that we can get some training in beforehand so don't worry about the date, the sooner it's done the sooner Demetri may go back to Volterra."

"He's about a mile away now, I think he's coming back here," Edward said. "What line shall we take with him?"

"We will say exactly what you heard and saw. We don't need to mention the information that Jasper gave us, it is not directly related to what you were following."

"Yes, but do we tell him that Bella can unshield herself?"

"Well, we mustn't lie but we don't need to volunteer that information. I think he may just believe that the spirit or whatever it was you thought you were following was disturbing his gift. Did you see anything left in Bella by the way, before Jasper need her to stop?"

"No, just Bella, I mean she always has a great many thought patterns, more than your average vampire, but it was nothing like before."

Far off in the distance we could hear the sound of feet running at a slow pace through the wood.

"What's he thinking?"

"He is wondering if he should disturb the two of us. He want's to know how I knew something was there."

"Bella, please unshield me. And then I'm sure he will join us. I can understand that he would not want to impose on a newly married couple at night but if he knows I'm here that will not be a problem."

I did as he asked and within three minutes there was a quiet knock at our door. Edward answered and invited Demetri in.

He took the chair that Jasper had vacated. He looked tired just as Edward had done.

"I don't understand it. I can feel someone but they are not there. They appear from nowhere and that time I even managed to follow, but it was too quick and was gone. No scent, no visible appearance, nothing but just my feeling.

"But you felt it too?" He turned to Edward, "is that why you followed?"

"I heard thoughts, well at least I thought I did. I saw nothing, felt nothing, but heard. I followed but they went too quick for me. I lost it much sooner than you did."

"What did you hear? What thoughts were there? Were they normal vampire thoughts?"

Edward explained again what he heard. He missed out the bit about me unshielding myself but all the rest was as he had explained to us already. Demetri sat listening carefully. When Edward had finished he sat in silence for a minute before speaking.

"I don't know what we are dealing with, this is not something I have come across before. I don't want to report this back to Aro until I have more information. I will monitor more closely your position if you don't mind Bella. I'm going to have to use human techniques – do you carry a cell phone? I will source one and we can set up a link so that I will know where you are. It is so unsatisfactory, they are so clumsy and unreliable, but I think it is the best I can do in your case. I hope you don't mind this. I realize it may sound intrusive but really I will know no more about you than I know about everyone else in the world. This thing, whatever it is, seems to be associated with you. It was in the cottage. I only felt it for a couple of seconds, and that was odd. I thought I saw you at the same time too but that must be something to do with the presence, whatever it is. And then it appeared outside the cottage and went off into the forest and I lost it as if it went under the sea. My talent doesn't work once a person is under water. I can see them as soon as they put a hair out, but nothing when they are fully submerged.

And the oddest thing is that this presence still has aspects of your mother about it. But your mother is in Jacksonville, I feel her there. She is with her husband just as one would expect. It is very perplexing.

"At least it doesn't seem to be of any kind of a threat, I wouldn't want you to worry Bella."

I thought to myself, _No, why would I worry? A Volturi guard thinks my mother is a disembodied presence and my husband hears her in my mind, why would I worry about that?_ But I managed to stay poker-faced and returned his concern. "Demetri, I just want to find an answer to this that will satisfy your curiosity. I don't feel afraid of something that I can't feel and can't see. And I will be happy to link our phones if you think that will help." I though that at least I can leave my phone somewhere, or turn it off if I feel like it.

He seemed satisfied with my answer. He turned to Carlisle, "Do you know why one of the wolves was following me? Have they been assigned to escort us or something?"

"Ah, which wolf was following you Demetri?"

"The older female, Leah?"

"I think I should talk to you privately about this, is she still about?"

"No, she seems to have run in the direction La Plush now."

"That's good, a perfect opportunity. Shall we leave Bella and Edward for the rest of the night and walk back to the main house?"

"Certainly, I'd like to understand her motivation for following."

They said goodnight and set off.

I looked at Edward. I was exhausted; it had been a long, emotional night.

"Time for you to rest, Love, we'll talk again in the morning." And with that he swept me into his arms, carried me to the bedroom, tucked me under the covers and just as he did sometimes when I was human, he sang me to sleep.


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter 46 - disbelief

By the time Edward, Nessie and I went over to the main house for Fred's training session, Carlisle had arranged the details of the match with the pack leaders. The wolves were very much up for it, just as I had feared.

They had decided on an eight-a-side match with three vampires and five wolves from each team on the pitch, swapping with the others on their team to give everyone a turn. Sam and Jacob had insisted that Carlisle should referee leaving them to captain a side each. Although I'm sure that Carlisle would rather have played he was overjoyed to be asked to take this position of responsibility by the wolves. Nahuel was the only sticking point, he wasn't really a vampire and certainly not a wolf. In the end it was decided that he would be best counted as a vampire as his body was as hard as stone.

I had to be placed on the opposing side to both Fred and Edward so that I could try to shield them whilst marking them and have some motivation to make sure that it worked. Apart from that the teams weren't decided on – that was left in Jacob and Sam's hands.

I was worried. Shielding one player would be hard enough if they were moving, but two? I'd have to make Fred my priority and shield Edward if I had a chance, maybe if he was going for a goal or something.

The excitement in the house was palpable. Carlisle was right to say that we needed this match soon. It was a distraction, a distraction from all the other issues that were surrounding us.

I wasn't sure who Carlisle had spoken to about my talent and who he had not. Emmett and Jasper were not in the main house, they were out training for the match. Was this coincidence or part of Carlisle's instructions? Alice was out shopping, I didn't know what to make of that. I desperately wanted to talk to her. I wanted to explain that I was not trying to take Jasper away from her, that I loved her and would never knowingly try to upset her, that I would work to find a cure for this talent and release Jasper from the trap I'd ensnared him in. What I didn't know was if she would listen to me. Did she hate me too much? How hard had she been on Jasper? I hope that she understood that this wasn't his fault at all.

Demetri was also out. He'd gone for a long run after Carlisle had imparted the news about Leah to him.

Fred's training session took place on the front lawn, as always. Esme had again volunteered to be the subject. I marveled how close Fred and Esme had become in just a few days. She was happy to help him, she was very much his mother figure and was clearly enjoying the role. And Fred for his part seem to enjoy having a mother again. While he wasn't training he had taken to doing useful jobs for her where he could. The drive was looking exceptionally tidy, a simple task that he could do with no need to be close to anyone else. He carefully burnt the cuttings in a well controlled bonfire. At Esme's request he also agreed to go hunting again with me in a few days time. I knew Esme would hope that his thirst would have increased sufficiently by then that he might be tempted to try an animal.

As we began the session Fred was wearing his warm, easy smile that played on his face whenever he was close to people. It would have been hard not to like Fred. I knew that some of his cheerfulness was put on as a strategy to try to win me but most of it was really just the way he was. He was like Jacob before he turned into a werewolf: sunny.

Fred's training was going well. In the few session he'd already had he had become much better at taming his talent. He could handle himself so that Esme could sit back-to-back with him and feel no ill effects; they had taken to playing chess this way, a board each in front of them mirroring each other's moves. It was very sweet to see. They were well matched as opponents, though neither would have stood a chance against the rest of the family with the exception of me.

That morning's session concentrated on a person walking towards Fred. We managed to get the exclusion area down to about fifteen feet, with only another five feet where Esme felt nauseous. I was particularly happy with this as it meant that Fred would be able to sit at one end of the lounge with other members of the family in there. It meant that he was no longer totally excluded from family recreation without shielding and was no longer so dependent on me.

Fred however didn't see this as much progress. He wanted to play ball and he couldn't do that.

"Bella, please could you just shield me a little while I have a training session with some of the others? Pretty please?" A huge smile on his face.

"You don't know which team you're in yet. I know it's not the same as me but I don't think Sam and Jacob have picked yet."

"I know but I just need to practice. I'm rusty. Is Edward there, maybe he'd like a game? Esme, would you like to play?"

Esme grinned, "No thanks, I'm not big on soccer. I'll train with my team when I know who they are."

At that point Leah came walking nervously towards the house. She looked more feminine somehow. It took me a couple of seconds to process the difference. It wasn't just her hair and clothes which she had clearly put more effort into than usual, it was the whole way she carried herself.

Fred stared at her. I inverse shielded him. I was glad to see I wasn't the only person he was noticing. Maybe getting Fred to stop obsessing over me would be easy.

"Fred, this is Leah. She is Seth's sister. You met her the other day in wolf form when you made Seth sick."

Fred was clearly wrong-footed by this. "Ah, yeah, sorry about that. I really didn't mean to cause the trouble between the wolves and the coven."

"I know," she replied, and for once she returned his smile. Not a warm smile but at least a polite smile. "Is Demetri in, do you know?"

Esme answered, "He went for a run a few hours ago and has not returned. He went Northwards."

"Oh, OK, thank you. Northwards?"

Esme nodded her confirmation, "But it was many hours ago, he could be anywhere by now."

"I'm sure I can find him." Leah smiled again, this time to herself.

As she walked away Fred raised one eyebrow at me, clearly surprised by the conversation. I answered with an _I'll explain later _expression.

After Esme had suffered as much nausea as she was willing to endure, Fred and I went for a quick run to relieve the tension of training. As soon as we were out of earshot he pulled up, clearly wanting to talk. We were still well within Edward's mind reading range so I shielded him.

He felt the shield over him. "Why the shield? Is there someone close?"

"I just don't want Edward upset by your thoughts. Did you want to discuss something with me?" I suddenly realized that Fred was the other person that I was going to have to tell about my talent. Carlisle couldn't have a private chat with Fred in the normal way, it wouldn't work. I'd brought Fred upon the household, it was my responsibility to tell him.

"OK then, why was Leah trying to find Demetri?"

"The wolves occasionally imprint on someone, they believe this person to be their sole mate. Leah has imprinted on Demetri."

"But the guy is old, and she is young. And they aren't even the same species."

"I don't think the age was ever going to be the big problem. Wolves and vampires are usually mortal enemies. It's hard to see how they will cope. Jacob and Nessie get on fine, but Nessie is only half vampire."

"Jacob has imprinted on your daughter! But she's just a kid, that's disgusting. You should have him arrested. I'm surprised that Edward hasn't killed him."

"You've got it all wrong, imprinting isn't like that. It's not a romantic thing, it's a whole life commitment. They become just what their imprint needs, or try to anyway. Jacob is Nessie's friend and teacher and guard and that is all. You are right, Edward would have killed him if it were anything else."

I continued, "Nahuel has imprinted on me, which is very unfortunate to say the least."

"But he isn't a wolf."

"We think the half vampires have some commonalities with the wolves. Imprinting is just one."

"But you're married!"

"Yes Fred, I am married. This is what I need to talk to you about." I gestured to a fallen tree where we could sit to talk.

There we sat while I told him. I told him that I knew how he felt towards me, how it would do no good as I was already married, how his feeling's weren't real and couldn't be trusted because of my talent. I apologized about putting him through this. I suggested that he may want to leave and return one day when I had my talent in order. I explained that it wasn't just Edward and Nahuel, I had infected many others too, that he was one amongst many.

He listened patiently to what I said to him. It looked as if he was trying to keep a straight face.

"I bet you tell all the boys that!" was his reply, a huge grin erupting on his face. "Bella, it isn't a vampire talent you have, you are just a really nice person, that is why we all want to spend time with you. Besides, I need you, you know I need you. Without you I am in solitary confinement for the rest of eternity. Please don't try to send me away, I will be good and stick to all the rules, just let me be here for a bit longer. I'll try harder at my training – I am getting better."

"I'm not sending you away Fred, I'm just trying to warn you that you can't trust your feelings towards me."

Fred tried to move closer to me but I pre-empted him by springing high up into the branches of a neighboring fir tree. "I'll race you back to the river." And I set off jumping from tree to tree. Fred joined in moving along a parallel course. I was pleased that I was faster than him, my newborn advantage still hadn't faded.

I left Fred at the river and hurried back to the cottage as soon as I could. I didn't want to spend any more time at the main house.

I enjoyed my alone time. I managed to read some books, and read A Midsummer Night's Dream again. The chaos that the fairies caused with their love potion seemed nothing to what I was doing to my family and friends.

My cell rang shrilly from my jacket pocket. I answered cautiously, it wasn't a number I knew.

"Bella, honey, how are you," my mother gushed.

"Mom! I didn't realize it was you, what happened to your other cell?"

"Oh, I'm just using this prepay while I find it."

"Mom!"

"Anyway honey, tell me how you and Edward are."

"We are doing fine thank you. And you and Phil?"

"We are fine too, I just wanted to know when I could visit you. Has your visitor left yet?"

"No Mom, he is still staying with us."

"And who did you say he was? You said he was one of Carlisle's friends from Europe. What does he do for a living?"

"Oh, he works for a local government in Italy."

"And what exactly does he do for them?"

I was getting uncomfortable with her questioning – why did she want to know?

"He helps find lost people." I didn't like lying to my mother and this was as near to the truth as I could get.

"That's an interesting sounding job, how does he find them?"

Now I was getting extremely uncomfortable. "He says he uses intuition a lot of the time."

"Does he have a name, this visitor?"

"Yes, Demetri, Demetri Volturi." I really didn't know what surname he was using and said the first thing that came into my head.

"Ah, that explains it. OK honey, keep yourself safe. I'll come to visit when he's gone. Bye for now."

"Bye Mom."

I was left just looking at my phone. I didn't understand the phone call I'd just had with my own Mother. It was as if she had heard of Demetri, but how could she? And how did the small amount of information that I had given her explain anything?

I searched for Demetri on the Internet but I couldn't find him. Not that I thought the Volturi would keep profiles on the web. I tried any number of search terms – tracker, finder, psychic – but I could not find him anywhere. So how did she know about him?

I decide in the end that Renée was just Renée. She probably meant nothing by her words and I was blowing them all out of proportion and I shouldn't worry. I went back to my books.


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47 - Teams

Edward arrived home with Nessie and had news about the match. The teams had been decided.

**Jacob's Team : **Bella, Jasper, Emmett, Rose, Esme

**Sam's Team :**Fred, Edward, Nahuel, Alice, Demetri

The wolves were split between the teams, not along pack lines but mixed up, Jacob giving up Embry and Seth in return for Jared and Colin. Leah remained on our team. I didn't know the other wolves, they were just names on a list. But I was determined to get to know the ones on my team and show them that although I may be a vampire, I wasn't a monster.

Nessie was happy to go to bed, the excitement of the match was getting to her too. She was disappointed that she couldn't play but did understand why, she didn't want to be squished either. She'd spent a good few hours training on the front lawn with Jacob and she was exhausted.

Once she was settled I sat down in our sitting room and looked over at Edward. He was still looking strained. I loved him so much and hated seeing his face almost permanently etched with worry. When would this madness end? I realized how much I longed for stability, how much I wanted to plan for the future, at least the next six years until Nessie had grown up.

"What shall we do when the match is over, after Demetri has left and things get back to normal?" I asked. "I can't remember when life was normal. Has it really been normal at all since we graduated? First the wedding, then I was carrying Nessie, then she was born and we were so worried, and then the Volturi were coming, and now Demetri and Fred are here, and the trouble we had with Paul. Is it ever going to be quiet again or will the rest of eternity be like this?"My voice had gone up an octave while I was talking. I calmed my voice down to a moderate tone. "What do you want to do for the next six years? I need a plan, something that I can think that we'll do when all this madness dies down."

"Oh, a plan, I used to be able to do them right up till the time I met you." He said it with a smile in his voice, almost a resigned laugh. It was not an accusation or even a rebuke, it was just an observation.

And at that moment I grew up, I was no longer a teenager but an adult.

The words hit me and blew my world apart. It was only now that I understood. I understood what I had done. What I had done to Edward, to all his family, to the Quileute tribe – not just those that turned to wolves, to my own family, well to Charlie at least, and our friends, vampire and human.

It was me, no one else. Edward always used to say I was a magnet for trouble, but back then it was just a joke. Now I saw it clearly. It was me, I had caused all this.

"It is still so frustrating that I can't read your mind. What are you thinking? It was a joke, why do you look so horror struck?"

Edward was in front of me in an instant, his hands on my face brushing the hair out of my eyes. He tilted my head to look deep down into them, his hand firm but gentle on my face.

I gazed at him and my eyes filled with tears. They ran down my cheeks and dripped off my chin. He dried them away with his shirt sleeve.

"What is the matter with me? Vampires can't cry Edward." I asked in a whispered faltering voice. "What am I then, if I'm like a vampire but I can cry? I can eat and I can sleep? What is the name for that? Am I a hybrid like Nessie, not a full vampire, did the venom not fully spread?" But even as I said it I knew that every bit of me had burned in the transformation and none had been left as it was.

Then I had the word. It sprang into my head and I said it aloud: "Demon." I'd looked up the definition once when we'd come across it in English literature at school – it said 'malignant supernatural being'.

Edward just looked at me. "You aren't a demon my love, we just don't understand yet what is going on."

He looked so young and beautiful, just 17, faced with something he didn't understand happening to someone he loved. Looking at him made the tears flow faster. I tried really hard to think of calm thoughts but I couldn't remember any. I tried and I thought of Jacob in the garage in La Plush before he was a wolf, of sitting watching him working on our bikes, from my perch in his VW. It was simpler then. This helped a tiny bit, and my breathing calmed a little.

"Maybe I am a cuckoo and nothing more." I tried to smile for his sake, but I thought of the YouTube clip I'd seen of the European cuckoo laying its eggs in another bird's nest after eating a few of the host's eggs. The clip showed the chick throwing the other eggs out of the nest. It then went on to grow at a massive rate forcing its surrogate parents to continually work to feed this one enormous mouth. The parents' life had been totally taken over by this chick and only this chick. Was I that chick? I'd managed not to kill anyone yet but was that just good fortune? They all regularly had to put their lives on the line for me and my offspring.

"What did I do Bella?" he asked, pulling me out of my ponderings. "I don't want to make you so upset again."

"You did nothing my love, it is me, it is all me. I just need to learn to control myself."

And I knew this was certainly true. I needed to stay calm, not to be so cast about by mood swings. After all, it wasn't as if I was a human girl and had to cope with hormonal cycles. I had to learn self control.

The first thing was to make sure I got enough sleep but as I climbed into bed I thought that it was a lost cause. However, even with all my worries about the men folk, about Alice, about Renée, sleep found me.

I woke in the night with the dream again. I knew I'd had it before many times, but I'd not remembered it before. It didn't surprise me, it was like an old friend. It was a bittersweet dream. A baby, a tiny little boy, warm in my arms, his blue clothes embroidered with little bunny rabbits. I was happy, so happy, and then my life flitted past. I saw him grow and I grew old too. I saw myself as a contented old woman. I saw myself die.

In the morning I knew there was something wrong. I could feel it in the center of my chest, a rhythmic squeezing, very slow and faint, but I could feel it. It was regular, once every 28 seconds or thereabouts. It wasn't painful, just odd, unusual, out of place. I couldn't explain it to myself. I had nothing to compare it with, not like stomach cramp or a pulled muscle from my human life. I knew that it couldn't be heard, I would have heard it myself. I told Edward about the feeling and he said that I needed to see Carlisle again. He was about to phone for him but I said that I'd go over to the main house, as I didn't want to make a big thing over what was probably just a bit of bad stomach or something.

As I ran through the forest I wondered if my close proximity to Fred was causing this spasming. I'd ask Carlisle and see what he thought.

I went straight to Carlisle's study without greeting anyone. As usual he was sitting reading, this time from his computer.

"Bella, how are you this morning? You've just caught me, I have an early shift at the hospital, I have to leave in five minutes."

"Carlisle, I don't know where to start."

"It's OK Bella, you are under so much strain, no one thinks bad of you. You are doing remarkably well for your age."

"It's not that Carlisle, I have a pain. Well, no, not a pain, but a spasm in my chest and I don't know what it is. I thought that you might be able to shed some light on it."

"A spasm?" He looked puzzled. This wasn't what I'd hoped for. I thought that maybe he would be able to say _Don't worry, I've see this many times before, it's just X, or Y_, but clearly that wasn't the case.

"Lie on the couch and I'll see if I can feel anything."

I lay still as requested and he felt the place I said the spasm was most intense. He felt five spasms pass. He got out his stethoscope and listened. I really wondered if it would make any difference to his hearing given that I'm sure that he only used it for show on his human patients. He'd be able to hear their hearts, however weak, from the other side of a door.

As he listened for the spasms I saw him raise his eyebrows in surprise and then pull them together in confusion. Whatever it was that he heard, he wasn't expecting it.

"Are you suffering any lost of strength or speed?" he asked.

"No, I've not noticed. I'm getting older and expecting to lose my edge, but it's still there for now," I replied. "Why, what do you think it is?"

"Bella, the best way to describe what I feel and hear in your chest is... a pulse."

The sentence was spoken very quietly so that no vampires nearby would hear. Edward was not there so the only other person who would know what had been said would be Alice.

"But I don't have a heart," I uttered in the same small voice, but in my case a small voice was all that I could manage. The word pulse rang around my head. Spasm was so much better, so much easier.

"I know that vampires don't traditionally have working hearts but maybe there are exceptions. It is not as if I have studied every vampire that has existed. You may be one of a select minority that have a gift that we others do not, or of course you could be totally unique.

"I have read ancient myths about vampires with any number of human-like traits and physiology. They are written in the Volturi records. I studied their libraries when I was with them. They have built up a vast collection of writings. I remember some of the stories were of vampires who developed gifts and were physically different from normal vampires. But these were over 2000 years ago. A myth, nothing more."

"Tell me more Carlisle. Were there any with pulses?"

"Well, yes, but they had a more regular pulse like a human that went through their whole body, not a small centered spasm like yours which is only twice every minute or so. It's probably something you ate, nothing like a pulse."

"I'm going to have to run some more tests on you Bella, you are certainly the most interesting vampire I know."

He said this with a enormous smile, "You have brought so much to all of us, not just Edward."

"Will you promise to be back here when I finish at the hospital? No, better still, can I see you at the cottage?"

"Yes, of course."

"And you are in no pain?"

"None at all."

"Well that is good, do try not to worry. It is probably just something to do with your digestive system, but I'm not quite sure what yet."

And with that he went off to work. But his last thought gave me some comfort, just something to do with my digestive system. Well that was OK, maybe I'd been messing it up eating and drinking human-style a little too often and it was getting it's own back. I could easily go back to a blood-only diet if that was going to be healthier for me.

A minute after Carlisle had left the room, Alice flitted into the study.


	48. Chapter 48

Chapter 48 – Practice

Alice's reassurance was absolute and complete. She just hugged me for a long time. I felt hope return. I'd not lost her as my friend, she didn't hate me.

"I love you Bella. As a friend of course – nothing else!" And she laughed.

Her pixie face turned serious again. "There is a way through this I just don't know what it is yet." Her eye lost focus for a minute. "There is something, something big, but I can't see it, I think it's the wolves in the way. Sometimes I get a glimpse, just a suggestion, of your mother... always of your mother in the wood and the boys wrestling. I don't understand it." She gave the slightest shrug of her tiny shoulders and continued.

"Jas is OK, we have agreed it would be best if he keeps his distance from you for now at least, except training. I know he has be trying, honestly, he didn't need to go and do a computer course, we could have gone away on holiday if he'd have told me the reason. Men!

"And what about you, this spasm? Is it really causing you more pain than you are letting on?"

"Alice," tears welling in my eyes, "you are the best friend that I could possibly have. I don't deserve you. I love you too – you are truly my sister."

"The spasm, it's nothing," I continued ."I can only just feel it, it doesn't hurt, it is just there, that's all. It's there and it shouldn't be."

During the next week or so the whole house went soccer crazy. I was thankful of the distraction.

Training for the match became a large proportion of my life as not only did I have to attend my own team's training but had to shield Fred during the opposing team's sessions as well.

My team's training proved somewhat of a trial. We in Jacob's team had some sessions just for the vampires and some sessions for the whole team. The problem was that when it was vampire only I had to be in close proximity to Rose.

Carlisle had spoken to Rose about my talent. It was quite obvious when this had happened as I received a simple text from her. _If I see you near Emmett again you will be ash._ Most of our vampire training sessions consisted of her attempting to remove my legs in various illegal tackles. She refused to speak to me although I'd tried many times to reassure her I had no designs on her husband. Having said this I didn't blame her, it was what I deserved, I deserved the physical pain she was putting me through.

Both Emmett and Jasper were so enthusiastic for the sport it took them a few sessions to calm down enough not to kick the ball so hard it popped. Thankfully Emmett had managed to get hold of a very large number of soccer balls for training and only had to go back twice to get more. In the end even Emmett had reduced his kick down to the required level to place the ball just about anywhere on the pitch with no popping.

To my surprise I found that I was the best of the three women on the team. My passing skills matched Jasper's although he was better at close ball control. Rose may have been better if she had focused on the ball rather than attacking me.

Observing the opponents' training was fun. Fred was just so funny all of the time and was tremendously good at soccer. He really bonded with the other vampires on his team and I had to admit they were playing much better than we were. I tried hard to cover both Fred and Edward in inside out covers so neither could use their talents. I said I was covering Edward just for the practice but in fact I had decided that it was a useful for him not to know the males' thoughts just in case any still had room for anything outside of soccer.

The training with the wolves started off rather nervously, nobody wanting to cause offence or physical injury, but soon got more serious as the number of days until the match shortened. Jacob introduced me to all the wolves I didn't know.

"Hey Bella, come over and meet the rest of your team!"

"Hey guys, meet Bella." He threw an arm around my shoulder just like he would have done when I was human. "She may smell awful but she is going to make the best mother-in-law a man could have."

I did manage to whip his feet from under him and leave him sitting on the floor in a humiliated heap for that quip.

It was good to meet the newer wolves, I managed to talk and joke with some of them. The male wolves did seem a little happier to chat with me than the females were. The females seemed to have taken a shine to Jasper and Emmett, and were really fond of Esme.

In the few hours a day that seemed not to be full of soccer I tried to squeeze in some kind of normal life. The tests Carlisle had run had not yet shown anything but he was determined and had decided the next step would be to look at my chromosomes and see if there was anything unusual for a vampire. Not that looking at my chromosomes would cure me, but it could at least explain some differences.

I'd tried to call my mother a few times but got no reply from her. I received an email from her saying she was very busy at her knitting classes and that she would send me something she'd made.

Charlie called two days before the match and said I'd had a packaged delivered to his house for me from Mom. Maybe Renée had lost my new address – how Renée!

When I turned up there was a package waiting for me containing a beautiful hand-knitted scarf and a smaller envelope. The envelope contained a bracelet made with metal links in the shape of four leaved clover, one in the center encrusted with false diamonds. The note with it just said _wear it for luck_. I was so pleased with the gifts, this tangible link with Renée, that I wore the scarf as much as I could and never took the bracelet off. After all, I needed all the good luck I could get.

The only odd thing was that Alice called me and said that Demetri had asked her to look for my mother's future as he couldn't place her and was worried for her. Alice's comment was that _she is in the car somewhere, she looks perfectly fine, she is on a long journey, I can't see where she is going yet_. I guessed that she'd be off to watch Phil play somewhere.

The day of the match broke with a cold gray light, no rain first thing, just as Alice predicted. She was never wrong about the weather. It would stay dry until Mid afternoon and then the storm would hit toward Forks and there would be showers in the clearing. My little garden at the cottage still had no signs of spring, I stared hard at the trees willing for something to look new, fresh and green, but it didn't.

But my thoughts couldn't be distracted for long, it was Tuesday and that meant the match. I wasn't dreading it for the same reason that I would have dreaded any sort of sporting endeavor when I was human. I'd trained with my team and I knew that I was every bit as able to play as any of the vampires and I was sure that I could out skill most of Jacob's wolf pack. This worry had faded but hadn't left confidence in its place. It had just left room for other worries. The greatest of which was just returning to the clearing. The clearing where James, Victoria and Laurent had found the Cullens playing baseball. The same clearing where the newborns had fought with the Cullens and the wolves, the newborns ending up being burnt to ash. The same clearing where just a few months ago the Volturi had stood against us, their witnesses baying for our lives. All the big events in the same place, how could I not fear it? When I hunted I never went close but apparently I was the only one who felt this way. The rest took a much more pragmatic view. It was only a place, a space in the dense forest that they had used hundreds of times, there was nothing to fear from the place. Alice even seemed comfortable with the planned match, though of course she could see nothing of the day once the wolves turned up.

Alice had tried to talk to me the previous day to tell me about a vision she'd seen again of me and Nessie in the forest with a man. I really didn't want to hear it and was glad when she said that was all she could see because of the wolves. And then Jasper appeared out of nowhere and interrupted us and took Alice off shopping again, he had worn through his boots already.

Fred had left the state a couple of times in the previous two weeks in a borrowed car and come back with his eyes bright red. I couldn't bear to look at him, the thought of what he'd done was dreadful. We'd argued about it briefly. He tried and failed to convince me that he was providing a useful service to the humans removing the ones they didn't want anymore, but I couldn't see it. Killing someone was killing someone. I couldn't see shades of gray in this, I guess it was the way I was raised.

We Cullens and visitors were all gathered in the clearing dressed in the team T-shirts provided by Alice. I was trying to keep my doom in check concentrating hard on thinking calm thoughts. I didn't notice anyone was close by me until Jasper whispered in my ear

"Why so worried on such an exciting day? You are the only person who is worrying; everyone else is just looking forward to this. Is there something that you know that the rest of us don't?"

I looked round. We were a little apart from the others. I hadn't realized that my pacing had brought me this far, it was far enough that the others wouldn't hear what he had said.

"Shucks! And I thought that I was putting on such a happy and calm facade."

"You know that I know you better than that Bella, I know you better than anyone, better even than Jacob."

And that puzzled me. It made me stop my pacing and look at him.

"Edward," I corrected.

"Yes, I know you far better than Edward."

Again, was he deliberately playing with me? Did he mean that he knew me better than he knew Edward or better than Edward knew me? Neither seemed likely.

I looked at him and I could tell he felt my flash of frustration because he smiled at me and walked away quickly, singing a jazz song in his deep base voice. I wondered if he was thinking really hard about the lyrics to keep Edward out and hide any stray thoughts.

Then, as if to distract me, Jacob's pack arrived in wolf form. They looked fantastic. The fur on all seven of them shone in the sun. They ran in formation into the center of the clearing, Jacob at point.

Carlisle walked with measured but confident pace towards them. "Welcome friends."

Jacob barked what was clearly a greeting in return.

In an instant they were gone into the forest. Three to the left and two to the right and two more out of the end of the clearing. I puzzled. Splitting two ways I could understand – they were a mixed pack and to retain a little dignity they would want to change back and dress boys on one side and girls on the other, but what of the third group?

Edward answered what must have been the same question in every vampire's mind. "Leah and Quill will take a perimeter around the clearing as first guard."

I guess that made sense. Jasper, Emmett and Demetri had already swept the area but now that we had no foresight from Alice it was wise to keep our guard up.

The news cheered me up. A small pack on guard plus a vampire or two, that should keep all but the very worst situations under control.

If required the wolves could scare off a hiker just by showing themselves, not that many ever got this far off the trails.

Carlisle walked to the center of the pitch and called the teams to order. It was time to begin..

_Author's Note_

_That was Chapter 48 and we are coming close to the end of the story now. I have been publishing 5 nights a week for nearly 10 weeks._

_I have just finished the draft of Chapter 52 which is the penultimate chapter. I will try to get Chapter 53 written by next Wednesday to keep to the schedule but I won't put our chapter 51 and 52 until I know it's going to be done. I think you'll want the three chapters in quick succession._

_I'd like to thank everybody who has commented, especially those hero readers (as I see them) who comment every chapter. Please continue to comment as I really need your support as the chapters become harder to write towards the end of the story._


	49. Chapter 49

Chapter 49 - Match

At the start of the second half of the match Fred and I sat on some boulders at the edge of the enormous pitch. We were 'on the bench', both having played hard during the first half. I was sitting there relieved that so far nothing had gone too wrong. I was tempting fate, and within a minute an ominous crunch and shriek added to the usual yells for the ball and advice and encouragement from the other players.

The ominous crunch had come from Jared's foot when Emmett had trodden on him as he lay on the ground.

I'd seen the whole incident in slow motion. Emmett and Paul both ran for the ball, Paul desperate to get the ball before it went over the line into the vampire-only area and to Emmett. The ball was traveling fast, Jacob had kicked it with enough force to send it twice the length of the pitch, but had avoided splitting the leather which would have been an immediate penalty. Paul had jumped, his lean leg muscles first bunching in preparation for the jump and then extending as he shot into the air, the upwards thrust aided by the counterbalance of his arms. He managed to stop the ball with his head, sending it shooting towards Cliff, one of the new pack members who was on his side. As Paul fell back he landed on Jared, who had been in the right place but wasn't concentrating on the game. Paul caught him awkwardly on the shoulder, the force buckling him, first at the knee, then twisting his ankle and causing him to fall, sliding on the wet grass. He fell over the line, skidded through the no mans areas and into the oncoming path of Emmett. Emmett had his eye on the ball, of course. Fortunately, due to the angle of Jared's foot at the time Emmett landed on it the damage wasn't as bad as it sounded.

Carlisle was there in a flash. He diagnosed a fracture and said that Jared would have to sit out for the rest of the match. Jared was disappointed to say the least, but excitement radiated off Leah's face (his substitute) and there were great cat calls, or wolf calls, from the others. He was over the line and he got what was coming to him – a trampling. No one was blaming Emmett, except for Emmett. He looked as if the enormity of what he had done had hit him hard. His face drained of the little color it had and he completely lost his focus on the competition. He carried Jared to the rocks a little way from us, apologizing all the way.

"I didn't see you. I'd have stopped, I'd have jumped, I'd have... I'm so sorry."

This wasn't a side of Emmett I'd seen before, visibly shaken by something that he'd done. That almost bothered me more than the trampling itself. My big bearlike brother was usually so sure of himself, so playful, and here he was acting with such remorse.

I noticed then something that I hadn't registered before. Jasper had got up from his position beside Fred and I and was walking just a few yards behind Emmett with Carlisle. This must be the reason for Emmett's mood swing. Jasper was feeling things and knew that wringing an apology out of Emmett would be a good idea.

Jared said something to Carlisle when he was settled on the rock. I didn't manage to catch it but Carlisle smiled and went off to Jacob and Sam who were standing 50 yards away looking relaxed despite the incident. The other vampires and wolves, gathered in small groups spread around the pitch, also looked unconcerned. Leah flashed a smile at Demetri with whom she'd been chatting and went to replace Jared in his position.

"He'll be healed by tomorrow, I should think, the rate you folks mend bones," Carlisle told Sam and Jacob but loud enough for us all to hear. "But I don't want him to put any weight on it until then, it's very easy for those bones to mis-heal. But he did ask for a drink. Did either of you bring any water?"

"Damn it," Jacob punched his own forehead with his hand, "that is what I was supposed to bring, the water."

"No matter, we can send a substitute to get some from our house. I think it would be best for it to be tap water, I don't want you getting bad stomachs from stream water, although I do understand that in your wolf states you'd be fine with that. Phasing is the last thing that I want him to do right now."

Then Jacob was jogging over to us, "Hi there."

I answered before he reached us. "You want me to go get the water?" I stated the obvious.

"Yeah, but you best take this one with you," he grinned at Fred, "I don't want him cheating for the other side when you're gone."

Fred smiled back. "I wouldn't you know, besides it would be just as bad for my own team, I can't narrow it down yet. I'm happy to get the water on my own if you like." He added to me.

"We'll go together, I know where the water carriers are."

Nessie jumped straight into my arms. "I'll come too, I want to help Jared." She replayed the scene of Jared's trampling straight before my eyes. It didn't look better second time around.

"OK, we'll go back to the house and get the water. Shall we bring the Jeep back up as far as it will go? That way we can put Jared in it and drive him back to La Plush when the game's over."

"Yes, that would be good, well thought," Carlisle complimented me.

So I put Nessie on my back, the way Edward used to carry me when I was human.

She was big enough now to put her arms securely around my neck and her legs were long enough for me to get a good grip on.

The three of us set off at a run, not a sprint as I was carrying Nessie and wasn't that confident of her hold on me.

After four minutes Fred offered to take a turn carrying Nessie.

"Oh yes please," she chimed, and I could see that I was going to get outvoted if I even tried to object.

But something in the back of my mind, one of my many strands of thought, shouted _Don't let him take her_. I pushed the ridiculous thought away. I made sure that my shield was wrapped tight around Fred before I let her down.

Fred, being much bigger than me, put Nessie on his shoulders, holding her legs on his chest, her hand held tight to his collar.

I realized looking at them that this was the scene from my dream. The mysterious man carrying Nessie was Fred. But I'm not a psychic, how would I have known this? Then I remember Alice. She tried to warn me of something before Jasper had interrupted. But there was no danger here, we were just doing a little domestic job for somebody else, there could be no problem in getting water. I chastised myself, _this is why vampires shouldn't have dreams, it is because they dream stupid things that just make them worry._

We set off just at walking speed to start with.

The voice said to me, _Humor him and get the child off him_.

The voice startled me momentarily. I knew the voice was a counterfeit of Edward's, it had every tone and harmony that his voice contained but somehow wasn't his. _Not this again_ I thought to myself. I'd not heard it for two weeks, I thought I'd got control of my mind again.

The voice was urgent, firm, but calm. It repeated, _You need to get the child away from him_.

Two things puzzled me, well three things really.

Firstly and most obviously, why was I hearing voices? Secondly, what was the danger? There were only the three of us plus the voice. And thirdly, why would Edward call Nessie "the child"? He never spoke of her like that, and nor did I.

"Fred it may be better if I take her," I said as calmly as I could manage. "She is high up there on your back and might hit a tree if you run."

"Oh Bella, there is no need for you to worry yourself, Nessie's not going to hit any trees, are you girl?"

"No, I'll be careful. I'll duck right down if there is one."

_OK, so this tack isn't going to work._ The voice in my head insisted, _You must try something else._ This time Edward's voice sounded very concerned and agitated. But still I could see no danger to warrant such a warning.

I let it pass for a minute. We were traveling slower than before so I stopped walking and let them travel a few paces forward before they turned to me.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

I looked directly at Fred. "I think if I carry her we can travel faster and get back with the water quicker, I don't want to miss too much of the game."

"Oh, there is no need for that," Fred said very calmly. "I sure I can ramp it up a bit with Nessie if I have to".

And with that he took her hand very carefully by the wrists, making sure he was only holding her by her clothes, and, staring at me straight in the eyes, he brought it towards his face. The voice inside my head growled and long guttural snarl. The threat was Fred himself and his ability to harm Nessie.

A momentary spasm of anguish hit my face but I pulled it off as quickly as I could. Nessie looked quizzical at my expression, she had no idea of the implied threat. I force a smile. "Well, shall we keep going then?" I started off back towards the house again.

The snarling inside my head didn't abate.

Fred started off at a slight angle from the direction we were traveling before, not that we were on a proper path or anything, just following the scents from the outward direction.

The voice inside my head commanded, _Get him back towards the hous__e!_

I was so worried that I really didn't want to do anything to provoke him. I just didn't know what he would do to her if she put her hand on his face and he really put effort into his talent. I knew that my shield wouldn't stand up to that, she will be straight through to him. She will get the full force of whatever he can throw at her. I remember Seth vomiting violently at a distance of some 50 yards when Fred wasn't even trying. I didn't know how much worse the damage to Nessie would be. Maybe it wouldn't be repairable. It wasn't worth the risk of finding out.

I followed Fred's new course, "Are we taking the scenic route?"

"Ah, now you come to mention it, no. We are on a secret mission. How do you fancy that Nessie, do you think a secret mission sounds like fun?"

"Yes, but we did promise Jared we'd get the water," she chimed. "Can we do it after we got that?"

"There's no need to worry about Jared," Fred laughed. "I saw one of those nice young girl wolves taking him an energy drink before we left the clearing. He is fine, more than fine, he is enjoying the attention."

"OK then, what's our mission?" she chirped.

"Well, we have to go on a quick car journey and then I'll let you know."

I said nothing. So that was it, the danger, we were being kidnapped. I'd no idea why he would do such a thing and as soon as we were in the car my family couldn't follow our scent trails.

I thought of Demetri. We had the world's best tracker staying with us. He would be able to pin point us within feet in the same county and miles in the same continent. He would find us easily. Well, he'd not find me, or anyone I was shielding (like Nessie), but he could follow Fred. The man sent to spy on us and condemn us may be the only one who could rescue us from this situation unless I managed to talk Fred out of it.

I decide to play along until help came or I managed to convince him this wasn't a good idea. I couldn't attack him, it was too risky.

"Bella?" Fred said. "I hope you're up for this secret mission."

"Of course," I tried to hide my anguish but my voice nearly broke in just these two words.

"You'll be shielding all of us then won't you? I don't want even Demetri to know what we are doing. It is secret after all."

"As you wish," I said, but left my shield as it was just nicely tucked around Nessie.

Fred turned to me, "I've been under your shield so long now, that I can feel it like a comfortable coat." His tone was pleasant as if the shield were there.

_He's not bluffing. Pull the shield over him_, the voice in my head ordered. I did it immediately and again Fred turned to me with a smile. "It's a special warmth that you become accustomed to after a while, like a favorite sweater."

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Now if I told you that it wouldn't be secret would it? I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you." Fred said it with a laugh. I said nothing, I wasn't sure if he was serious or not. I didn't even look at him, I just keep up my slow run.

"But I can tell you we are heading down out of the forest and to a car."

_Try to keep the pace slow_, Edward's voice inside my head ordered me.

I slowed down just very slightly so instead of taking the pace I was following, not so much as he would notice.

_That's right Bella_, Edward's voice reassured me.

I thought that he must have been planning this for some time to have a car waiting. I shuddered to think where or how he got it. I just hoped that no human was in it when he took it.

_Now Bella, I want you to concentrate really hard for me_, the voice said again. _This is really important... think with all your mind 'put Nessie down'._

Now I was confused, what good was that going to do? Why couldn't the voice tell me to do something useful like trip him up?

_Bella, you must use your mind, you can do this._

_Now Bella! Concentrate. Say it in your mind, let it flow through you._

I was cross the voice was being so stupid. I really didn't need something telling me to do brain yoga when my child is in danger. I wished it would go away or say something useful.

"Hey girl, don't fall off up there," Fred reached up to steady Nessie, his hands coming with in a fraction of inch of her bare skin.

"She's asleep Fred," I replied in a low voice. "Can I have her back now?"

"No, I'll cope," he smiled at me.

"Has she really gone? I want to talk to you as an adult."

I looked more closely at Nessie and listened to her slow regular breaths, "She's really gone."

I didn't relax either of my shields. I wanted to put as much protection as I could between Nessie and Fred. However I knew it would do no good, she would always get through my shield with her palms.

"Bella, I know that you probably feel that I have kidnapped you and Nessie."

The voice inside my head spoke again, _Keep him calm, try to appeal to his rational side_.

But the voice was not Edward's this time, it was Charlie's. This surprised me but I did as it said.

"Fred, you must have a reason for your actions, they are out of character. I thought that we were friends."

"Ah, yes, friends."

"Yes Fred, friends."

"Bella I need more than that, I need you more than a friend. I have never needed anyone so much, every second I spend a way from you is a waste."

My thought's circled. How could I have been so stupid not to have seen this? I knew he just had a bit of a crush on me but I thought that it would pass. I'd no idea it was this serious. Had I encouraged this? Was this all my fault?

"Fred, I am already spoken for, I'm married, I have the ring." I held my hand up and wiggled my fingers. "I have a daughter. How many more 'unavailable' signs do you need?"

"Can you expect me to go back to living without you? To have nothing, no one, not even an animal who can stand my company?"

"Fred, you don't love me, not really. You may think that you do but it's a mind trick, your thoughts aren't real. You just have to ignore it. It's not real."

"And Edward, is he infected?"

I gnawed my bottom lip. "He loved me when I was human, it doesn't count." A lie – was I any better at lying yet?

"Come off it Bella, Jacob loves you too, they all do. If you have been infecting people it has been for a long time."

_You still lie so badly. But remember he has no right to you._ Charlie's voice again. _You need to negotiate with him. You have to find him a way to back down that won't hurt either you or Nessie._

Why Charlie? Why was he talking like this as if he knew what to do in this situation? What did Charlie know about negotiation? _This is a standard hostage situation,_ came the answer, but I wasn't sure it was an answer to my thought.

Then it struck me that Charlie was a cop and he'd been trained in hostage situations in the human world. In that case it would be someone with a gun.

_He said that he needed you, find out why he thinks that._

"Fred, you said that you needed me, what is it you need?"

"I need you to be with me. When I am not with you my life is unbearable. But when you're around my life is wonderful, I'm the most happy I have ever been, in this life or my last."

"But no one is sending you away from here. You see me every day at the main house. Why can't we continue as we were?"

"You know that I'll be forced to go once the game is done, once Demetri leaves."

"No one has said any such thing to me. I think that the plan was to get you to complete your training so you can learn to do without me, then you will have much more freedom to go wherever you choose."

"If I didn't feel the way I do then that might be enough if it wasn't for Demetri."

Charlie's voice piped up _He's using a new angle, find out what else he needs._

"What's wrong with Demetri now?"

"I don't want the Volturi after me when I have to leave and I'm sorry but you are the only one that can stop that."

"You expect me to run with you forever?" My voice rising through the scale.

_No Bella, keep him calm_, Charlies voice commanded. _Find out his terms._

"I want you to come with me voluntarily, and we can go wherever you like together."

"And what about Nessie, where does she fit in?"

"I'm sorry that I had to threaten her like that. I knew it was the only way I could get you to listen to me for even a short time. We can take her with us or leave her here with your family, which ever you think is best, if you agree to come. Otherwise she'll have to leave with us."

Charlie's voice again _You are going to have to find out if sex has anything to do with it, in 68% of cases it does._

"And you would have me leave my husband?"

"Well I thought..."

"Yes?"

"That wouldn't be too hard... if you had me with you."

"Fred, no one is making you leave us, not even Demetri, there is no need for this."

_Give him a get out,_ Charlie ordered.

"We could go get the water and get back to the match, no one would have missed us yet, they never need to know."

_Good, a generous offer. He should go for it if we are in luck, unless..._

"No Bella, I need you more than ..."

We both stopped. We heard footsteps running towards us, but who? We both froze. I didn't want to be found here, it would mean questions that would be hard to answer. I could tell it wasn't Edward, not Emmett either – too light, but certainly one of the other male vampires, maybe Carlisle or even Demetri.

Jasper snarled from 200 yards away. He had worked out what was going on and had come to rescue us.

We both turned towards the approaching vampire.

"Jasper, have you come for the water too?" I called in a light voice. He made no answer.

The two things happened at nearly the same moment, but fortunately microseconds apart.

Fred gave a surprised cry and his hands flew up and grasped nothing but the air as Nessie disappeared off his shoulders into the trees above. Jasper collided with Fred, no hesitation in his step. He was in for the kill.

I shrieked as I saw one of Fred's arms torn off and thrown across that the forest floor, but my cry was covered by the sound of Fred's arm being wrenched from his body and Fred's howls of agony.

But it was not Fred's plight that made me shriek.

"Nessie, Nessie where are you?"


	50. Chapter 50

Chapter 50 - Betrayal

I jumped into the tree where Nessie had disappeared.

Immediately my shield was gone and I could hear Jasper retching below, next to the remains of Fred.

"Nessie," my voice desperate, she wasn't in the tree!

"Over here Mommy."

I dropped out of the tree and ran to my daughter who was standing totally unscathed 20 yards away.

"How did you get here?"

But she too started to retch. I pushed my shield back over her. I could hear Jasper still retching under the tree where I'd just been. I was sure I could hear someone else further away in the forest retching but I couldn't see or smell them.

I picked Nessie up and hid her face close to my body so that she wouldn't have to see the grim realities of the situation. Fred in pieces over the forest floor and Jasper on his knees vomiting what looked like week-old blood in large black clots.

I pushed my shield back over Jasper. He rallied and turned to face me. His face was pale and old black blood clung around his mouth.

I put Nessie down behind a dense bush away from the worst horror. "Stay here love, while I try to sort this out." I whispered quietly to her. She nodded, still looking ill.

I bent over the remains of Fred. He had stopped yelling. He lay on the ground, his eyes half shut.

"We don't have time for this," Jasper stated.

"Why? Do we need to get back to the match with the water? Is Jared bad?"

"Bella, what are you talking about? He was kidnapping you and you are worried about a wolf needing a drink?"

"I was just persuading him that it wasn't a good idea when we heard you coming towards us and you did this..." I gestured to the distributed parts of Fred. "Thank you for coming to rescue us. He threatened Nessie and I'm not going to trust him again. But you really didn't need to do this. We'll have to get Carlisle to put him back together."

"Bella, stop, we don't have time!"

"What's up Jasper?"

"Up? The Volturi are coming Bella! The match was all a set-up to stop Alice seeing. Demetri set us all up. We have to run. Now!"

I stood rooted to the spot. I couldn't move. I couldn't think. We had been betrayed.

A few more seconds and the realization had sunk in.

"We need to go back and fight. We need to take Fred back, it is the only way they will stand any chance."

"No! Alice and Edward sent me here to run with you and Nessie. She has foreseen it is the only way. We have to go now and run. You need to shield us from Demetri."

"No, I have to go back, I have to shield them all."

"No, it is you they are seeking. Aro has worked out what you are. We have to run."

"What does he think I am?"

"A cuckoo, of course. No time for denials, we have to run." He picked up Nessie and put her on his shoulder. "We have to run now, do you want her harmed?"

"No, but the others, they need our help. We can't just leave Fred here, they will need him to help."

"I can dispose of him quickly to stop the Volturi getting hold of him." Jasper walked towards Fred as he said it.

"No Jasper, I meant they need his talent and he needs Carlisle to help with his arm."

"No Bella we have to run, we are all in danger. It will be worse for them if you stay near."

And with that he set off, Nessie on his shoulders. As he picked her up my dream came back to me again. The man in shadows in the forest with Nessie on his shoulders and me with them knowing we had to get away. But it was different this time. This time the danger was clear, the Volturi were after us, the man with us was trying to save us.

I looked down at Fred, and after Jasper. Fred opened his eyes a little more and focused on me.

"You have to go with him, he has your daughter now," Fred said heavily.

I threw Fred his arm and sprinted after Jasper, and after my Nessie.

"But Mom what about..."

"Not now Nessie," I said as I caught up with them.

"But..."

"I said not now."

"Run, run as fast as you can," she shouted into the forest.

"He'll soon mend his broken bits, don't worry, and then he can run somewhere else, we don't want him with us." I explained to her. But even then I wasn't sure that we were talking about the same person.

"Where are the others now?" I demanded.

"They are still in the clearing waiting for Aro. Edward wanted me to get you and Nessie safely away. Carlisle needs him to read minds."

The horror hit me, the Volturi again, Demetri betraying us. I was sure that Aro would bring no witnesses this time, just death for all my family and the wolves.

"Take Nessie, run with her, keep her safe, I have to go and shield them."

"No Bella, you have to run with Nessie, you have to hide her from Demetri."

I took a few seconds to process this information

"Leave my husband unprotected from Jane and run?"

"Yes, it is what he wanted, he told me to say _It is your duty as a mother._"

I could imagine Edward saying that to Jasper.

"What about Fred?"

"Leave him, either the Volturi will burn him or he'll put himself back together and run. Why should we care after what he did to you? You can't trust him, you said so yourself."

The voice inside my head was there again. _Oh no, now we have real danger, you can't fight and win._

"Is your shield tight round us all?" Jasper asked. I nodded. I wasn't going to let anyone in.

We started running towards town as fast as we could with Nessie on Jasper's back.

"We have to drive, we'll get a car and go South," Jasper said.

I couldn't understand the jolt of joy that came from Jasper. It was very strong, but he reined it in immediately to leave just a calming. Joy? Why would he feel joy at this situation?

We ran in silence, except for my internal voice which I didn't understand.

Charlie again, _That's right, you are doing the right thing, just keep the situation calm. You're going to have to talk things through with him slowly. Don't try anything yet, let him feel secure as if you are happy to go with him._

I screamed inside my head at the stupid voice that wouldn't go away._ Of course I'm not happy, I want my husband and my family to be safe from the Volturi!_ I thought to myself.

My mind turned away from my ridiculous inner voice. It was still talking but I'd stopped listening.

I knew we needed to get into a car then drive and swap cars many times to cover our scent trails. We'd need passports.

"Jasper, passports?"

"It's OK, we can stay in the States for a while, go South, and we'll get some along the way. I have many contacts, they will need to be silenced afterwards, but that is a small price, it will make me stronger."

I shuddered. A small price? I didn't think so.

A shot of calm passed through me again. He'd spotted my revulsion.

"It's OK Bella, you won't have to pretend any more. Carlisle, Esme and Edward aren't going to be with us."

"Pretend what?"

"You know."

_Leave it, Bella,_ the voice of Edward ordered

I did as it asked.

As we hit the outskirts of town Jasper slowed to a walk and let Nessie down off his back. He held her securely by the hand. I took her other hand.

He confidently walked up to the first fast looking car we came across, popped the hood and disabled the alarm by ripping it out before it could make a sound. And then we were in. Jasper knew just where to hit a car like this to make all the door locks pop open. The ease with which he did this took me by surprise. I wouldn't know where to start. Maybe this is something else I need training on.

_Bella, when you're in the car, he may feel more secure and he may open up. Then we can find out what he wants. _It was Charlie again.

_What he wants? The Volturi are coming, what does it matter what anyone wants__?_ I was inwardly screaming at my voice.

We were in the car. I was in the back with Nessie, I couldn't risk sitting in the front with her until we were out of town. I hated the thought of someone I knew spotting us in a stolen car. It would kill Charlie, a last betrayal before he never saw me again, what would he think? Would the Volturi take him too? Would they take him as food? Just cleaning up?

"Bella be calm," Jasper soothed, and another shot of calm passed through the car. Nessie fell asleep again, Jasper's power hitting her hard.

"Jasper, it's so hard. I won't be there to shield the others from Jane."

"I know, but we need to concentrate on our part now. We have to run away from them so they will never find us. We need to keep Nessie safe. We have to be safe away from here. Me, you and Nessie, safe together."


	51. Chapter 51

Chapter 51 - Realization

I felt hollow. I wanted Edward so badly. It felt so wrong to run away from him, to leave him to face the oncoming death squad. I hoped that Alice had foreseen that they would live if I left, it was the only hope I had.

I pulled out my phone, but just as I held it out and hit the speed dial Jasper turned round from the front seat and grabbed it off me.

"We can't use them Bella, they will track phones as well, they are good with human technology when they have to be."

He crushed my phone in his hand and threw it out of the car window. I felt devastated that I couldn't even talk to Edward one last time.

Jasper's phone rang. He answered simply, "I will love you always, Alice," and then he crushed his phone as well sending its remnants to the undergrowth by the side of the road. I felt a huge shot of guilt radiate from him. He reigned it in, forcing calm out of himself, this time for his own benefit. I knew he was hurting every bit as much as I was, but for him it was guilt not sorrow. I thought that he must so want to protect Alice, but couldn't.

Suddenly the voice was back in my head.

_You are doing so well, Bella,_ Charlie again. _That's right, let him feel he is in charge, don't let him realize that you know, and above all keep him calm. _

_That I know what__?_ I thought to myself, but I got no response from my voices. Then I realized that the voices, although inside my head, never read my mind and only reacted to my actions or words. Was that good or bad? I didn't even know if I could trust my voices.

_But this is a really difficult situation, he knows what he's doing. He's dangerous to both you and Nessie and we don't know what he really wants yet, well, apart from the obvious, I hope that's all, as I say in 68% of cases it is._

Now I was really confused. The Volturi were coming but Charlie was suggesting ..._what? _That for some reason Jasper would leave Alice to be slaughtered by the Volturi? I had nothing to offer Jasper. He didn't need me, not in the way that Fred did. And Jasper loved Alice. I knew he thought he loved me but we both knew it was just a mind trick and it wasn't real and he and Alice were dealing with that.

Jasper's response was immediate. "Why do you feel guilty? Bella, you haven't done anything."

"Jasper I have... I've made you run with me instead of staying with Alice, and you could have stayed, couldn't you? Did Edward send you at all?"

There was a pause. I felt his rush of emotions again – there was anger, guilt and longing and many more I just couldn't put a name to – a pulse of mood that enveloped me and was then banished.

_No Bella, keep him calm, talk about something else to keep him occupied._

I broke the silence, "Where shall we head first?"

"They will be watching all the usual airports. We are going to have to stay hidden. And you are going to have to keep that shield up or they will track us."

_And there we have it, what we needed to know, your shield. He needs to hide from the others, but why? _Charlie's voice again.

_But the Volturi,_ I thought, and then remembered I couldn't communicate with my voices.

"How are we going to find out what happened in the clearing? Did you and Alice come up with a plan for that? We have no phones now."

"Bella, we can't find out, we just have to run. We can't communicate with them."

I was at a loss. Surely we would have to find out somehow, or what was the point? Did he really have no hope at all?

"So you have no hope?" It came out before I could stop it.

A wave of sorrow and grief came over him again.

"No, I will not see Alice ever again. But I can deal with that to be with you and Nessie."

It was such weird thing to say. I didn't realize that the urge to protect Nessie was so strong in him.

Nessie stirred and I held her tight to me. She showed me again the scene in the forest of Jasper standing over Fred. She was clearly very upset about it. She showed me lots of happy moments she'd had with Fred, games that they had played, and times when he had been teaching her things.

"I know love," I soothed. "Sometimes adults do stupid things for all sorts of reasons. We can't trust him. He was trying to do a wicked thing to us. But I don't want him hurt either. I hope he has put himself back together and run. He needs to go and have a good life somewhere else far away from us."

Again she put her hand on my face. This time I saw a picture of myself with Fred, a _happy me_, smiling and joking. "Yes we all thought he was a good man, it just turned out that that wasn't who he really was at all."

The next pictures were of Edward and the rest of the family, of Jacob and the wolves in the clearing. Tears ran down both of our faces.

Jasper let us cry for a while and then forced calm back into our emotions. I'd not kept track of the length of time since we left Forks, but we were already approaching Olympia.

"Bella, we need to change cars. I'll dump this one in a parking lot somewhere and we can get a new one. We need tints if we are going south."

Jasper knew exactly what to do. The parking lot he chose was suitably anonymous. We parked next to the car we were going to take to lessen our scent trail. It only took a few seconds before we were out of the car park and on our way again. The new car was a high spec executive BMW, very fast and very comfortable, the windows almost blacked out the tint was so dark. The odd thing was it had almost no human scent. No one had driven this car to the lot that day or any day for a least a couple of weeks. But that was the least of my worries – it was very clear that Jasper knew what he was doing.

He chuckled as he got in. "This one has even been washed! I was planning to drive to Portland and lie low over night. It's the time they will be searching hard for us because they will be trying to keep out of the light. We can hide somewhere and let Nessie rest and get some food."

"Jasper we have no money. How are we going to cope? We only have these." I indicated to our team hoodies and pants that we were still wearing over our match clothes.

"Bella, this is an emergency, you need to stop thinking about the niceties. We will have to take what we need. There is no other way. We'll find a deserted house rather than use a hotel, it will leave less trace."

I didn't like this. It wasn't the way I was brought up and wasn't how I wanted to raise my daughter, but this was a desperate time that called for desperate measures. I would have to get use to law breaking. This was life on the run.

All three of us sat in the front of the car as we left Olympia. This allowed me to keep the other two covered with my shield more easily as they were in close proximity. But I wanted to keep my strength up as much as I could, shielding for ever was a daunting prospect.

"Jasper, forgive the intrusion into your personal space, but if I hold you it is easier for me to shield."

He looked at me and smiled and offered me his hand. As I took it not only was my shield easier to bear but feelings of friendship and brotherly love pumped their way into me.

"We can do this, together, Bella."

I managed to force a smile back on to my face. I was so grateful to this man. He had left his wife to save me and my daughter.

We journeyed in silence, all three of us trapped in our sadness. The miles rolled past and I tried to focus on being strong and keeping all of us safe. I had to keep my shield up.

As we neared Portland Jasper explained, "I'll tour a few of the residential areas. There may be a 'for rent' sign on a house and then we can check for scent."

After 15 minutes of driving through comfortable middle class housing we came upon one with a for rent sign. Jasper got out of the car, I shield him as he walked up the driveway to the front door.

He walked to the garage and pulled open the door.

"We're in luck. There hasn't been anyone here for well over a week. We'll hide the car away and then break in round the back."

In the end we found a spare key under a plant pot. Keys have an obvious scent, a mix of metal and light grease – it is unmistakable to our kind.

It was a nice middle class home, rather bigger and more luxurious than Charlie or Renee could have afforded, but still very homely, though none of the grandeur of the Cullen's main house.

We explored the house together. I had to be able to see them both at all times so that I could shield them. It was clear there had been no one there for some time. The lingering scent of humans still clung to the soft furnishings but didn't dominate the rooms. The house was still furnished and didn't look as if it had been completely cleared ready for letting, which was a little puzzling yet useful. In the kitchen we found tins of food for Nessie to eat and the beds upstairs were still made up. There were clothes in the wardrobes. Although the clothes were too big and were really boys clothes I picked out a couple of outfits for Nessie and some night wear. At least she could be fairly comfortable if not stylish.

There were adult clothes too so Jasper and I took the opportunity to get out of the soccer kits. I found jeans and a T-shirt that were a little big but with a belt did the job just fine. We needed to look as anonymous as possible to blend in as best we could, and being out of the kits was much better.

Jasper struck lucky and found clothes of the right size that actually looked good on him.

After I got Nessie some dinner I bathed her, Jasper making sure he gave her privacy by sitting on the floor outside the bathroom door.

I even found a still-packaged toothbrush for her. It was all working out very conveniently.

I tucked her into the bed in the main bedroom and lay down with her. Jasper sat on the chair next to the bed.

"Don't let me sleep," I whispered to him.

I watched Nessie's thoughts, from replaying the day's events to more bizarre dreams of Jasper and the two of us on a horse riding off into the sunset. I found the image heartbreaking. I took her hand away from my face. Jasper was again pumping calm into the room.

"What did she show you?"

"Just a dream, the three of us on a horse riding away into the distance, being chased by the bad guys."

Jasper sat on the edge of the bed, his hand on my shoulder pumping more calm into me. He looked over at Nessie. She was tossing and turning. He lay down on the bed next to me and put his arm over me and on to Nessie.

"She deserves calm dreams."

After an hour or so I realized that I not only felt calm but also another emotion, a total peace, a type of ecstasy. I couldn't understand this. I knew it wasn't my emotion, I hadn't a thought in my head that would make me feel this way. Why would Jasper feel like this, here in the house that we'd stolen, on the run from the Volturi, not knowing the fate of the rest of our family?

My voice, which seemed to have settled on Charlie, was no real help. It offered little advice, just a constant stream of reassurance that I was doing very well and that help was sure to come soon. As if there was going to be any help for us in this situation. It had even growled when Jasper lay on the bed next to us.

My voice seemed confident, almost cheerful, that Demetri would follow Nessie. How could it be so callous? How could my subconscious want us found by the Volturi?

By the morning however my voice had become confused and questioning as to where the help was, why it hadn't arrived yet. I ignored it the best that I could but it was becoming almost a constant monologue now. The one useful thing it did suggest was to check the TV news for articles about Forks.

I flipped the channels whilst preparing some breakfast for Nessie. There was nothing from Forks or the surrounding area that sounded remotely to do with vampires. No sudden disappearances or deaths, no unexplained break-ins. I found this a relief, the Volturi hadn't hunted in the area or at least if they had they'd covered their tracks.

Jasper was staring out of the kitchen window at the woods behind the house.

"Jasper," I said. He looked round. "There is no news. That has to be good, right? At least the Volturi haven't slaughtered the whole town."

_That's right Bella, make him think you still believe that the Volturi were coming, _Charlie's voice interjected.

"Yeah Bella, that is good news. We will get away!" The last part Jasper said more to himself than to me. But I wasn't thinking about what Jasper said, I was thinking about what the voice had said.

"_Make him think you still believe that the Volturi were coming." _But Jasper had said that was what Alice had foreseen. That was why we were on the run.

"It was a lie?" I said it out loud before I could stop myself.

_No Bella, don't! He needs to think that you still believe!_ Charlie's voice groaned at me.

Jasper swung round to stare at me, "The news report, Jasper, do you think it's a lie? Could the Volturi do that?"

Charlie's voice, _I hope he takes that. You have to keep your emotions in check. He will read them. _

I realized it was a lie! All of it! The Volturi hadn't come, they were still in Italy. I had taken Jasper's word that they were coming but there was nothing to back his story up.

Why else would he have crushed our phones so quickly? We ran straight to a car – a waiting car? A car he had planted in Forks? And the one in Olympia that was so convenient? He probably planted that one as well, which would explain why it didn't have it's owners scent. And this house? Was this set up too?

I tried hard not to be emotional, to keep my breathing regular, to hold everything together, but it was a hard battle.

_Did you think this was true? Can't you spot a lie when it hits you in the face? Hmm, I guess I have myself to blame for that one._

"I suppose the Volturi could manipulate the reports." Jasper looked at me then turned back to the window.

Anger beamed out of me. I tried to keep it under control but I couldn't. How could I hide my emotions now? This was the worst blasphemy he could have said, that my family were all going to be slaughtered and that we had to run to save my daughter, but it was a lie! I could see his plan now, it was to get us to run away from the family and never be found. All this time he had been hiding this from Alice by using the wolves to blind her. And where did Nessie fit in? Did she fit in? What was he going to do to her?

Then anger gave way to guilt, my thoughts turning to the part I had played - I had made him love me_, _it was not his own thoughts, I put them in his mind, I created this situation.

_Bella, don't confront him! _Charlie ordered. _Try not to feel, your emotions will give you away. Let help come to you._

"Bella, what's wrong?" Jasper was at my side in a flash, "I can feel your anger."

_Lie Bella._

"Well, I am angry, how could Demetri do this to us. And we don't even know how the others are – how can you expect me not to be angry?"

Jasper wrapped his arms round me and sent calming emotions through me. I tried to relax, I allowed him to do this without the struggle I wanted to put up. I wanted to hurt him like he had hurt me but that would have to wait, for now I needed the calm and the clarity of thought that came with it.

After a minute or so I was back in control and Jasper let me go.

"We should hunt. We need to keep our strength up," Jasper suggested. He looked into my eyes – I guessed that they would be coal black; the last of the gold would have gone with this latest emotional battering.

"It's a bit public here isn't it? We might run into humans?" But I wasn't really thinking about the words that I said or Jasper's reply

"We have to take what we can get. I'd be happy for the extra boost of energy given the current circumstances but we can try to find something vegetarian out there. I daresay there will be deer."

I walked to the window and looked out. I thought of my family in the field playing happily, not in conflict with Aro. When would they have noticed that we were missing? Would they have found Fred? I didn't know. What must they have thought? Did they think that I had gone with Jasper knowingly, through my own free will? Did Edward and Alice think I'd run off to be with Jasper? Would they come looking for us at all? Would they just be brokenhearted and unable to do anything?

Maybe if they had found Fred, maybe he would tell them what Jasper had said, but why would he want to help me? I had turned him down flat and he'd been nearly killed for his efforts, why would he help me?

I was going to have to send a signal to Demetri. Would he register it as a distress call? Me crying help to the Volturi guard – the irony was not lost on me.

I couldn't risk taking my shield off Nessie because she might say it had gone – then what would Jasper do?

I had my back turned so Jasper wouldn't see the concentration on my face. I tried to pull the shield away from me but leave it over the other two. I felt it falter over Jasper. I knew it was no good, I couldn't unshield just myself. I'd have to wait for Nessie to sleep again then remove my shield from her. Could I cover and uncover her in a kind of Morse code SOS?

My voice started up again, this time a woman's voice with an odd European accent. I couldn't place who it was but it felt familiar. _Bella, are you shielding both of them? Of course you are, that's why Demetri can't find you, and Alice can't see you because of Nessie. Oh he has this all worked out. Can't you take your own shield off? _

I shook my head very slightly, just enough to be detected by my voice.

_Huff, OK Bella. _The woman's voice again._ I'll get them to chase me, I think Demetri will follow. He still sees me as your shadow. And I'll come to help too or things are going to end up nasty. But you can sort this by yourself if you just have a little more confidence in your own abilities._

_Go to the door and let me out or they will notice the breeze I create._

Then it dawned on me. The wind and the voice were one and the same. The shadow and the voice were one and the same. But who was the voice? And why did Demetri say it felt like Renée?

I took a couple of steps into the garden as if taking in the view and the air.

_Bye honey, see you soon, stay safe, help will come._

The wind swirled around my face, blowing my hair, and then around my legs and off around the corner of the house, ruffling leaves as it went.

In my head there was silence. I felt alone. Any faith that I had that this would end well drained from me.

Jasper came into the garden. Again he put his arms around me and tried to push some positive emotion into me. I didn't even know which one it was. We stood there for a minute. I had to get away from him.

I fixed a small smile on my face and looked up at him, "Come on then, let's go find some deer to hunt."


	52. Chapter 52

Chapter 52 - Confrontation

The three of us left through the back gate – I snapped the large padlock that held it shut from human intruders. The gateway led to an overgrown field ribboned with small paths used by both humans and animals to access the wood behind.

I had explained to Nessie that as she had already had breakfast there would be no need for her to hunt. Jasper and I could be more subtle about it than she could. I also feared that Jasper might follow a human scent and I didn't want Nessie doing the same. I carefully explained to Jasper that this couldn't be a normal hunt because I needed to shield him. We couldn't let our predator instincts take over completely, we just needed to stick together and grab what animals we could.

I also considered letting my shield slip off one or the other of them while we were out hunting. I didn't know if they would notice when they were distracted, and if Nessie would say anything if she did notice. If Jasper thought that my shield was weak he would move us on again. I decided that getting Jasper to stay here as long as possible would make it more likely that the others would find us. I didn't know if my voice would really be able to pull Edward and the others to our rescue.

I let Jasper carry Nessie on his shoulders again. This was exactly my dream, and this was exactly what Alice has seen: Nessie on this man's shoulders here in this wood. And I knew we had to get away from him, he was dangerous. My negative though patterns pushed my worry for Nessie to the front of my mind. How much did Jasper want her along for this ride? Would he be happier if she didn't make it and he had me all to himself? What would he do to her? I knew he was fond of her, but would that be enough to keep her alive now he'd taken this evil path? I had to get her away from him whatever it took, however much it hurt me.

The hunting proved difficult, there were few animals in this part of the wood. I persuaded Jasper that we had to travel at human speed just in case we were detected, which meant that getting away from the city to where the animals were took longer. We walked for an hour before we'd found an area free of human scent and full of the sound and smells of animals.

The woods here were different to the woods near Forks. There was less green somehow. Fewer of the trees were evergreen, allowing more of the gray morning light onto the floor.

I tried to keep the mood light, chatting quietly with Nessie and holding her hand as we walked. Jasper smiled and happiness leaked out of him, and despite the situation I could not help but feel happy too. It was confusing being so happy yet having my mind filled with escape plans. I decided I couldn't get Nessie and me away from him without help – it would be too dangerous to even try. I decide that I would wait to see if the promised help arrived.

Some of my thought patterns were still running over the scenarios that could have happened in the clearing and the possible reactions to our disappearance. The problem was that I just didn't know. Were they out looking for us before the voice tried to alert them? Would they consider chasing the voice? Surely Demetri would, but would anyone go with him? Would Demetri and I be enough to fight Jasper? And what about Alice – how was she going to take this? And Jasper, what would they do to Jasper if a large rescue party came? What would they do to me? Would they see it as my fault? Is it me that would be punished for making them all to love me?

I forced myself to stop thinking. I was heading towards a panic attack and needed to concentrate on something else. I forced myself to think of the prey we needed right then.

The deer herd we encountered split in every direction as soon as they caught our scent. We gave chase to the oldest female, she was well past her prime. Jasper took the final dive to take her down. I let him drink her all and refused when he offered me some. I needed him to be fed well enough to stay in a good mood.

After another fifteen minutes we found remnants of the herd and I was able to take a young buck. I needed my strength, I may have to fight Jasper at any time.

Just as I sat on the floor finishing the creature I smelled them. All morning there had been a slight northerly breeze rippling the trees in the forest and at that moment it brought with it the slightest scent of wolf. I watched Jasper in my peripheral vision, I wasn't sure if he'd smelled it. I didn't dare move my head to look and I tried to keep my emotions in check, but I knew that he would have felt the jolt of panic and hope that had gone through me. I just didn't know what the wolves would try to do. Had they come to rescue Nessie and me at all?

After ten seconds it was obvious that Jasper knew they were coming. He picked Nessie up and pulled me with him to the most defensible part of the wood he could see. It wasn't much of a base point, a slight rise in the ground gave us an elevated position and there were a few rocks to cover our backs. The rocks at least would be some shelter for Nessie.

"How did they know?" Jasper spat. "Haven't you got us covered? Don't you realize what this could mean?"

His tone was beyond anger and I felt it coming from him, he didn't try to hide it. If we both lived through the wolves I'm not sure what he would do to me in his fury.

We could hear them now, the paws of two wolves, but along with them the footfalls of vampires coming from more than one direction. There was nowhere for Jasper to take us. We were trapped. I felt panic, dread. I didn't know if it were mine or Jasper's. I didn't know what was going to happen, who was here to fight for who against who.

First we saw the wolves come from the left, Jacob and Leah. Jacob I could understand, no doubt he had come for Nessie. If I could get her to him she would be safe and that would be good enough for me. It was what I wanted most. Anything beyond that was a bonus.

But Nessie was tucked into the rocks, with Jasper in front of both of us. The wolves came to a halt about twenty yards away, standing side by side. Jacob growled threateningly at Jasper. Then Edward appeared to my right and I heard the unmistakably noisier approach of Fred who stopped some fifty yards behind. I dropped my shield – I needed Edward to know what was in Jasper's mind.

"Jasper let them go!" Edward growled, moving into an attack stance. "Give me my wife and daughter."

At last, a rescue party, they had come to free us. My relief was enormous.

"No! She is mine, she wants to be with me." He too slipped into a fighting crouch.

Then they were at it. Their bodies crashing sounded like a huge boulders falling off a cliff and smashing on the rocks below. The speed of the movement was breathtaking even to a vampire. I was transfixed in horror, the battle raging just yards in front of Nessie and me.

Jacob barked, bringing me to my senses. I had to get Nessie past them and to him. But there wasn't room to go round this ball of flailing limbs, and I needed to keep away from Fred. I had to go up.

I grabbed Nessie and sprang into the trees, clutching on to whatever came to hand. The branch gave way under our weight but momentarily gave me enough support to swing our bodies so we landed near Jacob.

I shot to his side and put her on his back. "Keep her safe! Home!" was all I said before he turned and was gone with my daughter. I felt the loss of her even though I was glad she was away.

Jasper and Edward were still fighting. Neither seemed to be gaining the advantage and the pace had not slowed. There was an occasional sound of real injury, accompanied by almost continuous growling. Sometimes the flurry of activity would stop when one had a good hold on the other, only for it to be broken and the battle recommence at flashing speed.

Fred slowly walked towards me. He looked towards Jasper and Edward and they started vomiting on the floor. The fight was over for now, their incapacity total.

Fred covered the distance to me in five easy strides and to my surprise offered me his hand. "Shall we go?"

"Go where Fred?"

"Away from here, away from all this. We are meant for each other, how could we not be?"

"No! I am married to Edward! What don't you understand! I love him and only him!"

"Bella be reasonable," he started.

I put my shield back over Jasper and Edward and they were off the floor and towards the two of us. I was pushed out of the way by one, I didn't know which one, in their determination that Fred should be eradicated.

They both started on him and I heard his arm being pulled off again before seeing Edward holding him for Jasper to decapitate. I was desperate for this to stop, I needed them to sort this out without fighting, it wasn't going to sort anything.

I pulled my shield away from them again and they were back on the floor. Fred's yelling subsided and he looked around for his arm.

"You want to be part of this?" he asked between painful draws of breath. "Come away with me. If you leave me unshielded they can't get to us."

"Fred, No. But I don't want you dead. Just go somewhere else and leave me alone."

"I can't do that love."

He took two steps towards me, limping in one leg. Although he smiled at me I was scared of him. He wouldn't listen to me, he wouldn't take no for an answer, what would he try to do to me now? I unshielded Jasper and Edward again. This time they were on their feet in a flash and Edward was after Fred but Jasper was after Edward.

Again the limbs were moving so fast I couldn't see what was happening in the brawl.

"Stop!" I shouted, I had to stop this.

And they stopped.

They stopped in the exact positions they were in when I said the word, as if they were frozen at that very moment. I thought maybe this was an elaborate game they were playing on me. Fred was on the forest floor. Edward's teeth were about an inch from Fred's neck poised to bite his head off. Jasper was at Edward's back, clearly focused on removing Edward's arm.

I watched for a few seconds. They didn't move, not to blink, not to breathe.

"Edward?" I asked tentatively. There was no reply, no acknowledgment that I existed.

I walked slowly over to them but still no reaction. I put my hand on Edward's face, expecting him to smile and announce that all this was some super big practical joke. But nothing.

I tried tickling him but he was a statue. I may as well have been tickling Michelangelo's David.

I tried to comfort myself. At least no one was being hurt like this.

More footsteps, a large party this time this time. It seemed to take an age for them to arrive, but that was probably because I was focused on the three frozen bodies in front of me.

Carlisle, Emmett, Demetri and Alice arrived. I didn't know what to think. I couldn't tell if my emotions were positive or if my face showed any sign of recognition towards them.

They moved slowly towards the fighters.

Further out in the forest I thought I spotted Nahuel for a second before he was gone into the trees.

"Bells, what have you done to them now?" Emmett's voice uncharacteristically hoarse. He looked scared. He was staring at me and keeping a healthy distance.

Alice was next to Jasper trying to look into his eyes. She had to hold herself in a strange position to see his face.

Demetri and Carlisle were just surveying the scene and eying me with caution.

"Bella are you hurt?" Carlisle's voice sounded at a loss as to where to begin to try to put this straight.

"No Carlisle."

"Nessie, where is she?"

"Jacob has her, he has taken her home, just a minute ago."

Demetri nodded. He must be able to feel them running in the direction of La Plush as we spoke. I knew that is where Jacob would take her, his home where she could be guarded by sixteen wolves. She would be safe.

"Can you explain what has happened?"

"No."

"Why are they like this?" He indicated with his hand and took a few steps forward to examine them more carefully.

"I don't know!" I almost yelled.

"It's OK Bella, better like this than killing each other. Just tell us what happened when the others found you and Jasper." Carlisle was, as ever, trying to find a rational explanation.

"Well we were hunting, I thought it would give more time for someone to find us without Jasper getting suspicious. And then we smelled the wolves and Jasper wanted us to go on the rise by the rocks so he could defend us. I can't fight Jasper alone, I wouldn't win, I had to wait for help. I had to get Nessie away from him. Then the wolves arrived and Jacob growled and then Edward and Fred arrived and Edward started to fight with Jasper. I got Nessie to Jacob and told him to take her home. And Fred made them sick and wanted me to go away with him and so I shielded Jasper and Edward and they nearly killed him so I had to unshield them and then shield them again and it was all getting too much so I just shouted stop – and they did."

The four newcomers were all staring at me nearly as still as the fighters.

"You just said stop?" Demetri asked.

"I don't know, I don't understand," I wailed. "Why is this happening?"

Carlisle went over to the fighters and checked them for vital signs, not that there is much to check for in a vampire.

"They don't appear hurt except for the missing arm and a few minor injuries," he concluded as he continued to examine them. "I have never seen anything like it before. Demetri, have you seen this before?"

"Never. Not with my own eyes. There are old tales, but they were just tales from millennia ago, they may have no truth in them. Ah, but we may have an answer now. She comes."

"She?"

I could hear a rustling in the leaves and turned to see a woman running towards us, her feet seeming not to touch the ground as she ran.

"Mom? What the ..."


	53. Chapter 53

Chapter 53 - Untangling

Demetri stepped forward, bowed his head slightly, "Mistress."

"Renée, my name is Renée. Demetri."

I looked from one to the other. Did they know each other?

"Do you know each other?" Despite everything else that was going on, this was so odd that I need an answer before my mind exploded.

"We have never met before," Demetri replied to me with sincerity. "It is an honor."

"Never mind all that right now," my mother ordered. "Let's sort this out. Umm I guess frozen is better than fighting each other. What did you do? Shout _stop_ at them, or something? It is a good job they don't need to breathe, you could kill a human doing that! You need to learn a lot more subtlety Bella, this really won't do. It would have been so much better to have nipped the whole thing in the bud rather than let it get to this."

I stood there staring at her. It certainly looked like my mother but I couldn't remember her ever chiding me like this before. I was too surprised to agree or disagree with her. I didn't understand how she could understand about this. How she knew about the vampire world at all.

"Mom?"

Renée was now inspecting the fighters. "Yes honey?"

"How did you get here?"

"Well I brought the car to the edge of the wood then I ran of course."

"How can you run like that?"

"Oh," she turned to me and smiled, "I haven't explained, have I."

"No Mom, and this needs some explaining."

"I did try to but you didn't want to listen, I thought maybe it was too soon."

The others, the ones not frozen, were staring in awe at her. Alice, however, was coming out of her trance, her eyes refocusing on the scene in front of her

She flitted to Renée and, grinning at her, embraced her. "I see so much now. Me too?"

"Yes, of course, you too, how could you not be one of us? You have always known, haven't you?"

Alice stood next to Renée surveying the scene. "Yes, but it was never clear enough until now to understand. There are so many paths now, so many choices. It's going to take some time to get my mind round this. The three of us?"

"Yes, you give hope to the world."

Carlisle interjected. "Renée?" he began hesitantly, "how nice to meet you again." He was floundering, clearly as bewildered as I was, "Would you mind explaining for the rest of us?"

Renée beamed at him. "Where would you like me to start?"

"My sons, how are they like this?"

"That's very simple, Bella forced them to stop fighting, in the nick of time I would say. That one is just about to lose his head."

Carlisle was still as mystified as the rest of us. "How are they frozen like this?"

"They aren't totally frozen, you'll find that they are functioning other than skeletal muscles, and in this case I think their lungs aren't working either."

"They can hear us and see but they can't move their eyes to look around. Smell will be more tricky as the air isn't being take into their nose – as I say it is a good job they don't need to breathe. Their brains will be fully functional."

Renée walked over to them and looked more carefully. "The question is what is the best way to stop them fighting when they are unfrozen?"

Emmett walked over to the three and pretended to join in the fight, mocking how he could in turn take out Jasper who was concentrating on Edward.

Alice looked relieved. "This was the vision. I saw all the boys in the wood fighting and your mother looking on. No wonder it looked odd as a vision, it looks very odd now."

Alice was back with Jasper in a flash. She stroked his cheek tenderly with her fingers.

"Mom... but how do we unfreeze them?" I asked. She'd said it as if it was an everyday process, freezing and unfreezing people.

"We don't, you do. It's best if it is you, it is more likely to have a proper counter affect to your first command. They will stay like this until you command otherwise."

"But I don't know how," anguish in my voice. Was Edward going to have to stay like that because I didn't know what I was doing?

"All in good time, first we need to decide what we should do with them. This needs to be considered carefully as it will have consequences. Carlisle, you are the head of the family, this is your issue to resolve."

Renée walked gracefully to a fallen tree and sat on it, clearly indicating that she was not going to take part in any decisions that needed to be made. We all just stared at her.

I didn't know how she could move so gracefully, too graceful for a human, her feet just skimming the ground.

Carlisle looked rather taken aback. "I... I... Thank you Renée. I..."

Demetri interjected. "It may be worth establishing all the facts, before we start to think of the future."

"Yes indeed Demetri. Thank you. Bella, please could you run through the events that happened to you since you left the match and we will fill in the events as they presented to us."

All eyes, well the ones that could move, were on me again. First I explained what happened when I went to get the water, with Fred threatening Nessie. It felt a betrayal to tell the tale when he couldn't speak to defend himself. I reminded myself that he wasn't our friend, he had proved that. He had threatened Nessie, and even after we'd got away from him once he still wanted me to leave with him. I tried to stick to the facts as I saw them. I did not try to explain his motives.

I came to the part where Jasper had run towards us and Nessie disappeared from Fred's shoulders, and then I realized this wasn't something I had an answer for. How did Nessie escape? I stopped.

"Bella, go on please. We know it is painful for you to relive, but we need to know."

I described what had happened to Nessie and explained that I'd not though about it since then.

Carlisle smiled and assured me that they would fill in that part for me when I finished. He urged me to continue. Although I was desperate to know how she was saved, I carried on. I explained Jasper's tale about the Volturi, his lie about the family all being safer if Nessie and I were not with them and his lie that Edward had sent him to keep us safe on the run. I said how I had shielded us from Demetri so we could run undetected. I described our journey to Portland and how Jasper had crushed our phones. I described finding the safe house and realizing that Jasper wasn't being honest with me. I mentioned that I was hearing voices in my head who promised to get help. I described how we had come into the wood to hunt, and the events in the wood until I shouted _stop_.

When I was done they were all staring at me. I'd told my story and I was waiting for the consequences. What would Alice say? Would she say I was lying and that I had bewitched Jasper into running with me?

But they all stood very quiet looking at me. I felt isolated, totally alone. Alice came to me. I braced myself expecting her to slap me or something but she hugged me and I felt that there was a way out of this situation and a way to salvage the family. There was hope.

"I could see glimpses now and then around Nessie, but she was so close to you all of the time that I was mainly blind. I was no help, I didn't know where you were. I could see you in a car then in a house but I had no idea where. I was so worried for all three of you."

"And now we owe you an explanation." Carlisle smiled a small smile.

"The match continued when you left for water until it was interrupted by Nahuel coming back in the clearing and asking to speak to me urgently.

"He explained that he had gone to watch out for you when you were getting water with Fred. I believe he see this as his duty to you?" I nodded my head. "He didn't trust Fred's motives, quite rightly so in this case. He told me how he'd pulled Nessie off Fred's shoulders into the trees above when Fred was distracted by Jasper's approach, so that she would be safe. He had presumed that Jasper had come to rescue you, something that he couldn't do alone. He told me Jasper's tale about the Volturi and his own indecision about what to do. He didn't believe Jasper as you had done, but just in case it was true he didn't want to follow you because he was unshielded and would be a signal to Demetri. He decided to come back to the clearing and explain what had happened, or, if the Volturi tale was true, to see if there were any way he could help."

I felt so grateful to Nahuel again. This man risked his life a second time to save me and my daughter. He could have run off if he thought there was a chance that the Volturi were coming back. It would have been the sensible thing to do, but, no, he went back.

"A party of us went off quickly to follow you. We found Fred and I stayed and put him back together while the others followed your scent down to town to where you got in the car. Fred verified Nahuel's story and admitted he'd asked you to leave with him." By the face that Carlisle was making I could see that wasn't a full description of that particular event. I was glad that Edward was frozen and couldn't get to Fred.

"We had little way of knowing where you'd gone. Demetri couldn't feel you, and Alice couldn't see you. Nahuel and Jacob were convinced that you had gone south, they said they felt a pull in that direction as if they needed to be somewhere. We all came south together by car, but we went too far south and had to drive north again. Their imprinting produces a pull but it is nothing like Demetri's talent, it is a pull of the heart. We were just traveling back towards Portland when Demetri felt Renée's presence and was sure that is where you would be. We followed Demetri's directions to the house and followed your scent here.

"Now we have established the facts as we see them we still have to decide how to go on from here. We will need to allow the men to talk for themselves of course, they should be allowed to dispute anything that we have said."

Carlisle continued, "It is clear to me that we can not continue as we were. These events were dangerous and our lives need to change in some way to lessen any chance that they will happen again."

To me it was clear. I was the trigger for these events. "We will have to leave, it is the only way. Edward will not be able to forgive either Jasper or Fred. And I will always be the cause of trouble in the family. My talent is even less compatible with the family than Fred's."

Alice piped up, "No, no, there is another way. Fred will leave, we will leave, and you will train."

"How Alice? How will I train to stop this happening again?" I was cross, I couldn't do it. I couldn't be responsible for this happening again.

"With help from your mother."

I'd put Renée out of my mind when we were having this discussion, but now she walked slowly towards me and put her hand on my arm. "It is possible my love, it would be my honor to teach you. I can't promise it will be easy but without it people will die."

As she said it I knew it was true. I knew that I could find a way to stop being a danger. Instruction, time and practice were required, but I would get there.

Alice continued, "I see Jasper and I taking a trip to... Europe. We are going to travel, he can't be near you for now. If he stays here he will try to be with you."

I was amazed that she could say this in such an easy manner. How could she be so un-jealous of the hold I had over Jasper?

"Bella, don't look like that, I can see it all, the paths in front are very clear to me now. And the future if we pick that path looks good. Jasper still loves me, I know that Bella, nothing has changed. This is just a temporary blip. You are still young, you see relationships as such short term things. Jasper and I have been married for decades, we will get past this.

"If you leave you will take Nessie away from her family, and away from Jacob, when she is growing so fast and needs them. You need to stay with the family for now. And you will train."

Renée interjected, "I don't think that you and Jasper should see each other again, certainly not regularly. Your gifts are incompatible, and even after training the risk will be too high that you would manipulate each other's feelings again. You must not blame him or yourself for these events. It was bound to happen at some point with Jasper. He is a man who hears not only the thoughts you put into heads but feels the emotions too, so very keenly. He has been in great emotional pain because of them. I am sure he will be less burdened away from you."

I would lose Alice and Jasper from my life and the lives of all our family forever.

"Ah Bella, don't look like that, no one is dying here," Alice rang. "I can visit, we can both visit with the rest of the family if you are away anytime. We just have to coordinate. It won't be the same, but we will all be happy."

"And Fred, what do we do about Fred?" I looked at Alice and she looked to Carlisle.

"He has chosen to disrespect our family. He will not feed as we do. It is clear and simple, he cannot stay with us. He needs to leave this area and not return." Carlisle's judgment was surprisingly authoritative. He left no room for discussion. I felt a mix of relief and guilt. If Fred had not fallen under my spell and acted in this way he would have found help here for longer, and now he would have to cope on his own in a life of exile from every living thing.

"So Renée, how are we to release them?" Carlisle questioned.

"This is for Bella to do." Renée repeated her earlier assertion

"But how? I can't, I don't know how."

"Bella, honey, don't be so negative. You stopped them very decisively. I don't think you will have too much trouble in getting them to resume."

"So do I just shout _resume!_ Or is there more to it than that?"

"You are forcing thoughts into their minds, you can be as precise as you want to be. Start with something small. Address just one of them and command them to make a small movement."

"Mom, that isn't going to work. I can't just tell someone what to do and they do it."

"You can, look at the truth in front of you. When you concentrate you can do it."

"OK, I'll try and then you'll see."

"Edward, please look at me." I walked over to him. "Edward if you can hear me move your head and look at me."

The frozen stance of my husband stayed exactly as it was.

"You need to concentrate, you need to put your soul into this just like you did when you commanded them to stop – well maybe not that much! Remember how you felt when you saw them fighting like this, you felt so much that they needed to do something."

"I will show you." Renée glided to Emmett's side. She looked so small and fragile against his massive frame. Emmett looked nervous, clearly not sure if he should try to defend himself in some way. "Emmett, I want you to climb half way up the tree you are standing next to. Just go and sit safely on that nice thick branch." Renée pointed to the branch.

Emmett looked like a bear climbing the tree. He bounded up the trunk and sat on the branch comfortably, swinging his legs slightly. He almost looked like a young boy, but the scale was all wrong, the tree was too big and Emmett vast.

We all just stared at him, "What's wrong with you, haven't you seen anyone climb a tree before?" He called from his elevated position.

Carlisle looked very puzzled. "Emmett, why did you climb the tree?"

Emmett just shrugged his shoulders in his normal manner. "I felt like it I guess. It seemed like a good idea. I thought I'd get a better view."

"Do you remember Renée saying anything to you?"

"Well she came over to me and I thought it would be better if I was up here safely out of the way."

"And can you get down?"

"Of course." And he jumped to the ground, the earth quaking slightly as he landed.

If this hadn't been so serious it would have been funny.

I looked at Renée, "But if he can get down, why can't the others move?"

"I didn't tell him to _stop_. I was careful to explain to him what I wanted him to do, but after he had done it he was at liberty to do anything he wanted."

"What do you mean, you wanted me to climb the tree? It was my idea, you didn't ask me to do it."

Renée looked at me. "They never remember it was you that asked, which is usually a good thing."

I went to Edward's side and touched his face. He felt still, but otherwise completely normal. I thought back to the desperate desire I felt for them all to stop fighting, and tried to put some of that into my command.

"Edward, please look at me."

His head moved away from Fred's neck, swiveling in my direction. His eyes found mine and then he was still again. I stared into his eyes for a few seconds, they were coal black but still looked very alive.

"How should I get them to move again? I don't want the fight to restart."

"Well honey, I'd try for one at a time. Start with Jasper as he is least entangled. You need to be very specific, just _continue_ or _resume_ won't do, he will just start to fight again."

"No, I know, I know what to say, I have seen it," Alice cried, and went into a trance again. "Yes, that's it! You must tell him to move away from the other fighters and leave with me. We will go straight away from here. Can you send things up to Denali for us? We'll start there but we are going traveling for a while. We will keep in touch, I still have my phone. "

She looked over to me and smiled, "Don't worry Bella, it is all going to be fine. I can see it all and it is just fine."

So this was what needed to happen. I had split the family, the cuckoo chick throwing the other chicks out of the nest.

I moved to her husband's side. "Look at me please Jasper." His neck rotated in odd fashion until he was looking directly into my eyes." I saw black fire in them. "Jasper, move away from Edward and Fred. Go to Alice and leave with her when she asks you to."

But he didn't move.

My mother flitted to my side and put her hand on my shoulder. "Try again. Think what you want him to do most of all."

"Jasper, release Edward's arm and stop loving me!" The last bit slipped out from deep within me without my conscious thought.

Jasper released Edward's arm but Jasper didn't move. I felt hatred in the air. His gift had not stopped, it involved no muscles. He now felt hatred and this was filling the air.

"Too much again Bella," Renée chided. "Are you trying to get him to kill you?"

I was glad that Jasper was still frozen. I could imagine a hate-powered Jasper stalking me for eternity until he found and destroyed me.

"Love me as your sister." It was the only thing I could think that might be near what I felt for him.

The hated evaporated and a comfortable calm pervaded the clearing.

"Jasper, move normally and go to Alice."

This time it worked. He slowly rose from his place next to Edward and took four steps to be next to Alice. He embraced her briefly and stood staring into her eyes, their hands linked, emotions of many kinds passing between them, some strong enough to leak outside of their personal space. I had to look away, it was such a personal moment between them.

After a minute or so Carlisle cleared his throat, "Ahem, how much of what was said did you hear Jasper?"

"All of it I think, I just don't know why I can suddenly move again."

"That was Bella releasing you. Do you have anything that you want to add to counter what you have heard."

"No, Bella's description was correct. I just don't understand what possessed me. If it makes any difference I am truly sorry. But I know that is not enough to put right the damage I have caused."

"We are going to leave now and go to Denali," Alice said.

"Yes, I want to go with you," said Jasper, his deep base voice chiming with (it took me a second to think what it was) … hope.

Alice hugged me one last time. "We will meet again Bella." And my hope for this was restored too. They ran out of sight hand in hand. I may have lost Jasper from my life forever but I would see her again, I was sure of it.

"Just these two to sort now, one to go and one to stay," said Renée.

"What should I say to them?"

I looked first to Renée, who merely shrugged her shoulders, and then to Carlisle.

"I think you should ask Fred to leave voluntarily and not to come back, and to feel friends and only friends with all of our family."

I did as Carlisle requested. It took three goes but eventually he was able to maneuver away from Edward. He left with hardly a word, just a brief smile and a "see you around some day."

Then there was just Edward. I so wanted him back it was easy to know what to say.

"Come back to me, I love you."

I was caught immediately in such a passionate kiss that, had I been human and kissed like this with so many onlookers I would have gone bright scarlet. As it was I felt a flush in my cheeks.

"I love you so much Bella," was all that he said.

"Will you two just get a room or something!" Emmett grumbled, leaning against a tree watching us with disgust.

"Mind you thoughts brother, she's mine," Edward snapped back at him, but his remark had an edge of humor to it. We both grinned at each other, our eyes not losing each other's.

"Now that's all sorted had we better get off. The sun will be out soon and we don't want you exposed to the light when there are innocents about," Renée said with enthusiasm. She turned and started to run gently back towards the edge of the forest.

She was right about the sun. The cold gray light was giving way to a bright winter's morning. We needed to get away before we were seen shimmering in the rays of sunlight filtering through the forest.

I followed her, dragging Edward by the hand. I wanted answers.

Carlisle, Demetri and Emmett jogged along twenty yards or so behind and further behind them still Nahuel.

"Mom, aren't you going to explain?"

"Yes I am honey, but not here."

"Will you come home with us?" I asked. The thought of going without answers for another minute seemed unbearable but going for days without them was unthinkable.

Carlisle spoke up from the party behind. "Renée, please come back with us, we all have things we need to share with each other."

"Thank you Carlisle, I will. I would love to see Esme again."

She said little else until we reached the edge of the wood despite my numerous attempts to start a conversation. All I managed to get out of her was that Phil was fine and in good form this season.

We were again obliged to move at human speed, but this time we chose what would have been a brisk run for a human. We had to get under cover.

We reached the safe house again just as the sun was getting dangerously high in the sky.

Jasper and Alice had taken the car we had used to get there. But there were now a convoy of cars parked outside the house. Edward and Alice had arrived in Edward's Aston Martin and Carlisle in his Mercedes with Demetri and Fred. Emmett had his huge Jeep, which by the scent had also carried the two wolves but now Nahuel was the only remaining passenger. There was also one very ordinary looking car, a compact Japanese car, just right for a teaching assistant, Renée's car.

We were a strange convoy driving back to Forks. I thought that we would have to drive slowly because of my mother's ordinary car, but like so much else about my mother there was more to her car than met the eye. Under the hood it was obviously not an ordinary compact car. It was little wonder that she had never let me drive it. She'd always said that it was unreliable and hard to change gear, and I had always borrowed Phil's when I was at home.

Edward and I said little to each other on the way home. We sat in silence, occasionally grinning at each other. Edward drove one handed along all the straight bits of road so that we could hold hands on the way back.

All I could say was, "I believed him, I am so sorry, he said you'd sent him."

"I know you believe a lie so easily, you trust people so much. It is one of the things I love about you. Jasper was a member of the family. Why wouldn't you trust him?"

At that point I though back to the incident in the kitchen. Maybe I should of at least been suspicious of him.

I wanted to know more. "What made him do it? Was there a trigger that suddenly forced him to act like this? I haven't been trying to lead him on or anything."

"I know that Bella, you mustn't take any blame yourself. Emmett and Nahuel both love you too but they haven't acted in this way towards you and Nessie.

"There were two things going around in his mind when we were frozen, I so wanted to tear his head off when I heard them. The first was the image of you asleep in the cottage; apparently you whispered his name…"

"Oh, I am so sorry, I can't help what I say when I'm asleep, I don't suppose I meant anything by it."

"I know, you usually say my name at least a dozen times when you sleep, to say his once is nothing. But he didn't understand that, he thought it was your subconscious crying out for him. But even with that he may not have taken such drastic action if it wasn't for you blasting him the other day when you unshielded in the cottage. At that point he lost his mind, he felt that he would die without you."

"Oh," I felt ashamed and dejected, "I won't do that again unless it is just the two of us. Does it make you feel more in love with me?"

"I feel more in love with you every day, this is just a bonus.

"It is a good job they had both gone before you released me or I would have had both their heads. Nobody's going to take you away from me."

"I know, but it's all over now," I replied, and we smiled.


	54. Chapter 54

Chapter 54 - Revelation

Carlisle had called ahead to let Esme and Rose know that we were coming home. Presumably he'd give her the news that Alice and Jasper had effectively been banished from the family, even if only while I was resident in Forks, and that Fred had been banished permanently.

I'd called Sam on Edward's mobile to ask him to let Jacob know that it would be safe to take Nessie straight home to the Cullen's main house. He would no doubt take a little longer than we would. He'd not want to run at full speed during the day with Nessie on his back. Sam would be able to communicate with Jacob in Wolf form and would spread the word about what happened. He said the rest of Jacob's pack had gone out to meet them on the way home as extra protection for Nessie. I had no need to worry – my little girl was in good hands, or paws.

We were subdued as we settled in the lounge to try to make some sense of the day. I felt Alice's absence keenly. I knew what it was now: she brought us hope, hope that we would now have to find ourselves or do without.

What I needed was answers to the burning questions going through my mind. All these questions centered on one person – my mother!

Once my mother was settled and had been served a cup of coffee by Esme she began.

"Before you ask me questions, let me tell you some facts from the outset so that you get the whole picture rather than bits and pieces." My mother's accent had slipped. She didn't sound like the scatterbrained teaching assistant from the South any more. She had the strange, faintly European accent that I had heard in my head.

"I am a woman with talents beyond the usual human abilities, as you have witnessed this today." There were slight nods around the room.

"I am one of a group of people, we like to call ourselves 'the gifted', or more traditionally 'Theophoritae'. It's from the Greek, and it means 'inspired by the gods'. But the name isn't important, we have been called may things down the centuries, most of them impolite. We are not as numerous as vampires. Yes, I know what you are.

"How is it that I am what I am? I see the question in all your faces.

"I think the best way to describe this would be in terms of genetics. We have now stopped using gods to explain things and talk about genes, though to most people it is just as mysterious and other-worldly.

"When I was a human, I had a genetic predisposition to change into something else. In my case, the predisposition was not only to change from one form to another, but to change again to yet another form, like a caterpillar turns first into a pupa and then into a butterfly."

Carlisle could not resist asking a question. "You were human, then something else, and now you are ..."

Renée smiled, "That is right, now I am part of the 'Theophoritae', 'the gifted'."

"So what was the middle step?" Emmett asking the easy question that was on all our lips.

"I was a vampire."

The small gasp that went around the room amused Renée.

"This is why I am not scared by your kind at all, I have experienced the vampire life for myself."

"But I changed. I was forced to change in to my third form."

I was Demetri who interrupted this time, clearly enthralled by Renée's explanation. "What is this state that you are in? How does it differ from human and vampires?"

"The most important difference is that I am both mortal and immortal. I have a life, I grow old and die, but then I am reborn keeping all of my memories and character but using new genetic material to make myself look different. A type of reincarnation, in a way."

We were all stunned. There was silence in the room.

"How many times have you been reborn?" Demetri again determined to find out the facts.

"Many now Demetri, scores of times."

"Just how old are you Mom?"

"Well, honey, look at me, how old do you think I look?"

I looked at her closely for the first time with my vampire eyes and she looked just as I remembered, just as she had always done since I was a child.

"Mom, you look about thirty still!"

"Thanks honey, thirty is a good age, that's my favorite age and I tend to slow down there if I can for a while."

"You can slow down and speed up you aging at will?"

"Within sensible boundaries, yes. It means I can linger and enjoy the best years without the body maturing so quickly, which means I avoid a lot of health problems just when I want to be doing so much. Thirty isn't really so different to forty at a quick glance and when you know someone well you don't notice what they look like every day. So I get away with it."

"This is just a little thing, a minor perk if you will. Let us get back to main point.

"Theophoritae have the appearance of humans, even to a vampire. Our physiology is somewhat enhanced. We eat human food, though we could live on a diet of blood if we needed to. We have skin that looks like human but is as strong as a vampire's in a lot of ways. We have hearts that beat and blood that flows, although it is not human blood.

"Physically we are strong and fast like vampires. Our co-ordination, reactions and eyesight are every bit as good.

"I am sure the question you need answering more than any other, Bella, is how I was inside your mind.

"This is a gift, a thing that we theophoritae can all do. It is not magic of any kind, just genetics. We can separate a portion of our souls away from our bodies. This part-soul has no physical form and can enter into others. The rest of our soul and body will continue normally, but because it is missing part of the soul, the body's actions and mind will seem childlike, and without understanding, sense or purpose.

"I know that this is a lot for you all to take in, but it is best that you know everything so that when decisions have to be made, and they will have to be made, you have all the facts.

"The Quileute tell stories of the time when there used to be spirit warriors in the tribe. Theophoritae are similar to these old warriors, but we can leave some soul in our bodies so that our normal lives carry on when most of the soul is elsewhere.

"The formless soul can move quickly through the air and can find rest in other bodies, inhabiting the mind as a visitor. From within we can offer support and guidance to the person and help them in difficult situations.

"I have been putting my soul into your mind Bella, but I could not get far into it as you have so many strong shields about it. I could only penetrate the outermost shield and sit at the edges of your mind, reading your senses and talking to you as a voice. I could not read any of your thoughts, though in most cases I have access to a whole mind.

"Through our gifts, we theophoritae can control other people's minds. It is easy to control a mind when you are inside, but when you have knowledge of minds as we do you can control minds from the outside as well. We are adapted to plant thoughts and emotions in other people's minds, and we give out this mind control passively. This adaptation has to be controlled or it can cause problems.

"This adaptation can take one of three forms. Some give people confidence in themselves or those about them, which we call faith. Some give out the feeling that the future will be good. We call this hope, and hope-givers often have foresight. And some allow people to feel the emotion love, which can be love for the theophoritae themselves or love and loyalty to another. This is where faith, hope and love are founded.

"For millenia, we theophoritae have debated which of these emotions is the most powerful, but we now recognize that to have all three in balance is the best state.

"I have now told you the basics. Would you like to ask me some questions? I am sure that you must have some."

Carlisle was the first to respond. Clearly this new information was fascinating to him. "Renée, how are you reborn? You said that you use other genetic material, could you explain that for me?"

Renée smiled. "It is certainly unusual. When we leave our bodies for the last time it is as a complete soul. In this state we can combine with an embryo in the womb and alter the DNA radically so that the embryo is no longer human but is physically theophoritae and also carries with it all the memories and our personality from previous lives. Thus we take on the physical characteristics of the parents but are theophoritae.

"I believe some call us cuculus, or cuckoo. It is easy to see where that name originates from. But it is a rude and inaccurate label to describe us. I go to considerable lengths to take care of my parents and any siblings I have.

"Carlisle I can see you have many more burning questions. We can discuss this at length later but shall we ask the others if they have more questions before I put my question to you?"

Although my head was full of questions, certainties were coalescing. I knew I was like my mother, a theophoritae. I could be reborn if I needed to, I could grow old and die, I could be young and have children, I could be a child again myself.

"Nessie, is she one of us?"

"I think not, but we will have to see as she grows older. I believe that as she already has vampire DNA in her genetic make-up this is likely to have prevented her being like you. Very few children of theophoritae are gifted, most live happy lives as humans in the normal way. It is a genetic rarity when one of our children follow in our line as you have."

Demetri asked the next question. "Please Renée, how did you die as a vampire?"

Renée smiled at him. "I was killed by my creator. Although he loved me he feared me as I was becoming more powerful than him. My gift, uncontrolled at the time, gave him the confidence to carry out his plan to get rid of me. I was about to take away from him one of his closest coven members and he could not bear the loss of power. He had no idea that in doing this he would cause my rebirth as a much more powerful being."

Demetri looked deeply troubled by this news. "Will you return?"

Renée just smiled at him. Demetri was clearly thinking very quickly. Edward, who was sitting in the chair next to me, stiffened. I didn't know if this was in response to Demetri's or Renée's thoughts or something totally different.

"What is it like to die?" Rose asked.

"For my kind it is painful," Renée answered honestly. "There is much pain involved in removing your whole soul from a body and this pain only stops when you find an embryo in the right state to join with. In some cases we have to stay waiting inside our mothers for the right moment. All this time the pain is intense. After a few generations we become much better at foretelling the end, and learn to find out a likely mother before we die. There is always emotional pain too, the loss of one's old life and family."

"And birth?"

"Again painful, but just in a physical way. Of course in the past this was also a very dangerous time. Having spent nine months as a fetus it is disappointing to then die during birth and have to start all over again. Fortunately such things are much rarer now.

"Being a baby is a little dull. I always want to smile a my mother when she beams down at me, her newborn baby, but I have found it doesn't go down well if you do. They tend to think you are possessed by an evil spirit or something.

"Now, can we take a break from me talking, I have done a lot. If you can all go and think carefully about what you would like to know I will endeavor to answer. Perhaps I might ask for another cup of coffee, Esme?"

"Certainly Renée, of course, can I get you anything to eat as well?" My mother went out to the kitchen with her, leaving us in the lounge.

I sat in quiet contemplation. I had so many questions I need my mother to answer.

Edward had stress written all over his face and I was sure that the cause of it was the stress written on Demetri's face.

"What's wrong?" I mouthed quietly when I could take the expression no longer.

But Edward shook his head, "I can't tell you why but this will put us in a difficult position with the Volturi if Demetri is right."

Demetri looked over to him. "I am sure, but I don't know what it will mean, what the future will bring now for any of us. Things are not clear, all the lines of power have to be redrawn." The last sentence he muttered very quietly, almost to himself.

My mother came back in to the lounge. She chatted happily to Rose and Esme about Nessie. Renée was clearly excited at the prospect of seeing her granddaughter soon.

She spoke with Emmett, asking him about the football in the clearing, taking an interest in his descriptions of the strengths and weakness of each of teams.

As she moved on from each family member she whispered something quietly in their ear to which they made no response or even recognition that it had happened. I noticed that she was able to do this without the others noticing it was happening. I could see the magician's trick.

She spoke with Carlisle, answering another one of his questions about the genetics.

She turned to Demetri, "I know you want me to give you answers Demetri, and I will when I have finished this break. I will talk to you all again as a whole, it would be the best way to explain my story."

Again, she whispered in his ear. But to Edward and I she just smiled.

"Can I have all your attentions again. There is one more important fact I need to tell you about myself. I would not want you to feel I was keeping a secret from you.

"I want to tell you who I was when I was an vampire. It is important and this knowledge could impact your life. If you do not wish to know then please leave now."

Of course no one left. We all were riveted to the spot.

"This is not news to Demetri as he has felt it for some time.

"When I was a human my name was Didyme. This was the name I used when I was a vampire."

Carlisle drew a sharp breath.

My mother continued. "I was sister to Aro, and wife of Marcus. Aro turned me into a vampire."

"In time, Aro destroyed me with fire. Aro caused my first rebirth as a true theophoritae."

There was total silence in the room. Nobody moved.

After the silence there was pandemonium.

Rose stated to cry, "Why, why, why would you tell us this? Are you trying to get us all killed? Perhaps it is a lie, perhaps you are just trying to make trouble? What evidence do you give for this? He will come and kill us all."

Emmett was disagreeing with her, "No, we need to know what we are up against."

Esme was clenching Carlisle's arm, clearly shocked.

Demetri knelt at my mother's feet, bringing silence again, "My mistress,"

"Will you come home with me? Marcus cannot be whole without you."

"No Demetri, I will not be visiting with my brother. And I have a husband in this life already."

"That is no problem, mistress. It would be my honor to remove that obstacle for you."

At this point, it was me that cried out, but this time at Demetri, "You can't kill Phil!"

"Bella is right, Phil has my protection and love. Of course I love Marcus, I always will, I have for every day of the last two-and-a-half thousand years. But that hasn't stopped me from learning to find room in my heart for other good people."

"But I do want to release Marcus from his depression, before now I have had no opportunity to do it. In a few years time I want you to arrange for Marcus to come here. I will not come to him because if he knows I am still alive he will turn on Aro and the Volturi will fall. It is for this reason that I have not moved before. I will teach Bella and Alice how to release him. Between them the love and hope he should feel from them should be enough to counter the loss of faith he has suffered.

"If Marcus can be restored to good spirit the Volturi will gain strength but they will be in better balance. At the moment they are like a three-legged stool with one leg broken. The balance that my Marcus brings is mercy and compassion. This is needed to counteract my brother's drive to hold together the vampire world so that he can rule it, and to counteract Caius' lust for violent, brutal enforcement of laws. Without compassion, the vampire world has been only power and rules, and the balance has been lost. The Volturi may begin to crumble, and with that the stability of the vampire and human worlds.

"Demetri I will give you a message for my brother now."

She came and sat on the coffee table in front of Demetri. She was looking at him in the way people pose in front of video cameras, knowing that they want to put on a good show when the recording starts.

"Aro, first of all I forgive you for the wrong you did to me, you have made me what I am now.

"Brother, do not fear, I wish only to restore my Marcus to happiness and restore the balance to the Volturi ideals. When we founded the Volturi we had good principles, but without the balance that Marcus can bring these have been lost. You need to bring compassion back into the heart of the Volturi and the heart of the vampire world.

"The Cullens are under my protection now and if you plot against them any further, you will fall. I will let Chelsea know what she is, she will leave your guard and the Volturi will fall."

Demetri was still as a rock, his face scared like I have never seen before.

"But madam this will not work, there are too many that know. This plan will not work because of this knowledge. I understand that you do not wish it to be so but I think you have put each of them in the gravest of danger."

"You are right Demetri, their knowledge may cause the downfall of the vampire world. That is why I have a question now for Carlisle.

"I want to make you all forget what I have just told you. You needed an explanation of what has gone on and of what Bella is, but this knowledge is a danger to you. I ask you to let me repress it for you. You will be left with the feeling that there is an explanation for the events that went on here, and for Bella's gifts, but that the explanation is not important. You will see me again as human.

"Demetri, friend, I am sorry but you will have no choice. I have to force you to forget or the Volturi will fall. You know this to be true?"

Demetri nodded.

Renée continued, again sitting down in front of Demetri. "Aro will see all in your thoughts, you will take my message to him but have no memory of doing so."

"Aro, this man is also under my protection. He does me this favor but he loves you and the stability that the Volturi bring. Use him wisely brother."

Carlisle spoke, "You give us this information, this fascinating glimpse into your life, and now you wish to take it away so quickly. Renée it may have been better not to tell us in the first place."

"If I had not told you, you would have looked for answers, which would have led to your downfall as it has to so many before. I have told you so that I can release you from the dangers of your curiosity. You now know that you do not need to have this knowledge, that the explanation is not mystical or magical or spiritual, but natural. I am just another species, just as humans and vampires are different species.

"I understand your love of new information but I do ask you to give it up."

Carlisle nodded his agreement. "I can see it would be for the best." After a brief discussion with the others they all agreed that Renée's course of action would be for the best.

There was a slight breeze in the air, then stillness.

"There, it is done," Renée said back in her school teacher voice, looking into her now drained coffee cup.

There was no change in the vampires in the room. I could remember everything about the conversation of the previous hour and I presumed that they did too. Renée had obviously not succeeded in her intentions and we would all still be hounded by this knowledge.

"I should love to see the house now Esme, I'm sure Bella will take my coffee cup now I'm done. I believe you have created new rooms at the top, is that right?"

"Yes, times flies when you are chatting, doesn't it," Esme replies to Renée. "Let's start in the kitchen, I am so fond of the view from here over the river. The others prefer the view from upstairs but this one is my favorite. I love the way the river is framed by those two trees and on a clear night you can see the moon reflected in it."

I looked to Edward, raising an a eyebrow.

He smiled at me reassuringly.

"Emmett, you were going to put the match on. Have you lost the remote?"

Emmett looked round. He looked slightly surprised. "Oh right, err, here we go."

And everyone, except Carlisle and I, sat back to enjoy another soccer match. After a while there was so much good-humored banter about the match with the wolves that the commentary on the television was lost.

Carlisle said he would call Billy to make arrangements to go down to La Plush to visit Jared and see how his foot was mending.

After an hour or so my mother announced that she needed to go and check in at her hotel and diplomatically declined staying with the Cullens. She said that she had booked a room Port Angeles and was looking forward to the ocean view.

I suggested I accompanied her back to the hotel to see her settled in and Edward happily agreed to pick me up an hour later.

At last I had my mother to myself. I didn't know where to start.

Once we were on the highway my torrent of questions flooded out.

"Why didn't you tell me before!"

"You wouldn't of been able to understand."

"How long have you known that I am one of you, not just human."

"Ah, that would have been when you took your first steps at about three weeks. Theophoritae are always advanced in early development in their human form."

"I walked at three weeks?"

"Yes, you were so graceful, you almost floated, it looked beautiful."

"But I spent the rest of my human years falling over my feet."

"Yes, I am sorry I had to do that to you, but after Forks I thought it would be for the best. I wanted you to have as normal an upbringing as possible which meant making you less co-ordinated. Fortunately your shield wasn't strong then and I could get in and make you less confident in you balance and spacial awareness. It stopped you sticking out, but I overdid it a little I think. I am sorry I had to do it, Bella, but it was necessary. I knew you would regain your natural confidence when you were turned. If you had not been turned, I would have given you your confidence back when you were adult and had finished school."

"So all my bad sports days were down to you?"

"Yes sorry honey, otherwise you would have become a champion sports player or something and you couldn't afford to stick out like that. I needed to find you a suitable vampire, not just get every vampire in the world to know who you were. I am sorry, but it was a strategy to keep you alive as a human and turned properly when the time came."

"You planned all this?"

"Well, I couldn't plan all of it, most of it was good fortune. Charlie told me the Cullens had moved back to the area and you wanted to spend time in Forks, it all worked out very well. I knew they would find you with your scent, but I knew they didn't take human blood and I just didn't know if they would bite you or not. And then you and Edward happened and I knew it would be OK, you would become vampire.

"But what I don't know is why you are changing. It happened to me when I was destroyed but with you it must be from choice. It does happen from time-to-time. What is it you don't like about being a vampire? Why do you want to change? What is it that you can't do as a vampire?"

"I haven't chosen to change!"

"Not an active decision on your part, it is the outcome of some longing. But you could decide actively to stop it if you want to. Being a theophoritae is all about choice and consequence of that choice."

"I can do so much as a vampire, I don't miss being human. I like the speed, strength and all the rest of it."

"But?"

"I loved having Nessie as a baby and sometimes I dream of having another, I thought that was lost to me."

"Ah, the age-old pull of motherhood. We all get it, it doesn't lessen with each rebirth. I have had many children and loved each one dearly."

"I have siblings? Are they vampire, or have they moved on?"

"Most live happy human lives, which is beautiful. I am normally reborn and lose them as children before they move on. A few have had the gene, but nearly all have lost their lives early because of it. They are either seen as evil by other humans, called witches, or taken as food by vampires. Hardly any have survived the vampires bite and become theophoritae. But you have one sister who is vampire. She calls herself Chelsea at the moment, she binds the Volturi guard for Aro."

"Chelsea is my sister?"

"More like half sister or quarter sister. There is a little of me in both of you, but many other genes too.

"Bella, you don't have to ask everything now, I will come back as often as you wish. It will be easier now."

I nodded.

.

.

...

_Author's Note_

_This is the last full chapter of Cold Gray Light. Tomorrow there will be a very short postscript to wrap things up._

_I would really appreciate your comments, many thanks to those that have commented already._

_Best wishes_

_C._


	55. Chapter 55

Chapter 55 – Postscript

I have written this account of the events that took place six months ago to finally get them out of my head so that when I sleep my dreams are no longer troubled by them. _Therapy!_

Edward and I are more in love than ever and talk constantly to each other.

We have lost Jasper from the family and Alice is with him, but she does visit sometimes. We miss them both very much and really look forward to Alice's visits.

Renée visits us a lot, both in spirit form and as a whole person. We have even been down to Jacksonville once when Phil was on tour. I love to watch Renée and Nessie playing together, they are so happy in each other's company. I'm sad that Renée didn't get to hold Nessie when she was a tiny baby. Renée has, in her many lives, had lots of children and she really loves them.

Renée is starting to tell me much more about her past, about her abilities as one of theophoritae, and about the other theophoritae including Alice's mother. In the past, the theophoritae have been described as devils, witches and sorceresses, but also more positively, though still inaccurately, as demigods, angels and fairies. I also found out what the name Renée means. Edward though it was so obvious he hadn't thought to tell me that it means 'reborn'.

Renée is training me to control my abilities. I have released both Emmett and Nahuel from my spell. We made it into a ceremony, mostly for Rose's sake to emphasise the end of that episode in the two men's lives.

Nahuel went home to the forests of South America but has promised to return next year with his sister so that Nessie can meet another female hybrid.

I offered to release the wolves from their imprints if they wanted. Only Quil and Jacob decided to be released. Jacob thought that it would be better for Nessie if she didn't have the whole imprint business hanging over her as she grew up, and that this will allow her to make a proper free choice on who to be with when the time is right for her. Jacob loves Nessie as much as he used to, if not more, but this love is like the love of her other Uncles. What he and she become in the future is for them to choose in the future.

My training to release Marcus is going slowly and I still find it worrying when Renée isn't about. But I need to do this task with Alice and we can't start to train together until she is back from Europe for more than a two day visit. It is a mission that could bring about better balance to the vampire world, so _no pressure_.

Demetri and Leah are soon to be married. They live in Italy now, in a village in the hills surrounded by woods, not too far from Volterra. Demetri is still a guard but has fixed that he is 'on call' and does not live in the castle with the others. Aro is delighted to have a real shape-shifter nearby, almost as good as having one in his collection in the castle. If they decide to have children that will also be a source of great interest to Aro.

Fred has not been seen again but Esme has had a few postcards. They come from all over the world, and say how he is looking for someone else who can shield him. I liked Fred's sunny attitude and I am pleased that he has found this purpose in his life. I also like the fact that he is far away from me until I get my gift sorted out.

The main difference between then and now is that I now know what I could be but I also know what I want to be, and I am totally committed to making that happen for the foreseeable future. I want to be with my husband and my daughter. I want to have the privilege of watching her grow up into a strong young woman. I want to be a vampire and nothing else. Although there are attractions of being immortal by rebirth, I am very happy to stay frozen at eighteen with my perfect seventeen year old husband. Why would I want to waste a minute of eternity away from him?

If you could chose between staying permanently young or moving through to old age and death and then rebirth, which would you choose? For me there is only one choice, and that is Edward.

.

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..

_Author's Note_

_That is the end of Cold Gray Light. Thank you very much for reading this story I hope that you enjoyed it. I appreciate that you took time out of your day to read chapters - some of you doing this 5 days a week._

_And a huge thank you to all those who have left me comments, especially those who have done so on a regular basis._

_I will miss writing, publishing this story and most of all reading your comments._

_Very best wishes to you all._


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